Re: very upset and just need to talk

August 23, 2006

Janet, you are not alone. I just moved into a small one bedroom apartment,

and having trouble keeping up with things. Some days just have no energy or to

much pain to do anything.

Right now I have a big box of cat litter in the trunk of my car, that I have

not been able to bring myself to struggle to big upstairs to my apartment. I

also get so tried and weepy because it can be such a struggle to do normal

everyday things. in WI

August 23, 2006

>

> Hello everyone, Just need to talk, as I am having a down day, I am

> tring to clean my house, you know all the dust bunnies and such, well

> I have so much back and rt. legg pain I can not stand it, My new

> daughter-in-law bless her heart, is cleaning the bathroom for me and

> all I can do is sit here and cry, You ask why? I am only 48 and can

> not even keep my house clean, and that is really depressing, and I

> know that I am not the only one to feel like this, but for some

reason

> today I am feeling very sad and just need to vent. thanks for reading

> and hope everyone has a less painful day and weekend.

> Janet IN IL..

>

Hi Janet,

I have two family members who have RA and my sister is your age. I

feel you cause I have had many conversations with her and it breaks her

heart to not be able to do the things she wants like clean her house,

hold her grandbaby, wash her hair etc. without feeling pain. She

called me the other day and said she felt fine went out with her

boyfriend and the couple they were with wanted to rent bikes and ride,

she did and paid for it til this day, that was Sunday...I wish I could

offer you words to make you feel better, I came in this group about a

month ago to try and find help for my sister, I begged her to come in

here and see that there are others who can totally relate to her and

perhaps find some suggestions...I will forward your post to her if you

don't mind...I believe prayer is strong and will keep you in my

prayers...together as fighters of RA we can hopefully support each

other, help with kinds words, suggestions and hopefully find in our

lifetime a cure. I think it is wonderful to have a forum that you can

vent to and be supported...pray that my sister finds her forum.

August 23, 2006

Hi,

I am very new to this group, hours old, and I felt that I had to

repspond to Janet....

Janet,

I do not suffer from RA, but my husband does and he has been having

some terrible days. He is only 52 but feels 20 years older and seems

to feel worse every day. He feels so trapped and so guilty that I bear

the major responsibility of the " heavy " work. Please don't feel

terrible that others are assisting you, be glad that we love you

enough to be there for you. Let us help, let us give you what has been

taken from you...we care...

Cheer up,,,you are loved

>

> Hello everyone, Just need to talk, as I am having a down day, I am

> tring to clean my house, you know all the dust bunnies and such,

well

> I have so much back and rt. legg pain I can not stand it, My new

> daughter-in-law bless her heart, is cleaning the bathroom for me and

> all I can do is sit here and cry, You ask why? I am only 48 and can

> not even keep my house clean, and that is really depressing, and I

> know that I am not the only one to feel like this, but for some

reason

> today I am feeling very sad and just need to vent. thanks for

reading

> and hope everyone has a less painful day and weekend.

> Janet IN IL..

>

August 23, 2006

>Hi,

I am very new to this group, hours old, and I felt that I had to

repspond to Janet....

Janet,

I do not suffer from RA, but my husband does and he has been having

some terrible days. He is only 52 but feels 20 years older and seems

to feel worse every day. He feels so trapped and so guilty that I

bear the major responsibility of the " heavy " work. Please don't feel

terrible that others are assisting you, be glad that we love you

enough to be there for you. Let us help, let us give you what has

been taken from you...we care...

Cheer up,,,you are loved

> Hello everyone, Just need to talk, as I am having a down day, I am

> tring to clean my house, you know all the dust bunnies and such,

well

> I have so much back and rt. legg pain I can not stand it, My new

> daughter-in-law bless her heart, is cleaning the bathroom for me

and

> all I can do is sit here and cry, You ask why? I am only 48 and

can

> not even keep my house clean, and that is really depressing, and I

> know that I am not the only one to feel like this, but for some

reason

> today I am feeling very sad and just need to vent. thanks for

reading

> and hope everyone has a less painful day and weekend.

> Janet IN IL..

>

August 23, 2006

> >

> > Hello everyone, Just need to talk, as I am having a down day, I am

> > tring to clean my house, day and weekend.

