Re: AWOL (((Ken))) to Clair, from ken

June 10, 2006

Greetingsd, !

I would never in my life wish this on someone else,

and as far as Marina, well, I really care for her, and we exchangeactual written

letters.....: Have you ever read the book of Job? And what about the Glory

of God, that when one is sick, we all pull for that person? I don't believe God

gave this to Marina..but what aboutthe Glory of God, evident ,because Marina

somehow keeps on going, where another might quit?

All my love to you, ....and thanks for the " heads up " . ken

" C. Y. " <cjmy3454@...> wrote: Ken;

You can't ask the question: Why does God let this happen to good people.

This is a philosophical question that no one can answer. And if you try, your

conclusion may be very disturbing.

Believing that a God, who is suppose to be all loving, would want to put

certain people through horrible diseases, is depressing. Truth is, sooner or

later, fair or not, all of us will have our share of diseases. It is part of the

aging process and, let's face it, we are all getting older and we will die of

something. That the natural sequence of events .... and if it does not fit one's

worldview, one can always consider the alternative: do not get older, bail out

now. Not a good idea is it? And so, we deal with it as best we can.

I do not believe that God gave me this disease, but that it is part of my

genetic make-up. I am luckier than my ancestors, I have medication that helps me

get through the day and they didn't. So, I may be p-o'ed at times because I

can't do this or that, but in all, I am doing good and I have science to thank.

You could also think of it as, God gave the researchers the wisdom, knowledge,

and patience to discover medications

that helps us.

As for the concept of " god does not challenge us with anything we can't

handle " [or words to that effect] that's bull. Sometimes, the challenges are too

much to bare and that is when we need our friends and family; our social

support.

Take care.

kenneth samuelsen <squarehead52@...> wrote:

Greetings, my dear sweet friend...

I am so sorry for you, feel so bad for you that it aches !!!! It just doesn't

seem fair, does it?

You've done nothing to deserve it,you, who has devoted a major part of your

life to comfort those who were in pain.!

Marina, my forever friend, I don't pretend to " know everything " , and, at my age

and on the down hill chute, haha,

I have often asked " Why ? Why me, Lord? " ............and the only answer I

recieved is this: " " " He wouldn't give this to some weak, poor soul,who's

strength was not able to bear it, and yet still live....instead he gave it to We

strong of spirit , who just won't lay down and take it!! I mean, " look " around

at us all...(I know we can't " see " each other, yet, we do see each other so

clearly, thru our words! And what do we hear from each other? Words of care,

words of love, of keepin' on rolling, ....jokes..my goodness, there are some

mornings that I wake up, and spend the next 20 minutes laughing! Even among your

own family, (pray it never happens, of course) you know that some of them really

could not bear what you're going thru! I hurt so bad for you, Marina...But Why?

Why us? Maybe so other people could see us suffering so much, yet still keep

going, with a smile on our face, .......to His glory " ......

And that is the " messege " I " recieved " , the thoughts that kept barging into my

head, whether I wanted them ,or not!

Marina? Another group of people would never be like us all....like a

family.They would have been at each other's throat!

Instead, the greatest thing which has aided my steps back to where they were

before......are the people here that are like YOU!!!!

Maybe that is why we, among other, not-understanding-'nor wanting- to people

were selected to this challenge....and boy, what a challenge it is, huh?

I hope and will Pray that you start feeling better quick! And I hurt for you

that you are so much in pain! Now, I am going to write you a nice letter in a

few days...and Marina? DON'T YOU DARE SIT DOWN AND TRY TO WRITE ONE BACK!!!!!

I KNOW what pain can develope in the hands , trying to do just ordinary things,

and I really don't want you to hurt, just for me! O.K.? I love ya, kiddo! Be on

the look out for your " snail Mail.......

All my love to you....ken

marina_troi <marina_troi@...> wrote: Hello, all. I can't believe how many

new people that are in this

group!! To all of you, I wish to welcome you. You couldn't have

found a more supportive family on the whole web!!

For those who are old friends, hello again. Sorry I've been AWOL

for a while, again. It's been difficult to keep up with all the

posts. I've been fighting this pyelonephritis, still, for six and a

half months now. We think the stones in my kidneys are finally

sterile, but they are still stuck. But, I'm still running fevers.

