***off the subject:::From ken.(a long post),an apology and explaination.please read

[Guest guest]

Greetings to you all...the other day, when I posted about my father's death, I

was having a temper tantrum, haha!

You see, my mother and father were alcoholics, and very abusive to me, both

verbally, and,well, other ways. It seemed that I was always the underdog, always

the one singled out for terrible beatings and abuse. (There are some of you who

know quite a bit more, and that is only because we have grown into close

friendship, but I wish I could be close to ALL of you)

To give you ab example..my two brothers and were always terrified of robert

samuelsen. one cold snowy early evening, (all this is true) we were " stuck "

inside because of the snow...My mother had been drinking all day, and I guess

the noise of 3 boys playing in the house " got to her " . Even tho' I was in my

pajamas, like my other 2 brothers,Myself, once again, got " the blame " . She sent

my brothers to bed, and put me on the porch, to wait for dad to come home. I

will never forget...I thought I was going to freeze to death!. Well, my father

made it home, and as I started to follow him, in, he put his big hand on my face

and pushed me back out side, saying that I must be out here for a reason, stay

here till I find out what for, I went ballistic!! I remember banging on the

door, screaming, and yelling....you know what he did? He called me into the

kichen, poured a full Corningware pot of water over me, to " cool down my

temper', and I must have said something, because I

remember that the t.v. commercials said " Corning ware won't break " , and they

were wrong! Because he broke it in half, on my head! Then got mad, 'cause the

handle broke, and he broke the HANDLE too! Then I was put back out side, to "

cool down " .

I was seven years old. I ended up in the hospital. I had to have an operation

,something to do with my kidneys. I can't have children, do to that. and I adore

children!My grandmother came and rescued me, and for quite a few years, she kept

me. It was there, that I found out that this man was not my father.

Now, in my older years, I can see what all took place. My mother had an

affair, two years after they were married....and I was the result. I was a

living breathing reminder in front of robert samuelsen's face, every day. That

is why it seemed to me, that this man always put me down, embarressed me, ,and

always had something nasty to say about me. My brothers heard al;l this, growing

up. Barry, my youngest bro,taught HIS family to do the same thing....to me.

When I broke my leg on the 9th, and I called himup, on the 21st, to say

my feelings were hurt 'cause he hadn't ever even caled me, he said that because

of that phone call, he would never speak to me again. Barry drinks at least a

bottle of " Canadian Club " a day. I don't drink. But, before my father died he

confessed to Barry, in an alcholic state,that the real name of my father

was " Garbis Krone " , a Norwgian sailor, and Barry's attitude towards me got even

worse! He never even told me dad was die-ing. he just called me to say he was

dead, and would call me to tell me when the funerral wqould be. (please excuse

the typing. little upset.) Id long ago forgiven this man. He was the only

father I had. Before he died, Barry had himself declared power of attorney over

robert samuelsen's affairs...then had him declared " incompetant " .At the

Funeral home, no one talked to Tammy and I. NO ONE said a word to us!!.Barrys

daughter snuck over to our house, after, to tell us

that my 2 brothers got together to hatch a plan, where they get most of the

money in his estate, and I get hardly anything.But!!!! My father HAD no will,

and my mother's will said that everything got split three ways. but my brothers

AND their family hate me. so I wont get anything. That is why I haven't posted

much. I just sit here, alone, staring off into space...I look at my wristwatch,

oit's been 3 hours I've been sitting here. I am overwhelmed. The onl;y friends I

have are you. Sorry this was so long. Please forgive me. all my love, (what's

not shaattered!) ....ken

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