past 11 months have been tough but I can see the light now

[Guest guest]

I've gotten a new taste of what love is these past several months, trying to

recover from the double whammy of losing my home and possessions to the Oct '07

San Diego (Witch Creek) firestorm and my beloved nephew to suicide just 6 days

before that.

I was devastated — and traumatized. But today, eleven months later, I can say

I've been blessed. Despite many tears and dark moments, I am deeply thankful

for the love and friendship that is helping me realize that ‘this too shall

pass’. The blessings of love and friendship have kept me going.

Through these months of stress and anguish, working through multiple problems, I

felt nearly worn out, but eventually amazed at how much I could endure and still

keep on going. I've remained encouraged by the grace and love of friends who've

called, e-mailed or written, or just located us and come by. So many people

have asked, " Is there anything I can do to help? " — not realizing they had

already helped, just by asking. Every time someone reached out to us it felt

like an embrace, like receiving yet another wonderful gift.

We found, after losing it all, that we actually " had " more than we ever knew.

Our friends and family surrounded us with love, gifts, gift cards, pictures of

our home from years gone by and so many more things. We were dumbfounded by how

much so many people cared.

It may have been Oprah who expressed so well that – to know that people care

about how you're doing when the doings aren't so good — that's what love is.

I feel very blessed to have come to know this from personal experience.

Our new house is moving along. My husband and I have had some ups and downs but

know these are to be expected. We are still pretty much on schedule, thanks to

a wonderful architect and a terrific builder. Rebuilding is very therapeutic.

I am thankful each day for the love all around us and for the interest and

positive thoughts and good wishes of our friends. And all the help we have had

as well. We have come a long way in eleven months – my healing is advancing

one day at a time. It feels so good to be moving ahead, focusing on the

re-building of our home and what CAN be done instead of what we no longer have.

We feel life smoothing out for us, more and more, and realize each day is

special. It’s great to get another chance.

I was wondering if perhaps my new home would not feel like " home " to me once I

got in, and I expressed this on a Firestorm Survivors e-mail list. A survivor

of the Cedar fire [4 years ago also in our San Diego area] pointed out to me

that “... as you watch your new house take shape it will become yoursâ€.

YES! With great insurance and expert planning and construction help, I will be

creating it as my own, step by step. I am focusing on the fact that I will have

a brand new house, that will have been realized by my decisions. There were

many treasures lost that had been collected over the years from different places

and countries, and wonderful gifts given to us by friends and relatives, but we

now have the opportunity to create new memories with new ‘things’ that may

remind us of the pain we have been through and the growth we have made through

this dreadful experience. We now have experienced (even if we knew it only

intellectually before),

the blessing of knowing that it is not things in this world that are most

important, but relationships. I read a quote the other day - it was something

like " When your heart is singing, you are allowing Well-being. When you are

appreciating, you are allowing Well-being " . We are certainly appreciating these

days!

When it comes to this fire experience, we " victims " are all greenhorns, but

getting older and wiser slowly - over time.

The beauty of all this may be that we will be able to share what we have learned

with others who experience disaster and tragedy in the future. Maybe we can be

guides for others like the Cedar fire survivors were for us. They helped us, by

word and deed, through those blurry dark months of November, December and

January. They found their way into the sunshine, as we all will too,

eventually. I am hopeful!

I'll never ever forget the two friends of 25+ years who brought over big laundry

baskets filled with clothes, gift cards, snacks, wine, office supplies – a

little bit of everything. Nor will I ever

forget those friends and former coworkers whom we hadn't seen in months or years

who came, equipped with screens, cool drinks & sandwiches, to search for

recoverable treasures amidst the ashes. We are still amazed and thankful for

the Samaritan's Purse volunteers who came thousands of miles with lin

Graham from North Carolina to help sift through ashes and put down hay waddles

and sandbags on our hillside slopes for erosion control. We are quite humbled

by another dear old friend who requested we keep close contact and apprise him

of our needs.

Generosity of this sort is magic, the sort we, ourselves, hope to propagate in

the future.

It's been a long journey and we are becoming extra sensitive. It's been a long

slog that sometimes looked endless. But now we see light at the end of the

tunnel.

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