Re: Martha

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 6/10/02 1:14:58 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

bpdsurvivor@... writes:

> Debbie,

>

> Actually, I've heard speculation that Martha is a BP!

>

> Anon

>

>

That explains sooooo much! LOL!!

Debbie

[Guest guest]

inside story:

This is a friend of a friend..who knows Martha:

There were folks..who turned down her driveway by accident..looking for

someone else. She went RABID..for infringing on her privacy. This

wasn't...an intentional anything..just an accident. Martha went out to the

end of her driveway...and told them what she thought...RAGING.

It was just a mistake.

The woman..is the EPITOME...of anal.

Borderline? Maybe. Nuts? Absolutely.

[Guest guest]

All I know is if you watch that lady on Oprah with a child, it's

frightening. She is a total control freak. I bet she has some good rages

when things are not perfect. I'd say bpd all the way .

BTW, the last time I checked my house, Martha wasn't here. We are not even

in the Betty Crocker range .

LOL,

C

Martha

Debbie,

Actually, I've heard speculation that Martha is a BP!

Anon

--- sweepea1215@... wrote:

> In a message dated 6/4/02 7:38:31 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

> hnjstaff@... writes:

>

>

> > That goes on for an hour or two....but I'm

> > trying.

> >

>

> Me too! Good luck Jules...one trick I use when I want to sew

> w/o guilt is I

> remind myself... " The curtains/halloween costumes/sundresses

> are for the whole

> family to enjoy. " Sometimes it works! Other times I try to

> sew/clean out

> the hall closet/make bread/weed the garden/wax the hardwood

> floor. Hey,

> maybe Martha is a KO! LOL!!! That certainly would

> explain soooo

> much!

>

> Hugs,

>

> Debbie

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

there is a fun book called " Just Desserts " about Martha. Very

BPD.

Kathleen

[Guest guest]

Did anyone see her when Cookie Monster was on her show?? Well she

hit Cookie Monster!! He was'nt doing what she wanted I guess so she

hit him, I don't remember now where she hit him, either on the hand

or the head.. Poor Cookie!

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 6/11/02 10:38:14 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

julie@... writes:

> ok, NOW I'm convinced !...anyone who would hit Cookie Monster has major

> problems ! (chuckle) COOKIE ?!

>

I agree....wouldn't you looove to see Martha and Miss Piggy square off?

LOL

[Guest guest]

ok, NOW I'm convinced !...anyone who would hit Cookie Monster has major

problems ! (chuckle) COOKIE ?!

Re: Martha

> Did anyone see her when Cookie Monster was on her show?? Well she

> hit Cookie Monster!! He was'nt doing what she wanted I guess so she

> hit him, I don't remember now where she hit him, either on the hand

> or the head.. Poor Cookie!

>

>

> To get off the list, send a blank message to

ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions & amp; concerns to

ModOasis-owner . & quot;Stop Walking on Eggshells, & quot; a

primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the

table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I just want to say thank you, thank you, thank you. I had a terrible day at

work and I came home and read this and it made me laugh and smile again.

Thank you and Debbie.

Re: Re: Martha

In a message dated 6/11/02 10:38:14 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

julie@... writes:

> ok, NOW I'm convinced !...anyone who would hit Cookie Monster has major

> problems ! (chuckle) COOKIE ?!

>

I agree....wouldn't you looove to see Martha and Miss Piggy square off?

LOL

[Guest guest]

awe, thanks...glad you got to smile...big (((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))

Re: Re: Martha

>

>

> In a message dated 6/11/02 10:38:14 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

> julie@... writes:

>

>

> > ok, NOW I'm convinced !...anyone who would hit Cookie Monster has

major

> > problems ! (chuckle) COOKIE ?!

> >

>

> I agree....wouldn't you looove to see Martha and Miss Piggy square off?

>

> LOL

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 6/12/02 9:33:35 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

already_free@... writes:

> But then one has smile while wondering how Martha would decorate a

> jail cell.

>

>

absolutely...unless she was incarcerated in a really old jail...you know...a

VINTAGE jail cell! LOL then she'd just need to coat everything with a coat

of wax or laquer and she'd be ready to go!

[Guest guest]

> >>> I agree....wouldn't you looove to see Martha and Miss Piggy

square off? <<<<<

BPD Martha vs NPD Miss Piggy. It would be a classic!

