Update....

[Guest guest]

Hello everyone,

Just thought I'd let you know how I am doing. I am doing better than my

last email on Thurs, but still feeling claustrophobic and panicky. My mom

actually came out for the last few days, and we were able to get

reconnected, which helped quite a bit. However, she left this AM about

415am, and I was very sad to see her go. We talked a lot out, and hopefully

things will be better between us, although it will still require a lot of

work.....

My pain is much better, almost gone except for some burning in my right hip

and muscle pain in my posterior neck. I am still wearing this horrible

cervical collar 24/7, and that is honestly the worst. I am allowed no

lateral or vertical movement in my neck, and I feel like I am a prisoner in

my own body. The panic attacks are occurring more frequently...On top of

that, the skin on my chin is starting to break down because of the chafing

from the collar, and so yesterday, my mother took me to the hospital to have

the collar looked at to see if I needed to have it refit. But it supposedly

fits well, and is the best fit they can get. So, I had to place some

moleskin on my collar and hopefully that will prevent further chafing.

The panic attacks occur mostly at night, when the drapes in the hotel room

are pulled closed, and there is no daylight. I start to ruminate on the bad

things that can happen from this surgery (like ending up paralyzed if the

pieces of bone " kick out " , or another non-union). I am only able to sleep

about 1-2 hrs at a time because I need to get up and stretch my hip and move

around to prevent cramping. I am not getting quality sleep, and with waking

up so much during the night, I am having a real hard time. When I sleep, I

am limited to sleeping on my back and again, not having any lateral or

vertical movement of my neck. I am a stomach sleeper, so it makes this that

much more difficult. It is truly such an awful feeling to feel like you

can't escape from your body.....

I have monofilament sutures subcuticularly in both my hip and neck incision,

and they will be pulled in 2 wks (I'm allergic to prolene and vicryl

sutures, which are typically the ones used for the dissovable kind). I am

able to shower, but again, must do it with a cervical collar and that makes

it very difficult to wash my hair or do much of anything else in the shower.

I can't bend down to wash my legs, so I had to get a long brush to wash my

lower body. I can't blow dry my hair well, nor style it as I have to have

the collar in place and again, my movement is limited. So, as you can see,

I am absolutely miserable!!!

Sorry to bore you all with the details, but thought I'd let you know how

everything is going. Please keep me in your prayers and thoughts, as I'm

honestly scared to death that I will not be able to take care of myself, or

will do something that will jeopardize the union of this fusion. I have

started to pray to St. Jude asking for God's help, strength, and courage,

and that is something I have not done in about 8 yrs. But I seriously need

all the help and prayers I can get.

I hope I can get online and just " talk " when I experience my panic attacks,

as this is one of the only things that keeps me focused now. If I know that

I have people out there to " talk " to, I will feel better. I am staying at

the Marriott Towneplace Suites (courtesy of my mom) for at least a month.

If any of you would like to reach me, the number directly into my room is

(303) 563-2435. I am in room 135, if for some reason the voice mail kicked

you over to the front desk.

Thank you each and every one of you who has been so supportive and helpful

and kind. Words alone cannot express how grateful I truly am to " know " you

all even though I can't put a face with the name. But maybe someday! I

have truly appreciated all the suggestions and offers, and I hold you all

near and dear to my heart.

e

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