UPDATE ON NEEDING HELP FOR KAYLA

[Guest guest]

Morning-

The dr's visit yesterday wasn't what I had hoped. He thinks she is

anorexic. She does not have diabetes, her blood presure was great, no

strep, ear infection, stomache issues. He said to go to the endo, I

got so lucky we are getting in this friday. Hopefully, they will have

some answers for us.

I just want her to be happy again. It hurts so much when she hurts.

Thanks again for all your help. It means alot to me.

T

[Guest guest]

Hi T,

I am so sorry that you are having to go through all of

this. My first question though to you, is do you think

that she is anerexic? Does she ever talk about hating

to eat? Food being grose? Wishing that people could

survive without food? Does she ever talk about others

or herself being fat, even when they are not or when

they are just regular or average. Does she or anyone

in your family critique people in movies, saying she's

too fat, she has too big a smile, her eyes are weird,

his nose is too big etc. etc.

Does she eat in front of you? Have you tried to

observe if she is eating when she thinks you are not

looking?

ANyhow, I am just wondering because I had anerexia

between the ages of 11 and 16. I used to be just

naturally skinny and tiny and would eat whatever I

wanted and when I turned 11 and actually started to

gain normal healthy weight, my dad took me aside and

told me I was gaining a little too quickly and that

while he didn't want me to take offence to what he was

saying and I was not yet too fat, I would be if I was

not careful.

He may have meant that honestly and heartfelt, but I

took things VERY literally and thought I constantly

had to watch my weight. Then I payed more attention

and realized that both mom and dad were constantly

dieting and complaining about being fat. I noticed

that both my grandmas did too. None of them were fat

by the way. Not really. My dad was a bit thick through

the midsection, but being a 6 foot tall man only

weighed about 230 and my mom is 5'10 and she weighed

only 170. Even if those stupid health pyramids tell

you that people should be less than that, they don't

know the difference in all people's structural makeup.

My husband is 6'1' and weighs 200 pounds. People are

constantly shocked at the drs office because he looks

Really good and in their head they think 200 is fat,

but it is not and it depends on the person and their

build. When my husband got down to 179, he was

hospitalised and looked like a ghost and the doctors

said that he was severely malnutritioned and that he

desperately needed to put some weight on.

It all depends on the person, and their build and

their bone structure and so on.

ANyhow, my family was very very negative while

watching movies and tv. They were always saying that

everyone was fat. They would say that Drew Barrymore

and Kate winslet and Meg ryan and all these sorts of

actresses were fat. It was usually always women that

they picked on and critiqued and it was usually my dad

critiquing them. They would say that roberts has

too big of a mouth and so does Liv Tyler and so and so

had too big of hair and so and so had too big a nose

and so and so was stupid and bla bla bla.

I just listened, or tried to defend the individuals

only to have my family try and persuade me that their

opinion was right. I started listening to others and

my friends families and such and realized that a

LOT!!! of families do this. They are constantly

judging and critiquing and as an 11 yr old, my only

thought was, " Wow I better make myself perfect so that

I don't get judged like that! "

Well, I slowly started turning down any kind of food

that was not a meal, I then started skipping

breakfast, I then started skipping lunch or only

having something to drink or eating a cracker or too.

I then started eating only a tiny bit for my dinner

and never eating ice cream or dessert etc.

I lost a lot of weight. The thing is, my parents did

not see it as a problem, they praised me for finally

loosing the weight (they thought I had) and

complimenting me all the time on how lovely I looked.

I began hating to eat and it began hurting my stomach

to eat. My mom started to notice and when I went to a

dance at my church group one day she told me I had to

eat a bagel or I could not go. I hadn't eaten in

almost 3 days. I knew that, but she only knew that it

had been a while and was trying to watch me. I was 15

and had been doing this for years, so it litterally

hurt me to eat. I complained and griped and said no,

but I really wanted to go to the dance and was all

decked out in a beautiful lacey white prom dress with

my hair all curled and my mom and I got in a huge

fight at the dance. Finally I grabbed the bagel and

ate it quickly and my mom thanked me and hugged me.

I walked off and she said she would be back to pick me

up.

About 20 minutes after she left my stomach hurt so

bad, I thought I would die, from not eating, so I ran

to the bathroom and threw up. I really didn't mean to,

but it just happened. I started being bulemic for

about a year after that, because it was easier too

hide from my parents, who finally were concerned.

They never knew why I was that way and never tried to

change their hurtful comments, even when I plead with

them to stop hurting people and critisizing.

I finally realized what I even had, I didn't even know

it was a condition or that it had a name, until a wise

church leader, noticed there was something wrong with

me and she taught a lesson on taking care of our

bodies and she talked about anerexia and bulemia. I

had never heard of them before and I was 16. She

explained them and to her suprise, thinking I knew

what I was doing, she heard me say, " Hey, I think I

have those things wrong with me " .

She took me aside afterwords and talked to me about

them and I explained to her my thought process and

wanting to be good enough to make my parents proud and

think I was pretty, and my healing started there.

Unfortunately, it took till I was 19 and till my

boyfriend at the time and now husband helped me learn

to change how I thought and felt before I really

stopped.

