OT - kinda long, but funny

[Guest guest]

Subject: The funniest Dam story I have ever heard....

>>

>>>>Kinda long, but a good one>>

>>

>>

>>

>> This is actually a true story and the

account of the investigation makes it even better...

>>

>> The Dam>>

>>

>> This is an actual letter sent to a man

named DeVries by the Pennsylvania Department of

Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania. This

guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's

letter before you get to the response letter.

>>

>>

>> SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N;

R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

>>

>> Dear Mr. DeVries:

>>

>> It has come to the attention of the

Department of Environmental Quality that there has

been recent unauthorized activity on the above

referenced parcel of property. You have been certified

as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the

following unauthorized activity:

>>

>> Construction and maintenance of two

wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring

Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of

this type of activity.

>>

>> A review of the Department's files

shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore,

the Department has determined that this activity is

in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of

the >>Natural Resource and Environmental Protection

Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being

sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania

Compiled Laws, annotated.

>>

>> The Department has been informed that

one or both of the dams partially failed during a

recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at

downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature

are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The

Department therefore orders you to cease and desist

all activities at this location, and to restore

the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all

wood and brush forming the dams from the stream

channel. All restoration work shall be completed no

later than January 31, 2006.

>>

>> Please notify this office when the

restoration has been completed so that a follow-up

site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.

>>

>> Failure to comply with this request or

any further unauthorized activity on the site may

result in this case being referred for elevated

enforcement action..

>>

>> We anticipate and would appreciate your

full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to

contact me at this office if you ave any questions.

>>

>> Sincerely,

>> L. Price

>> District Representative and Water

Management Division.

>>

>>

>> Here is the actual response sent back

by Mr. DeVries:

>>

>> Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N;

R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming >>County

>>

>> Dear Mr. Price,

>>

>> Your certified letter dated 12/17/02

has been handed to me to respond to.

>> I am the legal landowner but not the

Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane, Trout Run,

Pennsylvania.

>>

>> A couple of beavers are in the (State

unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining

two wood " debris " dams across the outlet stream of my

Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor

supervise their dam project, I think they would be

highly offended that you call their skillful use of

natures building materials " debris. " I would like to

challenge your department to attempt to emulate their

dam project any time and/or any place you choose.

I believe I can safely state there is no way you could

ever match their dam skills, their dam successfulness,

their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam

determination and/or their dam work ethic.

>>

>> As to your request, I do not think the

beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam

permit prior to the start of this type of dam

activity.

>>

>> My first dam question to you is:

>> (1) Are you trying to discriminate

against my Spring Pond Beavers, or

>> (2) do you require all beavers

throughout this State to conform to said dam request?

>>

>> If you are not discriminating against

these particular beavers, through the Freedom of

Information Act, I request completed copies of all

those other applicable beaver dam permits that have

been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a

dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams,

of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection

Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being

sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania

Compiled Laws, annotated.

>>

>> I have several concerns. My first

concern is, aren't the beavers entitled to legal

representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are

financially destitute and are unable to pay for said

representation -- so the State will have to provide

them with a dam lawyer.

The Department's dam concern that

either one or both of the dams failed during a recent

rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a

natural occurrence, which the Department is required

to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring

Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and

calling their dam names.

>>

>> If you want the stream " restored " to a

dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers --

but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously

did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they

being unable to read English.

>>

>> In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond

Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams

as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green

and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights

than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the

Department of Natural Resources and Environmental

Protection lives up to its name, it should protect

the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment

(Beavers' Dams).

>>

>> So, as far as the beavers and I are

concerned, this dam case can be referred for more

elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait

until 1/31/2006? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under

the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or

your dam staff to contact/harass them then.

>>

>> In conclusion, I would like to bring to

your attention to a real environmental quality,

health, problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears

are actually defecating in our woods! I definitely

believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears

and leave the beavers alone.

>>

>> If you are going to investigate the

beaver dam, watch your step! The bears are not careful

where they dump!

>> Being unable to comply with your dam

request, and being unable to contact you on your dam

answering machine, I am sending this response to your

dam office.

>>

>>

>> THANK YOU.

>> RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS

>>

>>

>>

>>

>>

>>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Dam!!!!!!!!! That's one wired dude!!!!! but actually his response

was good and reasonable too.(lol)

Marwa

--- In , Kathe Sabetzadeh <lv2ryd@...>

wrote:

>

> Subject: The funniest Dam story I have ever heard....

> >>

> >>>>Kinda long, but a good one>>

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >> This is actually a true story and the

> account of the investigation makes it even better...

