Re: Breaking down

[Guest guest]

, it's VERY normal to feel that way at the start of college, even

at each semester. I've been (though not dxed) having minor meltdowns

for the last week because of school, not having financial aid

straight, class schedule being off, etc. I realized a couple of days

ago that it's as much the change as anything, none of those other

problems are that big a deal, just part of college, yet it sends me

into freak-out mode. However, a week or so into the routine, I feel

much better. Hopefully it will have a similar effect with you.

I don't have any good advice about the school thing, other than trying

to make friends with other parents of kids with autism who are good

advocates. It's been our experience that parents need to band together

to get the help. The school system will figuratively try to run over

you. If you know several other parents who can help you strategize

what you need, such as other assessments outside the school system,

other physician advice, etc. I know a great DAN! in Cleveland, Dr.

, we take Allie to see him. He's about 2 hrs from you, but

I don't know about the insurance thing. He would probably help with

any info you need, his wife is an OT down the street with a sensory

clinic.

As to breaking the cycle, what I find I need to do is to continue

plowing through the thing upsetting me. Like with school, if you're

feeling yourself anxious, then trying to do some calming exercises

while going right on to class might help the most. Once you see the

classes, smell the scents, hear the sounds, meet the people, it might

calm you. Then all the other stuff might be less overwhelming. When

I'm particularly overwhelmed about one thing, everything else starts

going nuts in my head.

HTH,

Debi

[Guest guest]

,

Although, I am not in college presently, my 18 yr old is about to go this

fall! She is bi-polar/type 1 diabetic. I called today to get help for her and

they said to do everything over the internet! She was turned down by Voc/Rehab

due to being a level 4! She has 2 diagnosis and is on ....let me see 8

prescriptions a month not counting doctors appointments! LOL ...No one wants to

meet in person these days! I can understand your stress and your pain. I have

been stressed too this week. I have a lot going on. finally did a BM this

morning but of course it looked like it might be blockage. You know, I went with

a friend to Juvenile psychiatric jail yesterday (her son is 13yrs/schzio/autism

charc). They arrested him because he hit a teacher with a phone and broke a

glass. This is pathetic. I left there and cried. He is more like a 6 year old

socially. How can they do this to these children!

I guess I said all this to say that " THIS TOO SHALL PASS " . You will find a way

to all the things you are dreaming about doing. Sometimes riding in the CAR (OF

DREAMS) is supposed to be the experience, NOT the goal itself. I am so glad that

we all have each other on here to encourage each other and offer a shoulder or

advice. We are so lucky we all found each other.

May you be blessed with peace today where you need it.

Shanna (mother to 5)

liquidc2 wrote:

There are many reasons why I should be happy excited now, but I am

struggling. Maybe someone has ideas.

College is going to be great, but I find myself with high anxeity. I

caought myself questioning everything in my life. For example, I

keep feeling like everything is going to get turned upside down.

Like Tim leaving, or my parents dying or my house getting broken

into. The closer school gets to me the more clutter my thought

become and I think Tim feels I am lost but can't know how to help.

Do you others with autism feel like this before change? What do you

do? Do any of you parents see this happen " How do you help? What

about dad's or husbands views?

It seems there is not enough help for adults newly diagnosed with

autism. Most literature assumes you were diagnosed in childhood.

Now too as a parent, I am still fighting the school about . The

talk to me like I am a child. The yell at me (well it feels tense

like yelling and words are sharp and hard) and they accuse me of

lying since my perscpetive is skewed by Asperger's (they didn't say

it like that but they said that in more and different words,

altrhough the did use the word lie).

I was told I cannot get support as an adult because " you drove

yourself here so you are obviously not disabeled. " I am not asking

for the world. I am tired of being left to struggle because i am

doing " good enough. " What do I do when I am old? I have never held

a regular job. I have not paid into Social Security. How will I

live when there is not anyone to care for me? My dad owns my house

and makes the payments and Tim takes care of me.