And in fact the problem is still not gone. I am now 27

and though I will readily share my weight as I have

learned somewhat that getting things out on the table

in a safe environment is better than holding them in,

but I currently weigh 270 and my healthy good weight

when I was married only 7 years ago was 130.

I was fine till I got pregnant with my first baby, and

then the feelings and all the issues I had had with

being fat, came back out. I was freaking out that my

belly was getting big and my uncle said, that I needed

to stop eating or I was going to be a fat pork like

his X, who again is not fat and used to be a Swimsuit

calender model.

I started freaking out again and I began to not eat

again, thinking that the weight would come off, but it

didn't and then with hormone changes and such from

being pregnant and so much more, like gestational

diabetes, I just kept gaining.

I went from 130 to weighing 200 with my Chantelle and

that is with lessening my food intake and sticking to

a very strict Gestational Diabetes diet, so that I

would not have to do insulin shots, because I am

terrified of needles.

Once I had my baby, I never lost a pound, not even

from having her. I nursed for 6 months, I excersized

for 2-3 hours a day, I starved myself and I obsessed

about being thin again. All of that only made the

problems worse, because my body held onto the weight,

thinking I would starve.

My husband had to force me to eat for a while and he

would watch me eat and stay with me afterward to make

sure that I didn't go throw up. He is too wonderful!

Anyhow, I finally learned to deal with being that

weight, but was never happy about it and when I had my

next baby, I tried everything to not gain weight,

excersized through the whole pregnancy and basically

only lived off of prenatle vitamins and then when I

delivered her, I now weighed 235.

At that point I went into freak out mode and had major

Post partum depression and my daily intake would

consist of maybe 3 ritz crackers, a can of greenbeans

plain, as much water as I could drink and maybe a

piece of beef jerky. All of that while I was trying to

nurse and excersizing 4-5 hours a day.

I (as I am sure that you can guess) ended up not being

able to nurse. I ended up so stressed that I got

Bell's Palsey and had it for an entire year, before

the left side of my face was able to move again.

After a year and a half of that I finally just gave up

on excersizing for a while and decided that I would be

" ugly " for the rest of my life (in my opinion). I did

not loose any weight during that time, but I was

happier and didn't gain any.

The problem was, though I was still not happier

really, because in the back of my mind I thought that

I needed to be skinny to be loved and be happy and so

my husband and I went through a very rough time.

Finally when I was pregnant with my son and our third

and last baby, I freaked out and got so bad about my

weight that my husband one day during a fight, and let

me tell you, he does not believe in yelling and pretty

much NEVER yells - yelled at me and said, " I have had

it! If you do not stop worrying about your weight and

your parents and what they think of you and start

thinking about me and the kids who love you and don't

care and stop doing this to the family and passing on

this attitude about being too fat and hating yourself

to the kids, then I am taking the kids and I am out of

here " .

Now, not that I recomend what he did, but it took him

doing that before I realized again that I still had a

problem.

Trying to find a doctor who believes that you struggle

from Anerexia and bulemia when you weigh 270 pounds is

nearly impossible.

But I did find one, He at first told me what all

doctors had, your health problems are because of your

weight. But once he thankfully listened to me for

maybe like 10 visits and once he did full bloodwork

and hormone and spit testing and allergy testing and

ultrasounds and all sorts of work on me, He himself

told me (without me ever saying anything to him about

it) that he thinks I suffer from a form of anerexia.

Just having somebody believe me, and stop continuing

to judge me and do exactly what my parents did, that I

feel started this problem in the first place, I have

been able to heal a lot.

While I know I have still not lost a pound, my mind

and feelings are beginning to heal and I think that

that part of me has to heal first before the rest of

me can, and before my body will let go of my weight.

It is still a constant battle for me today. I still

many days go without eating anything except dinner,

because I know my husband would freak out if he

thought that I wasn't eating, and sometimes I honestly

just forget to eat, my body has learned to ignore and

stuff back that hunger pang feeling. I am having to

learn to re-recognize it and pay attention to it.

I am not telling you all of these things to scare you.

I am telling you this, for many reasons. The #1

reason, to see if it at all fits your situation or her

situation I guess. Next, to help you understand her

possible thought process and what things or topics to

be careful of, if in fact she does have it. Also to

make sure that you understand how BIG of a deal it is

and that it can last for a VERY long time, but at the

same time that their is plenty of hope and future and

that if she does indeed have it, that what she really

needs is to feel loved and accepted completely in all

aspects of her life, not just by you, but by her

sibblings if any, her grandparents, her father, etc.

They can all be careful of what they say, even if they

think she is not listening.ANd to help you know that

even if she does have it. SHe may not be aware of it.

SHe may think that she is the only one who does this,

and it may take her learning from somebody besides

you, like a movie or a class, or school councelor, or

church teacher or somebody else that she knows isn't

just saying this, because they are her mom and love

her and want to help her and are overly concerned (I

am not saying that you are, I am saying she may

portray it that way)

The other suggestion I have for you, is that it may in

fact not be Anerexia! It may be Crohn's Disease or

Ulcerative COlitis or IBS.

