I will be leaving Denver......

[Guest guest]

Hello everyone,

I am slowly healing and feeling better. I'm no longer taking any pain meds,

only ES Tylenol. I continue to have severe panic attacks, mostly at night,

but since my surgeon rx'd Klonopin, that has helped immensely. I remain in

this godforsaken collar, and it is getting the best of me. I just don't

know how I'm going to make it another 10 wks with this thing on 24/7.....

I see my surgeon on Thurs and get my first set of xrays since surgery. I

don't know why, but I feel that something has gone wrong in my neck. My

neck hurts, but I can't distinguish whether it's muscular or something else.

Plus I'm starting to have migraines again. So, I'm convinced that

something is wrong. So, even though I will be so glad to see my surgeon on

Thurs, it will be a difficult time until he can look me in the eyes and tell

me that so far I'm healing okay. I should also have my sutures removed from

both my neck and hip. My neurosurgeon does wonderful suturing. His

incisions look like a ps did them---very small and tiny with minimal

scarring. No one could even see my original scar he did such a good job.

And from what I can tell so far, both scars are going to heal nicely and

with minimal scarring.

Now, I have made the decision to leave Denver permanently. There is nothing

here for me anymore. The last 3 yrs are nothing but bad memories. It is

time for me to move on and begin a new life. I hopefully will find out on

Thurs if I got the job with GE as well. If I get it (I doubt I will), then

I expect that I will be starting sometime in April. Regardless, my parents

are driving up here on March 13 and are taking me to Tucson, AZ. I will

stay with them until I find a job and start working again. At least then I

will have someone with me and maybe the panic will subside or go away

completely, and at least I can run errands with my mom. So, I won't be so

isolated anymore. And maybe the remaining time I have in this cervical

collar will go by a little faster as well.

My mom coming out here for my surgery definately helped our relationship. I

think that we are well on our way to being the good " friends " that we used

to be so many yrs ago. Now my dad is another matter, but he is willing to

work at it. But I have to look at this as a new start for me. A chance to

start over again with a new job and new friends. I want to meet people who

know nothing about my background and who like me for who I am.

Anyway, that is the latest. Everyone please be thinking of me on Thurs AM

as I am so worried those xrays will reveal bad news. If that's the case, my

life is essentially over. I will completely give up and will have no will

to go on, nor will I want to go on. Also, wish me luck that I get good news

about the job with GE on Thurs. I will keep everyone updated and will let

you know how everything goes on Thurs. If you don't hear from me by Thurs

night, then you know something bad happened......

Anyway, everyone take care.

e

_________________________________________________________________

Chat with friends online, try MSN Messenger: http://messenger.msn.com

[Guest guest]

Dear e girl,

It was nice to hear your voice on the phone the other day, even if I did

have a bad cell connection. I really wanted to talk longer but the

connection was awful and the ice rink was too loud. I hope we can talk

again.

I am glad that your working things out with your family and think that this

will be so instrumental in your healing, happiness is such a good thing for

us and our health, it seems the girls who do the best have support either

family, or friends, and of course the other things we all know like good

diet etc.

I also feel that you need love, like we all do, and that being in a loving

home will inspire you on to better things. You are so smart and educated and

such a caring nurse and person that you cannot possibly lose, if that job

doesn't work out it is because there is most likely something better just

around the corner for you. God has a way of working in our lives like that,

I can attest to it, having met my true love only by the fact that I was ill

from the implants, so something good can come from something so negative and

horrible.

I would rattle off some tips but, your a nurse so you already know them all,

ha ha, as far as healing I am assuming you are eating a high calcium diet

and taking some vitamins like C and Ca and D and Mag to help your bones get

strong.

Anyhow, other than that I want to thank you for being on the site, for being

here for us all and lending us your valuable info when we need it so much. I

am sure that you will succeed where ever you go and whatever you do, I just

hope you can take some time from work and rest and relax and heal, that

would be ideal for you, it seems you have been through so many things this

last year or so and that you may just need to relax, however you and I are

allot alike in that it is hard to do nothing, even when you are sick, you

are still always going and I am the same, in fact I would not be surprised

if your panick attacks are like mine, they occur mostly when I am doing

nothing (or I should say used to) I remember just staying home from work for

one day would make me get anxious, I felt the need to be doing something.