I worry constantly that good enough will not do when all these people

in my life are no longer around. My son is stuck in the same place.

The school says he is doing " good enough " and that they cannot " waste

time worrying about what might happen in the future. " If I have to

take care of him the way my parents have taked care of me, how can I

do that with no money I have earned and saved?

Why can't antbody see that my mind is not designed to operate well in

daily life but designed to think beyond. My contributions are

imprisoned in this body that freezes when lights are too bright and

stumbles when interacting. So get tested? Here is the ironic catch,

it costs $1100. Where do I get that money when I cannot earn that

kind of money?

What do I do to break the cycle?

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

, your first statement caught my eye b/c that's how I feel, but for

different reasons & much less severe reasons as yours. I should be happy &

be grateful for many things in my life & yet I'm not & that's the problem.

I like the advice of just going through it & that it will pass. Just get

thru each day as best you can & don't beat yourself up over not having done

enough, or having done it well enough. This is advice I should be giving

myself. Sometimes when you look at someone else's problems & give advice,

you could also be using the same advice yourself. What advice would you

give someone who is in similar straits & you try to buoy them up? Be kinder

to yourself.

I can understand the frustration to some degree of " you're doing so well "

but feeling that you're not. Many times I feel like " if I'm so successful,

why do I feel like a fake " ? For me it's hard to do, but I know that I

should be counting my blessings & count the things that I CAN do. If you

have psych coverage, see if you can find a cognitive therapy type person who

can help change your way of thinking, which I am in the process of doing to

help me have a more positive outlook on life.

Maybe Sondra & Kassianne knows of a listserve for people on the spectrum who

can give you more concrete ideas & find out how others are coping living in

this world. Best wishes for you!

Marie

>

> There are many reasons why I should be happy excited now, but I am

> struggling. Maybe someone has ideas.

>

> College is going to be great, but I find myself with high anxeity. I

> caought myself questioning everything in my life. For example, I

> keep feeling like everything is going to get turned upside down.

> Like Tim leaving, or my parents dying or my house getting broken

> into. The closer school gets to me the more clutter my thought

> become and I think Tim feels I am lost but can't know how to help.

>

> Do you others with autism feel like this before change? What do you

> do? Do any of you parents see this happen " How do you help? What

> about dad's or husbands views?

>

> It seems there is not enough help for adults newly diagnosed with

> autism. Most literature assumes you were diagnosed in childhood.

>

> Now too as a parent, I am still fighting the school about . The

> talk to me like I am a child. The yell at me (well it feels tense

> like yelling and words are sharp and hard) and they accuse me of

> lying since my perscpetive is skewed by Asperger's (they didn't say

> it like that but they said that in more and different words,

> altrhough the did use the word lie).

>

> I was told I cannot get support as an adult because " you drove

> yourself here so you are obviously not disabeled. " I am not asking

> for the world. I am tired of being left to struggle because i am

> doing " good enough. " What do I do when I am old? I have never held

> a regular job. I have not paid into Social Security. How will I

> live when there is not anyone to care for me? My dad owns my house

> and makes the payments and Tim takes care of me.

>

> I worry constantly that good enough will not do when all these people

> in my life are no longer around. My son is stuck in the same place.

> The school says he is doing " good enough " and that they cannot " waste

> time worrying about what might happen in the future. " If I have to

> take care of him the way my parents have taked care of me, how can I

> do that with no money I have earned and saved?

>

> Why can't antbody see that my mind is not designed to operate well in

> daily life but designed to think beyond. My contributions are

> imprisoned in this body that freezes when lights are too bright and

> stumbles when interacting. So get tested? Here is the ironic catch,

> it costs $1100. Where do I get that money when I cannot earn that

> kind of money?

>

> What do I do to break the cycle?