Because often my husband hates being on the toilet so

much and hates his tummy hurting all the time, so he

refuses to eat. He is not anerexic, but it has the

same effect on him, because it hurts him to eat and so

he chooses not too. It is very challenging. We

sometimes have to bribe eachother or get after one

another to eat.

He will be sitting there telling me, I need to eat,

and then I will bring up that he hasn't eaten yet

today and it is dinner time, so he can't blame me, and

then we stop and think about it and realize that we

both NEED to eat, even if we hate eating for our own

reasons.

We try very very hard to NEVER talk about our feelings

regarding eating in front of our children and we

always try to sit with them, at least for dinner and

we all eat together, so that they see us eating and

know it is a good thing, so that hopefully we can

break the cycle that has happened in my family.

And it is a cycle, it is not just me. I have 9

children in my birth family all from the same mom and

dad who are still married and of those 4 brothers and

4 sisters and I 3 of the sisters including me have

been anerexic and 2 of my brothers have been bulemic,

one of my brothers who is 15 right now still is.

Anyhow, I better get going, this is another long one

and my kids are beating up on one another, so I better

give them the attention they need.

I really am sorry that life has to be sooooo hard for

all of us, but I am grateful for the people it is

refining us into.

SIncerely, Esther

--- babyfacesmom wrote:

> Morning-

>

> The dr's visit yesterday wasn't what I had hoped.

> He thinks she is

> anorexic. She does not have diabetes, her blood

> presure was great, no

> strep, ear infection, stomache issues. He said to

> go to the endo, I

> got so lucky we are getting in this friday.

> Hopefully, they will have

> some answers for us.

>

> I just want her to be happy again. It hurts so much

> when she hurts.

>

> Thanks again for all your help. It means alot to

> me.

>

> T

>

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your home page.

http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs

[Guest guest]

I hope you get help, too.

Debi

[Guest guest]

T-I am glad that you found out some direction but I am sure that you

were not expecting that! Keep us posted on how everything goes. YOu

and your family are in my prayers.

Shanna ('s mom)

>

> Morning-

>

> The dr's visit yesterday wasn't what I had hoped. He thinks she is

> anorexic. She does not have diabetes, her blood presure was great,

no

> strep, ear infection, stomache issues. He said to go to the endo,

I

> got so lucky we are getting in this friday. Hopefully, they will

have

> some answers for us.

>

> I just want her to be happy again. It hurts so much when she hurts.

>

> Thanks again for all your help. It means alot to me.

>

> T

>

[Guest guest]

T -

The doctor " thin ks " this that or the other - I weighed 68 lbs at age

13 before I started to communicate via typing - I suddenly improved in

appetite, digestion, etc, along with my improvement in emotional

health from finally being able to express my feelings & needs!

Sharisa (JOY)

> >

> > Morning-

> >

> > The dr's visit yesterday wasn't what I had hoped. He thinks she is

> > anorexic. She does not have diabetes, her blood presure was great,

> no

> > strep, ear infection, stomache issues. He said to go to the endo,

> I

> > got so lucky we are getting in this friday. Hopefully, they will

> have

> > some answers for us.

> >

> > I just want her to be happy again. It hurts so much when she hurts.

> >

> > Thanks again for all your help. It means alot to me.

> >

> > T

> >

>

[Guest guest]

T -

The doctor " thin ks " this that or the other - I weighed 68 lbs at age

13 before I started to communicate via typing - I suddenly improved in

appetite, digestion, etc, along with my improvement in emotional

health from finally being able to express my feelings & needs!

Sharisa (JOY)

> >

> > Morning-

> >

> > The dr's visit yesterday wasn't what I had hoped. He thinks she is

> > anorexic. She does not have diabetes, her blood presure was great,

> no

> > strep, ear infection, stomache issues. He said to go to the endo,

> I

> > got so lucky we are getting in this friday. Hopefully, they will

> have

> > some answers for us.

> >

> > I just want her to be happy again. It hurts so much when she hurts.

> >

> > Thanks again for all your help. It means alot to me.

> >

> > T

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Esther --

Have you been to an endocrinologist also? Have your thyroid levels been

checked by somone who really knows that the guidelines for what are

normal are for the whole population, not an individual -- he/she knows

that your levels can be inside the " normal " range and still be low for

you? I went undiagnosed for 10 yrs even though I had a goiter because

my test results came back within the normal range. Finally I went to an

endocrinologist who started me on thyroid medicine and it was easier to

lose weight, my energy levels went up, my emotional state improved, and

the goiter went away, and my hair wasn't thinning anymore -- it started

coming back in thick like it used to be.

Also I've heard of Cushing's disease, where a chemical imbalance means

you don't lose weight no matter how you eat -- you can starve to death

and be very overweight. If you haven't been tested for that you might

want to look it up and see if you think it applies. An endocrinologist

would be a good place to have that done as well.

That being said, I think you're right -- we put too much emphasize on

the size of our bodies. I figure if the size of my a** is the most

important thing about me, I've got a whole lot more problems than being

overweight.

Good luck with being healthy! And thanks for sharing your story. You

may have saved someone's life today.

