New, Confused, and Extremely Depressed

[Guest guest]

Hi. I'm " Sparrow " , 32, and I've got RA. I had it once when I was

in my early 20's. But it was only in my hands and the way the

doctor got rid of it was to put me through steroids, electric shock

treatment, and huge cold packs that encased my lower arms. I'm

grossly overweight (a couple of hundred lbs), have a data entry job

that I hate more than anything, and find that I'm crying a lot these

days. A few months ago, I started going to a gym - swimming for 30

minutes then sometimes on a treadmill for 20. Mostly I love the

swimming. The trainer started me on weight training a month later.

A few weeks after that, I suddenly started feeling pain throughout

my body. Then suddenly all of my joints started screaming every

day. I quit the gym and have been in pain every day since. But

whatever I was doing at the gym seemed to make the pain worse. The

RA doc now has me on Methotrexate at a very low dosage and folic

acid every day. I've been doing that for about four days. I'm

still tired as hell every day and all I can think of at work is

coming home to my bed or my cozy rocking chair. But I seem to

notice that NOW taking 3 Aleve before I go to bed each night

actually helps the next day. Today it was just my left leg that

felt twisted and caused me to use a cane. I guess I've joined this

group b/c arthritis isn't visible and people like supervisors and

even family members don't seem to believe you. I guess I just

wanted someone to say, " Heck, yes! You're not crazy. Here's a joke

to brighten your day. And, yes, I know what you mean when you say

that you scream into a pillow some mornings while getting dressed

because your joints don't want to cooperate....And, yes, it's okay

to cry. "

Well, that's my story summed up. I'm in hell but I am aware I still

have it better than a lot of people out there. If I haven't chased

anyone off, then I want to say thanks for letting me be here.