When I got here to Idaho I had a job in 3 days, when I could have just

chilled out and stayed home, but that is not the kind of person I am and I

can tell you aren't either.

The klonopin is a good medication, and I found that I was able to get off it

easy, nothing like I thought it would be, in fact I still have about 30 of

them and I can take them if I need them, but I have not for a long time and

have been fine, no side effects at all.

Anyhow I just hope and pray that this Thursday you get good news. Sometimes

we can be wrong about our health, I remember the last time I went to get my

ANA checked I was convinced it had gone up, well it had gone down, so there

I was, all worked up over nothing, not to minimize your situation whatsoever

as it is much more difficult I am sure. but just remember that the pain is

probably normal, and hopefully with all our prayers father in heaven will be

looking out for you and your neck.

I am glad you surgeon did an awesome job too, that is great, at least you

don't have to stress on scars, as I know you have been through enough

already.

anyhow I just want you to know you can always count on us to be here for

you, even though I wasn't able to get to Denver to hang out or help you, I

hope you understand that I am always with you in spirit and will include you

in my prayers.

With love

Hugs

----- Original Message -----

From: " e Rene " <e_Rene@...>

< >; <SalineInfo >

Sent: Monday, February 25, 2002 8:31 PM

Subject: I will be leaving Denver......

>

>

> Hello everyone,

>

> I am slowly healing and feeling better. I'm no longer taking any pain

meds,

> only ES Tylenol. I continue to have severe panic attacks, mostly at

night,

> but since my surgeon rx'd Klonopin, that has helped immensely. I remain

in

> this godforsaken collar, and it is getting the best of me. I just don't

> know how I'm going to make it another 10 wks with this thing on 24/7.....

>

> I see my surgeon on Thurs and get my first set of xrays since surgery. I

> don't know why, but I feel that something has gone wrong in my neck. My

> neck hurts, but I can't distinguish whether it's muscular or something

else.

> Plus I'm starting to have migraines again. So, I'm convinced that

> something is wrong. So, even though I will be so glad to see my surgeon

on

> Thurs, it will be a difficult time until he can look me in the eyes and

tell

> me that so far I'm healing okay. I should also have my sutures removed

from

> both my neck and hip. My neurosurgeon does wonderful suturing. His

> incisions look like a ps did them---very small and tiny with minimal

> scarring. No one could even see my original scar he did such a good job.

> And from what I can tell so far, both scars are going to heal nicely and

> with minimal scarring.

>

> Now, I have made the decision to leave Denver permanently. There is

nothing

> here for me anymore. The last 3 yrs are nothing but bad memories. It is

> time for me to move on and begin a new life. I hopefully will find out on

> Thurs if I got the job with GE as well. If I get it (I doubt I will),

then

> I expect that I will be starting sometime in April. Regardless, my

parents

> are driving up here on March 13 and are taking me to Tucson, AZ. I will

> stay with them until I find a job and start working again. At least then

I

> will have someone with me and maybe the panic will subside or go away

> completely, and at least I can run errands with my mom. So, I won't be so

> isolated anymore. And maybe the remaining time I have in this cervical

> collar will go by a little faster as well.

>

> My mom coming out here for my surgery definately helped our relationship.

I

> think that we are well on our way to being the good " friends " that we used

> to be so many yrs ago. Now my dad is another matter, but he is willing to

> work at it. But I have to look at this as a new start for me. A chance

to

> start over again with a new job and new friends. I want to meet people

who

> know nothing about my background and who like me for who I am.

>

> Anyway, that is the latest. Everyone please be thinking of me on Thurs AM

> as I am so worried those xrays will reveal bad news. If that's the case,

my

> life is essentially over. I will completely give up and will have no will

> to go on, nor will I want to go on. Also, wish me luck that I get good

news

> about the job with GE on Thurs. I will keep everyone updated and will let

> you know how everything goes on Thurs. If you don't hear from me by Thurs

> night, then you know something bad happened......

>

> Anyway, everyone take care.

>

> e

>

> _________________________________________________________________

> Chat with friends online, try MSN Messenger: http://messenger.msn.com

>

>

>

>