> > Janet IN IL..

> >

> Hi Janet,

>

> I have two family members who have RA and my sister is your age. I

> feel you cause I have had many conversations with her and it breaks

her

> heart to not be able to do the things she wants like clean her

house,

> hold her grandbaby,

August 23, 2006

>Thanks cathy, I am so glad that I have found this group. Knowing

that their is always someone to talk to no matter what time of the day

it is.. thanks.

Janet IN IL

> Janet, you are not alone. I just moved into a small one bedroom

apartment,

> and having trouble keeping up with things. Some days just have no

energy or to

> much pain to do anything.

> Right now I have a big box of cat litter in the trunk of my car,

that I have

> not been able to bring myself to struggle to big upstairs to my

apartment. I

> also get so tried and weepy because it can be such a struggle to do

normal

> everyday things. in WI

>

August 23, 2006

Thank you for you kind words, does your husband still work outside

the home? and does he belong to this group? I know that it help me

make it through the tough times.

Janet IN IL

>

> I am very new to this group, hours old, and I felt that I had to

> repspond to Janet....

>

> Janet,

>

> I do not suffer from RA, but my husband does and he has been

having

> some terrible days. He is only 52 but feels 20 years older and

seems

> to feel worse every day. He feels so trapped and so guilty that I

> bear the major responsibility of the " heavy " work. Please don't

feel

> terrible that others are assisting you, be glad that we love you

> enough to be there for you. Let us help, let us give you what has

> been taken from you...we care...

>

> Cheer up,,,you are loved

> >

August 23, 2006

Jan,

I understand, it is not easy to let some one else clean your home.

maybe you will have a good day soon & be able to do something.

a very wise person told me to pick just one thing, work for 15 minutes,

then rest. try to look at the thing that you can accomplish. unstead of

the whole picture. which can be over whelming.

pat your self on the back, cause you were able to do that today.

you are blessed that you have love ones that want to help you.

love light,

mary w.

>

> Hello everyone, Just need to talk, as I am having a down day, I am

> tring to clean my house, you know all the dust bunnies and such, well

> I have so much back and rt. legg pain I can not stand it, My new

> daughter-in-law bless her heart, is cleaning the bathroom for me and

> all I can do is sit here and cry, You ask why? I am only 48 and can

> not even keep my house clean, and that is really depressing, and I

> know that I am not the only one to feel like this, but for some

reason

> today I am feeling very sad and just need to vent. thanks for reading

> and hope everyone has a less painful day and weekend.

> Janet IN IL..

>

August 23, 2006

Janet, you are not alone, and you have every right to feel the way you do.

I'm a little older than you - 57 - but I certainly don't feel like I should

be ready for a nursing home yet! 18 months ago, my daughter-in-law had

twins by C-section. There was no one else who go help her, so I went. I

took one of the night feedings, helped during the day, cleaned what I could,

did laundry, etc. Many, many days, while she and the girls slept, I would

go hide under the electric blanket for the heat, and cry because doing

everything was so hard, and I was so tired. I'd call my husband almost

every night after everyone else was in bed, and I couldn't sleep, and pour

my heart out. When I got home, my rheumy upped the dosage on my

antidrepressant, which helped a lot. I still feel frustrated, but I'm able

to handle it much better. The thought of not being able to get down on the

floor and play with my grandkids still can make me cry, but they were so

sweet the last time I visited, they seemed to understand that Grandma

couldn't do everything, and would come to me with their books, or just for a

cuddle. They also went and pointed to my cane when it was time to go out!

The good news is that I recently started Humira, and I can now pick the

girls up, one at a time anyway.

You are blessed to have a daughter-in-law who's so understanding. It sounds

like she will be a great support for you, emotionally as well as physically,

if you let her. Hang in there, and do everything you can to make life

easier. Cleaning? only when you can't stand it any longer! And accept

whatever she has to give.

