Christmas Reflections

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I'm back from my Christmas vacation. To be brief,

I didn't really have a good holiday. Not the

worst (i.e. The Christmas From Hell 2002) but not

really the

best.

First of all, my wonderful Omit (maternal

Grandmother) flatly told me that I am not allowed

to travel with her and Opa (maternal Grandfather)

to Latvia because I am not Latvian enough for

her. The only reason why my 3 younger cousins

, Aina & Andra we able to accompany them

were because they are able to assist Omit in

shopping and they are fluent in Latvian. And

since I cannot speak Latvian, therefore I am of

no help to her in Latvia. As well, according to

my Omit I have never been interested in learning

Latvian or have ever been interested in anything

related to Latvia. How does she know that? She

lives in Islington, Ontario, CANADA & I live here

in Vancouver, BC, CANADA! I have been reading up

on Latvia and the culture over the years!

In my Omit’s eyes my Uncle Moe, Aunt e &

cousins , Aina & Andra are the perfect

little Latvian family. They have wonderful

Latvian names in which Name Days can be

celebrated (I don’t because my name is not a

Latvian name – therefore I don’t count in the

Latvian world). They all speak Latvian fluently –

having all been to Latvian school. They live

their live the Latvian way – eating Latvian food,

reading the Latvian paper, being involved in the

Latvian community, wearing Latvian clothes,

singing Latvian songs, attending Latvian

festivals – doing everything Latvian. They

celebrate Latvian holidays, Latvian name days and

have the most perfect Latvian life.

My Uncle, Aunt & 3 cousins all live in the lap of

luxury – i.e. they own their own house have only

been in a couple of places since I’ve known them.

They really do get the best of everything from my

grandparents – my Opa’s old car which one of my

cousins crashed, the best jewelry, trips to

Europe (all expense paid), University tuition

paid by my grandparents or at least books and

supplies paid by my grandparents, the best

heirlooms etc…they’ve also had a set of parents

to bring them up too.

In comparison: My Papa abandoned me when I was 3

years old leaving me and my mommy penniless.

Mommy lost her business and the house because of

Papa and his lying and his alcohol problem. The

last Christmas I saw Papa he stole back all of

the Christmas gifts that he had given me –

something that I am reminded of on a regular

basis by my mommy.

The Christmas we had Chicken noodle soup (I was

between the ages 3-4) – we had nothing in the

house to eat – nobody came by to see us for

Christmas – Omit and Opa did not believe in

leaving their house in Toronto to visit us in

Montreal.

Flash forward ahead a bit – we are living again

in another place – on Melrose street – Our

landlord had locked us out of the house and we

lost everything – including our family cat Minou.

We were homeless. We had nowhere to go. Nobody

came to our aid, really. No family member said

“hey, you are in trouble, do you need money, a

place to go? I have connections for you in this

city. I will pay for whatever you need.” It was

only mommy and me.

Again, more moving around every couple of years

and then flash forward to 1987 – the year I was

10. We were moving to a new place again and we

were putting our belongings in storage for the

summer and were going to go the country for the

summer. Summer 1987 was fun and was great. Come

the fall 1987 – time to move into our new place

with our stuff out of storage. Surprise – a mix

up – divorce from another couple – and we lose

every single item that we have owned – stuff from

the day I was born – stuff that cannot be

replaced – stuff that Papa made or my Grandpapa

Louis made for me – every single thing. All that

we got back were some boxes of some few precious

pictures and some ornaments – but the rest gone –

mommy’s bear that she owned since she was a child

– the only toy that she ever had that she didn’t

have to share with her younger brother and

sister. Once again we were homeless. No place to

go. Did any relative ever step in and say “hey, I

will help you out of your jam – I will help you

to find a place to live”? No! We had some really

good friends of ours who helped us by letting us

stay with them during that year.

Let us now flash forward to 1990 – the year that

Papa came back into my life. What a horrible

year! What a horrible Father’s Day weekend I will

never ever forget! I now realize that I was being

used by my Papa’s relatives as a way to try to

find him. But, I digress a bit. That year my

mommy and me were making a special birthday

dinner for my Grandmaman (her birthday being June

12, 1912) and my Aunt Louise & my younger cousins

Zara & came in from Toronto for the dinner.

They came under false pretenses. When they

arrived, I heard the news that Papa had been

found. There was to be a family reunion at Uncle

Jean-Luc’s but only family members were allowed

to go – not me – I guess being the daughter

doesn’t really count as being a family member,

does it? But wait – the best is yet to come:

Father’s Day I was to meet my Papa at the Day’s

Inn in Montreal for a special meet. I wrote him a

special Father’s day card and everything. We go

down there. I wait. And wait. I swim. And swim.