But then one has smile while wondering how Martha would decorate a

jail cell.

http://www.marketwatch.com/news/yhoo/story.asp?

source=blq/yhoo & siteid=yhoo & dist=yhoo & guid=%7B7579BEBC%2D788E%2D49CB%

2D81FE%2D20265C5F83E7%7D

[Guest guest]

Martha

The Alzheimer's Unit of a NH (or assisted living) is just what you

explained. It is common for residents to roam into other rooms. It

happened where my dad lived also. At first it seemed to bother me, and

did my dad most of the time. He was a very private, modest man, which

made visits interrupted. However, knowing the other residents had

dementia, they knew no different. It was as if they saw a room, or even

a bed, and thought it was theirs. A few times I walked up to my dads

bed, all covered with his blanket, to wake him up only to find...it

WASN'T my dad. Also, we have a wonderful facility about 7 minutes from

my home. They are strictly a dementia facility with different wings

depending on the stage of dementia a resident is in. Same thing happens

there. Residents roam the halls, with staff available of course. Your

mom should be monitored. Also, know each time she falls, each med. that

is given, every meal she eats, even when she has a bm, it is all

charted. If you are power of attorney, or another person is power of

attorney, the POA has the right to check the charts. I was given copies

each month. If I had a question before the new chart was printed, I

asked to see it then and/or went to the director. Unfortunately though,

you are right, you will have to stay on top of the cares at the NH. I

am sure there are competent staff, yet at times you may find a few that

just aren't as available as others. I quickly became on a first name

basis with many of the staff. Also, I was the only family member to

attend the care plan meetings every 3 months. At that time I brought up

any issues I hadn't talked about before, and followed up on the issues I

had already mentioned. I would suggest having your moms mattress put on

the floor. I had seen many like that in the unit my dad was in. My dad

never fell out of bed so this wasn't a concern for us.

Also, there are bed rails on most of the beds. Ask that they get raised

at night. Have her bed positioned near the nurses call light so if she

needs help in the night. Then, depending on the unit where your mom is,

there is a geri-walker that can be used to assist in walking. It is

like pcv pipe used in plumbing. The resident can walk on their own,

then if their legs give out, the seat is available to set on. There are

no restraints, it is not a normal walker, and is more mobile than a

wheelchair. Some units don't allow geri-walkers as they are in the way

of the other residents. It is common for Alzheimer's patients to walk,

almost non-stop.

Thank you for your kind words, and for giving me the blessing of being

able to share my story and opinion. Hope some of it helps. I am here

if you need anything else, and the rest of the group has tons of

experience as well.

Blessings to you and hang in there. :-))

Sandie

in Des Moines, IA - where sunshine and beautiful weather is at.....

[Guest guest]

Sandie -

You are absolutely wonderful. What great information. Thanks so very

much! We do have POA and I will ask for the charts. When mom was first

admitted in November we had a caregiver meeting the first week and then the

next month (which was about a week ago). They now say there will not be

another one for 6 months. That is a long time!!

Last night, when I went to see mom, it was difficult to leave knowing

that she was in another residents room. Thanks for helping me understand

that this is just part of the disease. Like your father, my mother is (or

was) a very private person. She was always perfectly dressed and very much a

" lady " . It is incredibly hard to see her reduced to this state of life.

Mom's facility is a retirement community with assisted living, an

Alzheimer's unit (where mom is) and a skilled care facility. The Alzheimer's

unit has only been there for three years. It is the only assisted living in

our city that has never received a complaint. Shortly after mom was

diagnosed, I looked into all the facilities in our area (there are a lot).

This one just seemed to be the most friendly, safe and respectful facility.

There is a lake and, because we have a lake, I knew mom would love to look

out her window and watch the ducks.

When mom went into the hospital with aspiration pneumonia on October 30th

we never dreamed she would not go home. Within 24 hours we were making plans

to place mom in a facility. It was hard on me and my brother (as well as our

spouses) but we all pitched in and helped.

We had to move mom from the hospital in North Carolina to the facility

near my home in South Carolina. We all took mom out to eat at one of her

favorite restaurants on the way. Knowing in our hearts we were taking her to

an Alzheimer's facility (and never to return home) was hard to hide. My

husband had worked hard to place some of her furniture in her room. He even

put pictures of our children on the walls - it looked great! By the way, the

rooms are unfurnished - you have to supply the furniture.

So, we gave mom a big hug and the nurses just seemed to sweep mom away.

We all left in tears. We could not see her for a week. We would call and

check on her, but leaving her in the care of others right out of the hospital

(where we had stayed around the clock) was emotionally draining.

