self pity

[Guest guest]

Thanks and thank's to everyone for their information, support, etc. I really appreciate that I have some place to come to and talk about my questions, concerns and thoughts.

I keep getting down alot lately because of all this, plus other things - and this only exacerbates everything. I've been so homesick here that we were trying to think of ways to make it more comfortable here. Besides buying much needed furniture, we had wanted to get our daughter an instrument for her third birthday to begin learning early such as violin or cello. And after looking at the instruments we decided we wanted to get a full-size cello for me...something to be therapeutic to play when I was feeling down about being homesick. Something we'd have to save for. Now any hopes of improving our lives is again being put off now because of the importance of my health. Those things are certainly no good without me being here or hurting my health seriously. So now I'm not only down about having to scrape every last cent for a surgery that I probably can't do until summer, I'm also down that I have to face everyday in a stressful environment. It's too lengthy to get into, let's just say there are no closets, kitchen sink and still without dryer having to hang clothes in the apt to dry, there are only two laundrymats and both are filthy with broken machines. They don't have the dryer thing figured out yet. Just a German thing here. It's so hard for me to adjust we had wanted to purchase shelves, install sink and buy a dryer as well (just to name the most pressing things) so it wouldn't be so disorganized and crazy here...but it all just gets delayed. I have no English speaking friends except for online or tv to distract my thoughts with a little humor....I get a little 'stuck' inside with my daughter because it's too cold outside to walk around and there is nothing nearby (not allowed in yard outside apt, our landlord misinformed us and the park down the road has broken glass in the play area not to mention all the play equipment is coverd in every-so attractive graffiti -*sarcasm* not exactly a place I care to hang out with my daughter). I have anxiety to venture out into town on my own with her on the train and my husband has the car for work. Everything is a challenge..I have to order ordinary things I need or want online decaf coffee/tea (Germans are not up on the decaf idea) and have to wait 2 months for them. It's really a miserable thing to be an expat in a foreign country. There is nothing exotic about it at all.

Well, I'm sorry to take up space about personal problems. I know life could be worse. I just don't have many if any places to go to self-loathe. Ya'll are all so supportive of each other. I've been thinking about how I could possibly fly over to America for the surgery during the summer. I think flights are probably the most expensive then, I don't know...but I know most German's travel during that time and flights go up during the prime season.

Well, thanks for letting me vent.