The Language of Letting Go

[Guest guest]

I’m

sorry- that just isn’t possible.

Grief

is a very confusing series of emotions. Most experts agree there are five

stages to grief.

1. Denial (No, it can’t

be!)

2. Bargaining (Take me instead;

the “if-only’s”)

3. Anger (It’s not fair!)

4. Sadness

5. Acceptance.

Generally

speaking, grief progresses through these stages in order but unfortunately we

often bounce around and can return to a former stage at any time. There

are many cultural differences. Some cultures have their members grieve for a

specific period of time, like a year; nothing more nothing less. Other

cultures wear white instead of black to show grief.

The

problem is that if we do not deal with these feelings when they first occur

(repression) they will come back, often in a distorted manner, until we are

able to resolve them.

When

I was eight years old, my father had a bad car accident and suffered severe

brain damage. It was at that time that I heard (literally) that I needed

to be the man of the house, something an eight year old certainly isn’t equipped

to handle. At any rate, my father lived but was never the same. He

was like a ghost; there physically, but gone emotionally. I never

realized that I needed to grieve that loss until I got clean and sober much

later. Grief is much easier to deal with if done at the time, not

later. I’m still dealing with the many losses that HCV has brought

to my life.

Unfortunately,

there are no easy answers when it comes to dealing with grief. Everyone

must find their own answers in their own time. Yes, it becomes an

unwanted burden, but a burden we must bear if we hope to see the other

side. The only way out is through.

The

best way to deal with the burden is the same as any other burden; share it.

Have a support system handy (and ready; don’t wait until it’s

needed) and make use of it. Talk about your losses. Keeping busy is

another way to move forward. Service to others is an especially effective

way to avoid isolation.

I

used to tell my patients that feelings are real, but they are not reality.

At times it may feel as if you can’t go on, but you can! We can

become survivors instead of victims of these feelings.

m

From:

Hepatitis_C_Central

[mailto:Hepatitis_C_Central ] On Behalf Of anne

Sent: Monday, November 17, 2008 3:01 PM

To: Hepatitis_C_Central

Subject: Re: The Language of Letting Go

,

As a

widow, I find this post really resonated with me. Could we have a chat

offlist? I'd like to know what to do when the grief becomes an unwanted

burden that keeps reeling one back into the cycle...

Luv

anne

You don't have to be handicapped to be different.

Everybody's different!

Kim Peek

-----

Original Message -----

From: Matchinsky

To: HCVA

Cc: Hepatitis_C_Central

Sent: Tuesday, November

18, 2008 2:15 AM

Subject:

The Language of Letting Go

Grief

and Action

November 17

It’s important to let ourselves grieve as a passage between yesterday and

tomorrow.

But we do not have to be controlled unduly by our grief, or our pain.

There are times when we have grieved, surrendered to the heaviness, tiredness,

and

weariness of a circumstance long enough. It becomes time to break

out. It comes

time

to take action.

We will know when it’s time to break the routine of grieving. There

will be signs

within

and around us. We will become tired of the heaviness. An idea will

occur; an

opportunity

will present itself. We may think: No. Too much effort…. Do

it anyway.

Try

something. Reach out. Stretch. Do something unusual,

something different,

something

special.

A new activity may help trigger the transformation process. Stay up two

hours

later

than usual! Make an appointment to do something for yourself that is

different from

what

you usually do. Visit someone you haven’t seen in years. Do

something to

encourage

and help the new energy coming your way.

We may not feel like breaking out of grief. It may feel safer, easier, to

remain in

our

cocoon. Begin pushing out anyway.

Test the walls of your cocoon. Push. Push a little harder. It

may be time to

emerge.

Today,

I will trust God and the process, but I will also take action to help myself

feel

better.

J Matchinsky

[Guest guest]

Thank you for posting this . This is something I needed to

read today!

-Alice

>

> Wants and Needs November 20

>

>

>

> So many of us have been brainwashed to think that we can't have

what we

> want

>

> in life. That is the belief of the martyr. It is born of

deprivation and

> fear.

>

> Identifying what we want and need, then writing it down, sets in

motion a

>

> powerful chain of events. It indicates that we are taking

responsibility

> for ourselves,

>

> giving God and the Universe permission to supply our wants and

needs.