Ok, here she is. We are two months into this journey and I had hoped

some of the emotion would settle. But, it hasn't and (as I have said before)

there seems to be a situation daily. Another strain on the family is that

this is " private pay " and very expensive. I was in hopes that the money we

pay each month would help moms last days with LBD be more peaceful and

secure.

But, I will continue my journey and help mom all I can. Thanks again to

all of you who have been there to lend words of wisdom and support. Thanks

also for being with me as I travel down this road.

God Bless,

Martha

[Guest guest]

If they haven't given you a bill of patients rights, you should get one.

You can call a meeting anytime, even if they don't have one scheduled.

Because you have POA for your Mom, start spending down. She may live a

lot longer than you think. Get her funeral expenses paid up front, pay

any legal fees you need to, etc. I was in a fix because I didn't and

when I went to Medicaid I had all kinds of problems I didn't understand.

And doing some of that stuff early is easier emotionally than doing it

later anyway.

Find out what happens if she outlives her money. Can she move within

the facility? Do they have Medicaid?

It is very difficult, but remember you are paying them. They need to

answer your questions and respond to your requests. They may not like

it, because many people just let them make decisions. You are really

speaking for your Mom at this point. So if you think she wouldn't like

something, you can speak in her stead. You/she are paying the bill!

They work for you and while you have signed some paper work, you didn't

sign your life away and you need to live with whatever decisions you

make, even after she is gone and that is the hardest after losing my

Mom. And it sounds like you have some sibling support and family

support. Use it and talk together. Often I was along and in crisis

when I made decisions and had no one to talk to. More people make for

better decisions.

Always sign all paper work with the POA after it. You don't want it

implied you are taking care of her bill. I learned that late in the

game. I did much like you and never suspected Mom would go into a nh

from the hospital. And that is what I had to do too! She lived with me

for 3 years and I suspect would be alive and still living with me if I

could have brought her home. She spent a little over a year in the nh.

Donna

[Guest guest]

Martha

Just wanted to let you know it seems common for LBD to progress when

something happens to the person. In your moms case, aspiration

pneumonia. My dad had a mild heart attack and was in the hospital. He

just was never the same after that. While in the hospital, my brother

and I called in a neurologist and the journey began. He did go home

from the hospital, to his apartment where he lived alone, but I kept a

close eye on him.

Your mom is so fortunate to have familiy members that are so involved.

It is wonderful that your husband and brother with his family are

involved. Please keep us posted. Spill out your emotions...you are

allowed to do that. You will find that you will grieve over your mom

which may seem confusing. Usually when we grieve it is when someone

passes away. The disease takes our loved ones before their body gives

out. The confusing part for me was I was grieving over someone I could

still look in the eyes. You will make it through this, as I did. I

appreciate that you have faith. That was my true explanation for

getting through my dads life with LBD. God Bless you and sending many

hugs your way.

Sandie

Des Moines, IA

[Guest guest]

I agree with Donna on pre-paying funeral costs. I did this with my dad.

When he went into the NH I had a " garage sale " so to speak in his

apartment. Cleaned up and sold his things he couldn't take with him and

used the money to put toward a pre-plan. It needed to be worded as

" Irrevocable Burial Fund " which let the government know the money was in

dads name and no one could get to it. Since I was POA over medical and

financial, plus representative payee, I was responsible for dads

finances. I must say, math is not my better subject...hate it!

Anyway, my brother and I " went shopping " at the funeral home one day and

picked out everything we wanted for dads funeral. Alotted money for a

pastor, flowers, everything was in order. Then I used dads money to pay

for it. That way when on Medicaid he had no extra money and his funeral

was being paid for.

I also agree to sign everything with POA behind the signature. I always

did that, and gave everyone copies of the POA and the letter from the

neurologist stating dad was unable to make his own decisons resulting

from LBD.

Donna has a lot of helpful information and definate insight to living

with LBD and beyond.

Hugs to ya!!

Sandie

[Guest guest]

Martha

If you were here I would reach out and hug you, cry with you, and assure

you. This is a difficult journey yet I am convinced you will make it

through. You have your faith to sustain you and the support from this

group to help guide you. Talk, vent, cry, whatever it takes, you are

allowed those feelings! Sending you hugs and prayers of wisdom and

guidance. Thank you for the New Year's wishes and I pray that God shows

you the many wonders of the world, giving you all His gifts.

