Re: Grocery shopping with RA and hubby/ ...

[Guest guest]

You are no fool that's for sure. This is just a very complex

situation to be in. He is healthy and totally unable to comprehend

as any healthy person would be regardless of how empathetic they try

to be. Plus women have been the nurturing ones for so long, until I

think the nurturing skill hasn't been fully developed in men. Women

have stifled its growth. This is a very sensitive subject for me and

I usually respond from my perspective and the way things are going

with me. I have talked about this very thing in the past here on the

board and it got pretty heated because a lot of people really want

you stay in marriages regardless of good or bad. And not to make

waves. But someone has to nurture you and you have to insist on it

or you will be 6 feet under while he is having a ball with his new

wife. Women work themselves to the bone even when sick. And this

can easily apply to men who are dealing with RA and are married. I

guess the bottom line is to take it easy when you can. Take very

good care of yourself and don't be afraid to ask for help. It

doesn't mean you are not pulling your weight or any less of a person

for it.

My take is it depends on your marriage. If you have always had a

good solid marriage before the chaos started then by all means hold

on for dear life and try all of the things suggested here and

everywhere for how to handle illness in a marriage. In your case

with so many difficulties from RA and 5 beautiful children, I would

definitely try not to get upset about it too much. However, you are

just speaking on grocery store shopping. So that's different. Even

though, you mentioned he behaves as if you are going to just one day

get up and say, well I guess I better shake off this RA pain so I can

get some work done around here. I wish it were that simple. The

good news is you have children who can help out a little and one who

will be driving soon. I no longer have chidren but I do have the

situation where people just expect you to behave as if you don't have

invisible daggers in every joint involved with mobility, not to

mention fevers and chills very often show up with the invisible

daggers. My hat is off to you because it sounds like you are

definitely trying to pull your own weight. You are actually there

with him at the store and that's a plus considering the level of pain

no human can comprehend unless they have RA. I know what it is like

trying to wash and braid the hair of girls when the hands are under

attack of RA. I fostered a child for 6 months and my daughter was

developmentally delayed and both were small girls who needed regular

hair washings and braiding. I got through it barely. But at least

you are trying. Remember don't be afraid to ask for help with that.

I pray a remission is around the corner for you soon to give you a

break. I really wish a cure was around the corner soon, maybe one

day.

--- In , " tracierae143 " <tracierae143@y...>

wrote:

>

> Hello all,

>

> I know I have not been on the board forever, but I do read once in

> awhile. Does anyone else find it impossible to grocery shop? I

> just cannot do it, especially alone. We have a large family of

five

> with two older children who eat a lot now, LOL, so we buy a lot of

> cases and bulk items. We don't live near the grocery store so I

> cannot make several trips it has to be one huge weekly run cause we

> live in the middle of nowhere basically. It is a good 35-40 miles

> to the nearest decent grocery store and that drive alone tuckers me

> out plus all the walking in the store. I cannot push the cart once

> it becomes too full. I have a lot of trouble with RA in my hands,

> hips and spine as well as my feet. Hubby has been taking this

chore

> over for the last several weeks, but he hates it or seems to as he

> just seems so disgusted with me like I am going to just jump up one

> day and miraculously be healed. I know he means well, but I feel

so

> useless in his eyes. Does this make sense to anyone else or am I

> just a big fool? I am trying to do better with other chores around

> the house like bathing our smallest daughter who is 5 and washing

> her hair which is very, very difficult for me, but I am really

> trying and have been pretty successful with it. It is hard to

braid

> her hair etc with these hands, but I am managing somehow. My 14-

> year-old daughter is a blessing and once she can drive I know she

> will go get the groceries just to get out of the house bless her

> heart. I hate going to the grocery store with our youngest so one

> of us has to stay home with her. She is not a good grocery

shopper,

> she wants something on every isle like all small children.

>

> What do you all do? Feel free to email me at tracierae143@y...

> or post here, whichever is easier. I would appreciate any of your

> thoughts on this matter.

>

> Thanks so much and my prayers go out to you all as always,

>

> Tracie in Maine

>