Thanks Cassie and Everyone

[Guest guest]

Thanks Cassie,

I hope I have helped somebody, that is the only reason

I share these personal stories. A huge part of me, is

scared too and doesn't want to open up, but I realised

a while back, that we are all here on the same Earth

in very similar situations - all striving to survive,

live, love, laugh and learn and yet we all feel so

desperately alone at times that it is enough to put

some over the edge and choose to end it all, (like my

neighbor recently did) and like I once tried to do.

But if instead of focusing on feeling alone, we

instead share our lives with others and let the fear

subside, then we can all begin to realize how alike we

really are and we can all learn from one anothers past

mistakes and shortcomings.

If we all stop fighting and let things and feelings

slide, we can focus long enough to see that that woman

is our sister and much the same as ourselves, and that

man is our brother and we do not want our sibblings to

have pain, especially not because of us.

We are all children of God, whether we want to believe

that or not, so we are all family.

So hopefully by me being brave enough to share my very

personal fears and shortcomings and trials and things

- and what I have learned from them all, one of my

earthly family (or hopefully more) can be touched and

inspired to keep going, to do better, and to realize

that we all mess up and fall, but together and with

God we can do anything.

Sincerely, Esther

--- Cassie Zupke wrote:

> Esther --

>

> Have you been to an endocrinologist also? Have your

> thyroid levels been

> checked by somone who really knows that the

> guidelines for what are

> normal are for the whole population, not an

> individual -- he/she knows

> that your levels can be inside the " normal " range

> and still be low for

> you? I went undiagnosed for 10 yrs even though I

> had a goiter because

> my test results came back within the normal range.

> Finally I went to an

> endocrinologist who started me on thyroid medicine

> and it was easier to

> lose weight, my energy levels went up, my emotional

> state improved, and

> the goiter went away, and my hair wasn't thinning

> anymore -- it started

> coming back in thick like it used to be.

>

> Also I've heard of Cushing's disease, where a

> chemical imbalance means

> you don't lose weight no matter how you eat -- you

> can starve to death

> and be very overweight. If you haven't been tested

> for that you might

> want to look it up and see if you think it applies.

> An endocrinologist

> would be a good place to have that done as well.

>

> That being said, I think you're right -- we put too

> much emphasize on

> the size of our bodies. I figure if the size of my

> a** is the most

> important thing about me, I've got a whole lot more

> problems than being

> overweight.

>

> Good luck with being healthy! And thanks for

> sharing your story. You

> may have saved someone's life today.

>

> -- Cassie

>

> Esther wrote:

>

> > Hi T,

> > I am so sorry that you are having to go through

> all of

> > this. My first question though to you, is do you

> think

> > that she is anerexic? Does she ever talk about

> hating

> > to eat? Food being grose? Wishing that people

> could

> > survive without food? Does she ever talk about

> others

> > or herself being fat, even when they are not or

> when

> > they are just regular or average. Does she or

> anyone

> > in your family critique people in movies, saying

> she's

> > too fat, she has too big a smile, her eyes are

> weird,

> > his nose is too big etc. etc.

> > Does she eat in front of you? Have you tried to

> > observe if she is eating when she thinks you are

> not

> > looking?

> > ANyhow, I am just wondering because I had anerexia

> > between the ages of 11 and 16. I used to be just

> > naturally skinny and tiny and would eat whatever I

> > wanted and when I turned 11 and actually started

> to

> > gain normal healthy weight, my dad took me aside

> and

> > told me I was gaining a little too quickly and

> that

> > while he didn't want me to take offence to what he

> was

> > saying and I was not yet too fat, I would be if I

> was

> > not careful.

> > He may have meant that honestly and heartfelt, but

> I

> > took things VERY literally and thought I

> constantly

> > had to watch my weight. Then I payed more

> attention

> > and realized that both mom and dad were constantly

> > dieting and complaining about being fat. I noticed

> > that both my grandmas did too. None of them were

> fat

> > by the way. Not really. My dad was a bit thick

> through

> > the midsection, but being a 6 foot tall man only

> > weighed about 230 and my mom is 5'10 and she

> weighed

> > only 170. Even if those stupid health pyramids

> tell

> > you that people should be less than that, they

> don't

> > know the difference in all people's structural

> makeup.

> > My husband is 6'1' and weighs 200 pounds. People

> are

> > constantly shocked at the drs office because he

> looks

> > Really good and in their head they think 200 is

> fat,

> > but it is not and it depends on the person and

> their

> > build. When my husband got down to 179, he was

> > hospitalised and looked like a ghost and the

> doctors

> > said that he was severely malnutritioned and that

> he

> > desperately needed to put some weight on.

> > It all depends on the person, and their build and

> > their bone structure and so on.

> > ANyhow, my family was very very negative while

> > watching movies and tv. They were always saying

> that

> > everyone was fat. They would say that Drew

> Barrymore

> > and Kate winslet and Meg ryan and all these sorts

> of

> > actresses were fat. It was usually always women

> that

> > they picked on and critiqued and it was usually my

> dad

> > critiquing them. They would say that roberts

> has

> > too big of a mouth and so does Liv Tyler and so

> and so

> > had too big of hair and so and so had too big a

> nose

> > and so and so was stupid and bla bla bla.

> > I just listened, or tried to defend the

> individuals

> > only to have my family try and persuade me that

> their

> > opinion was right. I started listening to others

> and

> > my friends families and such and realized that a

> > LOT!!! of families do this. They are constantly

> > judging and critiquing and as an 11 yr old, my

> only

> > thought was, " Wow I better make myself perfect so

> that

> > I don't get judged like that! "

> > Well, I slowly started turning down any kind of

> food

> > that was not a meal, I then started skipping

> > breakfast, I then started skipping lunch or only

> > having something to drink or eating a cracker or

> too.

> > I then started eating only a tiny bit for my

> dinner

> > and never eating ice cream or dessert etc.

> > I lost a lot of weight. The thing is, my parents

> did

> > not see it as a problem, they praised me for

> finally

> > loosing the weight (they thought I had) and

> > complimenting me all the time on how lovely I

> looked.

> > I began hating to eat and it began hurting my

> stomach

> > to eat. My mom started to notice and when I went

> to a

> > dance at my church group one day she told me I had

> to

> > eat a bagel or I could not go. I hadn't eaten in

> > almost 3 days. I knew that, but she only knew that

> it

> > had been a while and was trying to watch me. I was

> 15

> > and had been doing this for years, so it

> litterally

> > hurt me to eat. I complained and griped and said

> no,

> > but I really wanted to go to the dance and was all

> > decked out in a beautiful lacey white prom dress

> with

> > my hair all curled and my mom and I got in a huge

> > fight at the dance. Finally I grabbed the bagel

> and

> > ate it quickly and my mom thanked me and hugged

> me.

> > I walked off and she said she would be back to

> pick me

> > up.

> > About 20 minutes after she left my stomach hurt so

> > bad, I thought I would die, from not eating, so I

> ran

> > to the bathroom and threw up. I really didn't mean

> to,

>

=== message truncated ===

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