Don't know where it's coming from. I've been back in the hospital,

which makes a total of 7 visits since December. I was sent to OSU-

east. My Infectious Disease doc sent me there since he works out of

there more. I will never go back there again. You know, being in

the medical field, there are certain little things that are noticed

that a lay person may not see. Well, even my dad, whom I love very

much but is a bit on the dense side, was able to see the

incompetence there. Especially from the doctors. I now understand

why other hospitals in the area do not use " hospitalists " for their

primary doctors. Not a good thing!! I left feeling worse than when

I went in and even ended up in the ER 2 days later. Now, the ER at

OSU-east was great. The rest of the visit was something else

entirely!!

Well, I'm still hanging in there. Not doing as well as I would

like. I, thankfully, have LTD income, though it's only half of what

I would be making if I were working. That hurts. Especially since

I won't be able to afford my mortgage, my car payment, my utilities,

and the COBRA premium for my health insurance. My sister said she

would pay for it. I can't ask that of her, though. It's gonna be

nearly $400 a month!!

I hope to go back to work sometime, though I still swing with the

emotions of the possibility of not being able to. That is the

hardest thing for me.

I saw my rheumatologist and he wants to send me out for a second

opinion as to what is going on with me. Not just any second

opinion, either. I will either be going to the Cleveland Clinic or

the Mayo Clinic. Seeing as how he and I both originate from

Cleveland, my bet is that I will be going there. He is going to set

me up with an internal medicine specialist and let this doc decide

what course I should take. My PCP is an internist, but I think 10

years with him has made him a push over. I really like him, but I

go see him and he says " ok, come back in 6 months " . He lets the

other doctors do all the work and he doesn't direct well.

So, as of March, I've been off ALL my RA meds. No more Enbrel, MTX,

Plaquinal, and Prednisone. He keeps me stocked with pain meds so I

continue to take Vicodine ES and Percocet along with Neurotine. My

pain levels are unbelievable. My orthopedist is trying to set me up

with a pain managment doc, at my request. He is willing to give me

what ever pain med I want, but that isn't fair on him or my rheumy.

I know that, I told him that. I also thanked him for helping me out

and trying to keep me pain free. I've known him for a long time, as

well. Worked with him for over 14 years!! So, he knows me well

enough to know that when I ask for help, I mean it.

So, I'm just waiting to hear from his office. They will call me as

soon as this pain doc gets in touch with him. If things continue to

get as bad as it has been, I may end up going to the ER again.

Only, I will go to the ER at the hospital where this pain doc is and

see if I can't get it taken care of there. I usually end up being

admitted when I go to the ER because I let things get too bad. So

bad that I'm dehydrated. The pain gets so bad I get sick from it.

I'm gradually getting there now. I have Phenergan to help with it,

but even that doesn't do much when it's caused by the pain. I try

to keep fluids down. When I get this bad, I try drinking Gatoraide

to keep my electrolytes up. I stopped taking my hydrothiachlorazide

because I dehydrate so easily now as it is. It's only for

prevention of kidney stones, and heck, I've got a handfull of those

already in each kidney!!

Well, I think it's time to stop this novel before it becomes an

epic!! Thanks for listening. Hugs and Prayers to all, Marina

__________________________________________________

June 10, 2006

Hi Ken;

No, I have not read the Book of Job nor the Glory of God. Obviously, these are

important to you and they give you the moral support and courage you need to

keep going. I am happy for you.

The " when one is sick, we all pull together for that person " is an example of

social support. Psychologically, it is important, it keeps us going even when we

feel like giving up. Those of us who have it, we are indeed very lucky.

Honestly, we all have our way of dealing with our problems, health and others.

There is, however, more than one way to rationalize the ups and downs of life.

In other words, it is not " my way is right therefore I'll impose it on you " that

matters even if the intentions are good, but what is truly important is what

works for you.

Thanks for your love.

kenneth samuelsen <squarehead52@...> wrote:

Greetingsd, !

I would never in my life wish this on someone else, and as far as Marina, well,

I really care for her, and we exchangeactual written letters.....: Have

you ever read the book of Job? And what about the Glory of God, that when one is

sick, we all pull for that person? I don't believe God gave this to Marina..but

what aboutthe Glory of God, evident ,because Marina somehow keeps on going,

where another might quit?

All my love to you, ....and thanks for the " heads up " . ken

" C. Y. " <cjmy3454@...> wrote: Ken;

You can't ask the question: Why does God let this happen to good people.

This is a philosophical question that no one can answer. And if you try, your

conclusion may be very disturbing.

Believing that a God, who is suppose to be all loving, would want to put certain

people through horrible diseases, is depressing. Truth is, sooner or later, fair

or not, all of us will have our share of diseases. It is part of the aging

process and, let's face it, we are all getting older and we will die of