>

>

>

>

>

> Autism_in_Girls-subscribe

> ------------------------

> Autism_in_Girls-unsubscribe

>

[Guest guest]

I hesitate to write this, because I don't want to discourage you... but

feel it's kind of therapeutic for me. Last year my ex husband left me

for someone he met on the internet (from another country). Before he

actually left, we were supposedly trying to reconcile and I happened to

become pregnant. When our house of 10 years went up for sale, I moved

to a rented house next to my dad with my then 3 yr old and 3 mos old,

and a month later he passed away from a terminal illness.

I managed to get through all of this just fine, except that I'm dealing

with my 4 yr old who was just diagnosed as PDD-NOS, and I would also say

he's hyperlexic. His tantrums are what just drain me. I was the child

that was compliant to a fault, and I have to deal with him who wants to

challenge everything and get angry.

The things that I have that are wonderful are....I've met a wonderful

man who has two girls. I think I'd like to marry him, but I worry about

all four kids blending together. I also don't have to worry about a

place to live, because I inherited my Dad's house. Thanks be to God

that I don't have that stressor. But it needs some work done to it. My

ex is keeping up with his child support, and it's allowing me to be

home, so I'm thankful for that too.

I feel overwhelmed just about 80% of the time. I can't deal with

perfecting a bunch of things at once. I have to tackle one thing at a

time. So while I'm reading online on how to deal with my son plus get

the help he needs, I'm finding out stuff about me that has me believing

I'm on the spectrum too. Then I can't keep my house organized and clean

like I want it, and I can't find the time to devote to losing weight so

I can be healthier and feel good about myself again. And I'm thinking

all the time about what I should do when my youngest gets to school...

college? For what? Work.... how and what? I worked for 12 yrs before

I had my first son, but I've been out for almost 5.

These things I can do when I set my mind to it, but I CANNOT do them all

at the same time. I always feel that if I just had someone around to

gently prod me, I can cope. But alone, I'm just treading water. And

then I think " Is this 'normal', or is it autism? "

> >

> > There are many reasons why I should be happy excited now, but I am

> > struggling. Maybe someone has ideas.

> >

> >

> > Do you others with autism feel like this before change? What do you

> > do? Do any of you parents see this happen " How do you help? What

> > about dad's or husbands views?

> >

[Guest guest]

,

WOW! I think you are wise to be talking about your problems. Give yourself a

pat on the back that you had the courage to talk. Anyone of your problems could

cause an overload and the fact that you are hanging in there and not giving up

is so AMAZING!

I personally think that unless the diagnosis of your problems would bring

help, WHY DO IT? You have to ask yourself this. What if it is just being

stressed out. I know first hand that too much stress causes me to not remember

where I am in conversations. When I am relaxed and no problems (at that time) I

can focus and really be productive. Everyone has problems and the ones that say

they don't, .....Well, I would like to meet them. I have yet to meet someone

without some kind of problems.

I can TOTALLY relate to the screaming and tantruming! (12) was horrible

when she was younger and I attribute my hearing loss to that. My bi-polar child

tantrumed when she was younger also. She had to have her way all the time! And

she is still good at trying to stir things up with only one statement.

If it helps any, I remember hearing a famous pyschologist state that the

strong-willed child would be more compliant when they are older and the

compliant child would become more strong-willed and push harder in teenage

years. I do have that with my bi-polar child. She is apt to do better in school,

work, follow the rules (not mine but school/work), even with her friends. My

son, age 16, was the more compliant child and has tested more boundaries than

his sister. It is like he wants to find the boundaries and she did earlier. Do

you think that your son is trying to find his boundaries?

As for the new perspective husband on the horizon, what a blessing after what

you have been through. I hope you seek lots of counseling to make sure this is

the way to go. As for your house being organized and clean, we probably all here

on the list feel that way all the time. I put off things until it needs it. Some

things I do regularly to not have filth. But some things will not matter 20

years from now. The most important is tending to your children's needs. Don't

you think so?

I am just curious, do you have a daughter with autism or are you an educator?

I did not see that mentioned in your letter.

