Re: feeling really sad

[Guest guest]

Carole;

I hear you. I have had those years and do they suck, yes, big time. I was sick at 19 so each year I'm older I actually feel in some ways better but it is harder to hurt as we age. I don't know what the grand scheme of things is but I do know I've been really low and somehow things have come through so if you talk with someone, like us and just keep hanging in, we shall do the same with you. We love you and hurt for you. Please feel our strength and write to me again tomorrow. I'll be here. Biggest hugs,

[Guest guest]

Hi Carole

You really do sound sad so I am just posting

to give you some support. It is hard to keep going when everything is

going wrong at once and you may possibly be suffering from a bit of depression,

I understand steroids can affect you that way perhaps a chat with your doctor

may help – just a suggestion.

I am sorry that you couldn’t enjoy

your birthday but at the moment you probably couldn’t enjoy anything.

Maybe when you feel better (and you will) you could have another birthday but

still be the same age of course !!!!

I hope you will feel better soon I think

as you obviously still have your sense of humour you will get through

this bad time anyway take care of yourself

You are not alone.

Love Joan UK

From:

Stillsdisease [mailto:Stillsdisease ] On Behalf Of worcspubl@...

Sent: 13 July 2006 07:16

To: stillsdisease

Subject: feeling

really sad

Hello

everyone,

In the big

scheme of things I guess I'm ok. But I'm really really really sad. The fight is

just getting too darned hard. It takes every ounce of my being to take that

next right step I need to take every day. And I feel like doors have been

slaming in my face non-stop lately and I feel overwhelmed and sad and parts of

me want to give up. I know that I've been worrying Al considerably and as much

as I love him, I don't even care that he's worrying. And with all the doors

closing, I see none opening up! And I wait and wait and wait!

It's been 3

months now that I've upped the steroids and I'm still not 100% - even for me.

And I am so tired of feeling so crappy. I know I've been one of the lucky ones

that I've been able to work and feel relatively good, but this sucks.

Plus my

birthday was Monday and it really sucked and I've felt sorry for myself ever

since. And I'm 54! And I hate that too. My job is ending, I worry about the

money. WE have no phone anymore, we have until the end of the month to use the

car without driving illegally,

And it's the

middle of summer in south Florida

and the apt swimming pool has been closed for 3 weeks now and because we've

been late on rent recently, I hate to complain and make waves. (oh that's a

pun)

Usually I

believe that " this too shall pass " but today I'm not quite so

certain. I sure could use some " there, there Carole, it'll get

better " so if you have a minute.....

feel

good everyone - Carole in Hollywood

FL

[Guest guest]

Carole... Just wanted to chime in and let you know I am thinking of you and have been where you are now. Although we need them desperately, steroids can be an evil thing! If you're not taking anti-depressants, talk to your doc about it right away. Pred always makes my feelings of depression much more amplified and worse (not that your problems are amplified, just speaking for myself here). As for finances, my husband and I had to file for bankruptcy. We didn't want to and we tried everything we could before taking that step, but in the end, the pressure was just too much. Within six months, we have begun to bounce back. See, our situation got this way because I am sick... but so is my husband. He has a benign meningioma (brain tumor) that occasionally causes problems. When this happens, he can't work and neither

can I. So, during the time that he is well, he works like a demon and we try not to dwell on what could happen. It's a stressful way to live, but it works for us. Hang in there, Carole, my thoughts are with you! Hugs, Gail (KY) worcspubl@... wrote: Hello everyone, In the big scheme of things I

guess I'm ok. But I'm really really really sad. The fight is just getting too darned hard. It takes every ounce of my being to take that next right step I need to take every day. And I feel like doors have been slaming in my face non-stop lately and I feel overwhelmed and sad and parts of me want to give up. I know that I've been worrying Al considerably and as much as I love him, I don't even care that he's worrying. And with all the doors closing, I see none opening up! And I wait and wait and wait! It's been 3 months now that I've upped the steroids and I'm still not 100% - even for me. And I am so tired of feeling so crappy. I know I've been one of the lucky ones that I've been able to work and feel relatively good, but this sucks. Plus my birthday was Monday and it really sucked and I've felt sorry for myself ever since. And

I'm 54! And I hate that too. My job is ending, I worry about the money. WE have no phone anymore, we have until the end of the month to use the car without driving illegally, And it's the middle of summer in south Florida and the apt swimming pool has been closed for 3 weeks now and because we've been late on rent recently, I hate to complain and make waves. (oh that's a pun) Usually I believe that "this too shall pass" but today I'm not quite so certain. I sure could use some "there, there Carole, it'll get better" so if you have a minute..... feel good everyone - Carole in Hollywood FL Visit me, your Kay Independent Beauty Consultant (10% of your order will be donated to the International Still's Disease Foundation) http://www.marykay.com/glmurphy

Talk is cheap. Use Yahoo! Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls. Great rates starting at 1¢/min.

[Guest guest]

Carole:

Boy do your words and how you are feeling hit home. I to felt this way

for a long time before I even knew I had stills. They already had me on

pred and after that things got bad and just went to worse in a year and

half. My then wife would not try to understand. Wanted me to have every

thing done like a good little house husband .dinner house cleaned ECT.

