Re: Help me!!! I'm going crazy!!

[Guest guest]

I tired to call you this am as soon as I saw this post and was upset when I could not get you but I realize that you probably wanted to get outside, so I left you a message telling you I would be home, like an idiot I mistakenly thought I was off work today, turns out I am not, I have to go in at 3pm so I won't be home till 10 pm tonight, I believe we are both in the mountain time zone. I could try to call you at 10 or 1030 if that is not to late, let me know ok

----- Original Message -----

From: e Rene

; SalineInfo

Sent: Thursday, February 21, 2002 2:10 AM

Subject: Help me!!! I'm going crazy!!

Well, it is almost 2am here and I'm in the midst of a panic attack. My surgeon rx'd Klonopin and while it helps, I just am so afraid that I'm going to lose control when I take any rx med. Crazy, I know, but nurses are just the worst pts. We like to maintain control more than anyone else, and when we can't be in control or lose control, it doesn't bode well with us. So, after about 2 hrs of dealing with this panic attack, I have finally given in and taken a Klonopin.

These panic attacks are awful. I can't breathe, my pulse starts racing, I have palpitations, and I feel like I have nowhere to turn or run to. I finally lowered the heat quite a bit, and opened a set of drapes so that I could at least see the sky and stars. had given me some excellent ideas on how to manage panic attacks so I will have to try them. But of course, when I'm in the middle of one, I can't seem to remember anything and my entire focus is on trying to breathe and get enough air so I don't suffocate. I swear, I just want to die. I am convinced I'm in hell. There is simply no way in hell that I am going to wear this cervical collar for 11 more wks---NO WAY!! I will be locked up in the psych unit in a padded room if I wear this collar for 11 more wks. I will shoot for 8 wks, and hopefully I will heal okay and my neurosurgeon will allow me to get out of the collar at that time, or at least we can hopefully work out some compromise like me being able to be out of it for 6 hrs/day and wear it the rest of the time.

The collar is a Miami-J collar, and it wraps around your neck completely, with the front going as low as your sternum. The back comes up about 3" above the occipital area, and the sides come up well past the tops of my ears. It is plastic, but is covered with foam padding. And when I take out my contacts, and wear my glasses, I feel like my entire head is contained and then the panic starts. There is simply no light at the end of the tunnel. This is really testing my strenght and resolve and I'm losing rapidly. Plus the skin on my chin is starting to break down due to chafing. I put moleskin in the chin area, but it doesn't seem to be doing too much good. So, if my skin breaks down to the point that I have an open sore, I will not wear this thing and my surgeon will just have to come up with another idea or else trust me to keep my neck in alignment with the rest of my body. And believe me, whenever I take my collar off to switch to the other collar for showering, I don't move my neck at all.

I keep trying to remember the things that are different about the surgery this time. Last time, I was taking prednisone and Celebrex, which could have played a significant role in the non-union. This time I'm not taking any meds other than ES Tylenol and the Klonopin. I'm not allowed to take any NSAIDS, so I won't. Last time, I wore the collar maybe 2 wks, but not regularly (I was supposed to wear it 4) and this time this collar doesn't come off except to switch to my shower collar. Last time I went back to work in 4 wks and really started lifting and doing heavy work because I was working in the CICU (open heart surgery ICU) at the time. This time, I have no job. Last time I was driving within a wk, maybe 5 days, when I was supposed to not drive for 4 wks. This time I haven't driven at all, and quite frankly, don't want to because I'm terrified to get behind the wheel (although this will present some dilemmas next Thurs when I have to see my surgeon and I have no one to take me, so I have no choice to drive).

So, anyone want to come out to Denver and spend some time with me? I'm desperate for any company. You wouldn't have to worry about the hotel, because it's paid for, and it's a 2 bedroom suite. It would just be getting out here. PLEASE!!! I'm so scared and don't know if I can make it through this.......

e

[Guest guest]

,

That would be fine if you called me about 1030 or 11pm. I should be up.

e

>From: " Heer " <idagirl@...>

>Reply-

>< >

>Subject: Re: Help me!!! I'm going crazy!!

>Date: Thu, 21 Feb 2002 08:54:39 -0700

>

>I tired to call you this am as soon as I saw this post and was upset when I

>could not get you but I realize that you probably wanted to get outside, so

>I left you a message telling you I would be home, like an idiot I

>mistakenly thought I was off work today, turns out I am not, I have to go

>in at 3pm so I won't be home till 10 pm tonight, I believe we are both in

>the mountain time zone. I could try to call you at 10 or 1030 if that is

>not to late, let me know ok

> ----- Original Message -----

> From: e Rene

> ; SalineInfo

> Sent: Thursday, February 21, 2002 2:10 AM

> Subject: Help me!!! I'm going crazy!!