-- Cassie

Esther wrote:

> Hi T,

> I am so sorry that you are having to go through all of

> this. My first question though to you, is do you think

> that she is anerexic? Does she ever talk about hating

> to eat? Food being grose? Wishing that people could

> survive without food? Does she ever talk about others

> or herself being fat, even when they are not or when

> they are just regular or average. Does she or anyone

> in your family critique people in movies, saying she's

> too fat, she has too big a smile, her eyes are weird,

> his nose is too big etc. etc.

> Does she eat in front of you? Have you tried to

> observe if she is eating when she thinks you are not

> looking?

> ANyhow, I am just wondering because I had anerexia

> between the ages of 11 and 16. I used to be just

> naturally skinny and tiny and would eat whatever I

> wanted and when I turned 11 and actually started to

> gain normal healthy weight, my dad took me aside and

> told me I was gaining a little too quickly and that

> while he didn't want me to take offence to what he was

> saying and I was not yet too fat, I would be if I was

> not careful.

> He may have meant that honestly and heartfelt, but I

> took things VERY literally and thought I constantly

> had to watch my weight. Then I payed more attention

> and realized that both mom and dad were constantly

> dieting and complaining about being fat. I noticed

> that both my grandmas did too. None of them were fat

> by the way. Not really. My dad was a bit thick through

> the midsection, but being a 6 foot tall man only

> weighed about 230 and my mom is 5'10 and she weighed

> only 170. Even if those stupid health pyramids tell

> you that people should be less than that, they don't

> know the difference in all people's structural makeup.

> My husband is 6'1' and weighs 200 pounds. People are

> constantly shocked at the drs office because he looks

> Really good and in their head they think 200 is fat,

> but it is not and it depends on the person and their

> build. When my husband got down to 179, he was

> hospitalised and looked like a ghost and the doctors

> said that he was severely malnutritioned and that he

> desperately needed to put some weight on.

> It all depends on the person, and their build and

> their bone structure and so on.

> ANyhow, my family was very very negative while

> watching movies and tv. They were always saying that

> everyone was fat. They would say that Drew Barrymore

> and Kate winslet and Meg ryan and all these sorts of

> actresses were fat. It was usually always women that

> they picked on and critiqued and it was usually my dad

> critiquing them. They would say that roberts has

> too big of a mouth and so does Liv Tyler and so and so

> had too big of hair and so and so had too big a nose

> and so and so was stupid and bla bla bla.

> I just listened, or tried to defend the individuals

> only to have my family try and persuade me that their

> opinion was right. I started listening to others and

> my friends families and such and realized that a

> LOT!!! of families do this. They are constantly

> judging and critiquing and as an 11 yr old, my only

> thought was, " Wow I better make myself perfect so that

> I don't get judged like that! "

> Well, I slowly started turning down any kind of food

> that was not a meal, I then started skipping

> breakfast, I then started skipping lunch or only

> having something to drink or eating a cracker or too.

> I then started eating only a tiny bit for my dinner

> and never eating ice cream or dessert etc.

> I lost a lot of weight. The thing is, my parents did

> not see it as a problem, they praised me for finally

> loosing the weight (they thought I had) and

> complimenting me all the time on how lovely I looked.

> I began hating to eat and it began hurting my stomach

> to eat. My mom started to notice and when I went to a

> dance at my church group one day she told me I had to

> eat a bagel or I could not go. I hadn't eaten in

> almost 3 days. I knew that, but she only knew that it

> had been a while and was trying to watch me. I was 15

> and had been doing this for years, so it litterally

> hurt me to eat. I complained and griped and said no,

> but I really wanted to go to the dance and was all

> decked out in a beautiful lacey white prom dress with

> my hair all curled and my mom and I got in a huge

> fight at the dance. Finally I grabbed the bagel and

> ate it quickly and my mom thanked me and hugged me.

> I walked off and she said she would be back to pick me

> up.

> About 20 minutes after she left my stomach hurt so

> bad, I thought I would die, from not eating, so I ran

> to the bathroom and threw up. I really didn't mean to,

> but it just happened. I started being bulemic for

> about a year after that, because it was easier too

> hide from my parents, who finally were concerned.

> They never knew why I was that way and never tried to

> change their hurtful comments, even when I plead with

> them to stop hurting people and critisizing.

> I finally realized what I even had, I didn't even know

> it was a condition or that it had a name, until a wise

> church leader, noticed there was something wrong with

> me and she taught a lesson on taking care of our

> bodies and she talked about anerexia and bulemia. I

> had never heard of them before and I was 16. She

> explained them and to her suprise, thinking I knew

> what I was doing, she heard me say, " Hey, I think I

> have those things wrong with me " .

> She took me aside afterwords and talked to me about

> them and I explained to her my thought process and

> wanting to be good enough to make my parents proud and

> think I was pretty, and my healing started there.

> Unfortunately, it took till I was 19 and till my

> boyfriend at the time and now husband helped me learn

> to change how I thought and felt before I really

> stopped.

> And in fact the problem is still not gone. I am now 27

> and though I will readily share my weight as I have

> learned somewhat that getting things out on the table

> in a safe environment is better than holding them in,

> but I currently weigh 270 and my healthy good weight

> when I was married only 7 years ago was 130.

