Managing PSSD in a new relationship

[Guest guest]

I think a useful discussion for the group would be to find out more

about people's experiences of dealing with the issue of whether (and

if so, how) to tell your new partner about PSSD when starting a new

relationship.

From what I have read via posts on here, there is some anecdotal

evidence that being in a sexual relationship enhances the chances of

recovery from PSSD, possibly by re-programming the brain in some way

(see for example recent posts by biologic 1981 and carlothms), so

this seems to be a particularly important issue.

I am single, have PSSD and am faced with the challenge of how,

following the end of a long-term relationship (in which PSSD started

half-way though) I am going to deal with PSSD if/when I meet someone

new and start a serious relationship. I am naturally worried that

telling a new partner that I have PSSD could potentially make her

back out of the relationship in its early stages.

What are people's experiences? I'm particularly interested in the

experiences of people who are currently in relationships where you

have had PSSD throughout that relationship. How did you raise the

PSSD issue with your partner? At what point in the relationship did

you do this? Have your partners been understanding or has it ended

the relationship? Did you try to hide the PSSD at first in order to

get the relationship to a more intense level so that you felt more

confident that your partner would be understanding and supportive

when you told them later? Or have you completely hidden the PSSD

from your partner so he/she knows nothing about it?

Of course, before getting to the point of meeting someone new, there

is the issue of low confidence with PSSD and how a lack of

confidence may not help to attract members of the opposite sex in

the first place. I am also finding that I can't get too excited

about dating at the moment, whereas before I got PSSD, I would be

enthusiastic and keen to meet someone.

I have had a few short term casual sex relationships recently where

I have tried to hide my PSSD and so I have not told my partner about

it, but in the context of a long-term relationship for me it would

be impossible to hide PSSD, given that quite often I have erectile

functioning problems or I am unable to reach ejaculation because of

the genital anesthesia and that requires some explaining!

My plan for managing PSSD if I meet someone new and view it as a

potential long-term relationship is as follows: I will take cialis

(so at least I don't have to worry about any functioning problems),

then try and hide the PSSD initially by having regular sex and

pretending to enjoy it, and then tell her about PSSD maybe after a

couple of months and hope that she is understanding.

[Guest guest]

Here is what I think.

You need to be upfront and honest with a woman. At what time frame, I am not sure. Not the first, second or third date...but.....

I tried to break of my engagement with my present husband. He promised me he would do anything if I would marry him. I married him believing that. But when I tried to get him to try different things, he refuses. He went to one counselor one time in the first year of our marriage.

I feel like tricked me.

He won't even try have sex more often like some of you here are suggesting. (This has given me hope.) I lay in bed and cry after sex. It is not intimate....for me...it is not what I need.

I have empathy for him, but I don't feel that he is returning it to me. I have beg him for sex. A pity-s**** really isn't the same. I long to have my partner desire me. I am in shape and attractive.

When I read posts on this listserve I feel that the men here are at the least trying. If you are willing to try and you are doing something that is positive that is one thing....But do not lie to a woman. She will end up resenting you. I really resent what he did to me. I am nice, and I am understanding...but I do not feel he held up his end of the bargain...I feel like my marriage has a little nasty secret. Cute couple on the outside.......you fill in the blanks.

I don't really want to go into the details of the different techniques and other things I have asked him to try....but I have spent a lot of time reading, reseraching and even a lot of money going to sex therepists to see how we could become more intimate. They tell me they can not help unless he is willing to come along. He doesn't want a thing to do with the psych community becuase he feels they screwed him big time.

I am a very touchy person and I am not gettting what I need. Every six months I have to tell him...."I am not getting what I need...I need to leave you." This is a drag. I don't wan to spent the rest of my life begging my husband for sex and threatening to leave to get some. I long for the old days when I had to fight the guys off. I feel like a chump for letting him trick me.

And if I leave him...people will think I am mean...but what he did to me wasn't nice.

If your girl wants out...let her go. If she says she doesn't care about the sex...then that is another story.

----- Original Message -----From: brooksiom To: SSRIsex Subject: Managing PSSD in a new relationshipDate: Tue, 09 Sep 2008 19:56:33 -0000

I think a useful discussion for the group would be to find out more about people's experiences of dealing with the issue of whether (and if so, how) to tell your new partner about PSSD when starting a new relationship. From what I have read via posts on here, there is some anecdotal evidence that being in a sexual relationship enhances the chances of recovery from PSSD, possibly by re-programming the brain in some way (see for example recent posts by biologic 1981 and carlothms), so this seems to be a particularly important issue. I am single, have PSSD and am faced with the challenge of how, following the end of a long-term relationship (in which PSSD started half-way though) I am going to deal with PSSD if/when I meet someone new and start a serious relationship. I am naturally worried that telling a new partner that I have PSSD could potentially make her back out of the relationship in its early stages.What are people's experiences? I'm particularly interested in the experiences of people who are currently in relationships where you have had PSSD throughout that relationship. How did you raise the PSSD issue with your partner? At what point in the relationship did you do this? Have your partners been understanding or has it ended the relationship? Did you try to hide the PSSD at first in order to get the relationship to a more intense level so that you felt more confident that your partner would be understanding and supportive when you told them later? Or have you completely hidden the PSSD from your partner so he/she knows nothing about it?Of course, before getting to the point of meeting someone new, there is the issue of low confidence with PSSD and how a lack of confidence may not help to attract members of the opposite sex in the first place. I am also finding that I can't get too excited about dating at the moment, whereas before I got PSSD, I would be enthusiastic and keen to meet someone.I have had a few short term casual sex relationships recently where I have tried to hide my PSSD and so I have not told my partner about it, but in the context of a long-term relationship for me it would be impossible to hide PSSD, given that quite often I have erectile functioning problems or I am unable to reach ejaculation because of the genital anesthesia and that requires some explaining! My plan for managing PSSD if I meet someone new and view it as a potential long-term relationship is as follows: I will take cialis (so at least I don't have to worry about any functioning problems), then try and hide the PSSD initially by having regular sex and pretending to enjoy it, and then tell her about PSSD maybe after a couple of months and hope that she is understanding.

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