> >>

> >> The Dam>>

> >>

> >> This is an actual letter sent to a man

> named DeVries by the Pennsylvania Department of

> Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania. This

> guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's

> letter before you get to the response letter.

> >>

> >>

> >> SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N;

> R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

> >>

> >> Dear Mr. DeVries:

> >>

> >> It has come to the attention of the

> Department of Environmental Quality that there has

> been recent unauthorized activity on the above

> referenced parcel of property. You have been certified

> as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the

> following unauthorized activity:

> >>

> >> Construction and maintenance of two

> wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring

> Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of

> this type of activity.

> >>

> >> A review of the Department's files

> shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore,

> the Department has determined that this activity is

> in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of

>

> the >>Natural Resource and Environmental Protection

> Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being

> sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania

> Compiled Laws, annotated.

> >>

> >> The Department has been informed that

> one or both of the dams partially failed during a

> recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at

> downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature

> are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The

> Department therefore orders you to cease and desist

> all activities at this location, and to restore

> the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all

> wood and brush forming the dams from the stream

> channel. All restoration work shall be completed no

> later than January 31, 2006.

> >>

> >> Please notify this office when the

> restoration has been completed so that a follow-up

> site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.

> >>

> >> Failure to comply with this request or

> any further unauthorized activity on the site may

> result in this case being referred for elevated

> enforcement action..

> >>

> >> We anticipate and would appreciate your

> full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to

> contact me at this office if you ave any questions.

> >>

> >> Sincerely,

> >> L. Price

> >> District Representative and Water

> Management Division.

> >>

> >>

> >> Here is the actual response sent back

> by Mr. DeVries:

> >>

> >> Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N;

> R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming >>County

> >>

> >> Dear Mr. Price,

> >>

> >> Your certified letter dated 12/17/02

> has been handed to me to respond to.

>

> >> I am the legal landowner but not the

> Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane, Trout Run,

> Pennsylvania.

> >>

> >> A couple of beavers are in the (State

> unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining

> two wood " debris " dams across the outlet stream of my

> Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor

> supervise their dam project, I think they would be

> highly offended that you call their skillful use of

> natures building materials " debris. " I would like to

> challenge your department to attempt to emulate their

> dam project any time and/or any place you choose.

> I believe I can safely state there is no way you could

>

> ever match their dam skills, their dam successfulness,

> their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam

> determination and/or their dam work ethic.

> >>

> >> As to your request, I do not think the

> beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam

> permit prior to the start of this type of dam

> activity.

> >>

> >> My first dam question to you is:

> >> (1) Are you trying to discriminate

> against my Spring Pond Beavers, or

> >> (2) do you require all beavers

> throughout this State to conform to said dam request?

> >>

> >> If you are not discriminating against

> these particular beavers, through the Freedom of

> Information Act, I request completed copies of all

> those other applicable beaver dam permits that have

> been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a

> dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams,

> of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection

> Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being

> sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania

> Compiled Laws, annotated.

> >>

> >> I have several concerns. My first

> concern is, aren't the beavers entitled to legal

> representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are

> financially destitute and are unable to pay for said

> representation -- so the State will have to provide

> them with a dam lawyer.

>

> The Department's dam concern that

> either one or both of the dams failed during a recent

> rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a

> natural occurrence, which the Department is required

> to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring

> Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and

> calling their dam names.

> >>

> >> If you want the stream " restored " to a

> dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers --

> but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously

> did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they

> being unable to read English.

> >>

> >> In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond

> Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams

> as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green

> and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights

> than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the

> Department of Natural Resources and Environmental

> Protection lives up to its name, it should protect

> the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment

> (Beavers' Dams).

> >>

> >> So, as far as the beavers and I are

> concerned, this dam case can be referred for more

> elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait

> until 1/31/2006? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under

> the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or

> your dam staff to contact/harass them then.

> >>

> >> In conclusion, I would like to bring to

> your attention to a real environmental quality,

> health, problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears

> are actually defecating in our woods! I definitely

> believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears

>

> and leave the beavers alone.

> >>

> >> If you are going to investigate the

> beaver dam, watch your step! The bears are not careful

> where they dump!

>

> >> Being unable to comply with your dam

> request, and being unable to contact you on your dam

> answering machine, I am sending this response to your

> dam office.

> >>

> >>

> >> THANK YOU.

> >> RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >>

>

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

--- In , Kathe Sabetzadeh <lv2ryd@...>

wrote:

>

> Subject: The funniest Dam story I have ever heard....