> I was fine till I got pregnant with my first baby, and

> then the feelings and all the issues I had had with

> being fat, came back out. I was freaking out that my

> belly was getting big and my uncle said, that I needed

> to stop eating or I was going to be a fat pork like

> his X, who again is not fat and used to be a Swimsuit

> calender model.

> I started freaking out again and I began to not eat

> again, thinking that the weight would come off, but it

> didn't and then with hormone changes and such from

> being pregnant and so much more, like gestational

> diabetes, I just kept gaining.

> I went from 130 to weighing 200 with my Chantelle and

> that is with lessening my food intake and sticking to

> a very strict Gestational Diabetes diet, so that I

> would not have to do insulin shots, because I am

> terrified of needles.

> Once I had my baby, I never lost a pound, not even

> from having her. I nursed for 6 months, I excersized

> for 2-3 hours a day, I starved myself and I obsessed

> about being thin again. All of that only made the

> problems worse, because my body held onto the weight,

> thinking I would starve.

> My husband had to force me to eat for a while and he

> would watch me eat and stay with me afterward to make

> sure that I didn't go throw up. He is too wonderful!

> Anyhow, I finally learned to deal with being that

> weight, but was never happy about it and when I had my

> next baby, I tried everything to not gain weight,

> excersized through the whole pregnancy and basically

> only lived off of prenatle vitamins and then when I

> delivered her, I now weighed 235.

> At that point I went into freak out mode and had major

> Post partum depression and my daily intake would

> consist of maybe 3 ritz crackers, a can of greenbeans

> plain, as much water as I could drink and maybe a

> piece of beef jerky. All of that while I was trying to

> nurse and excersizing 4-5 hours a day.

> I (as I am sure that you can guess) ended up not being

> able to nurse. I ended up so stressed that I got

> Bell's Palsey and had it for an entire year, before

> the left side of my face was able to move again.

> After a year and a half of that I finally just gave up

> on excersizing for a while and decided that I would be

> " ugly " for the rest of my life (in my opinion). I did

> not loose any weight during that time, but I was

> happier and didn't gain any.

> The problem was, though I was still not happier

> really, because in the back of my mind I thought that

> I needed to be skinny to be loved and be happy and so

> my husband and I went through a very rough time.

> Finally when I was pregnant with my son and our third

> and last baby, I freaked out and got so bad about my

> weight that my husband one day during a fight, and let

> me tell you, he does not believe in yelling and pretty

> much NEVER yells - yelled at me and said, " I have had

> it! If you do not stop worrying about your weight and

> your parents and what they think of you and start

> thinking about me and the kids who love you and don't

> care and stop doing this to the family and passing on

> this attitude about being too fat and hating yourself

> to the kids, then I am taking the kids and I am out of

> here " .

> Now, not that I recomend what he did, but it took him

> doing that before I realized again that I still had a

> problem.

> Trying to find a doctor who believes that you struggle

> from Anerexia and bulemia when you weigh 270 pounds is

> nearly impossible.

> But I did find one, He at first told me what all

> doctors had, your health problems are because of your

> weight. But once he thankfully listened to me for

> maybe like 10 visits and once he did full bloodwork

> and hormone and spit testing and allergy testing and

> ultrasounds and all sorts of work on me, He himself

> told me (without me ever saying anything to him about

> it) that he thinks I suffer from a form of anerexia.

> Just having somebody believe me, and stop continuing

> to judge me and do exactly what my parents did, that I

> feel started this problem in the first place, I have

> been able to heal a lot.

> While I know I have still not lost a pound, my mind

> and feelings are beginning to heal and I think that

> that part of me has to heal first before the rest of

> me can, and before my body will let go of my weight.

> It is still a constant battle for me today. I still

> many days go without eating anything except dinner,

> because I know my husband would freak out if he

> thought that I wasn't eating, and sometimes I honestly

> just forget to eat, my body has learned to ignore and

> stuff back that hunger pang feeling. I am having to

> learn to re-recognize it and pay attention to it.

> I am not telling you all of these things to scare you.

> I am telling you this, for many reasons. The #1

> reason, to see if it at all fits your situation or her

> situation I guess. Next, to help you understand her

> possible thought process and what things or topics to

> be careful of, if in fact she does have it. Also to

> make sure that you understand how BIG of a deal it is

> and that it can last for a VERY long time, but at the

> same time that their is plenty of hope and future and

> that if she does indeed have it, that what she really

> needs is to feel loved and accepted completely in all

> aspects of her life, not just by you, but by her

> sibblings if any, her grandparents, her father, etc.

> They can all be careful of what they say, even if they

> think she is not listening.ANd to help you know that

> even if she does have it. SHe may not be aware of it.

> SHe may think that she is the only one who does this,

> and it may take her learning from somebody besides

> you, like a movie or a class, or school councelor, or

> church teacher or somebody else that she knows isn't

> just saying this, because they are her mom and love

> her and want to help her and are overly concerned (I

> am not saying that you are, I am saying she may

> portray it that way)

> The other suggestion I have for you, is that it may in

> fact not be Anerexia! It may be Crohn's Disease or

> Ulcerative COlitis or IBS.