>

> The belief that we deserve to have a change in character, a

relationship,

> a new

>

> dimension to an existing relationship, a possession, a certain

level of

> health, living,

>

> loving, or success, is a powerful force in bringing that desire to

pass.

>

> Often, when we realize that we want something, that feeling is God

> preparing us

>

> to receive it!

>

> Listen. Trust. Empower the good in your life by paying

attention to what

> you

>

> want and need. Write it down. Affirm it mentally. Pray about

it. Then,

> let it go. Give it

>

> to God, and see what happens. The results may be better than you

think.

>

>

>

> Today, I will pay attention to what I want and need. I will take

time to

> write it down, then

>

> I will let it go. I will begin to believe I deserve the best.

>

>

>

> J Matchinsky

>

>

>

> fd2

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks, .

These daily thoughts are great. I have always liked Hazelden literature. There are several books with this title. Which edition is this? I might just order it and spend some time away from the computer with it each day. I do appreciate your sharing yours with us.

Quinn

In the swamp in secluded recesses, a shy and hidden bird is warbling a song. Walt Whitman

Subject: The language of Letting GoTo: " Matchinsky" Date: Saturday, November 22, 2008, 7:02 AM

The Magic of Gratitude and Acceptance November 22

Gratitude and acceptance are two magic tricks available to us in recovery. No

matter who we are, where we are, or what we have, gratitude and acceptance work.

We may eventually become so happy that we realize our present circumstances are good. Or we may master our present circumstances and then move forward into the next set of circumstances. If we become stuck, miserable, feeling trapped and hopeless, try gratitude and acceptance. If we have tried unsuccessfully to alter our present circumstances and have begun to feel like we¢re beating our head against a brick wall, try gratitude and acceptance. If we feel like all is dark and the night will never end, try gratitude and acceptance. If we feel scared and uncertain, try gratitude and acceptance. If we¢ve tried everything else and nothing seems to work, try gratitude and acceptance. If we¢ve been fighting something, try gratitude and acceptance. When all else fails, go back to basics Gratitude and acceptance work.

Today, God, help me let go of my resistance. Help me know the pain of a circumstance

will stop hurting so much if I accept it. I will practice the basics of gratitude and

acceptance in my life, and for all my present circumstances.

J Matchinsky

[Guest guest]

I really enjoy these posts. Something I realize needs a lot of

work in me.

[Guest guest]

thank you michael,, they are appreciated here!

hugs,

jax

From: Matchinsky <mmatchinsky@ gmail.com>Subject: [Hepatitis_C_ Central] The language of Letting GoTo: " Matchinsky" <mmatchinsky@ gmail.com>Date: Saturday, November 22, 2008, 7:02 AM

The Magic of Gratitude and Acceptance November 22

Gratitude and acceptance are two magic tricks available to us in recovery. No matter who we are, where we are, or what we have, gratitude and acceptance work. We may eventually become so happy that we realize our present circumstances are good. Or we may master our present circumstances and then move forward into the next set of circumstances. If we become stuck, miserable, feeling trapped and hopeless, try gratitude and acceptance. If we have tried unsuccessfully to alter our present circumstances and have begun to feel like we¢re beating our head against a brick wall, try gratitude and acceptance. If we feel like all is dark and the night will never end, try gratitude and acceptance. If we feel scared and uncertain, try gratitude and acceptance. If we¢ve tried everything else and nothing seems to work, try gratitude and acceptance. If we¢ve been fighting something, try gratitude and acceptance. When all else fails, go back to basics Gratitude and acceptance work.

Today, God, help me let go of my resistance. Help me know the pain of a circumstance

will stop hurting so much if I accept it. I will practice the basics of gratitude and

acceptance in my life, and for all my present circumstances.

J Matchinsky

[Guest guest]

excellent Thank you

Subject: The language of Letting GoTo: " Matchinsky" Date: Saturday, November 22, 2008, 5:02 AM

The Magic of Gratitude and Acceptance November 22

Gratitude and acceptance are two magic tricks available to us in recovery. No

matter who we are, where we are, or what we have, gratitude and acceptance work.

