Re: OT -- my son's fears-Elle- Mother concerns

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/24/2006 3:30:00 PM Central Standard Time,

elle@... writes:

We have again talked about their adoption being finalized. They may not

have been born in my tummy, but they were definitely born in my heart... and

Papa's name and Momma's name are both on their birth certificates.

-- Elle

Mom of Jim (30), (8), Isaiah (6), and Elijah (5)

__________________

Elle,

All of your boys are lucky tohave you. These last few days, I have been

torn up inside. Between money and house concerns, My life has been in an

uproar. Add to that my ortho mess and you come up witha major depressive cycle.

Then, I sat through 's concert and listened to all the kids thank

thier momma's and grandmothers, and I sat and cried. I feel like the sorriest

mother on earth and worry that I am failing my kids. Then I came home and

started thinking that all these people had grandmothers to help, and me and Tom

do

the best we can alone. You know I didn't appreciate my momma when she was

around, never thought she could go. We lost her and Tom's mother at age 49 and

50 when my son was a baby. So I'm sure your doing a great job with these kids.

Time will help them realize the situation is stable. I can only imagine how

much they have been through in thier short lives. Your providing a safe

secure home is the best thing for them right now. Your a great mother, better

than

me....LOL.

Mel

http://hometown.aol.com/mdl1031/

[Guest guest]

Congratulations! And thank you for being adoptive parents!

Jim

_____

From: DS_Friends_Keshishian

[mailto:DS_Friends_Keshishian ] On Behalf Of MDL1031@...

Sent: Wednesday, May 24, 2006 8:24 PM

To: DS_Friends_Keshishian

Subject: Re: OT -- my son's fears-Elle- Mother

concerns

In a message dated 5/24/2006 3:30:00 PM Central Standard Time,

elle@... writes:

We have again talked about their adoption being finalized. They may not

have been born in my tummy, but they were definitely born in my heart...

and

Papa's name and Momma's name are both on their birth certificates.

-- Elle

Mom of Jim (30), (8), Isaiah (6), and Elijah (5)

__________________

Elle,

All of your boys are lucky tohave you. These last few days, I have been

torn up inside. Between money and house concerns, My life has been in an

uproar. Add to that my ortho mess and you come up witha major depressive

cycle.

Then, I sat through 's concert and listened to all the kids thank

thier momma's and grandmothers, and I sat and cried. I feel like the

sorriest

mother on earth and worry that I am failing my kids. Then I came home and

started thinking that all these people had grandmothers to help, and me and

Tom do

the best we can alone. You know I didn't appreciate my momma when she was

around, never thought she could go. We lost her and Tom's mother at age 49

and

50 when my son was a baby. So I'm sure your doing a great job with these

kids.

Time will help them realize the situation is stable. I can only imagine how

much they have been through in thier short lives. Your providing a safe

secure home is the best thing for them right now. Your a great mother,

better than

me....LOL.

Mel

http://hometown.aol.com/mdl1031/

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/25/2006 1:55:17 A.M. Central Daylight Time,

mjs93311@... writes:

You have managed to provide your

kids with a well-rounded youth experience, and you and Tom taught them

to work for what they want. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Marta

_________________________________________

Marta,

I bet you can look back at old posts and read and see this time of year

is hard on me. Between a Fibro flare and whatever is causing these new

episodes, I'm miserable. I'm just plain sick and tired of being sick and tired.

puke, hurt, puke, hurt...some life huh?

That and I went to the Rebel Americans concert, the last one ever as

they are consolidating the schools. I listened to all the sappy stuff and I

think it makes me think about how alone I feel sometimes. Most of my friends

were

people from work, and I don't ever see them anymore, And other friends work

and don't have time to do stuff. Then again, I plan to do something like

wanting to go to B'ham tonight. And then just don't feel like going, It's not

so

much the going places but the process of getting ready and actually getting

somewhere is exhausting. I try and try to make things work, and every time I

think things are better something or someone hits me in the face and I have to

worry about how I'm going to do this or that? You know the normal stuff, fix

the car, pay the bill, just having the energy to go to the band concert or

the choir concert, Just the simple stuff, easy stuff. I used to work OT and

then some(every bonus shift I could) so I could do stuff I wanted to do. Now, I

want to do things and I don't have that option and that is killing me.

I'm sick of every little problem becoming a major thing. I know most

people don't think and extra 50 dollars because your kid outgrew their tux

jacket is not a major thing, BUT to me it is failure on MY part. I stopped and

tried to think about what My momma did when we out grew stuff. Marta, I could

tell you stories about my childhood that would shock You(Stealing TP from the

zippy mart bathroom stuffed in my bra because we had none at home, Not having

shoes when cold weather came, and fighting to get a pair before the cold

weather came, And My Mother had help from my grand parents) Anyway it makes me

miss my momma and I guess I get a pity party going. I miss her really bad when

kids events come up. It makes me just want to be able to call and talk to

her. Plus I'm really scared right now about this new thing going on. I don't

want to go to the doc.I even thought about buying some diamox on the web to try

and get by without going. Maybe I can reduce the pressure without the neuro

guy getting involved. I just can't stand the thought of more spinal taps right

now! The epidurals are bad enough. And on top of that, I have this broken

tooth that is abscessing. I'm a fixer, I have a little medical knowledge and I

can't fix this and it's making me crazy!