>

>

> Well, it is almost 2am here and I'm in the midst of a panic attack. My

>surgeon rx'd Klonopin and while it helps, I just am so afraid that I'm

>going to lose control when I take any rx med. Crazy, I know, but nurses

>are just the worst pts. We like to maintain control more than anyone else,

>and when we can't be in control or lose control, it doesn't bode well with

>us. So, after about 2 hrs of dealing with this panic attack, I have

>finally given in and taken a Klonopin.

>

> These panic attacks are awful. I can't breathe, my pulse starts racing,

>I have palpitations, and I feel like I have nowhere to turn or run to. I

>finally lowered the heat quite a bit, and opened a set of drapes so that I

>could at least see the sky and stars. had given me some excellent

>ideas on how to manage panic attacks so I will have to try them. But of

>course, when I'm in the middle of one, I can't seem to remember anything

>and my entire focus is on trying to breathe and get enough air so I don't

>suffocate. I swear, I just want to die. I am convinced I'm in hell.

>There is simply no way in hell that I am going to wear this cervical collar

>for 11 more wks---NO WAY!! I will be locked up in the psych unit in a

>padded room if I wear this collar for 11 more wks. I will shoot for 8 wks,

>and hopefully I will heal okay and my neurosurgeon will allow me to get out

>of the collar at that time, or at least we can hopefully work out some

>compromise like me being able to be out of it for 6 hrs/day and wear it the

>rest of the time.

>

> The collar is a Miami-J collar, and it wraps around your neck

>completely, with the front going as low as your sternum. The back comes up

>about 3 " above the occipital area, and the sides come up well past the tops

>of my ears. It is plastic, but is covered with foam padding. And when I

>take out my contacts, and wear my glasses, I feel like my entire head is

>contained and then the panic starts. There is simply no light at the end

>of the tunnel. This is really testing my strenght and resolve and I'm

>losing rapidly. Plus the skin on my chin is starting to break down due to

>chafing. I put moleskin in the chin area, but it doesn't seem to be doing

>too much good. So, if my skin breaks down to the point that I have an open

>sore, I will not wear this thing and my surgeon will just have to come up

>with another idea or else trust me to keep my neck in alignment with the

>rest of my body. And believe me, whenever I take my collar off to switch

>to the other collar for showering, I don't move my neck at all.

>

> I keep trying to remember the things that are different about the

>surgery this time. Last time, I was taking prednisone and Celebrex, which

>could have played a significant role in the non-union. This time I'm not

>taking any meds other than ES Tylenol and the Klonopin. I'm not allowed to

>take any NSAIDS, so I won't. Last time, I wore the collar maybe 2 wks, but

>not regularly (I was supposed to wear it 4) and this time this collar

>doesn't come off except to switch to my shower collar. Last time I went

>back to work in 4 wks and really started lifting and doing heavy work

>because I was working in the CICU (open heart surgery ICU) at the time.

>This time, I have no job. Last time I was driving within a wk, maybe 5

>days, when I was supposed to not drive for 4 wks. This time I haven't

>driven at all, and quite frankly, don't want to because I'm terrified to

>get behind the wheel (although this will present some dilemmas next Thurs

>when I have to see my surgeon and I have no one to take me, so I have no

>choice to drive).

>

> So, anyone want to come out to Denver and spend some time with me? I'm

>desperate for any company. You wouldn't have to worry about the hotel,

>because it's paid for, and it's a 2 bedroom suite. It would just be

>getting out here. PLEASE!!! I'm so scared and don't know if I can make

>it through this.......

>

> e

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

cool I will try to call then or maybe if I get a chance to just check in on

you from work, since I have to pack when I get off work and get ready to go

to Boise early in the am for the weekend.

are you feeling better now? I hope so, I prayed for you.

Love,

----- Original Message -----

From: " e Rene " <e_Rene@...>

< >

Sent: Thursday, February 21, 2002 1:52 PM

Subject: Re: Help me!!! I'm going crazy!!

> ,

>

> That would be fine if you called me about 1030 or 11pm. I should be up.

>

> e

>

>

> >From: " Heer " <idagirl@...>

> >Reply-

> >< >

> >Subject: Re: Help me!!! I'm going crazy!!