She would go at me if I did any thing but what she wanted .I also know

now I was in an abusive relationship on top of being ill. In the end

between the pred and all the other drugs (at the time 11 deferent drugs

at lest one time a day and two once a week) I went down hill. The wife

then set me up and divorced me and well I finally I lost it and

attempted to kill my self with all my pain pills at one time. Well by

Gods grace they found me first and at the time said in 5 more minuets I

would not have been here. Yes I am off the pred now but there are days

and weeks I wise I was not. I do know this I was not given any

antidepressants with the pred for way to long. Never have been a

depressed person but more fun loving and joking around kind. But it all

got to me and in a bad way. yes I was also told we were broke and I had

used all my money (retirement and inheritance for the house bills I was

told we had) so now I am thinking we are flat broke going to have to go

to bankruptcy (wish we had now) then I found my self with 45 cents to my

name a truck and three changes of cloths and that is how I started life

over.

Fast forward to today. I have a wonderful lady standing by my side and

always trying to make me feel safe and cared for ( ya I have trouble

with that now after 19 years of being married ) I am broke as all heck

but finally have some thing to look forward to . What I also found out

is what I look forward to is the best things in life. Like just getting

up and may be not hurting as bad as when I went to bed things like that.

I do not worry about money beyond having enof to put a roof over my

head and food in my belly any thing over that is now gravy and that is

how I live now and have for over 4 years. but as I said I got to start

over with nothing and to day I have me and .

The point is one ask for antidepressants when on reason flat out. it

dose not mean you are depressed or crazy all it means is that drug can

and most of the time dose make you depressed! Also talk to a councilor

about how your feeling better to have talked to some one rather then

wish you had as I ended up doing. I also try to always remember that no

matter how ad to day is it has to get better later and I now want to be

here for that day as I have put up with enof already and sure enof when

I really look at my life it is better and getting better now if my

health would do the same look out world

Also you're in my prayers and I do feel for you.

Hugs all

Marty

[Guest guest]

Carol,

It has to get better, because I need to believe that it does. I don't

know what to say to you right now because I have felt the way you do,

the complete hopelessness and you just can't believe that one more

thing is not right and they keep happening. Nothing really made me

feel better. I just hope that knowing there are people out there who

do care what happens to you and are sending good thoughts and wishes

your way helps. 'Cause we are.

And come here and vent all you need. I think sometimes just getting

it out and off our hearts is helpful.

Thinking of you,

Houston

[Guest guest]

Awe Carol,

I'm sending Gentle hugs to you. I think all of us can relate to how you are

feeling. But please keep in mind, you are never alone because you have all

of us right there at your side, cheering you on.

Sometimes things can look so bleak, with no end in sight. And sometimes we

feel like what's the use to keep on fighting. I know I have many times but

then I think of my family, my friends here and my friends in my " real time "

life, and know I can fight to see another day.

I don't know if you believe in faith or prayer--and I don't say this to

offend--but if you do, maybe saying a prayer and pouring out your heart and

asking for a way to rid yourself of your worries--like leaving them with the

higher power--will bring you peace of mind for a little while. I find much

peace and encouragement just by this simple act. It's just a thought.

I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. I wish I could tell you

that tomorrow you will wake to a better and brighter day but when we feel

this bad, it takes the love and care from people we know that cares to help

ease us back to a healthy thought process of the world around us and about

ourselves.

I'm sorry about the loss of your employment. It can be so hard when this

happens. And the Bday thing. What helps me is to think that I made another

year fighting this. Good for me! I hope you can too very soon.

Hang in there and please come back and post. It's easier for us to give you

the much needed support and loving care.

Gentle Hugs,

, Oregon

>

> Hello everyone,

>

> In the big scheme of things I guess I'm ok. But I'm really really really

> sad. The fight is just getting too darned hard. It takes every ounce of my

> being to take that next right step I need to take every day. And I feel like

> doors have been slaming in my face non-stop lately and I feel overwhelmed

> and sad and parts of me want to give up. I know that I've been worrying Al

> considerably and as much as I love him, I don't even care that he's

> worrying. And with all the doors closing, I see none opening up! And I wait

> and wait and wait!

>

>

>

--

SPEEDY :-)

Meds:

MTX 15 mg; Prednisone 5mg; Leucovorin 5 mg; Armour Thyroid 60 mg

Supporters:

MSM; DHEA 25 mg; Omega3 fish oil 8 daily; Vit. C; Vit. D; B-Complex; Vit

B-12;

Lithium Ortate; Osteo Comlex; Glucosamine & Chondroitin; and Essential

Minerals, AND cALCIUM 1500 mg

" Love endures all things. "

[Guest guest]

dear carol,

sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel just seems too far to

reach, isnt it?

its so difficult... still you've gotta press on...

i may not know you personally, but i'm sure you are a strong character

for all the things you have already gone thru.

have faith in yourself (and AL)...and all those tasks you have already

achieved.

dun be afraid to let out all those negative emotions. Cry if you feel

the need, its excess baggage for you right now.

when you feel lighter, you'll walk easier.

i hope my 2-cents' worth helps.

my best wishes and support.

px