Re: Re: dreamer...Betty

[Guest guest]

I think he was probably into " stuff " also. It is scary. There was one event

that is still a potential problem for us. US govt. and probably others had and

I bet has monitors on web activity that picks up certain words so I avoid any

such words, going around the bush not to use them. But that one thing could

still put us on someones take out list.

BVan (Betty)

[ ] Re: dreamer...Betty

My dh is 9 yrs older than me, (my first dh died of diabetes when I was 25- we

had no kids)

So, I did not go thru the military life with my dh. ANd mine only got 11 yrs

in, I might have said earlier it was 11 yrs active combat, but only 9 yrs was in

combat. He did solo recon. UG. Later he was exec sec to a general. But then

something happened, (I do not understand such things) but, I think he got

demoted, more than one grade? They said if he re-uppd they would give them

back, but, by then, he was tired.

Here and there since then, well one year after he had been out like 10 yrs, he

got a strange phone call and yes, we moved the next day....but then some

military ppl showed up at his job.and yikes, it was odd, they took my dh, made

his employer hold hisjob. I have moments when I suppose truth is Imusta watched

too much TV, read too many mystery novels..but, sometimes even now (and my dh

has been out since 76) I get paranoid feelings. My imagination gets the best of

me. I get spooked.

I will say my dh got his VA disability the first try, no questions asked. He

also got his soc sec first try, and so did I. I am the only person I know who

got it so fast so easy, first time. There have been a couple suspicious moments

with our kids, too, makes me think of the King Movie, Firestarter. LOL.

Sometimes I wonder if....big brothers eyes watch us even now? But my dh has

been so incapacitated, his PTSD cripples him severely, he cannot hold a

conversation, I cannot leave him alone, he would not remember to use bathroom,

eat, sleep, or wake up. He holds conversations with himself. It has been that

way since 1990. (right after we had our first 2 kids it all hit, prior to that

he showed NO symptoms at all)

I think my most sad issue with it all is that I had no idea, no clue, when I

decided to have kids with my dh. ANd I look back at the financial devastation

it caused us, in his prime when we had just bought our first house and just

begun tohave kids.....and how unavailable he became as a father, parent and

spouse, and I feel my kids really got shortchanged.

I should clarify, we did get his VA benefits, but, at first we did not realize

his symptoms were military related, - and he first got tretament in private

sector out of our pocket for many years. Finally they referred us to VA and we

climbed up the disability rating scale 10%, 30%, 70%, and then 100% over a

period of several years, and only the last 3 yrs, when I demanded an early

review for " permanat " status, did he finally get all of us our ChampVA, which

yes, I have now for life, and the kids till 18. Similar to Tricare, but still

some different.

I am not sure if I coulda done the military wife life. I worked for 3 yrs

with Nam vet wives whose dh are all profoundly ill with PTSD and only 2 of the

30 women I worked with in the group at the VA were the wives that were married

to the men during their active military time. You must be a VERY strong woman!

My hat off to you!

I do not get much support for being with my dh after he became so ill. Most

ppl I know still after all these years say they would have left. BUT my dh was

my very best friend and I love him with my whole heart. Every once in awhile he

peeks out of the catatonic fugues and ........it is so wonderful. I have read

enough to know what he faced while active military is more than enough to

.....well.....destroy a persons mind and soul, I guess.