We may eventually become so happy that we realize our present circumstances are good. Or we may master our present circumstances and then move forward into the next set of circumstances. If we become stuck, miserable, feeling trapped and hopeless, try gratitude and acceptance. If we have tried unsuccessfully to alter our present circumstances and have begun to feel like we¢re beating our head against a brick wall, try gratitude and acceptance. If we feel like all is dark and the night will never end, try gratitude and acceptance. If we feel scared and uncertain, try gratitude and acceptance. If we¢ve tried everything else and nothing seems to work, try gratitude and acceptance. If we¢ve been fighting something, try gratitude and acceptance. When all else fails, go back to basics Gratitude and acceptance work.

Today, God, help me let go of my resistance. Help me know the pain of a circumstance

will stop hurting so much if I accept it. I will practice the basics of gratitude and

acceptance in my life, and for all my present circumstances.

J Matchinsky

[Guest guest]

Darn, , I haven't needed this one for many years--and don't anticipate needing it again--at least in this lifetime. But thanks anyway. Still, I CAN look at my attitudes.

Quinn

In the swamp in secluded recesses, a shy and hidden bird is warbling a song. Walt Whitman

Subject: The Language of Letting GoTo: " Matchinsky" Date: Sunday, November 23, 2008, 8:18 AM

Healthy Sexuality November 23

Many areas of our life need healing.

One important part of our life is our sexuality. Our feelings and beliefs about our

sexuality, our ability to nurture, cherish, and enjoy our sexuality, our ability to respect ourselves sexually, our ability to let of sexual shame and confusion, may all be impaired of confused by our codependency. Our sexual energy may be blocked. Or for some of us, sex may be the only way we learned to connect with people. Our sexuality may not be connected to the rest of us; sex may not be connected to love – for ourselves or others. Some of us were sexually abused as children. Some of us may have gotten involved in sexuality addictive behaviors – compulsive sexual behaviors that got out of control and produced shame. Some of us may have gotten involved in sexual codependency; not paying attention to what we wanted, or didn’t want, sexually; allowing ourselves to get involved sexually because it was what the other person wanted; shutting off our sexuality along with our other feelings; denying ourselves healthy enjoyment of ourselves as sexual beings. Our sexuality is a part of ourselves that deserves healing attention and energy. It is part of us that we can allow to become connected to the whole of us; it is part of us that we can stop being ashamed of.

It is okay and healthy to allow our sexual energy to open up and become healed. It is connected to our creativity and to our heart. We do not have to allow our sexual energy to control us or our relationships. We can establish and maintain healthy, appropriate boundaries around our sexuality. We can discover what that means in our life. We can enjoy the gift of being human beings who have been given the gift of sexual energy, without abusing or discounting the gift.

Today, I will begin to integrate my sexuality into the rest of my personality. God, help me

let go of my fears and shame around my sexuality. Show me the issues I need to face

concerning my sexuality. Help me open myself to healing in that area of my life.

J Matchinsky

[Guest guest]

Truer Words have never been spoken...Debbie2

>

> We Can Trust Ourselves November 27

>

>

>

> For many of us, the issue is not whether we can trust another

person

> again; it's

>

> where we can trust our own judgment again.

>

> " The last mistake I made almost cost me my sanity, " said one

recovering

> woman

>

> who married a sex addict. " I can't afford to make another mistake

like

> that. "

>

> Many of us have trusted people who went on to deceive, abuse,

manipulate,

> or

>

> otherwise exploit us because we trusted them. We may have found

these

> people

>

> charming, kind, decent. There may have been a small voice that

said, " No -

> something's

>

> wrong. " Or we may have been comfortable with trusting that person

and

> shocked when

>

> we found our instincts were wrong.

>

> The issue may then reverberate through our life for years. Our

trust in

> others may

>

> have been shaken, but our trust in ourselves may have been

shattered worse.

>

> How could something feel so right, flow so good, and be such a

total

> mistake?

>

> We may wonder. How can I ever trust my selection process again,

when it

> showed itself

>

> to be so faulty?

>

> We may never have the answers. I believe I needed to make certain

> " mistakes " to

>

> learn critical lessons I'm not certain I would have otherwise

learned. We

> cannot let our

>

> past interfere with our ability to trust ourselves. We cannot

afford to

> function with fear.

>

> If we are always making the wrong decision in business or in

love, we may

> need

>

> to learn why we insist on defeating ourselves.

>

> But most of us do improve. We learn. We grow from our

mistakes. Slowly,

> in

>

> increments, our relationships improve. Our business choices

improve. Our

> decisions

>

> about how to handle situations with friends or children improve.