Sandie

Des Moines, IA

[Guest guest]

Martha

Awwwww, you are welcome and thank you for your generous compliments.

Life is too short not to take advantage of the time He gives to lend a

helping hand. I have found no other true reason why I am here on earth

but to give of my time. Best wishes to you for a Happy and Safe New

Year.

Life is all in what we make of it...just my opinion!

Sandie

[Guest guest]

Martha

You are welcome. :-))

Sandie

[Guest guest]

Martha

You are welcome. :-))

Sandie

[Guest guest]

Martha

As I read your post, a flood of memories came back and I realized I had

not cried in over a month. Wow, life has been a blessing, yet knowing

others are going where I have gone breaks my heart all over again. It

is ok though...I want to and need to be here for others. There is

healing in helping, and one of my " movie " examples is " Pay It Forward " .

What a wonderful example...if I help atleast 1 person out, and they help

another and so on...everyone is taken care of. Of course the movie had

1 person helping 3 and those 3 helping 3 more...and so on. Same theory

though.

May I ask, if your mom is fed, does she eat? And if so, is she eating

much? Is she still taking in liquids? Keep in mind there are local

Hospice groups to help out as well. We had Hospice contacted on Monday

Sept. 16, mainly for palliative-end of life care. My dad passed away

Friday Sept 20, but I know he was in no pain and that all caregivers

were aware that dad's life was in his hands, no one was to intervene.

There are many people involved with Hospice from nurses to social

workers. Many facilities will allow Hospice to go in and take over

cares. Just keep it in mind.

If there are any other questions you have, please ask. I would be

robbed of a blessing if I were not allowed the chance to help. You are

often in my thoughts and prayers!!

Hugging you with my heart!

Sandie

in Des Moines, IA

[Guest guest]

Martha

I do know oh too well the steps you are taking. Grieving over someone

you can still look in the eyes. Wanting what is best for them, while

our own hearts shatter. So many people told me after my dad passed,

with good intentions, that " he is in a better place " of which my mind

knew, but it didn't seem to mend the hole in my heart.

It sounds like you are taking all precautionary methods preparing for

what lies ahead. I appreciate that the staff, as well as your family,

have opted " not " to force your mom to eat. This becomes a natural

process and my belief is not to intervene. Of course my heart told me

otherwise, but my knowledge of my dads wishes remained my focus. Oddly

enough, my dad didn't really sleep more. He was awake and alert. Kept

his beautiful blue eyes open " til the end " . And with those eyes he

spoke volumes. He clearly made statements indicating with his movements

that he just didn't want the food. He turned away, clenched his jaws

and would begin labored breathing in an attempt to " get his way " . If

all of that didn't work, he would flail an arm at the food or liquid to

get his point across of " not " wanting it. My dad got to the point of

sounding wraspy, mainly in his throat. The pneumonia issue was a

concern yet his lungs remained clear. I was told, which makes perfect

sense, that our body will continue to make saliva, and with trouble

swallowing it rests in the throat. We were also told with dad not being

as active that blood clots could form in his legs, then move through his

system up to his heart. We had very knowledgeable and honest staff

working with us...of which I will always be grateful. I had been around

so many people that openly talked up to....this point...then no one

offered end of life information. The staff at the hospital, and

Hospice, were very open, honest, and informative. They gave us their

time, and all questions were answered. It didn't take away the pain,

but did help with the fear of the unknown. That was a blessing. So,

with this, if I can answer any of " those " questions for you, or offer

any other help, please don't hesitate to ask. I would though, consider

contacting Hospice. We were told they could take on a patient for a 6

month interval, and if the patient prevails, they would release them,

and could take them on again. Just my opinion, but again, something to

consider. As my brother and I discussed, " Hospice employees a different

type of person, one from " not " around here...Angels on Earth. "

The temps. here today are at dangerous lows. The high, actual temp is

supposed to get to 7.

Right now, the actual temp. is -7 with windchills factored in at a -35

below. It is past cold, just down right frigid. Our kids still went to

school, guess it is just part of Iowa living. I do know some of the

outlying areas have delays, but for Des Moines schools it almost takes a

winter blizzard to get schools closed. You stay warm also...bet you are

just freezing with the oddly cold temps. there. Thank you for reading

on, for keeping in touch and for letting me voice my opinion. This is

an honor. :-))

Prayers and blessings to you and your family.

Sandie

Des Moines, IA

[Guest guest]

Martha

Thank you for your kind and generous compliments. I am truly flattered.

