Spoonful for sugar - Tara

[Guest guest]

Tara,

I want to acknowledge the fear and scaryness of RA. We all have it

to some degree or another. I admit to having a head in sand approach

to the side effects of the RA drugs, but I have had a real fear of

needles. Hence my doctor's comment, because it was easier for me to

have a migraine than a shot. He was trying to get me to take the

medication by giving myself a shot rather than going in to urgent

care for the nurse to do it. Yes, not the same as MTX, but it's my

fear that I use to help me relate to you being scared of MTX.

Oh, and being scared of RA and the medications to treat it are a

healthy reaction. It means you know that this is a chronic condition

that can be serious (not 'is' but can be). You never said how you

are doing. There is a difference between a few sore joints and not

being able to walk or hold a pen. As you may have noticed, we will

share our experiences on this list. This would have changed the

responses from must of us. By the time I was 'newly dx'ed', I

already had bone damage in my feet, and pain and swelling in most of

my joints. Another on the list may have been 'newly dx'ed' with a

couple of tender joints. Our experiences with the timing of starting

drugs is going to be different depending on when we were newly dx'ed

as well. In the past 20 years there has been great giant steps in RA

treatment. Rheumatologists now treat RA aggressively, instead of

waiting for damage to occur. Thus preventing quite a bit of the

damage that people used to equate with RA. Most of us on the list

have avoided the gnarled hands and feets that used to be common to

RA. Heck, even the Insurance companies are starting to see the light

and it's getting a bit easier to have them approve the newer

expensive RA drugs.

So Tara, your future is brighter than you think right now. Your

doctors will work with you to ease your pain. Time will pass between

these initial moments of, Oh, my God, why me!, and being able to look

back and vaguely remembering the pain you are now in. Have goals,

even small ones, projects to work on. Read and learn about RA, stay

on top of the newest research and learn about the scams. You are not

RA, it just happens to be a part of you.

You have come to the right place for companionship and support.

In case you haven't had time to read any of the volumes of past posts

to this list. Let me introduce myself to you. My name is ,

currently I am on temporary State disability and applying for

permanent disability. I was dx'ed by my family doctor in 2000, but

had RA for years before. He put me on MTX. I didn't get to a RA

doc, until he retired and that was just 2 years ago. Since then

because my Rheumy is part of a University Hospital, I have become a

lab rat. I am currently waiting to be part of another RA drug

study. I like the idea of being part of the solution. I have had

every joint involved at one time or another. Last May I had surgery

for a septic hip, now there is a side effect of an RA drug! The

swelling in my knuckles never goes down. I have started to get

noticeable RA nodules in my hands, fingers, feet, toes, wrists and

ankles. I have tendonitis, tendonsynovitis and calicium deposits in

my tendons throughout my body. Carpal Tunnel and dequevains, from my

job. Currently, I can't walk into the store without burning pain in

my feet or stand to sing a song at church. And yes, I shouldn't be

typing this much either as my hands aren't happy with me either. I

use a turbo ball mouse and a split keyboard, that helps, but not

much. Driving my car hurts and the handicap parking placard is more

of a hunting license for close up spot. I have had to give up a lot

of the artwork, because a can no longer hold a needle, pencil, or

small tools. Does life suck?? Heck NO!! I've got a boyfriend who

loves me, and a pair of beautiful diamond earrings for Christmas to

prove it. I've seen parts of the world with him I would never have

without him, even if a lot of it has been from the window of a rental

car. I am so lucky to have the sweetest man in the world in my

life. I have my siamese cat, Tipee, and his two dogs, Hans and Rex.

They keep me company during the day. So, for all the pain, I still

have things to look forward to. Being positive takes work.