And wait and wait some more. Papa never even

bothered to show up. How thoughtful of him to do

that! Don’t you agree? I was so angry and upset I

tore my room apart – from limb to limb – angry

and hurt and crying and upset and feeling so

betrayed.

Then, that year when my birthday rolls around I

get one card from him with some childish gifts.

The card says in his own handwriting, “From a

distance I have always loved you”. That is

something I will never ever forget until the day

I die. Well – where were all of the child support

payments that he owed my mommy? What about all of

the money he owed mommy – money from business

loans and the such? Where was he during those

early years when I needed him in my life?

I never got anything from Papa and I was never

told of his whereabouts – ever. All I ever got

was a measly email address which I found quite by

accident when I got an email from my cousin

– that was the only thing I had to go on – to

communicate with Papa.

I was always told by my mommy that my Grandmaman

had left everybody a $25,000 inheritance but when

she died on Dec. 20, 2003 I never received a dime

of it. Why was the money being kept away from me?

Don’t I matter too? Don’t the rest of the family

think that I deserve some money – considering

that I grew up with little money? It all comes

down to deceit and lies and betrayal – betrayal

against me – family members treating me like

crap.

My Aunt Baiba died May 12, 1993 of Lymphonic

cancer. Mommy and me had no money whatsoever but

we found the resources to make the trip over to

, BC. Omit & Opa never stopped their

Europe trip to see Aunt Baiba, nor did they offer

any monetary compensation for our expenses to

. And it was clearly made we were not

welcome to her actual deathbed around May 12,

1993 – yes we were there when she was flown into

from Bamfield, but no, we were not there

either. And nobody had even told us about her

worsening condition either. Nobody offered to pay

us to go to her funeral/memorial service either.

Once again, I get the short end of the stick.

Aunt Baiba left me something in her will but I

never got anything – who do you think is

responsible? Uncle Moe!

Mommy had bi-pass surgery in 1994 – yet once

again Omit & Opa never bothered to come and visit

and we had no money whatsoever. What did we get?

$100 – not enough to really make a difference for

us to help with expenses of the house. The one

relative who did stick by us at the time was Aina

McCormick from the US – she drove all the way

down to help my mommy during this time – Uncle

Moe or Aunt e never even sent me a card or

even called to ask how I was doing – nobody even

cared about how I was feeling – how scared I was

feeling at the time. I stayed with some good

friends of ours because I did not want to stay at

home on my own – there was no way in 1994 that I

would feel confident at staying home alone during

this time.

Not once in all the years I have known my Uncle

Moe, Aunt e and my cousins , Aina &

Andra have they ever sent a thank you note to me

or my mommy. We have given them over the years

close to $10,000 in cash ($2,000 per person) –

years when we had no money whatsoever – years

when we were struggling – years when we could

have used the money ourselves – but they never

even acknowledged any of it. Not even some of the

gifts we mailed out at Christmas time – making

sure the gifts got there in time – spending money

we really didn’t have at all. Don’t you think it

to be rude to not even acknowledge a generous

gift? Don’t they realize that giving $50 from one

person with limited funds is more dear/precocious

than some other well to do person giving them

$200?

How do you think their greediness got paid off?

Free trips to Europe and all the best things in

life!

Never have Uncle Moe & Aunt e sent out a

birthday or a Christmas card in time –

never!!!!!!!! One year (around 1996) we got a

Christmas package from them in July – with rotten

chocolate! Do you think that is appropriate/nice?

This year they never bothered to even send a card

and only when my mommy told Opa – Opa is not

pleased with them either – that is when they sent

out a card – but to me. Opa told my mommy who

told me that Uncle Moe didn’t send out any cards

this year at all – something that is quite rude

and unforgivable.

What is even more unforgivable is the way I was

LIED to on the phone – how they didn’t know how

their card got so late when they sent it out on

time. Well please don’t fuck around with me. The

post mark said it was mailed for Dec. 27, 2007

and it arrived Dec. 31, 2007 – what lies my

family has told me. I don’t like to be screwed

around with in this manner – I’ve been betrayed

by my other family members – I don’t need more

betrayal from them as well. I know they don’t

care for me at all – if they really cared they

would have made the effort to visit us here in

Vancouver and not make lame debt excuses as a

reason not to visit mommy and me. What a bunch of

crap! If they have so much debt, how are they

able to visit places all over the world and have

go to Greece & Europe in 2007? I had debt.

I have money limitations – I haven’t travelled

anywhere fancy like Europe – but my cousins have

all been gallivanting around the world. Gee, what

a crock.

For once, I would like some justice done towards

me. I will not be taken for granted any longer.

Tara Kimberley Torme

Tara Kimberley Torme

2061 East 40th Avenue

Vancouver, BC

V5P 1J4

CANADA

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