the sameness

[Guest guest]

I suppose like all of you, I have put up with the angry, disapproving stares of

strangers when my princess is in a meltdown because she was brushed up against.

You know. Its the look of " Why can't you control your child?' I've even been

told by relatives (mark you, I do not call them family) not to come back any

more because my childs unpredictability is " unfair to the other children. " I've

even been told that " You are using your child's autism as an excuse for her

behavior. "

I choose not to be angry about this, because my emotions are my choice.

I've wathed other parents drop their kids off at birthday parties, supervised

by adults, when I know that my child needs my constant attention to prevent

mayham.

I've seen her entire class invited to birthday parties, and not my child,

knowing that the parents just can't handle her behavior.

So What!

I spend my free time looking at clouds with Evalyn, with her seeing shapes

that I can not imagine. I watch her while she gives unknown status to her dolls

as we play family. Sometimes, I just cuddle her, when she permits, because like

every parent should know, its not about me any more. Its about her.

Some times, she talks, and sometimes she does not. Sometimes she growls and

pushes me away, and that is okay, because when I chose to have a child, I chose

to make her life about her, and not about me.

I spent the first two years of her diagnosis studying every article I could.

From pharmacology to nueroscience. Then it occured to me, she needs a daddy,

not another doctor.

Tomorrow I don't know what will happen. Maybe good and maybe bad, but I don't

really care, because I will spend it with the greatest gift I have ever been

given.

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