Shanna (mother to 5)

flicki wrote:

I hesitate to write this, because I don't want to discourage you... but

feel it's kind of therapeutic for me. Last year my ex husband left me

for someone he met on the internet (from another country). Before he

actually left, we were supposedly trying to reconcile and I happened to

become pregnant. When our house of 10 years went up for sale, I moved

to a rented house next to my dad with my then 3 yr old and 3 mos old,

and a month later he passed away from a terminal illness.

I managed to get through all of this just fine, except that I'm dealing

with my 4 yr old who was just diagnosed as PDD-NOS, and I would also say

he's hyperlexic. His tantrums are what just drain me. I was the child

that was compliant to a fault, and I have to deal with him who wants to

challenge everything and get angry.

The things that I have that are wonderful are....I've met a wonderful

man who has two girls. I think I'd like to marry him, but I worry about

all four kids blending together. I also don't have to worry about a

place to live, because I inherited my Dad's house. Thanks be to God

that I don't have that stressor. But it needs some work done to it. My

ex is keeping up with his child support, and it's allowing me to be

home, so I'm thankful for that too.

I feel overwhelmed just about 80% of the time. I can't deal with

perfecting a bunch of things at once. I have to tackle one thing at a

time. So while I'm reading online on how to deal with my son plus get

the help he needs, I'm finding out stuff about me that has me believing

I'm on the spectrum too. Then I can't keep my house organized and clean

like I want it, and I can't find the time to devote to losing weight so

I can be healthier and feel good about myself again. And I'm thinking

all the time about what I should do when my youngest gets to school...

college? For what? Work.... how and what? I worked for 12 yrs before

I had my first son, but I've been out for almost 5.

These things I can do when I set my mind to it, but I CANNOT do them all

at the same time. I always feel that if I just had someone around to

gently prod me, I can cope. But alone, I'm just treading water. And

then I think " Is this 'normal', or is it autism? "

> >

> > There are many reasons why I should be happy excited now, but I am

> > struggling. Maybe someone has ideas.

> >

> >

> > Do you others with autism feel like this before change? What do you

> > do? Do any of you parents see this happen " How do you help? What

> > about dad's or husbands views?

> >

---------------------------------

Need a quick answer? Get one in minutes from people who know. Ask your question

on Yahoo! Answers.

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

You've had a lot of big life changes in your life & if you've ever heard of

the stress scale where they rate the types of high stressors, you've had the

big ones pretty close together. Divorce, death, a new baby, a child

diagnosed on the spectrum. Give yourself time & know that it's OK to not be

able to function normally for a few years; not that you're not going to try

but that you're going to give yourself some slack while you go through all

these life changes.

I think this is a safe place to talk about what you're going through & get

some support from the moms. Take care,

Marie

>

>

> I hesitate to write this, because I don't want to discourage you... but

> feel it's kind of therapeutic for me. Last year my ex husband left me

> for someone he met on the internet (from another country). Before he

> actually left, we were supposedly trying to reconcile and I happened to

> become pregnant. When our house of 10 years went up for sale, I moved

> to a rented house next to my dad with my then 3 yr old and 3 mos old,

> and a month later he passed away from a terminal illness.

>

> I managed to get through all of this just fine, except that I'm dealing

> with my 4 yr old who was just diagnosed as PDD-NOS, and I would also say

> he's hyperlexic. His tantrums are what just drain me. I was the child

> that was compliant to a fault, and I have to deal with him who wants to

> challenge everything and get angry.

>

> The things that I have that are wonderful are....I've met a wonderful

> man who has two girls. I think I'd like to marry him, but I worry about

> all four kids blending together. I also don't have to worry about a

> place to live, because I inherited my Dad's house. Thanks be to God

> that I don't have that stressor. But it needs some work done to it. My

> ex is keeping up with his child support, and it's allowing me to be

> home, so I'm thankful for that too.