> Because often my husband hates being on the toilet so

> much and hates his tummy hurting all the time, so he

> refuses to eat. He is not anerexic, but it has the

> same effect on him, because it hurts him to eat and so

> he chooses not too. It is very challenging. We

> sometimes have to bribe eachother or get after one

> another to eat.

> He will be sitting there telling me, I need to eat,

> and then I will bring up that he hasn't eaten yet

> today and it is dinner time, so he can't blame me, and

> then we stop and think about it and realize that we

> both NEED to eat, even if we hate eating for our own

> reasons.

> We try very very hard to NEVER talk about our feelings

> regarding eating in front of our children and we

> always try to sit with them, at least for dinner and

> we all eat together, so that they see us eating and

> know it is a good thing, so that hopefully we can

> break the cycle that has happened in my family.

> And it is a cycle, it is not just me. I have 9

> children in my birth family all from the same mom and

> dad who are still married and of those 4 brothers and

> 4 sisters and I 3 of the sisters including me have

> been anerexic and 2 of my brothers have been bulemic,

> one of my brothers who is 15 right now still is.

> Anyhow, I better get going, this is another long one

> and my kids are beating up on one another, so I better

> give them the attention they need.

> I really am sorry that life has to be sooooo hard for

> all of us, but I am grateful for the people it is

> refining us into.

> SIncerely, Esther

>

> --- babyfacesmom <taijijat@... <mailto:taijijat%40gmail.com>> wrote:

>

> > Morning-

> >

> > The dr's visit yesterday wasn't what I had hoped.

> > He thinks she is

> > anorexic. She does not have diabetes, her blood

> > presure was great, no

> > strep, ear infection, stomache issues. He said to

> > go to the endo, I

> > got so lucky we are getting in this friday.

> > Hopefully, they will have

> > some answers for us.

> >

> > I just want her to be happy again. It hurts so much

> > when she hurts.

> >

> > Thanks again for all your help. It means alot to

> > me.

> >

> > T

> >

> >

>

> __________________________________________________________

> Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your home page.

> http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs <http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs>

>

>

[Guest guest]

T sorry to read of this and will be to pray for you and you daughter as

you go through this new hurdle of things.

Sondra

[Guest guest]

thanks to everyone for your thoughts for our family.

> T sorry to read of this and will be to pray for you and you daughter as

> you go through this new hurdle of things.

> Sondra

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Ester-

Your email has touched me, again.

Thank you for sharing such touching things about your self.

I do not think Kayla is anorexic. She is eating, she comes from a family of

thin people and she is naturally thin. I think that she wasn't eating

enough for another reason. I don't know what the reason is yet. I don't

believe that it has anything to do with body image, etc. Today she started

eating a lot - she ate all day at school (the teacher called and said that

she was allowing her to eat in the classes), she had a huge dinner.

Ester, I agree with an earlier post that said you might want to go to an

endo too. It sounds to me as if you might have something going on that an

endo can help. Not sure if you have done this already.

> Hi T,

> I am so sorry that you are having to go through all of

> this. My first question though to you, is do you think

> that she is anerexic? Does she ever talk about hating

> to eat? Food being grose? Wishing that people could

> survive without food? Does she ever talk about others

> or herself being fat, even when they are not or when

> they are just regular or average. Does she or anyone

> in your family critique people in movies, saying she's

> too fat, she has too big a smile, her eyes are weird,

> his nose is too big etc. etc.

> Does she eat in front of you? Have you tried to

> observe if she is eating when she thinks you are not

> looking?

> ANyhow, I am just wondering because I had anerexia

> between the ages of 11 and 16. I used to be just

> naturally skinny and tiny and would eat whatever I

> wanted and when I turned 11 and actually started to

> gain normal healthy weight, my dad took me aside and

> told me I was gaining a little too quickly and that

> while he didn't want me to take offence to what he was

> saying and I was not yet too fat, I would be if I was

> not careful.

> He may have meant that honestly and heartfelt, but I

> took things VERY literally and thought I constantly

> had to watch my weight. Then I payed more attention

> and realized that both mom and dad were constantly

> dieting and complaining about being fat. I noticed

> that both my grandmas did too. None of them were fat

> by the way. Not really. My dad was a bit thick through

> the midsection, but being a 6 foot tall man only

> weighed about 230 and my mom is 5'10 and she weighed

> only 170. Even if those stupid health pyramids tell

> you that people should be less than that, they don't

> know the difference in all people's structural makeup.

> My husband is 6'1' and weighs 200 pounds. People are

> constantly shocked at the drs office because he looks

> Really good and in their head they think 200 is fat,

> but it is not and it depends on the person and their

> build. When my husband got down to 179, he was

> hospitalised and looked like a ghost and the doctors

> said that he was severely malnutritioned and that he

> desperately needed to put some weight on.

> It all depends on the person, and their build and

> their bone structure and so on.

