Guest guest Posted January 3, 2008 Report Share Posted January 3, 2008 Just tell her it's autism. Be as positive as possible, explain to her all the cool people who have autism, like Dickinson, Albert Einstein, Van Gogh, Temple Grandin, etc. If she had a missing leg would you tell her she just walks different, or would you talk about how she feels not having a leg? If she had an extra leg would you tell her she just walks different or discuss how it feels to have the extra leg? It's a part of who she is. I would encourage you to discuss it with her as much as she wants to talk about it. There's nothing to be scared of, it's part of her and imo she needs you to talk to her about it, to know that all aspects of who she is are loved and accepted. I would be willing to bet she senses your fear and might possibly be reflecting it as fearing part of her. I'm not in any way saying you're to blame, just saying she knows something's up, so why be afraid of what you all know? As we say, the sky is blue, Allie has autism, what's for supper, etc. Debi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2008 Report Share Posted January 3, 2008 Debi, Wow, I never thought of it that way. And I am 100% certain she senses my fear, anxiety, depression and all those things just as NT kids do. It makes so much sense. Thank you so much. Maybe she'll feel better putting a name to what she feels. The wisdom around here just amazes me! > > Just tell her it's autism. Be as positive as possible, explain to her > all the cool people who have autism, like Dickinson, Albert > Einstein, Van Gogh, Temple Grandin, etc. If she had a missing > leg would you tell her she just walks different, or would you talk > about how she feels not having a leg? If she had an extra leg would > you tell her she just walks different or discuss how it feels to have > the extra leg? It's a part of who she is. I would encourage you to > discuss it with her as much as she wants to talk about it. There's > nothing to be scared of, it's part of her and imo she needs you to > talk to her about it, to know that all aspects of who she is are loved > and accepted. I would be willing to bet she senses your fear and might > possibly be reflecting it as fearing part of her. > > I'm not in any way saying you're to blame, just saying she knows > something's up, so why be afraid of what you all know? As we say, the > sky is blue, Allie has autism, what's for supper, etc. > > Debi > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2008 Report Share Posted January 3, 2008 Debi, Wow, I never thought of it that way. And I am 100% certain she senses my fear, anxiety, depression and all those things just as NT kids do. It makes so much sense. Thank you so much. Maybe she'll feel better putting a name to what she feels. The wisdom around here just amazes me! > > Just tell her it's autism. Be as positive as possible, explain to her > all the cool people who have autism, like Dickinson, Albert > Einstein, Van Gogh, Temple Grandin, etc. If she had a missing > leg would you tell her she just walks different, or would you talk > about how she feels not having a leg? If she had an extra leg would > you tell her she just walks different or discuss how it feels to have > the extra leg? It's a part of who she is. I would encourage you to > discuss it with her as much as she wants to talk about it. There's > nothing to be scared of, it's part of her and imo she needs you to > talk to her about it, to know that all aspects of who she is are loved > and accepted. I would be willing to bet she senses your fear and might > possibly be reflecting it as fearing part of her. > > I'm not in any way saying you're to blame, just saying she knows > something's up, so why be afraid of what you all know? As we say, the > sky is blue, Allie has autism, what's for supper, etc. > > Debi > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2008 Report Share Posted January 3, 2008 Honesty is the best policy. She already knows she's different. Having a name for WHY she is different can really help a lot of kids. As long as you present it as " this is why you feel different " and not " this is what is wrong with you " (which I know you wouldn't do anyway). There are a lot of books about autism and even books written by authors with autism...plus you have a group of women right here with first hand experience. I know Kassi will help you out more...I remember she once said something like, I'm female, I have brown hair, and I have autism...just another word to describe all of Kassi. Not something that defines her by itself. I think a good place for you to start would be to make a list of what YOU think autism is...not just based on what you've read or been told, but how you see it in Hannah. After you've talked to her, have her help you add to it. Just try to keep it positive. Amnesty > > To be honest, I haven't even talked with Hannah about her diagnosis. > I know that she knows she's different. I've just always told her > things like some people act differently than others because our > brains all work in different ways. Sometimes when we talk about it, > (her being different) she becomes agitated, angry and aggressive. > She gets called stupid and weird from other kids (most are girls) > pretty much everyday at school, she overhears Abby's