As for Hospice. Family can contact them, but also, at the Assisted

Living Facility there should be a social worker to help do some of the

work for you. There are care plan meetings that are scheduled, and the

information of daily living for your mom will help back up the

progression of the disease. With my dad, he was in an adult psychiatric

unit of a hospital and the social worker there said I could call, or she

would. I had her call. Hospice sent out an intake nurse to get a

history on my dad. She answered many, many questions and set up a

meeting with another nurse and social worker. The nurse was in charge

of dad, and the social worker visited dad for many reasons. She would

just visit, talk, answer any questions (the really tough end of life

ones that were hard to answer, if need be) and was our contact person if

we had any questions. Fortunately, or unfortunately, not sure which,

dad was only around 4 more days. He only met the social worker 2 times

and not sure how many times the nurse was there. Still, I had people to

contact, and I knew other people was visiting my dad...besides just

myself.

I would suggest, when you call to " check up " on your mom, ask for

specifics. It is their job to take care of her and you have every right

to know just how she is... " fine " alone wouldn't pacify me very long. I

would ask, did she eat and if so how much, has she had a bm today, how

long was she up, did she shower, did she take her meds and were they on

schedule, does she still have her cough?????? All of this should be

charted, by law, as this is all classified as " cares " and are on a NEED

TO DO basis. I also, as my suggestion, would write down her answered

your questions and the time and date you called. You may be surprised

by the results. Then you will also have it written down if there are

differing opinions. At times it seemed to run together for me so going

to my notes helped me to " know exactly " whom I had spoken with and when.

Was easier for me to pinpoint progression as well.

Wow, sure seems that you have had your share of struggles. Atleast your

kids are probably on anti-biotics, so on the mend, your husband will be

home soon, and your mom, well...you recognize that it is LBD and it

progresses. I appreciate your faith and knowing you are not walking

this journey alone. My prayers are with you and your family, and yes, I

will say an extra one for your husband's travels home.

Stay warm, and stay safe!

Sandie

I think the temp. actually rose to a balmy 3 degrees above 0 today, yet

the windchills kept it below 0...brrrrrr, yet we are used to it in the

winter here

[Guest guest]

Martha

And here I am feeling I should 'thank you' for trusting and opening your

heart. Today, all day, I prayed that God show you a sign of His

presence in your life. Tonight I will send up a thank you for showing

you His grace. You are already helping others...me included, by keeping

in touch. Even during your times of struggle, you still share your

emotions and heart with the group. If that isn't grace I don't know

what is. Look at the many lives you touch as you go to visit your mom.

Already you are a messenger in His name, spreading happiness to those

that need a visitor. I see this as a win win situation. You kids will

grow to be caring and compassionate adults. Your visits are beyond

'just' going to see your mom, but looking forward to seeing the other

resident...and if you only knew what you are doing internally for them.

You will be blessed. I still have a longing to go to the NH to see the

other residents. I have called a couple times to talk to my " favorite "

nurse but she wasn't working. One caution, if someone in the NH passes

away, you may feel the loss. I did. I had grown so accustomed to so

many of the other residents that when I heard one had passed away I felt

the pain. At the same time I was proud knowing I had taken the time to

say hi and talk with them. There are so many feelings that go along

with this LBD disease, so many bridges yet to cross. I am comforted in

knowing you have such a strong faith.

My hugs are with you and many prayers are still being said in your name.

Blessings to you - please give your mom a hug from me next time you see

her~

Sandie

in Iowa where tomorrow's high is supposed to be in the low teens....brrr

[Guest guest]

Martha

You are in my thoughts today, and I will say an extra prayer that God

opens your heart to the many useful ways He can lead you. Talk about

awesome, you are it!! I soooo appreciate your gracious compliments.

Thank you!

Today is given to you for respite care, to take care of you...briefly

putting other life issues aside. Deciding to go to a grief counselor is

one of the healthiest things I have heard anyone say in a long time. My

opinion is this is a wonderful decision. Go today, open your mind and

heart and feel His presence.

I will wait to hear back from you and believe that passing on your

learned information will be encouraging and enlightening.

My heart and soul are with you. I am taking today to keep the many

people from the group close to my heart, constantly saying prayers for

each one individually.

Hugs to ya!

Sandie

.....heard on the news last night, we are going to be getting the cold

front from Canada, tonights temp. is supposed to get down to 0 - back to

the Carhartt bibs at work again...another Iowa winter