(No subject)

[Guest guest]

If you are a mom: 1. What things did you do successfully to get your man involved in the treatments of autism?I would share information from TACA meetings, conferences, forward pertinent e-mails from web groups, give synopsis of books I had read.  Communication is the key for us - always keeping the information flowing in both directions.  I have carried the main job of researching biomedical treatments. I have a background in science and a degree in behavioral science so these areas have a special interest for me.  My husband has a background in engineering and sales - he analyzes things very well - sometimes too well!  He has taken on the legal side of things for us and so far we are balancing each other our very well.2. What did you try that didn't work?He doesn't want to read all the books - he'll research some key points on the internet though. 3. What disappointed you the most about your spouse?Initially, the negativity and lack of believing in biomed, in which I have strong faith.  He is someone you have to prove things to and he wants to analyze things before going ahead, I jump in with both feet. 4. What were/are you most grateful for about your spouse?Realizing how important trying to recover our son is and being there for all of the doctor appointments, IEP meetings and due process hearings. I am grateful for the ability to attend countless meetings and conferences to further my knowledge base, even though it might mean more work for him.5. What would you most want men to know about this journey as far as how it affects the  the woman?It completely occupies every fiber of my being.  The constant search for how to overcome and reverse my son's multiple issues.  The feeling of guilt that myself and western medicine broke my son and the need to fix that.  Many things that seemed important before simply don't matter anymore. 6. How does sex factor into your relationship through this journey?Our relationship has lasted nearly 23 years - there will be ups &  downs and time when passion is greater than at other times.  There are times when worry and depression may get in the way and other times when you welcome putting them aside. 7. What has been the hardest part of all for you?The time it takes away from the rest of the family and the financial impact. 8. During the journey, what has been your biggest fear... the scariest thing that you would have liked to have had more help in dealing with... the fear that you couldn't verbalize to your spouse. The fear as my son gets older the bigger the gap will increase between him and his NT peer.  The fear he may never talk, the fear he will never be normal.Feel free to tell me a story that explains your answer. If you are a Dad: 1. What helped you to get involved in helping your child?Our child had cranio-facial surgery at three months... Following surgery he healed, progressed, and then looked like he was on a normal development path.  When he exhibited some speech delays... then it later became clear that he had regressed and lost speech altogether - I was probably more in denial than a rational person would be.I remember having him with me at an Einstein's Bagels when he was about 18 months old... and there was a neuro-typical little girl in line that was only 10 or 12 months old.  Seeing the differences in how she engaged with the people in line, and how she talked and took in her surroundings was the point where I realized we needed to really get to work with our boy. 2. What was the hardest part of this journey for you?Two answers - first was hearing from our Pediatrician that "there just isn't any cure, or known treatment for children with Autism."  Second is trying to maintain a relationship with our School District, who has taken us to due-process three times in 18 months.3. What would you suggest to moms to get their spouses more involved?Get the book "Children with Starving Brains" and secretly remove the chapters with Poetry written by Chelsea's Grandpa...  No man needs to see that.   Set up DAN Doctor appointments for a time when the Dad can come along... maybe late in the day so that he can leave work early to attend.  4. What would you want women to know about men and how they deal with all this?To be honest... all the "Warrior Mom" stuff can be a little condescending.  No disrespect intended, but "HELLO..." while you are bagging on us for being absentee fathers, we are usually standing next to you at the picnic/conference/meeting. Please disregard this if you are now a single mom who's Ex left... got hair plugs and is now dating a 22 year old. 5. What is your exact role in your child's recovery and why did you choose that role?The wage earner for the family has certain obligations that drive some of the day-to-day participation.  I wouldn't say we choose roles... we just do what needs to be done.   6. How does sex factor into your relationship through this journey?I wouldn't say we choose roles... we just do what needs to be done. 7. During the journey, what has been your biggest fear... the scariest thing that you would have liked to have had more help in dealing with... the fear that you couldn't verbalize to your spouse. Well, the biggest fear is whether our child can ever be independent.  I worry about whether we are finding the right specialists, picking the right therapies and spending our money on the right things... because we also have a responsible to plan to support him after we are long gone...__._,_