Hugs,

On 8/23/06, jan <smokey61080@...> wrote:

>

> Hello everyone, Just need to talk, as I am having a down day, I am

> tring to clean my house, you know all the dust bunnies and such, well

> I have so much back and rt. legg pain I can not stand it, My new

> daughter-in-law bless her heart, is cleaning the bathroom for me and

> all I can do is sit here and cry, You ask why? I am only 48 and can

> not even keep my house clean, and that is really depressing, and I

> know that I am not the only one to feel like this, but for some reason

> today I am feeling very sad and just need to vent. thanks for reading

> and hope everyone has a less painful day and weekend.

> Janet IN IL..

>

--

South Pasadena, CA

See my galleries! - http://www.pbase.com/arenared986

August 23, 2006

Janet,

I so hear you and feel your pain both emotionally and physically. I am only

39 and cannot keep up with my home or children or the cooking. I get so bummed

at times. I actually asked my son today if he hated me and he was shocked, but

i feel so guilty because I took him to his dental appt and was totally wiped out

and could not take him back to school shopping. (He desperately needs new

clothes, he has grown so and so do my other two children). I am in a cast right

now so things are rougher, but I too get so down some days and feel worthless.

My son told me there were plenty of things I could still do like give hugs, read

with him, watch movies and just listen which means a lot to him. I did manage

to fix his MP3 player today which made me a hero as well! He is only 12, but he

wakes me up every now and again and reminds me that just being here emotionally

and as a good listener is sometimes all that they require. He told me in no

uncertain terms that I was sooo

important to him and I know my girls feel the same. Please, remember, your

family loves you and they NEED you in their lives even if it is just for someone

to talk to. Remember, you have done a lot for them over the years I am sure and

they might actually enjoy helping you out and giving back to you. I wept today

because of what my son said and then I wept again when I read your post. I so

know how you feel, but just hang in there and please know that you are NOT

ALONE. We are all here for you. I know it is hard for givers to receive, but

sometimes we have to don't we? I definitely prefer the giving! Write me

anytime at tracierae143@....

Hang in there,

Tracie in Maine

---------------------------------

Get your email and more, right on the new .com

August 23, 2006

> , thank you. I am so glad that I always have you and

everyone else to turn to when I am down, I talk to my hubby but I

think that he is tired of hearing about my pain all the time, I too

have 6 grandbabies and one on the was this Dec. I love them so very

much,and love to spend time with them as much as I can and sad that

like you I can not get down on the floor and play with them, take

care and thanks for being their.

Janet IN IL

> Janet, you are not alone, and you have every right to feel the way

you do.

> I'm a little older than you - 57 - but I certainly don't feel like

I should

> be ready for a nursing home yet! >

> South Pasadena, CA

> See my galleries! - http://www.pbase.com/arenared986

>

August 23, 2006

Janet and , Shortly after I was diagnosed with RA and having a rough

time my husband arranged for one of the young moms at our church to come to our

house every other week and help with some of the cleaning. Even thought at the

time I had had surgery on my arm and knew I could not use it for 8 weeks I still

had a very hard time accepting that I could not do my own housework. I had

always been the one doing for others and having someone help me was a hard to

accept. My hubby actually fussed at me and told me that I was doing an

injustice to others by not allowing them to help and serve me-she needed a

little income and that he wanted me to be able to spend what energy I had doing

things I enjoyed more than housework-like being able to play with the

grandbabies or visiting with friends or going to my sons high school ball games,

etc. It has worked out great. Even though now I am able to do most of the work

myself I still have her come one or two times a

month-she has become very special to me-even got a note from her this week

calling me her second mom. Janet try to count it a blessing that your daughter

in law wants to help and use this time to get to know her better. You have

years of wisdom to impart and I'm sure she would love to know you better and get

to know more about her husband, his childhood, family etc. , aren't

those grandbabies wonderful. I have my 2 and 3 year old granddaughters spending

the night with me tonight. I'm worn out but sooooo blessed that they live close

enough to have them and be real in their little lives. There are days that I

feel like I am useless and have had to give up a lot of the things that I had

previously done but we just have to keep hanging in there and cherish the good

days and when the bad ones hit just take it one days at a time and remember that

this too shall pass. Hope and pray that manymore good days are ahead. in

TN

Overell <patricia.overell@...> wrote: Janet, you are not

alone, and you have every right to feel the way you do.