>

> I feel overwhelmed just about 80% of the time. I can't deal with

> perfecting a bunch of things at once. I have to tackle one thing at a

> time. So while I'm reading online on how to deal with my son plus get

> the help he needs, I'm finding out stuff about me that has me believing

> I'm on the spectrum too. Then I can't keep my house organized and clean

> like I want it, and I can't find the time to devote to losing weight so

> I can be healthier and feel good about myself again. And I'm thinking

> all the time about what I should do when my youngest gets to school...

> college? For what? Work.... how and what? I worked for 12 yrs before

> I had my first son, but I've been out for almost 5.

>

> These things I can do when I set my mind to it, but I CANNOT do them all

> at the same time. I always feel that if I just had someone around to

> gently prod me, I can cope. But alone, I'm just treading water. And

> then I think " Is this 'normal', or is it autism? "

>

>

>

>

>

> > >

> > > There are many reasons why I should be happy excited now, but I am

> > > struggling. Maybe someone has ideas.

> > >

> > >

> > > Do you others with autism feel like this before change? What do you

> > > do? Do any of you parents see this happen " How do you help? What

> > > about dad's or husbands views?

> > >

>

>

>

>

> Autism_in_Girls-subscribe

> ------------------------

> Autism_in_Girls-unsubscribe

>

[Guest guest]

I think sometimes the perception of success is so far from reality.

Example, Biggest Loser, that I love. Say you go on that show, lose

200lbs, win 250,000. Come home, life should be perfect. But then you

find out your spouse is jealous, your family is begging for loans for

serious problems, you still want food like you always did, and now you

have to figure out how to keep it off.

Like with autism. Sometimes I wonder if Allie woke up nt tomorrow how

would I feel? If suddenly I knew I never would have to worry about her

IEP, her health, or anything autism-related, would that be success?

Then I'd have to worry about her behaving like any NT kid, peer

pressures of her wanting to go to the mall, date, backtalk, etc. Sure,

it will be wonderful when all that happens (I never give up) but it's

still not always easy.

I guess my point is, we (at least I) see success as trouble-free and

perfect. The truth is, an accomplishment is great, but life still has

its struggles. Things will never be ideal. There's a benefit and cost

to everything. I think part of true happiness is finding a way to

accept the costs and benefits and still enjoy where we are. Going back

to school this semester for me has meant lots of child care issues. I

was thinking today that I have a vision of graduating college and

working as my accomplishment, then things will be " perfect. " However,

in some ways it will be worse, for the first time since Allie's birth,

I'll have a fulltime job requiring me to choose my work at times over

being indespensable to my kids. Is this really an accomplishment?

So the roller coaster of cost-benefit continues...

Debi

--- In Autism_in_Girls , " Marie "

> I can understand the frustration to some degree of " you're doing so

well "

> but feeling that you're not. Many times I feel like " if I'm so

successful,

> why do I feel like a fake " ? For me it's hard to do, but I know that I

> should be counting my blessings & count the things that I CAN do.

[Guest guest]

Good point Debi. I always appreciate hearing thoughts like that.

Marie (mom to Kimber)

>

> I think sometimes the perception of success is so far from reality.

> Example, Biggest Loser, that I love. Say you go on that show, lose

> 200lbs, win 250,000. Come home, life should be perfect. But then you

> find out your spouse is jealous, your family is begging for loans for

> serious problems, you still want food like you always did, and now you

> have to figure out how to keep it off.

>

> Like with autism. Sometimes I wonder if Allie woke up nt tomorrow how

> would I feel? If suddenly I knew I never would have to worry about her

> IEP, her health, or anything autism-related, would that be success?

> Then I'd have to worry about her behaving like any NT kid, peer

> pressures of her wanting to go to the mall, date, backtalk, etc. Sure,

> it will be wonderful when all that happens (I never give up) but it's

> still not always easy.