> ANyhow, my family was very very negative while

> watching movies and tv. They were always saying that

> everyone was fat. They would say that Drew Barrymore

> and Kate winslet and Meg ryan and all these sorts of

> actresses were fat. It was usually always women that

> they picked on and critiqued and it was usually my dad

> critiquing them. They would say that roberts has

> too big of a mouth and so does Liv Tyler and so and so

> had too big of hair and so and so had too big a nose

> and so and so was stupid and bla bla bla.

> I just listened, or tried to defend the individuals

> only to have my family try and persuade me that their

> opinion was right. I started listening to others and

> my friends families and such and realized that a

> LOT!!! of families do this. They are constantly

> judging and critiquing and as an 11 yr old, my only

> thought was, " Wow I better make myself perfect so that

> I don't get judged like that! "

> Well, I slowly started turning down any kind of food

> that was not a meal, I then started skipping

> breakfast, I then started skipping lunch or only

> having something to drink or eating a cracker or too.

> I then started eating only a tiny bit for my dinner

> and never eating ice cream or dessert etc.

> I lost a lot of weight. The thing is, my parents did

> not see it as a problem, they praised me for finally

> loosing the weight (they thought I had) and

> complimenting me all the time on how lovely I looked.

> I began hating to eat and it began hurting my stomach

> to eat. My mom started to notice and when I went to a

> dance at my church group one day she told me I had to

> eat a bagel or I could not go. I hadn't eaten in

> almost 3 days. I knew that, but she only knew that it

> had been a while and was trying to watch me. I was 15

> and had been doing this for years, so it litterally

> hurt me to eat. I complained and griped and said no,

> but I really wanted to go to the dance and was all

> decked out in a beautiful lacey white prom dress with

> my hair all curled and my mom and I got in a huge

> fight at the dance. Finally I grabbed the bagel and

> ate it quickly and my mom thanked me and hugged me.

> I walked off and she said she would be back to pick me

> up.

> About 20 minutes after she left my stomach hurt so

> bad, I thought I would die, from not eating, so I ran

> to the bathroom and threw up. I really didn't mean to,

> but it just happened. I started being bulemic for

> about a year after that, because it was easier too

> hide from my parents, who finally were concerned.

> They never knew why I was that way and never tried to

> change their hurtful comments, even when I plead with

> them to stop hurting people and critisizing.

> I finally realized what I even had, I didn't even know

> it was a condition or that it had a name, until a wise

> church leader, noticed there was something wrong with

> me and she taught a lesson on taking care of our

> bodies and she talked about anerexia and bulemia. I

> had never heard of them before and I was 16. She

> explained them and to her suprise, thinking I knew

> what I was doing, she heard me say, " Hey, I think I

> have those things wrong with me " .

> She took me aside afterwords and talked to me about

> them and I explained to her my thought process and

> wanting to be good enough to make my parents proud and

> think I was pretty, and my healing started there.

> Unfortunately, it took till I was 19 and till my

> boyfriend at the time and now husband helped me learn

> to change how I thought and felt before I really

> stopped.

> And in fact the problem is still not gone. I am now 27

> and though I will readily share my weight as I have

> learned somewhat that getting things out on the table

> in a safe environment is better than holding them in,

> but I currently weigh 270 and my healthy good weight

> when I was married only 7 years ago was 130.

> I was fine till I got pregnant with my first baby, and

> then the feelings and all the issues I had had with

> being fat, came back out. I was freaking out that my

> belly was getting big and my uncle said, that I needed

> to stop eating or I was going to be a fat pork like

> his X, who again is not fat and used to be a Swimsuit

> calender model.

> I started freaking out again and I began to not eat

> again, thinking that the weight would come off, but it

> didn't and then with hormone changes and such from

> being pregnant and so much more, like gestational

> diabetes, I just kept gaining.

> I went from 130 to weighing 200 with my Chantelle and

> that is with lessening my food intake and sticking to

> a very strict Gestational Diabetes diet, so that I

> would not have to do insulin shots, because I am

> terrified of needles.

> Once I had my baby, I never lost a pound, not even

> from having her. I nursed for 6 months, I excersized

> for 2-3 hours a day, I starved myself and I obsessed

> about being thin again. All of that only made the

> problems worse, because my body held onto the weight,

> thinking I would starve.

> My husband had to force me to eat for a while and he

> would watch me eat and stay with me afterward to make

> sure that I didn't go throw up. He is too wonderful!

> Anyhow, I finally learned to deal with being that

> weight, but was never happy about it and when I had my

> next baby, I tried everything to not gain weight,

> excersized through the whole pregnancy and basically

> only lived off of prenatle vitamins and then when I

> delivered her, I now weighed 235.

> At that point I went into freak out mode and had major

> Post partum depression and my daily intake would

> consist of maybe 3 ritz crackers, a can of greenbeans

> plain, as much water as I could drink and maybe a

> piece of beef jerky. All of that while I was trying to

> nurse and excersizing 4-5 hours a day.

> I (as I am sure that you can guess) ended up not being

> able to nurse. I ended up so stressed that I got

> Bell's Palsey and had it for an entire year, before

> the left side of my face was able to move again.

> After a year and a half of that I finally just gave up

> on excersizing for a while and decided that I would be

> " ugly " for the rest of my life (in my opinion). I did

> not loose any weight during that time, but I was

> happier and didn't gain any.

