Re: Re: MY PANIC ATTACK...Hey, where's MY panic attack?

[Guest guest]

Hi Debbie

Thank you, and thank everyone who has replied. Im so glad for your support, in so many ways.

I got blown up in a hs fire from leaking propane back in 1980. I spent 20 years on the street unable to hold a job, shaking, sick, mentally and physically. That was when they first said I had PTSD. For a year and a half all I could do was shake. Couldnt talk. Hid mostly.

Everyone turned their backs on me. I lived in caves[NW Ark], old cars, stairwells, rooftops, the bushes, attics, basements,etc. I ate from garbage cans, unless someone made me a peanutbutter sandwich.

I drank from gas station hoses, and used their bathroom to wash, and laundry. People gave me clothes to wear. Went 7 yrs without a winter coat. Jail was my winter shelter. The ER was my doctor when I got really sick. [every winter I got pnumonia]

Somewhere around 2000 SSI kicked in. I applied in 1980. It took a fed judge.

Since then I have had a better time of it financially, but 630.00 and a handful of food stamps just doesnt go very far.

I dont have full blown panic attacks very often now-a-days because they have me on heavy headmeds since 2000. Its just when I get really sick and cant take my headmeds, like this time.

Some ppl call me crazy. They just dont realize that Im just broken, not lost.

I do my best to maintain, but I am really afraid of having hep c. Soon I will have to go to the doc and begin the trip, as I am getting worse with side effects. Not bad yet, getting there.

Ive had doctors before belittle me, ignore me, badmouth me, even one who spit on me for being the way I am. [ I smacked him and sat in jail for a month]

I suffer from severe brain fog some days. I dont know who I am, where Im going, where I live, etc., so I dont go out much unless I have someone with me.

Shopping is hell. The stores close in on me. I go fast and get out. Riding in cars is bad too. I feel like Im on a rocket at 20 mph.

I keep my blinds closed because Im sure someone is outside looking in.

I live alone. My mental caseworker checks on me now-and-again. I see my psychologist pretty often, and psychiatrist for more meds once a month.

My family I rarely see, and outside of the internet, I have no friends.

My ex of 5 years has blown me off.

Dont mean to wah wah, but life for me has been pretty hard, and I get scared just sitting in my bed.

If I do take my headmeds, and still feel a panic attack comming on, I dive under my pillows and sleep.

I know all this sounds crazy, but Im not crazy.

I do believe in God. Jesus and all that other stuff....well, could be.

I dont ask God for anything. I pray for others. I figure God knows what I need, loves me, and will supply me. Worked good now since forever.

I dont try to force God on anyone else either. Each to their own. My experiance is personal.

I dont know how Im going to respond to hep c, the doctors, meds, all of it. Its way way over my head. Like a bad acid trip.

Its funny, thru all of my problems, Im still mostly happy, and still have an ego. I can still empathize with others, and be compasionate to their problems. I still try to give of myself everyday to make the world a little better place.

I still believe in the old hippy values. I think of myself as a good man. I try to eat anything that will hold still, sleep 50 hours a day, not move unless Im going to poop myself, and try to come here often and lurk.

HCC is my family, my home, my entertainment, my comfort, my TV. I love this place, and all of you.

The ones here who are sickest remind me how good my life is, and to count my blessings.

[For the grace of God, there go I.]

Ok. A little more of dons history and blabber.

Thank you for being here, all of you.

[Now what did I do with those blue pills?]

love

don

>> Tuesday afternoon, Becky, my mental caseworker took me to the ER. I had been laying in bed unable to breathe, eat,>

[Guest guest]

years ago i was prescribed klonoping and ofcourse abused them like crazy so had to coem off of those lots of shaking and sweating with those withdrawls, now agter having a few years of sobrity and treated i am on ativan seems to do the trick, i can say i had maybe 2 full blown attacks and had to go to the E,R for that thank god i havent gotten that in a long time i truly can feel for you, they are the worse your heart races and you feel like your gonna die cant sit still cant listen to anyone, not to mention the sweating whats funny is this week for some reason ive had anixety all week and ive had to tk my ativan twice each day, i dont tk it till the last possible moment i like totry and work thru it with the breathing 4x4x4 as mentioned from someone else, and for me i need to be carefull dont wanna be the person i waspita54me wrote: -Don, I had my first panic attack in 1992.If you've never had one there is no way to understand the experience. They are more than horrible BUT they are truely in our heads. I've found that when you have one it's best to ride it out. Don't try to ignore it, IT DEMANDS ATTENTION. Try to imagine it as a wave washing over you, it will ebb and flow and will eventually recede. Instead of thinking WHAT IF, try to think SO WHAT. When you have someone with you that you trust, try to make yourself have a panic attack. Start breathing quickly or just start really thinking of having one and you can start one happening.

THEN you will realize that you can also stop them happening. I don't know what HEADMEDS you are on but you should speak to your Dr. about prescribing Ativan ( Xanax is what I take ) and then when you've tried to work the attack out and are still in distress take the pill. BUT only use it as a last resort. I've been taking them now for 16 yrs. They are HIGHLY addictive. Try the 4x4x4>>>take a deep breath to the count of 4>>>hold it to the count of 4>>>let it out to the count of 4. If that doesn't help try singing outloud. Both these things help to slow and regulate our breathing since hyperventilating will bring one on or prolong it. Unfortunatly this is something I understand all too well but I have not had a Full Blown Panic Attack ( as you described ) in almost 2 years. It will eventually get better. Really have your therapist work with you on Cognitive Thinking. It's nothing to be

embarrased about no more than if you had diabetes or a sinus infection or Erectile Disfunction...LOL...had to throw that in. You gotta laugh right ? Best wishes to you.Debbie2-- In Hepatitis_C_Central , Christ wrote:>> Tuesday afternoon, Becky, my mental caseworker took me to the ER. I had been laying in bed unable to breathe, eat,>

[Guest guest]

Don, Im so sorry you've had to endure all of that, but you CAN count on us to be here for you and will help you in any way we can!

hugs

jax>> Tuesday afternoon, Becky, my mental caseworker took me to the ER. I had been laying in bed unable to breathe, eat,>