Re: need to vent OT Dawn

[Guest guest]

Hi Dawn:

Well, it's time to get tough with your sister, sit

down, and tell her that because of your RA, and the

problems associated with it, appointments, etc., that

you will no longer be able to take care of her boys.

Give her two weeks notice, and tell her in two weeks,

she will either have to have other care for her boys,

or she will have to be taking care of them herself.

You are no longer an option as a babysitter. Be firm.

Be direct. She is taking advantage of you. It is

time it stopped.

You need to make yourself first on your list, and take

care of what you need to do for yourself to make life

easier to deal with. Taking her boys on your

appointments, takes away from time you could be

discussing matters with your doctors, and this is

compromising your care. You can no longer compromise

your quality of life by taking care of your nephews,

and she needs to find other care for them. She is

using you because you are convenient, will always say

yes, and cost no money. That is taking advantage of

you, and that is not something you should continue to

be a part of.

You have both seen your older sister go through her

fight with RA, and have seen what RA does to her, you

need to use all of your energy to do what you can so

that you do not end up the same way. You need to take

care of you first and foremost, and your family, not

hers. This may come across as selfish, and I am sure

she will play this side of it up, to try and get you

to break down and continue doing what she wants, but

be tough, be strong, and be proactive for what is best

for you. Selfish at this time is your best medicine -

to free yourself of the stress of caring for two very

active boys, compromising your rest, your care, your

health - selfish is how you have to be.

I hope this helps and does not come across too

strongly. I know you love your sister and your

nephews, but you need to love yourself first and take

care of you, okay? Let us know how it goes -

Kathe in CA

--- " Dawn @);- " <iowadarlingforever@...> wrote:

> Good afternoon everyone. I am feeling very

> frustrated and stressed out and I need to get it out

> or I am going to explode. I have told you all about

> my aunt that has advanced RA, her name is . I

> have another Aunt that is two years older then

> myself, her name is . has watched her

> older sister go thru the pain and degeneration

> of RA. She knows how bad it can get without having

> any outside signs. Well, last year I didn’t have any

> signs of RA and when she asked me to care for her

> two boys, who are around the same age as my son, I

> said yes. I was off for the summer from school so

> there was no reason not to. To say the least it was

> hell. These two boys drove me nuts and stressed me

> so badly I felt like crying everyday. I swore I

> would not take care of them again. Every time she

> called she would say “I have nowhere else to take

> them” and I would give in. However she knew that

> things were different this summer; that I now have

> to deal with systems of RA. She

> didn’t give me a choice this year, she pretty much

> ignored the fact that I didn’t think I could care

> for them because of my flare-ups and that the stress

> made things worse. She treats me as though I am

> making a mountain out of a molehill when I tell her

> about my pain. I tell her about the days where it

> hurts too much to stand at the stove to cook a meal

> for them but she still sends things I have to make

> instead of sending it pre-made. I tell her when I

> have days where my hands are useless and sometimes I

> don’t feel well because of the mtx. I have them

> twice as many hours this year then I did last. I

> have to take them to my doctor appointments. I don’t

> know about you guys but my romy has me get undressed

> and put a gown on for my exams. I can’t leave them

> out in the waiting room because they behave like

> wild monkeys. I need to go to the dentist because I

> lost a filling but I don’t want to have to have

> three boys sitting on the floor waiting while they

> drill. I feel used,

> ignored, and pinned down by two boys that are not

> mine. I need to go up to the collage and work out

> things so I can go back this fall but I can’t take

> them with me. I want to sit in a corner and cry!!!!!

> I am becoming angry, bitter, and short tempered with

> them and my son. My son is picking up their

> behaviors that I will not tolerate. I know there

> isn’t anything any of you can do but I just had to

> let it all out and I know all of you understand what

> I am going thru.

>

> Dawn @};-

>

>

> ---------------------------------

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