Re: Feeling depressed...foot not healing and personal problems (((Larry)))

[Guest guest]

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Larry:

I am so very sorry to hear of your depressed state, but I certainly

understand your frustration at continuing to experience a non-union

in the healing fracture in your foot, having to recast, and not being

able to work, and feel productive. These things are such a blow to a

man who used to be active, able to work, and enjoy life. RA takes so

much from us, and now to have to deal with this fracture situation

has to be very difficult for both you and your wife.

I am sorry that your wife is not more understanding, but she is

stressed out too, and probably afraid, just like you are, that this

fracture will continue to cause you trouble for a longer time than

both of you had hoped. RA itself causes such stress sometimes in a

marriage, and anything that is additional baggage to that can wreck

havoc on the strongest of unions.

Have you sat down with her, not to vent as you can do here, but to

talk about what your feelings are? Talk to her, don't complain, and

let her know that you are just as frustrated and depressed by this

whole situation as she is. That you appreciate everything she has

done to try and help more financially,let her know how much you love

her. Hug, hold, cuddle. Women need non-sexual physical affection,

and they need to hear that you need and love them, and how important

they are to you. Maybe you are not feeling that way about her at

this time, and for that I would be sorry, but you need to emotionally

connect again for both of you.

Does she truly blame you or is it just her frustration, and your

frustration, making it seem that way, because in no way did you ask

for RA, for a fracture, for this on-going problem, and you cannot be

blamed for this trouble. It happened. These sorts of things can

affect people who don't have RA, but it is magnified by the RA. I

understand the problem with having other joints and muscles start to

act up because of an injury to another area, I had very extensive

knee surgery just after my dx with RA, and remember the pain very

well. Try and do gentle stretching exercises with the rest of your

body, avoiding any distress to the casted foot, and keep the rest of

your body exercised as best you can to keep the muscles stretched out

and relaxed. Put ice on your left knee to ease the pain and

swelling, or if heat helps, a rice sock will form and wrap to the

knee joint well.

Again, I am so very sorry that you and your wife are in such physical

and emotional pain, and I hope that things get better for both of

you. Sending you healing prayers -

Kathe in CA