> The problem was, though I was still not happier

> really, because in the back of my mind I thought that

> I needed to be skinny to be loved and be happy and so

> my husband and I went through a very rough time.

> Finally when I was pregnant with my son and our third

> and last baby, I freaked out and got so bad about my

> weight that my husband one day during a fight, and let

> me tell you, he does not believe in yelling and pretty

> much NEVER yells - yelled at me and said, " I have had

> it! If you do not stop worrying about your weight and

> your parents and what they think of you and start

> thinking about me and the kids who love you and don't

> care and stop doing this to the family and passing on

> this attitude about being too fat and hating yourself

> to the kids, then I am taking the kids and I am out of

> here " .

> Now, not that I recomend what he did, but it took him

> doing that before I realized again that I still had a

> problem.

> Trying to find a doctor who believes that you struggle

> from Anerexia and bulemia when you weigh 270 pounds is

> nearly impossible.

> But I did find one, He at first told me what all

> doctors had, your health problems are because of your

> weight. But once he thankfully listened to me for

> maybe like 10 visits and once he did full bloodwork

> and hormone and spit testing and allergy testing and

> ultrasounds and all sorts of work on me, He himself

> told me (without me ever saying anything to him about

> it) that he thinks I suffer from a form of anerexia.

> Just having somebody believe me, and stop continuing

> to judge me and do exactly what my parents did, that I

> feel started this problem in the first place, I have

> been able to heal a lot.

> While I know I have still not lost a pound, my mind

> and feelings are beginning to heal and I think that

> that part of me has to heal first before the rest of

> me can, and before my body will let go of my weight.

> It is still a constant battle for me today. I still

> many days go without eating anything except dinner,

> because I know my husband would freak out if he

> thought that I wasn't eating, and sometimes I honestly

> just forget to eat, my body has learned to ignore and

> stuff back that hunger pang feeling. I am having to

> learn to re-recognize it and pay attention to it.

> I am not telling you all of these things to scare you.

> I am telling you this, for many reasons. The #1

> reason, to see if it at all fits your situation or her

> situation I guess. Next, to help you understand her

> possible thought process and what things or topics to

> be careful of, if in fact she does have it. Also to

> make sure that you understand how BIG of a deal it is

> and that it can last for a VERY long time, but at the

> same time that their is plenty of hope and future and

> that if she does indeed have it, that what she really

> needs is to feel loved and accepted completely in all

> aspects of her life, not just by you, but by her

> sibblings if any, her grandparents, her father, etc.

> They can all be careful of what they say, even if they

> think she is not listening.ANd to help you know that

> even if she does have it. SHe may not be aware of it.

> SHe may think that she is the only one who does this,

> and it may take her learning from somebody besides

> you, like a movie or a class, or school councelor, or

> church teacher or somebody else that she knows isn't

> just saying this, because they are her mom and love

> her and want to help her and are overly concerned (I

> am not saying that you are, I am saying she may

> portray it that way)

> The other suggestion I have for you, is that it may in

> fact not be Anerexia! It may be Crohn's Disease or

> Ulcerative COlitis or IBS.

> Because often my husband hates being on the toilet so

> much and hates his tummy hurting all the time, so he

> refuses to eat. He is not anerexic, but it has the

> same effect on him, because it hurts him to eat and so

> he chooses not too. It is very challenging. We

> sometimes have to bribe eachother or get after one

> another to eat.

> He will be sitting there telling me, I need to eat,

> and then I will bring up that he hasn't eaten yet

> today and it is dinner time, so he can't blame me, and

> then we stop and think about it and realize that we

> both NEED to eat, even if we hate eating for our own

> reasons.

> We try very very hard to NEVER talk about our feelings

> regarding eating in front of our children and we

> always try to sit with them, at least for dinner and

> we all eat together, so that they see us eating and

> know it is a good thing, so that hopefully we can

> break the cycle that has happened in my family.

> And it is a cycle, it is not just me. I have 9

> children in my birth family all from the same mom and

> dad who are still married and of those 4 brothers and

> 4 sisters and I 3 of the sisters including me have

> been anerexic and 2 of my brothers have been bulemic,

> one of my brothers who is 15 right now still is.

> Anyhow, I better get going, this is another long one

> and my kids are beating up on one another, so I better

> give them the attention they need.

> I really am sorry that life has to be sooooo hard for

> all of us, but I am grateful for the people it is

> refining us into.

> SIncerely, Esther

>

>

> --- babyfacesmom <taijijat@... <taijijat%40gmail.com>> wrote:

>

> > Morning-

> >

> > The dr's visit yesterday wasn't what I had hoped.

> > He thinks she is

> > anorexic. She does not have diabetes, her blood

> > presure was great, no

> > strep, ear infection, stomache issues. He said to

> > go to the endo, I

> > got so lucky we are getting in this friday.

> > Hopefully, they will have

> > some answers for us.

> >

> > I just want her to be happy again. It hurts so much

> > when she hurts.

> >

> > Thanks again for all your help. It means alot to

> > me.

> >

> > T

> >

> >

>

> __________________________________________________________

> Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your home page.

> http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs

>

>

>