> >>

> >>>>Kinda long, but a good one>>

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >> This is actually a true story and the

> account of the investigation makes it even better...

> >>

> >> The Dam>>

> >>

> >> This is an actual letter sent to a man

> named DeVries by the Pennsylvania Department of

> Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania. This

> guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's

> letter before you get to the response letter.

> >>

SOOO....FUNNY, MY HUSBAND AND I ENJOYED IT. BRENDA

> >>

> >> SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N;

> R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

> >>

> >> Dear Mr. DeVries:

> >>

> >> It has come to the attention of the

> Department of Environmental Quality that there has

> been recent unauthorized activity on the above

> referenced parcel of property. You have been certified

> as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the

> following unauthorized activity:

> >>

> >> Construction and maintenance of two

> wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring

> Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of

> this type of activity.

> >>

> >> A review of the Department's files

> shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore,

> the Department has determined that this activity is

> in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of

>

> the >>Natural Resource and Environmental Protection

> Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being

> sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania

> Compiled Laws, annotated.

> >>

> >> The Department has been informed that

> one or both of the dams partially failed during a

> recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at

> downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature

> are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The

> Department therefore orders you to cease and desist

> all activities at this location, and to restore

> the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all

> wood and brush forming the dams from the stream

> channel. All restoration work shall be completed no

> later than January 31, 2006.

> >>

> >> Please notify this office when the

> restoration has been completed so that a follow-up

> site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.

> >>

> >> Failure to comply with this request or

> any further unauthorized activity on the site may

> result in this case being referred for elevated

> enforcement action..

> >>

> >> We anticipate and would appreciate your

> full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to

> contact me at this office if you ave any questions.

> >>

> >> Sincerely,

> >> L. Price

> >> District Representative and Water

> Management Division.

> >>

> >>

> >> Here is the actual response sent back

> by Mr. DeVries:

> >>

> >> Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N;

> R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming >>County

> >>

> >> Dear Mr. Price,

> >>

> >> Your certified letter dated 12/17/02

> has been handed to me to respond to.

>

> >> I am the legal landowner but not the

> Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane, Trout Run,

> Pennsylvania.

> >>

> >> A couple of beavers are in the (State

> unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining

> two wood " debris " dams across the outlet stream of my

> Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor

> supervise their dam project, I think they would be

> highly offended that you call their skillful use of

> natures building materials " debris. " I would like to

> challenge your department to attempt to emulate their

> dam project any time and/or any place you choose.

> I believe I can safely state there is no way you could

>

> ever match their dam skills, their dam successfulness,

> their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam

> determination and/or their dam work ethic.

> >>

> >> As to your request, I do not think the

> beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam

> permit prior to the start of this type of dam

> activity.

> >>

> >> My first dam question to you is:

> >> (1) Are you trying to discriminate

> against my Spring Pond Beavers, or

> >> (2) do you require all beavers

> throughout this State to conform to said dam request?

> >>

> >> If you are not discriminating against

> these particular beavers, through the Freedom of

> Information Act, I request completed copies of all

> those other applicable beaver dam permits that have

> been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a

> dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams,

> of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection

> Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being

> sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania

> Compiled Laws, annotated.

> >>

> >> I have several concerns. My first

> concern is, aren't the beavers entitled to legal

> representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are

> financially destitute and are unable to pay for said

> representation -- so the State will have to provide

> them with a dam lawyer.

>

> The Department's dam concern that

> either one or both of the dams failed during a recent

> rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a

> natural occurrence, which the Department is required

> to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring

> Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and

> calling their dam names.

> >>

> >> If you want the stream " restored " to a

> dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers --

> but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously

> did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they

> being unable to read English.

> >>

> >> In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond

> Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams

> as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green

> and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights

> than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the

> Department of Natural Resources and Environmental

> Protection lives up to its name, it should protect

> the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment

> (Beavers' Dams).

> >>

> >> So, as far as the beavers and I are

> concerned, this dam case can be referred for more

> elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait

> until 1/31/2006? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under

> the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or

> your dam staff to contact/harass them then.

> >>

> >> In conclusion, I would like to bring to

> your attention to a real environmental quality,

> health, problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears

> are actually defecating in our woods! I definitely

> believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears

>

> and leave the beavers alone.

> >>

> >> If you are going to investigate the

> beaver dam, watch your step! The bears are not careful

> where they dump!

>

> >> Being unable to comply with your dam

> request, and being unable to contact you on your dam

> answering machine, I am sending this response to your

> dam office.

> >>

> >>

> >> THANK YOU.

> >> RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >>

>

>

> __________________________________________________

>