> >Date: Thu, 21 Feb 2002 08:54:39 -0700

> >

> >I tired to call you this am as soon as I saw this post and was upset when

I

> >could not get you but I realize that you probably wanted to get outside,

so

> >I left you a message telling you I would be home, like an idiot I

> >mistakenly thought I was off work today, turns out I am not, I have to go

> >in at 3pm so I won't be home till 10 pm tonight, I believe we are both in

> >the mountain time zone. I could try to call you at 10 or 1030 if that is

> >not to late, let me know ok

> > ----- Original Message -----

> > From: e Rene

> > ; SalineInfo

> > Sent: Thursday, February 21, 2002 2:10 AM

> > Subject: Help me!!! I'm going crazy!!

> >

> >

> > Well, it is almost 2am here and I'm in the midst of a panic attack.

My

> >surgeon rx'd Klonopin and while it helps, I just am so afraid that I'm

> >going to lose control when I take any rx med. Crazy, I know, but nurses

> >are just the worst pts. We like to maintain control more than anyone

else,

> >and when we can't be in control or lose control, it doesn't bode well

with

> >us. So, after about 2 hrs of dealing with this panic attack, I have

> >finally given in and taken a Klonopin.

> >

> > These panic attacks are awful. I can't breathe, my pulse starts

racing,

> >I have palpitations, and I feel like I have nowhere to turn or run to. I

> >finally lowered the heat quite a bit, and opened a set of drapes so that

I

> >could at least see the sky and stars. had given me some excellent

> >ideas on how to manage panic attacks so I will have to try them. But of

> >course, when I'm in the middle of one, I can't seem to remember anything

> >and my entire focus is on trying to breathe and get enough air so I don't

> >suffocate. I swear, I just want to die. I am convinced I'm in hell.

> >There is simply no way in hell that I am going to wear this cervical

collar

> >for 11 more wks---NO WAY!! I will be locked up in the psych unit in a

> >padded room if I wear this collar for 11 more wks. I will shoot for 8

wks,

> >and hopefully I will heal okay and my neurosurgeon will allow me to get

out

> >of the collar at that time, or at least we can hopefully work out some

> >compromise like me being able to be out of it for 6 hrs/day and wear it

the

> >rest of the time.

> >

> > The collar is a Miami-J collar, and it wraps around your neck

> >completely, with the front going as low as your sternum. The back comes

up

> >about 3 " above the occipital area, and the sides come up well past the

tops

> >of my ears. It is plastic, but is covered with foam padding. And when I

> >take out my contacts, and wear my glasses, I feel like my entire head is

> >contained and then the panic starts. There is simply no light at the end

> >of the tunnel. This is really testing my strenght and resolve and I'm

> >losing rapidly. Plus the skin on my chin is starting to break down due

to

> >chafing. I put moleskin in the chin area, but it doesn't seem to be

doing

> >too much good. So, if my skin breaks down to the point that I have an

open

> >sore, I will not wear this thing and my surgeon will just have to come up

> >with another idea or else trust me to keep my neck in alignment with the

> >rest of my body. And believe me, whenever I take my collar off to switch

> >to the other collar for showering, I don't move my neck at all.

> >

> > I keep trying to remember the things that are different about the

> >surgery this time. Last time, I was taking prednisone and Celebrex,

which

> >could have played a significant role in the non-union. This time I'm not

> >taking any meds other than ES Tylenol and the Klonopin. I'm not allowed

to

> >take any NSAIDS, so I won't. Last time, I wore the collar maybe 2 wks,

but

> >not regularly (I was supposed to wear it 4) and this time this collar

> >doesn't come off except to switch to my shower collar. Last time I went

> >back to work in 4 wks and really started lifting and doing heavy work

> >because I was working in the CICU (open heart surgery ICU) at the time.

> >This time, I have no job. Last time I was driving within a wk, maybe 5

> >days, when I was supposed to not drive for 4 wks. This time I haven't

> >driven at all, and quite frankly, don't want to because I'm terrified to

> >get behind the wheel (although this will present some dilemmas next Thurs

> >when I have to see my surgeon and I have no one to take me, so I have no

> >choice to drive).

> >

> > So, anyone want to come out to Denver and spend some time with me?

I'm

> >desperate for any company. You wouldn't have to worry about the hotel,

> >because it's paid for, and it's a 2 bedroom suite. It would just be

> >getting out here. PLEASE!!! I'm so scared and don't know if I can make

> >it through this.......

> >

> > e

> >

> >

> >

> >