Re: RA causes financial stress Cat

[Guest guest]

Hi Cat:

I can totally relate to your frustration and sadness

at what RA is doing to you, and to your family

finances. It happens to all of us. It's happening in

my family too. I am 52, have always been a stay at

home mom, but also had my own transcribing business

for several years, and worked making jewelry when my

kids were in elementary school. After that, total

full time mom with no other income until four years

ago when I worked two years for a friend's plumbing

company. But not enough for me to apply for

disability, and I am too young as well for social

security benefits. Caught in the middle somewhere.

Cat, don't you ever feel guilty for having RA - you

did not choose this disease, it chose you! You did

not choose to have a disease which has no cure, which

has medications that are very expensive, and will

cause you to become in such pain that you can no

longer work outside of your home. You should have no

guilt over something that you had no hand in the

making of, other than having a disease. RA is a

monster that comes into our lives, knocks us for a

loop, takes away from us little by little our

mobility, our activity, but we cannot just give up.

We never asked for this, but we have it, so we learn

to adjust to it, to adapt, we survive.

Yes, I feel badly that I am not able to contribute by

working and bringing in money to the household, but

don't you realize the RA has, in a way, given you an

excuse to spend so much more time with your children,

in their school helping out, and really bonding,

forming memories for your children that will last

their lifetime? You will not have kids who come home

to an empty house, or are watched in daycare, they

come home to their mom. You are working the most

important job in the world, unpaid unfortunately by

money, but paid in the way your children grow up into

responsible individuals.

You are so very, very lucky that your husband is so

supportive, he sees your pain, and he responds to that

by asking that you not try to work outside of the

house. He understands you, and that is a true

blessing in a marriage. Between the two of you, I am

sure you could come up with a workable budget, and

save toward fun things, even if only 25 cents a day is

put away. Fun things don't have to cost a lot of money

- a day in the park with the kids, taking them to

visit special places near where you live, museums,

etc. And you can always get yourself a wheelchair to

make it easier on you to get out and about since your

feet are such a painful problem for you.

Don't give up! Don't blame yourself! Do not feel

guilty! It's easy to fall into those traps (and I do

not always practice what I preach on those hard flares

lol), but try not to take it out on yourself so much,

okay? We are here for you, support and understand

you.

You are not alone in this.

Kathe in CA

--- catmoh <catmoh@...> wrote:

> Dear Members,

>

> I have had RA for almost 3 years. My RA has

> increased the debts

> and I feel guilty about it.

I do not

> qualify for disability because of my lack of outside

> employment for

> 9+ years. I am 46 so I do not qualify for S.Sec.

> benefits. What to

> do? Anyone have any ideas or advice? I may just

> have to create a

> very tight budget and try to maintain it. My

> husband does not want

> me to work. He sees how I feel all the time, he

> sses the pain I am

> in. . I have all sorts of fears and thoughts

> running through

> my head all the time. Not to mention the guilt.

> > Cat in Chicago

>

>

>

>

>

>

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