We benefit

> from our

>

> mistakes. We benefit from our past. And if we have made mistakes,

we

> needed to make

>

> them in order to learn along the way.

>

>

>

> Today, I will let go of my fears about trusting myself because I

made

> mistakes in the past.

>

> I understand that these fears only serve to impair my judgment

today. I

> will give my past,

>

> even my mistakes, validity by accepting and being grateful for it

all. I

> will strive to see

>

> what I've gained from my mistakes. I will try to look at all the

good

> decisions too. I will

>

> keep a watchful eye for improvement, for overall progress, in my

life.

>

>

>

> J Matchinsky

>

>

>

> fd2

>

[Guest guest]

Many thanks, .

Sheena

Back to the Steps November 28

Go back to the Steps. Go back a Step.

When we don¢t know what to do next, when we feel confused, upset, distraught,

at the end of our rope, overwhelmed, full of self-will, rage, or despair, go back to the Steps. No matter what situation we are facing, working a Step will help. Focus on one, trust your instincts, and work it. What does it mean to work a Step? Think about it. Meditate on it. Instead of focusing on the confusion, the problems, or the situation causing our despair or rage, focus on the Step. Think about how that Step might apply. Hold on to it. Hang on as tightly as we hang onto our confusion or the problem. The Steps are a solution. They work. We can trust them to work. We can trust where the Steps will lead us. When we don¢t know what step to take, take one of the Twelve.

Today, I will concentrate on sing the Twelve Steps to solve problems and keep me in

balance and harmony. I will work a Step to the best of my ability. I will learn to trust the

Steps, and rely on them instead of my protective, codependent behaviors.

J Matchinsky

[Guest guest]

They

work!  For the most part, they are basic problem solving, with the addition of

the spiritual.

m

From:

Hepatitis_C_Central

[mailto:Hepatitis_C_Central ] On Behalf Of Sheena

Sent: Friday, November 28, 2008 2:12 PM

To: Hepatitis_C_Central

Subject: Re: The Language of Letting Go

Many thanks, .

Sheena

Back

to the Steps

November 28

Go back to the Steps. Go back a Step.

When we don¢t know what to do next, when we feel confused, upset, distraught,

at

the end of our rope, overwhelmed, full of self-will, rage, or despair, go

back to the

Steps.

No matter what situation we are facing, working a Step will help. Focus

on one,

trust

your instincts, and work it.

What does it mean to work a Step? Think about it. Meditate on

it. Instead of

focusing

on the confusion, the problems, or the situation causing our despair or rage,

focus

on the Step.

Think about how that Step might apply. Hold on to it. Hang on as

tightly as we

hang

onto our confusion or the problem.

The Steps are a solution. They work. We can trust them to work.

We can trust where the Steps will lead us.

When we don¢t know what step to take, take one of the Twelve.

Today,

I will concentrate on sing the Twelve Steps to solve problems and keep me in

balance

and harmony. I will work a Step to the best of my ability. I will

learn to trust the

Steps,

and rely on them instead of my protective, codependent behaviors.

J Matchinsky

[Guest guest]

jThank you. That brought a smile to me and reminded me having a gerbil

as a child. I'm gonna try to let that " gerbil " run where he may without

chasing him...

>

> Detachment November 30

>

>

>

> One day, my son brought a gerbil home to live with us. We put it

in a

>

[Guest guest]

Letting People Be There for

Us December

1

Sometimes, we need nurturing. Sometimes, we

need people to support us.

Many of us have been deprived of support and

nurturing for so long we may not

realize it’s something we want and need. Many of

us have learned to block or stop

ourselves from getting what we want and need.

We may not reach out to have our needs met. We

may be in relationships with

people who cannot or will not be available to meet our

needs. Or we may be in

relationships with people who would be happy to respond to a

direct request from us.

We may have to give up something to do this. We

may have to let go of our

martyr or victim role. If we ask for what we want and

need, and get those needs met, we

will not be able to punish people, or push them away later

on, for disappointing us.

We may have to let go of our fears enough to

experience the intimacy that will

occur when we allow someone to love and support us. We

may even have to learn, one

day at a time, how to be happy and content.

Learn to let others be there for us.

Today, I will be open to identifying what I need from

people, and I will ask for what I

want directly. I will let others be there for me.

J Matchinsky