Puberty/Sexuality

[Guest guest]

Ugh...for those of you with older kids (or maybe not) how have you addressed the

whole sexuality issue. Mac is 14 years old, in 8th grade, has Ds and has been

desperate for a girlfriend for several years now. Unfortunately, this probably

isn't something that is going to happen anytime soon--especially in our very

small community. He is pretty much fully developed, and very proud of it,

physcially in regards to hair growth, voice change, etc... He has been shaving

for a year now, too. About 4 months ago a neighbor alerted me to him saying

something inappropriate on someone's Facebook page. When I checked his Facebook

I found that he had written " nice boobs " on a female body builder's professional

page. When I looked at the page it was a picture of a very attractive, young

woman in a bathing suit and she did, indeeded, have " nice boobs " . :-) I was

relieved that it wasn't someone he knew. Together we went and deleted the

comment and we talked about appropriate and inap

propriate things to write on Facebook (or anywhere) and I would say which is a

good thing to say " Pretty hair " or " love your butt " . I tried to be tactful in

my words for the bad choices, but wanted to get my point across. A few weeks

later when I walked in his room and found him on his laptop (where I had set up

some parental controls, but obviously not enough) I found him looking at some

very explicit pornography. I over-reacted at first, but then calmed down and we

talked about those sites aren't appropriate for teenagers and they could get him

in trouble, etc... I then took his laptop away (just for a day) while I figured

out how to put in more restrictions. So...that problem was solved for the most

part. Tonight, I walk into his room and find him on his iPod which he uses all

the time, but I could tell he was up to something as he quickly hid it. I asked

to see it and he said, " no " . I told him I wanted to see it and he said " I turn

it off " . After a minute or two

of struggling I get it and turn it back on and open up his Safari app and find

again some hard core (to me, but I'm not an expert) pornography sites. I,

again, probably didn't handle it right off the bat and started yelling and then

crying. I calmed myself down and went back in and told him again, that looking

at sites of naked people, doing sexual things with their body parts wasn't good

for teenagers. MAYBE it would something for him to look at when he is out of

high school, but for now I didn't want him looking at those kinds of things on

the internet on his computer of his iPod. I told him I turned off (until he

figures out how to turn it back on) his internet access, I removed Safari and

his app store until the weekend and then we would talk about putting them back

on. I need to find out how to set up some parental controls on there for

websites...I guess I did the basics, but that, I guess is for music and videos,

not internet websites. My big question is how have

all of you handled these issues? I thought dealing with the school was my

most difficult task in raising my kids...until this. I don't want to over

react, but I can't ignore it either. Mac is a wonderful kid...pleasant, kind,

friendly, outgoing, etc... I understand in this way he is very typical to his

14 year old peers, but he isn't typical. I don't want him growing up to be a

" pervert " or a " stalker " or doing/saying something inappropriate to the wrong

person at the wrong time and end up in big trouble. HELP!!!