Guest guest Posted July 6, 2006 Report Share Posted July 6, 2006 Good afternoon everyone. I am feeling very frustrated and stressed out and I need to get it out or I am going to explode. I have told you all about my aunt that has advanced RA, her name is . I have another Aunt that is two years older then myself, her name is . has watched her older sister go thru the pain and degeneration of RA. She knows how bad it can get without having any outside signs. Well, last year I didn’t have any signs of RA and when she asked me to care for her two boys, who are around the same age as my son, I said yes. I was off for the summer from school so there was no reason not to. To say the least it was hell. These two boys drove me nuts and stressed me so badly I felt like crying everyday. I swore I would not take care of them again. Every time she called she would say “I have nowhere else to take them” and I would give in. However she knew that things were different this summer; that I now have to deal with systems of RA. She didn’t give me a choice this year, she pretty much ignored the fact that I didn’t think I could care for them because of my flare-ups and that the stress made things worse. She treats me as though I am making a mountain out of a molehill when I tell her about my pain. I tell her about the days where it hurts too much to stand at the stove to cook a meal for them but she still sends things I have to make instead of sending it pre-made. I tell her when I have days where my hands are useless and sometimes I don’t feel well because of the mtx. I have them twice as many hours this year then I did last. I have to take them to my doctor appointments. I don’t know about you guys but my romy has me get undressed and put a gown on for my exams. I can’t leave them out in the waiting room because they behave like wild monkeys. I need to go to the dentist because I lost a filling but I don’t want to have to have three boys sitting on the floor waiting while they drill. I feel used, ignored, and pinned down by two boys that are not mine. I need to go up to the collage and work out things so I can go back this fall but I can’t take them with me. I want to sit in a corner and cry!!!!! I am becoming angry, bitter, and short tempered with them and my son. My son is picking up their behaviors that I will not tolerate. I know there isn’t anything any of you can do but I just had to let it all out and I know all of you understand what I am going thru. Dawn @};- --------------------------------- Sneak preview the all-new .com. It's not radically different. Just radically better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 6, 2006 Report Share Posted July 6, 2006 Dawn, it is time to stand up for yourself! Call her NOW, and tell her firmly that you're sorry, but you just aren't well enough to watch her boys. You will let her know if you can get the RA into remission, but until then you just can't handle it. And by the way, since you're feeling so bad, could she take your son sometimes to give you some needed relief? You can do it, just be strong and don't let her talk you into anything. Practice what you're going to say before you talk to her. Be prepared for what she might come back with. KEEP the conversation focused on you and your needs, just keep telling her you're sorry but you feel so bad any time she tries to tell you how much she needs you to babysit for her. Cry if you need to, tell her how much pain you're in and that YOU really need help at this point. Remember, your health is important, she's thinking only of her own needs not yours. All that extra work and stress is almost certainly making your RA worse. On 7/6/06, Dawn @);- <iowadarlingforever@...> wrote: > > Good afternoon everyone. I am feeling very frustrated and stressed out and > I need to get it out or I am going to explode. I have told you all about my > aunt that has advanced RA, her name is . I have another Aunt that is > two years older then myself, her name is . has watched her older > sister go thru the pain and degeneration of RA. She knows how bad it > can get without having any outside signs. Well, last year I didn't have any > signs of RA and when she asked me to care for her two boys, who are around > the same age as my son, I said yes. I was off for the summer from school so > there was no reason not to. To say the least it was hell. These two boys > drove me nuts and stressed me so badly I felt like crying everyday. I swore > I would not take care of them again. Every time she called she would say " I > have nowhere else to take them " and I would give in. However she knew that > things were different this summer; that I now have to deal with systems of > RA. She > didn't give me a choice this year, she pretty much ignored the fact that I > didn't think I could care for them because of my flare-ups and that the > stress made things worse. She treats me as though I am making a mountain out > of a molehill when I tell her about my pain. I tell her about the days where > it hurts too much to stand at the stove to cook a meal for them but she > still sends things I have to make instead of sending it pre-made. I tell her > when I have days where my hands are useless and sometimes I don't feel well > because of the mtx. I have them twice as many hours this year then I did > last. I have to take them to my doctor appointments. I don't know about you > guys but my romy has me get undressed and put a gown on for my exams. I > can't leave them out in the waiting room because they behave like wild > monkeys. I need to go to the dentist because I lost a filling but I don't > want to have to have three boys sitting on the floor waiting while they > drill. I feel used, > ignored, and pinned down by two boys that are not