>

> I guess my point is, we (at least I) see success as trouble-free and

> perfect. The truth is, an accomplishment is great, but life still has

> its struggles. Things will never be ideal. There's a benefit and cost

> to everything. I think part of true happiness is finding a way to

> accept the costs and benefits and still enjoy where we are. Going back

> to school this semester for me has meant lots of child care issues. I

> was thinking today that I have a vision of graduating college and

> working as my accomplishment, then things will be " perfect. " However,

> in some ways it will be worse, for the first time since Allie's birth,

> I'll have a fulltime job requiring me to choose my work at times over

> being indespensable to my kids. Is this really an accomplishment?

>

> So the roller coaster of cost-benefit continues...

>

> Debi

>

> --- In Autism_in_Girls , " Marie "

> > I can understand the frustration to some degree of " you're doing so

> well "

> > but feeling that you're not. Many times I feel like " if I'm so

> successful,

> > why do I feel like a fake " ? For me it's hard to do, but I know that I

> > should be counting my blessings & count the things that I CAN do.

>

>

>

> Autism_in_Girls-subscribe

> ------------------------

> Autism_in_Girls-unsubscribe

>

[Guest guest]

I to be to react horribly to any real life changes to me and or

sudden unexpected changes to me . I to also be reistive extremely to

anything new if I to not be to chose of it to be of a new to me.Even

with new I to just need the ideas set as a visual for me with no

expectations then need time to think on those words and within time

if it is of somethings feel later can do will do it on own or seek of

help to do it.

When itn waht i to term a transitional state of the changes and in

the midst of them it causes my whole being to fragment and be so lost

of routine i to have many mini meltdowns before having the big one ,

as the one book terms it the rumbling stages with in the life of me.

Fear usually consumes me anxity and panic and then avoidance and

often lack the reasons of the whys of resisting or avoiding or the

fear of panic simply lost to them unitl after the calm of the storm

and everythings seems to finally fit back to a calm at times can then

reflect back to a state of awareness to self and discover the trigger

but nor always.

for me any change can do this even if the hsuband and me discusses we

will go out to eat at a asian place that evening after he is of done

with work and then after he comes home and at times will want to

change the plans that my brain all day has been preparing for and

visualizing the environement , the smell of the food, the noises and

things it causes me to act alike a baby in tears and being of

resistive and bossy or shutting down in fear due to the little

change. The husbandnow aware of what is of going on rarily changes

things to me now except for things out of hims control. He is now

more patient to me in the awareness of why I to act like a baby in

changes it is not because want to be to ahve ofmy way and or control

or what ever other terms some will apply to our reactions but is is

hard for my brain to shift and or cope with changes because it takes

a lot of inward work to prepare for any changes in routine unless

have had good timing .

Now the odd is can accept changes in our of routine places , such as

conference places and things of that I to be to just do calming to me

things while at them and explore the structures and art and things I

to enjoy as fillers for he loss of the routine , but if stayed of

there too long and developed a strong routine of it then would be to

begin to develop that upsetting change of routine reaction. that is

why some do well in the begin of the school year and they seem to be

doing great and then all the sudden the child seems to not be to do

well it may be because that child has developed the pattern to the

teachers, the routine and how people around them will react and or

respond to them as in a cause and effect fashions. Such as miss

jenny's body language turns into a fast moving mime and her eyes and

arms move about rapidly and her words come out fast and up and down

tones when ever I to pinch y. so this new learned cause and

effect game might be to begin. or we eat luch every day at 11:10 and

if it comes 11:11 I to begin of the panic and fear will miss lunch

ect..

Sondra

[Guest guest]

I guess giving up isn't an option, although treading water doesn't seem

to be working well either.

I neither have a daughter with autism nor am I an educator. I'm here

because I suspect that I'm on the spectrum (maybe hyperlexia, like my

son) and came to see if I " look " like other women who are. It sure

would explain a lot.... it would explain a lot about my own mother as

well. Maybe if I get some time, I'll describe what my childhood was

like and see if it sounds like autism to you guys. I don't have the

time or money to find it out officially.

In my message below I was wondering if other autistic women here can

only focus on one goal at a time (we're supposed to easily be able to

multi-task-NOT!). I CANNOT work on more than one goal. I get quickly

overwhelmed. If you are like that, what do you do to work around it?