friends (that's > her older step sister that's at the same school - this is her last > year there) asking Abby why Hannah acts the way she does or saying > things like is she retarded or something? I've talked to the leaders > regarding her dx but I really don't know if they believe me. Anyone > who watched the Dr. Phil show on Autism, at the very beginning, the > little boy who had meltdowns and screamed he hated his mom, was going > to kill her, etc., well that's how Hannah is at home. Other people > don't experience that side of her; they see the quiet, withdrawn, > quiet little girl who requires a lot of help with school, projects, > etc. They are the kind of people who always tell me she did great. > When they had a field trip to a rock climbing place, they said she > didn't cry or anything. I had a friend who also has a daughter in > the same troop tell me that Hannah had quite a meltdown. By the way, > that friend's daughter used to be wonderful friends with Hannah (at > least as much as Hannah can be a friend since she's not very social > most of the time) but because of peer pressure (in 2nd grade??) > doesn't really want to be her friend anymore. So after all of this, > I just don't know. By the way, how in the world do I explain what's > different about her? That just scares the bejebers (lol) out of me!!! > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2008 Report Share Posted January 3, 2008 Honesty is the best policy. She already knows she's different. Having a name for WHY she is different can really help a lot of kids. As long as you present it as " this is why you feel different " and not " this is what is wrong with you " (which I know you wouldn't do anyway). There are a lot of books about autism and even books written by authors with autism...plus you have a group of women right here with first hand experience. I know Kassi will help you out more...I remember she once said something like, I'm female, I have brown hair, and I have autism...just another word to describe all of Kassi. Not something that defines her by itself. I think a good place for you to start would be to make a list of what YOU think autism is...not just based on what you've read or been told, but how you see it in Hannah. After you've talked to her, have her help you add to it. Just try to keep it positive. Amnesty > > To be honest, I haven't even talked with Hannah about her diagnosis. > I know that she knows she's different. I've just always told her > things like some people act differently than others because our > brains all work in different ways. Sometimes when we talk about it, > (her being different) she becomes agitated, angry and aggressive. > She gets called stupid and weird from other kids (most are girls) > pretty much everyday at school, she overhears Abby's friends (that's > her older step sister that's at the same school - this is her last > year there) asking Abby why Hannah acts the way she does or saying > things like is she retarded or something? I've talked to the leaders > regarding her dx but I really don't know if they believe me. Anyone > who watched the Dr. Phil show on Autism, at the very beginning, the > little boy who had meltdowns and screamed he hated his mom, was going > to kill her, etc., well that's how Hannah is at home. Other people > don't experience that side of her; they see the quiet, withdrawn, > quiet little girl who requires a lot of help with school, projects, > etc. They are the kind of people who always tell me she did great. > When they had a field trip to a rock climbing place, they said she > didn't cry or anything. I had a friend who also has a daughter in > the same troop tell me that Hannah had quite a meltdown. By the way, > that friend's daughter used to be wonderful friends with Hannah (at > least as much as Hannah can be a friend since she's not very social > most of the time) but because of peer pressure (in 2nd grade??) > doesn't really want to be her friend anymore. So after all of this, > I just don't know. By the way, how in the world do I explain what's > different about her? That just scares the bejebers (lol) out of me!!! > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 4, 2008 Report Share Posted January 4, 2008 Sandi, How old was your daughter when you did this? > > > In a message dated 1/4/2008 12:15:33 A.M. Central Standard Time, > amnestyb@... writes: > > Honesty is the best policy. She already knows she's different. Having > a name for WHY she is different can really help a lot of kids. As long > as you present it as " this is why you feel different " and not " this is > what is wrong with you " (which I know you wouldn't do anyway). > There are a lot of books about autism and even books written by > authors with autism... > > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > Hi guys, sorry to have been out of touch. We had quite the holiday, Dad in > the ICU, hubby down with flu. All is well now, but I couldn't believe all > the emails when I got on today! LOL > > Anyway, this strand reminds me of when I had " the talk " with Allie. I > didn't make a deal of it and sit her down and get all serious. > > I bought " My Friend With Autism " , and after it arrived I slipped it into the > stack of storybooks we were reading together one day. We hadn't gotten half > way