mine. I need to go up to > the collage and work out things so I can go back this fall but I can't take > them with me. I want to sit in a corner and cry!!!!! I am becoming angry, > bitter, and short tempered with them and my son. My son is picking up their > behaviors that I will not tolerate. I know there isn't anything any of you > can do but I just had to let it all out and I know all of you understand > what I am going thru. > > Dawn @};- > > > > -- South Pasadena, CA See my galleries! - http://www.pbase.com/arenared986 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 6, 2006 Report Share Posted July 6, 2006 Dawn Tomorrow morning leave your house before she shows up. Leave a note on the door explaining that you are not physically able to care for her boys, your son and with the painful effects of RA. Tell her she HAS to find someone else starting NOW!!!! You can't allow yourself to be used by someone who doesn't give 2 cents about your health. Also, think of the long term effects of having her unruly sons around your boy......do you really want to have to try to retrain him later for mimicing their bad behavior. You have to say NO!! and mean it, don't give it, it isn't worth it to you or your health. Big Hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 6, 2006 Report Share Posted July 6, 2006 I'll second 's advice. I would give one week to find someone else. You aren't the only person in the world who can watch them. Lots of teenagers are off for the summer. College kids, too. There are animal lovers who would be happy to watch wild monkeys and earn some money while doing it. Tell her it's doctor's orders if you have to. Your health is too important. Good luck, Dawn. Not an MD I'll tell you where to go! Mayo Clinic in Rochester http://www.mayoclinic.org/rochester s Hopkins Medicine http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org Re: [ ] need to vent OT > Dawn, it is time to stand up for yourself! Call her NOW, and tell her > firmly that you're sorry, but you just aren't well enough to watch her > boys. You will let her know if you can get the RA into remission, but > until > then you just can't handle it. And by the way, since you're feeling so > bad, > could she take your son sometimes to give you some needed relief? You can > do it, just be strong and don't let her talk you into anything. Practice > what you're going to say before you talk to her. Be prepared for what she > might come back with. KEEP the conversation focused on you and your > needs, > just keep telling her you're sorry but you feel so bad any time she tries > to > tell you how much she needs you to babysit for her. Cry if you need to, > tell her how much pain you're in and that YOU really need help at this > point. Remember, your health is important, she's thinking only of her own > needs not yours. All that extra work and stress is almost certainly making > your RA worse. > > On 7/6/06, Dawn @);- <iowadarlingforever@...> wrote: >> >> Good afternoon everyone. I am feeling very frustrated and stressed out >> and >> I need to get it out or I am going to explode. I have told you all about >> my >> aunt that has advanced RA, her name is . I have another Aunt that is >> two years older then myself, her name is . has watched her >> older >> sister go thru the pain and degeneration of RA. She knows how bad >> it >> can get without having any outside signs. Well, last year I didn't have >> any >> signs of RA and when she asked me to care for her two boys, who are >> around >> the same age as my son, I said yes. I was off for the summer from school >> so >> there was no reason not to. To say the least it was hell. These two boys >> drove me nuts and stressed me so badly I felt like crying everyday. I >> swore >> I would not take care of them again. Every time she called she would say >> " I >> have nowhere else to take them " and I would give in. However she knew >> that >> things were different this summer; that I now have to deal with systems >> of >> RA. She >> didn't give me a choice this year, she pretty much ignored the fact that >> I >> didn't think I could care for them because of my flare-ups and that the >> stress made things worse. She treats me as though I am making a mountain >> out >> of a molehill when I tell her about my pain. I tell her about the days >> where >> it hurts too much to stand at the stove to cook a meal for them but she >> still sends things I have to make instead of sending it pre-made. I tell >> her >> when I have days where my hands are useless and sometimes I don't feel >> well >> because of the mtx. I have them twice as many hours this year then I did >> last. I have to take them to my doctor appointments. I don't know about >> you >> guys but my romy has me get undressed and put a gown on for my exams. I >> can't leave them out in the waiting room because they behave like wild >> monkeys. I need to go to the dentist because I lost a filling but I >> don't >> want to have to have three boys sitting on the floor waiting while they >> drill. I feel used, >> ignored, and pinned down by two boys that are not mine. I need to go up >> to >> the collage and work out things so I can go back this fall but I can't >> take >> them with me. I want to sit in a corner and cry!!!!! I am becoming angry, >> bitter, and short tempered with them and my son. My son is picking up >> their >> behaviors that I will not tolerate. I know there isn't anything any of >> you >> can do but I just had to let it all out and I know all of you understand >> what I am going thru. >> >> Dawn @};- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 6, 2006 Report Share Posted July 6, 2006 Perhaps just call and tell her that this summer is different. Due to your health problems you are unable to care