I still think if I had my own cheering section around home, I'd be much

more effective. []

> > >

> > > There are many reasons why I should be happy excited now, but I am

> > > struggling. Maybe someone has ideas.

> > >

> > >

> > > Do you others with autism feel like this before change? What do

you

> > > do? Do any of you parents see this happen " How do you help? What

> > > about dad's or husbands views?

> > >

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Need a quick answer? Get one in minutes from people who know. Ask your

question on Yahoo! Answers.

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

Everyone needs a " cheering section " ! Maybe this is yours! I am glad you joined

us and regardless of whether or not you get diagnosed, enjoy the ride with us

all!

Shanna (mother to 5)

flicki wrote:

I still think if I had my own cheering section around home, I'd be much

more effective. []

---------------------------------

Don't pick lemons.

See all the new 2007 cars at Yahoo! Autos.

[Guest guest]

,

I have never been diagnosed with being on the spectrum, however I

suspect that I am. The more I learn about it, the more traits I

identify with. I am a mom of a teen age girl with AS and I work as

a paraprofessional in an Autism Center Program.

I have always wanted to be a teacher. And I have attempted school

many, many times. But I continually fail, not because I do poorly

in school exactly but because I can't seem to hold it " all "

together. I can be doing great in school but then my house falls

apart. And I get really stressed out, and I can't seem to keep up

with it. It's like I can't work, be a mom and go to school all at

the same time. I know other people who can do it but for some

reason I cannot. I have said repeatedly to myself, " why can I do

only one thing at a time? either work or school? " And since I am a

single parent. Divorced husband when my daughter was a baby. I have

to work. But I love my job. I truely do, and I may not have a

teacher's certificate but I am an educator. And I am really good at

what I do because I really understand the children. Although,

someday I hope to achieve my goal of getting my degree.

> > > >

> > > > There are many reasons why I should be happy excited now,

but I am

> > > > struggling. Maybe someone has ideas.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Do you others with autism feel like this before change? What

do

> you

> > > > do? Do any of you parents see this happen " How do you help?

What

> > > > about dad's or husbands views?

> > > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> > Need a quick answer? Get one in minutes from people who know.

Ask your

> question on Yahoo! Answers.

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

I second what said, let some things go. And that includes some housework

type things to give you a break. Even switching to paper plates helped a bit

with less dishes, picking up takeout at least once a week, pick a cutoff time

for you for stuff (no housework after 7pm or 8...just stop/leave it).... Gosh,

when I was helping nightly with homework too, I know just between

getting home from work and fixing us something to eat, it was sometimes 8pm

before I could even sit to begin with him, and then that could take 2+

hours...so I began to just let somethings go, they'd still be there to do later,

another time. Feed them, clean clothes, etc., back to the basics.

When had a hard time with getting to bed and I had to be there (but not

participating), I learned to take a book or I just sat at computer in his room

and played games (I actually miss that time I had for games sometimes!) while he

took from 30min to hours to get in bed, sigh! Bedtime was the hardest for him.

There were times he would tell me if he could wait just a little bit longer

before trying to go to bed, he thought he'd do better at it, so I would let him

stay up. His was where he had to get on the bed " just right " and get that

" feeling. " Or he'd be up/down and trying again & again & again.... So it seemed

to me sometimes it was him preparing himself mentally before trying and I let

him determine if he needed to wait a bit (it wasn't manipulation, I could tell).

And I tried to have evenings relaxed (yeah, giving in to some OC things) so that

bedtime and homework time would be easier for us both.

Just quick thoughts, hang in there! Find some minutes here/there to treat

yourself in small ways.

>

> Cut back on anything you don't have to do. Make meals as simple as possible.

If she showers every night, see if she can do it without soap or every other

night so that you aren't facing the problem every day. When necessary, we let

our dd brush her teeth outside the bathroom so that it would get done. We still

have to supervise getting her to use the bathroom as she will put it off so long

(to