through when Allie leaped off the couch and swung around to face me and > exclaimed, " That's me! " " I'm just like that! " " Do I have Autism? " and when > I smiled and said " Yes " she just beamed. She felt SO validated, so happy to > have an explanation about why she felt so different than others about > everyday things. Then there was this outpouring of questions, <grin> like a flood! > I think she stimmed for a good 10 minutes in excitement! Then we finished > reading the book together and talked and talked that day. It's one of my > favorite memories. :-) > > Sandi > > > > > **************Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape. > http://body.aol.com/fitness/winter-exercise? NCID=aolcmp00300000002489 > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 4, 2008 Report Share Posted January 4, 2008 Sandi, How old was your daughter when you did this? > > > In a message dated 1/4/2008 12:15:33 A.M. Central Standard Time, > amnestyb@... writes: > > Honesty is the best policy. She already knows she's different. Having > a name for WHY she is different can really help a lot of kids. As long > as you present it as " this is why you feel different " and not " this is > what is wrong with you " (which I know you wouldn't do anyway). > There are a lot of books about autism and even books written by > authors with autism... > > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > Hi guys, sorry to have been out of touch. We had quite the holiday, Dad in > the ICU, hubby down with flu. All is well now, but I couldn't believe all > the emails when I got on today! LOL > > Anyway, this strand reminds me of when I had " the talk " with Allie. I > didn't make a deal of it and sit her down and get all serious. > > I bought " My Friend With Autism " , and after it arrived I slipped it into the > stack of storybooks we were reading together one day. We hadn't gotten half > way through when Allie leaped off the couch and swung around to face me and > exclaimed, " That's me! " " I'm just like that! " " Do I have Autism? " and when > I smiled and said " Yes " she just beamed. She felt SO validated, so happy to > have an explanation about why she felt so different than others about > everyday things. Then there was this outpouring of questions, <grin> like a flood! > I think she stimmed for a good 10 minutes in excitement! Then we finished > reading the book together and talked and talked that day. It's one of my > favorite memories. :-) > > Sandi > > > > > **************Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape. > http://body.aol.com/fitness/winter-exercise? NCID=aolcmp00300000002489 > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 4, 2008 Report Share Posted January 4, 2008 Amnesty -- That's excellent advice! -- Cassie Amnesty wrote: > Before you say anything to anyone about Hannah's diagnosis, ask her > first! She may not want anyone to single her out at this point, and it > should be her decision on when to tell and how much to tell. From > reading what you have said about her so far, it sounds like she is > definitely capable of being part of that discussion. > Amnesty > > > > > > > Hi everyone, > > > > > > Hannah (8) is currently enrolled in Brownies. 2 girls that are there > > > are very mean to her and bully her frequently (as they do at school). > > > The leaders keep assuring me that they don't " pull that " while at > > > Brownies, but Hannah says they do. It's hard to say if she can > > > separate school time from Brownies but... > > > > > > Do y'all think that a structured group like Brownies (with about 13 > > > other shrieking little girls) is a good setting? She has very poor > > > social skills and before knowing her dx, I thought it might be a good > > > thing to get her involved in something. > > > > > > Thanks. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 4, 2008 Report Share Posted January 4, 2008 Amnesty -- That's excellent advice! -- Cassie Amnesty wrote: > Before you say anything to anyone about Hannah's diagnosis, ask her > first! She may not want anyone to single her out at this point, and it > should be her decision on when to tell and how much to tell. From > reading what you have said about her so far, it sounds like she is > definitely capable of being part of that discussion. > Amnesty > > > > > > > Hi everyone, > > > > > > Hannah (8) is currently enrolled in Brownies. 2 girls that are there > > > are very mean to her and bully her frequently (as they do at school). > > > The leaders keep assuring me that they don't " pull that " while at > > > Brownies, but Hannah says they do. It's hard to say if she can > > > separate school time from Brownies but... > > > > > > Do y'all think that a structured group like Brownies (with about 13 > > > other shrieking little girls) is a good setting? She has very poor > > > social skills and before knowing her dx, I thought it might be a good > > > thing to get her involved in something. > > > > > > Thanks. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 4, 2008 Report Share Posted January 4, 2008 Hi -- There are some good books written for children that talk about autism. I'm drawing a blank right now as to their names -- I think some are " When my autism gets too big " and " Asperger's, Huh? " . I'm sure other folks have ideas. That would be a good thing to show the leaders and ask them to share with the other girls. I find kids are far more understanding when they know a kid is having a hard time for medical reasons. The books would also be good to talk to your daughter about autism. I'm sure she notices that she's having a harder time with some things than other kids are. I told my son that he has autism and that means he has a harder time in some areas than other kids do -- then he didn't think he was just stupid. I told him the autism wasn't an excuse -- it meant he had to work harder in somethings than other kids. For instance, writing is harder for him but I still expect him to do his best every single time whether he wants to or not. I don't expect him to be as proficient as the other kids and there are some things we just opt out of (like music and assemblies) but for the things he's capable of, he's got to work hard. I also told him that autism has benefits too -- his single-mindedness means he studies very hard on things he enjoys and he has a great memory -- better than all the other kids in his class. Sometimes he gets mad because he has autism because it makes his life hard but I tell him that everyone has stuff in their lives that make them hard. -- Cassie sajustmyself wrote: > I could try. But when you get a chance to read my last reply, I > really don't feel that her leaders believe she's autistic. They seem > like the type that think of autism as Rainman only. When I did talk > to them it just like, " oh really?, I wouldn't have ever thought that > it was that " in that kind of condescending voice; again, I am > sensitive so maybe I read it wrong but... > > > > > > > > > > > > Hi everyone, > > > > > > > > > > Hannah (8) is currently enrolled in Brownies. 2 girls that > are > > > > there > > > > > are very mean to her and bully her frequently (as they do at > > > > school). > > > > > The leaders keep assuring me that they don't " pull that " > while at > > > > > Brownies, but Hannah says they do. It's hard to say if she > can > > > > > separate school time from Brownies but... > > > > > > > > > > Do y'all think that a structured group like Brownies (with > about > > > 13 > > > > > other shrieking little girls) is a good setting? She has > very > > > poor > > > > > social skills and before knowing her dx, I thought it might > be a > > > > good > > > > > thing to get her involved in something. > > > > > > > > > > Thanks. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 4, 2008 Report Share Posted January 4, 2008 Hi -- There are some good books written for children that talk about autism. I'm drawing a blank right now as to their names -- I think some are " When my autism gets too big " and " Asperger's, Huh? " . I'm sure other folks have ideas. That would be a good thing to show the leaders and ask them to share with the other girls. I find kids are far more understanding when they know a kid is having a hard time for medical reasons. The books would also be good to talk to your daughter about autism. I'm sure she notices that she's having a harder time with some things than other kids are. I told my son that he has autism and that means he has a harder time in some areas than other kids do -- then he didn't think he was just stupid. I told him the autism wasn't an excuse -- it meant he had to work harder in somethings than other kids. For instance, writing is harder for him but I still expect him to do his best every single time whether he wants to or not. I don't expect him to be as proficient as the other kids and there are some things we just opt out of (like music and assemblies) but for the things he's capable of, he's got to work hard. I also told him that autism has benefits too -- his single-mindedness means he studies very hard on things he enjoys and he has a great memory -- better than all the other kids in his class. Sometimes he gets mad because he has autism because it makes his life hard but I tell him that everyone has stuff in their lives that make them hard. -- Cassie sajustmyself wrote: > I could try. But when you get a chance to read my last reply, I > really don't feel that her leaders believe she's autistic. They seem > like the type that think of autism as Rainman only. When I did talk > to them it just like, " oh really?, I wouldn't have ever thought that > it was that " in that kind of condescending voice; again, I am > sensitive so maybe I read it wrong but... > > > > > > > > > > > > Hi everyone, > > > > > > > > > > Hannah (8) is currently enrolled in Brownies. 2 girls that > are > > > > there > > > > > are very mean to her and bully her frequently (as they do at > > > > school). > > > > > The leaders keep assuring me that they don't " pull that " > while at > > > > > Brownies, but Hannah says they do. It's hard to say if she > can > > > > > separate school time from Brownies but... > > > > > > > > > > Do y'all think that a structured group like Brownies (with > about > > > 13 > > > > > other shrieking little girls) is a good setting? She has > very > > > poor > > > > > social skills and before knowing her dx, I thought it might > be a > > > > good > > > > > thing to get her involved in something. > > > > > > > > > > Thanks. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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