Damn it Marta, I was a nurse, a good nurse,I made damned good money and

this is killing me. Sometimes I feel so useless and some people don't make

things any better, and actually make it worse. Shit! I'm bawling now, I'm

sorry if my " sad story " is bringing you down. Sometimes I'm so tired, So tired

of

trying and trying to make everyone happy. So now you get the idea why I feel

like I'm a bad mother....I want to do stuff with my kids and they are

talking about a big trip this year or next and I'm thinking, how will I do it?

The

only way got her trip her senior year was because Tom and

worked 2 jobs and saved every penny.(You get funny looks when you pay for stuff

in

1 dollar bills....Tom's tips) I had promised her that she would go. Now I

wonder if I will be able to do for the same.(That kid wants to go to

Alaska...LOL). He knows he has to work and save for his school trips, but I had

to make him choose between the band trip to San and 's trip.

I'm glad he chose us, but feel bad that he couldn't go with his friends. He

baby sat Luke through the summer for his spending money. He used a borrowed

trombone when his was unfixable last fall, and When I posted about finding a

bargain, and working to get his new (used) trombone, I was proud that

he

was able to find that bargain because one similar was over a thousand

dollars. And the kid worked hard to pay for every penny of it. I was proud of

him,

but get a snitty shitty comment about my purchases. finally got her

school started at the Jr College, paid tuition but the books were almost 400

dollars this quarter, and guess who had to find the money for that? I finally

made Tom quit the 2nd job because I was afraid he'd fall asleep at the wheel.

He already has sleep apnea, and working till closing and being at work at 5

am didn't cut it long term.

I hate this house, It costs to much rent but we were forced to get what

we could at the time. It's not what I want and I loved the house on Western

avenue. It pisses me off that we were never given the option to try and buy

it. The central unit is 100 yrs old and freezes up. The windows won't

open(painted shut) and the plumbing is crappy. The laundry is outside, and I've

pulled

ticks off of me 3 times and It's just not what I want. We are trying to find

a house somewhere else but my dogs are the big problem. They are my company,

and like babies to me. The no pets thing is a problem. We got our hopes up

about getting another house and it fell through last week. My house is a mess

and I'm just to damned sick and tired to do anything about it right now!

So now you know why I feel like a bad mother. I have good days and

think that I'm going to be OK, and even think about trying to go back to work,

then I'm hit with the physical stuff and feel useless again. Maybe feeling

good is a bad thing because it makes the bad days worse when you get a little

hope?

I'm sorry this is long and sappy, I sit here and wish my friends like

you and Jo were not 4,000 miles away. I started to send this privately but sat

here and thought about it, and maybe someone else might feel bad and know

they are not alone. Please don't think I'm trying to make anyone feel sorry for

me. I'm a big girl and I will get through this. Things could be worse, I just

have to remember that God is supposed to have a purpose. I can look back and

see that things had to be a certain way for so much to happen. They say God

doesn't give you more than you can take, but I'm at the point I wonder how

much more? I'm just glad you guys are here for me. So enough whining for now,

It's 5:30 AM and I need to sleep, if I can.

Mel-

[Guest guest]

Mel, aren't you the one who went to NY City with your daughter so she

could be in the Macy's parade WHILE you were suffering from

appendicitis? ANd how about all the stuff you have done without, all

the pain you have suffered sitting in the bleachers during football

games so you could be there for your school band? I think you are

feeling sorry about yourself lately due to your worsening health, but

you are being too hard on yourself. You have managed to provide your

kids with a well-rounded youth experience, and you and Tom taught them

to work for what they want. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Marta

> Your a great mother, better than

> me....LOL.

>

> Mel

[Guest guest]

> I'm sorry this is long and sappy, I sit here and wish my

friends like

> you and Jo were not 4,000 miles away.

======================

Mel

No need to apologize for the length of the post, if folks don't want

to read something lengthy they can always use their delete key. I

also wish we lived closer, if we did I'd come over with some

Chocolate and a hug!

When we can't give our kids everything they want and even some of

the things they need, I understand how that can make you feel like a

bad mom. But believe me, your kids will grow up and remember that

you tried, that is what will stay in their hearts. You are giving

them more important gifts...you are giving them the gift of

integrity, work ethics and love.

I'm glad we were here to listen to your frustration...hopefully just

putting it into words and shedding a couple tears allows you to take

a deep breath and continue to work towards better days.

Friendship Hugs

Jo