for her children. It is causing you undue stress and you need some time away. You can even tell her that you are going away for a few days and just not be at home when she would drop off the children. You don't have to say where you are going or when you will be back. Terri [ ] need to vent OT Good afternoon everyone. I am feeling very frustrated and stressed out and I need to get it out or I am going to explode. I have told you all about my aunt that has advanced RA, her name is . I have another Aunt that is two years older then myself, her name is . has watched her older sister go thru the pain and degeneration of RA. She knows how bad it can get without having any outside signs. Well, last year I didn't have any signs of RA and when she asked me to care for her two boys, who are around the same age as my son, I said yes. I was off for the summer from school so there was no reason not to. To say the least it was hell. These two boys drove me nuts and stressed me so badly I felt like crying everyday. I swore I would not take care of them again. Every time she called she would say " I have nowhere else to take them " and I would give in. However she knew that things were different this summer; that I now have to deal with systems of RA. She didn't give me a choice this year, she pretty much ignored the fact that I didn't think I could care for them because of my flare-ups and that the stress made things worse. She treats me as though I am making a mountain out of a molehill when I tell her about my pain. I tell her about the days where it hurts too much to stand at the stove to cook a meal for them but she still sends things I have to make instead of sending it pre-made. I tell her when I have days where my hands are useless and sometimes I don't feel well because of the mtx. I have them twice as many hours this year then I did last. I have to take them to my doctor appointments. I don't know about you guys but my romy has me get undressed and put a gown on for my exams. I can't leave them out in the waiting room because they behave like wild monkeys. I need to go to the dentist because I lost a filling but I don't want to have to have three boys sitting on the floor waiting while they drill. I feel used, ignored, and pinned down by two boys that are not mine. I need to go up to the collage and work out things so I can go back this fall but I can't take them with me. I want to sit in a corner and cry!!!!! I am becoming angry, bitter, and short tempered with them and my son. My son is picking up their behaviors that I will not tolerate. I know there isn't anything any of you can do but I just had to let it all out and I know all of you understand what I am going thru. Dawn @};- --------------------------------- Sneak preview the all-new .com. It's not radically different. Just radically better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 6, 2006 Report Share Posted July 6, 2006 Dawn, Somewhere recently I read a quote that went something like, " Nobody can use you as a doormat unless you lie down on the floor. " Your aunt is definitely using you as a doormat. You need to make it clear to her that you will no longer keep her boys. Your own health is at stake. Others have given you some good advice, and I hope that you will take some action soon. Sue On Thursday, July 6, 2006, at 04:17 PM, Dawn @);- wrote: > Good afternoon everyone. I am feeling very frustrated and stressed out > and I need to get it out or I am going to explode. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 6, 2006 Report Share Posted July 6, 2006 Hi Dawn I understand your frustrations. First off you need to sit your neice down when she is home again, and tell her you will not take care of her kids anymore. Tell you you are sorry but your health makes it difficult for you and they would be better off elsewhere. If she gets mad, this is her problem. You do not need the stress. Kitt > > Good afternoon everyone. I am feeling very frustrated and stressed out and I need to get it out or I am going to explode. I have told you all about my aunt that has advanced RA, her name is . I have another Aunt that is two years older then myself, her name is . has watched her older sister go thru the pain and degeneration of RA. She knows how bad it can get without having any outside signs. Well, last year I didn't have any signs of RA and when she asked me to care for her two boys, who are around the same age as my son, I said yes. I was off for the summer from school so there was no reason not to. To say the least it was hell. These two boys drove me nuts and stressed me so badly I felt like crying everyday. I swore I would not take care of them again. Every time she called she would say " I have nowhere else to take them " and I would give in. However she knew that things were different this summer; that I now have to deal with systems of RA. She > didn't give me a choice this year, she pretty much ignored the fact that I didn't think I could care for them because of my flare- ups and that the stress made things worse. She treats me as though I am making a mountain out of a molehill when I tell her about my pain. I tell her about the days where it hurts too much to stand at the stove to cook a meal for them but she still sends things I have to make instead of sending it pre-made. I tell her when I have days where my hands are useless and sometimes I don't feel well because of the mtx. I have them twice as many hours this year then I did last. I have to take them to my doctor appointments. I don't know about you guys but my romy has me get undressed and put a gown on for my exams. I can't leave them out in the waiting room because they behave like wild monkeys. I need to go to the dentist because I lost a filling but I don't want to have to have three boys sitting on the floor waiting while they drill. I feel used, > ignored, and pinned down by two boys that are not mine. I need to go up to the collage and work out things so I can go back this fall but I can't take them with me. I want to sit in a corner and cry!!!!! I am becoming angry, bitter, and short tempered with them and my son. My son is picking up their behaviors that I will not tolerate. I know there isn't anything any of you can do but I just had to let it all out and I know all of you understand what I am going thru. > > Dawn @};- > > > --------------------------------- > Sneak preview the all-new .com. It's not radically different. Just radically better. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 7, 2006 Report Share Posted July 7, 2006 Dawn, I understand what you are going through! Some people just don't get it! My sister is the same way to me with her kids. A couple of years ago I had pneumonia. She still expected me to take her kids (3 of them) and mine (2 of them) to church every Wednesday night. When I would talk about not feeling up to driving she would make a big deal out of the fact that she needed a break! I was DEAD on my feet (we didn't know I had pneumonia yet, but I had been sick for quite a while) and she was talking to me about how she needs a break? What was worse I would often drop her kids off and she was already in bed for the evening!!! Oh it made me so mad! So now, several years later, I still cringe when she asks me to do anything, even though it is far less frequent now. The damage is done.. Love and Peace, Semalee My Blog: http://jellodoesntnail.blogspot.com My webpage: http://360./considerablewellness Words to live by: " A meaningful life will not be found in the next job or the next car. The way you get meaning in your life is to devote yourself to helping others and creating something that gives you purpose. " Morrie Schwartz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 9, 2006 Report Share Posted July 9, 2006 Dawn, I don't understand why your aunt doesn't take care of her own kids? What is wrong with her? amira " Dawn @);- " <iowadarlingforever@...> wrote: Good afternoon everyone. I am feeling very frustrated and stressed out and I need to get it out or I am going to explode. I have told you all about my aunt that has advanced RA, her name is . I have another Aunt that is two years older then myself, her name is . has watched her older sister go thru the pain and degeneration of RA. She knows how bad it can get without having any outside signs. Well, last year I didn’t have any signs of RA and when she asked me to care for her two boys, who are around the same age as my son, I said yes. I was off for the summer from school so there was no reason not to. To say the least it was hell. These two boys drove me nuts and stressed me so badly I felt like crying everyday. I swore I would not take care of them again. Every time she called she would say “I have nowhere else to take them” and I would give in. However she knew that things were different this summer; that I now have to deal with systems of RA. She didn’t give me a choice this year, she pretty much ignored the fact that I didn’t think I could care for them because of my flare-ups and that the stress made things worse. She treats me as though I am making a mountain out of a molehill when I tell her about my pain. I tell her about the days where it hurts too much to stand at the stove to cook a meal for them but she still sends things I have to make instead of sending it pre-made. I tell her when I have days where my hands are useless and sometimes I don’t feel well because of the mtx. I have them twice as many hours this year then I did last. I have to take them to my doctor appointments. I don’t know about you guys but my romy has me get undressed and put a gown on for my exams. I can’t leave them out in the waiting room because they behave like wild monkeys. I need to go to the dentist because I lost a filling but I don’t want to have to have three boys sitting on the floor waiting while they drill. I feel used, ignored, and pinned down by two boys that are not mine. I need to go up to the collage and work out things so I can go back this fall but I can’t take them with me. I want to sit in a corner and cry!!!!! I am becoming angry, bitter, and short tempered with them and my son. My son is picking up their behaviors that I will not tolerate. I know there isn’t anything any of you can do but I just had to let it all out and I know all of you understand what I am going thru. Dawn @};- --------------------------------- Sneak preview the all-new .com. It's not radically different. Just radically better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 10, 2006 Report Share Posted July 10, 2006 This is terrible and we know what you are going through. You are being used and ignored, no doubt about that. Sorry to sound mean about someone you love but it sounds like she wants what she wants and that's that even if it means you have to suffer. I sure wish we could do something. Is there a summer camp you trust to send them? I think they know you are limited and so they are behaving badly. Kids are very intuitive. They can pick up on the smallest things and know you are hurting. Funny about the " wild monkeys " part. Sounds like something I would say. It made me laugh, although I realize this is no laughing matter. Not only should she take her boys back but she needs to give you a break from yours. This is why it would be nice to have an RA community. You are way over there whereever there is with no help. Take care of yourself. peace, Ebony Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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