Guest guest Posted July 2, 2002 Report Share Posted July 2, 2002 I think we all have a right to be mad. Anger is what effects change. I'm still maddest at my father for being a narcissistic wimp. But I never say anything to him anymore because whenever I do it all comes back on me. It felt good to hear my youngest brother and sister admit they saw the differences in the treatment. In fact they have stuck up for me many times to my dad. But if I hadn't been who I was I probably wouldn't have been as good a Sunday School teacher as I was. I remember what it was like to feel awkward and unsure. With my SS kids I work very hard to make them all feel special. I have my hypervigilance....I'm afraid when I don't feel in control...I detest any type of conflict...I used to be very, very shy. I always wonder what I could have done if I hadn't spent the first half of my life running blindly. We are all like diamonds who have withstood the tremendous pressure of the earth. Brilliant inside once we get past the dirt and grime that made us this way. Re: lonewolf - depression > > On my good days, I don't regret my ordeal. When I look at myself and assess > my strengths and weaknesses, I have many strengths that I are a direct > result of being a KO. Strengths that my coworkers and friends don't have. > But it's really hard when I'm dealing with my fleas and their effect on my > life. > > Thanks for putting it so clearly ...... Obviously we all have been tried in the fire...and that makes us special in different ways. I have my know it all cousin who embraces all her mother's mistakes and will not even say " What the hell was mom thinking? " I see the mistakes and don't like them. I see them as life mistakes. I don't necessarily spend too much time regretting them. I can see how tragedy turns into something else. I cannot discount the pain and suffering though that was needless and never accounted for. I think all that stinks and am willing to stay mad as long as I need to. I can see the effects of the rotten childhood on me. There is good stuff and bad stuff. Good stuff is a strong intuition about my kids and how to protect them. Bad stuff is hypervigilance and fear of catastrophe. I had such a sense of catastrophe that when 9/11 happened, I felt that finally my inner world and outer world were balanced. I was surprised by that...that I was that freaked out internally. Kathleen To get off the list, send a blank message to ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions & amp; concerns to ModOasis-owner . & quot;Stop Walking on Eggshells, & quot; a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 2, 2002 Report Share Posted July 2, 2002 Kathleen, from reading your posts you had such a horrific childhood. And to find your first husband after he committed suicide. I can't imagine. I used to dream about the peacefulness of death also. Now sometimes I feel really envious of the people who hibernate from life. If I could go in my house, close the door, and be totally alone for 1 week. We were talking at lunch today about what is a good vacation to people. Most everybody loved to go someplace and do something different. I said to me a good vacation is being at home, going to the pool, and relaxing. I spent my whole childhood moving from one place to another...from one state to another, that now I don't want to go anywhere. Re: lonewolf - depression > My nada used to always threaten suicide. > > This is a famous plot in my FOO> My Filipino great grandfather (abusive beast) killed himself by drinking muriatic acid. My grandmother (Filipino side) always threatened to kill herself by drinking Lysol (would that work?). My nada didn't threaten suicide, but she would often shout about being dead. Now she goes on about how her time is running out. Her sister, aunty-nada tried (?) to kill herself when she was living with her liar womanizing husband....and she ended up in the hospital and had to have psychiatric care to be released. I always wondered if it was a dramatic scene gone wrong. My brother recently tried to kill himself, and my sister who was bad split also tried to OD when she was splitting from her husband. Personally, I've never tried to kill myself, but there was a point after being widowed and when I was in a rocky time with then boyfriend now husband....that I was in such emotional distress that I would dream of drifting off into the peace of death because life was too painful. It was more thinking that it was just so hard. Kathleen To get off the list, send a blank message to ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions & amp; concerns to ModOasis-owner . & quot;Stop Walking on Eggshells, & quot; a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 3, 2002 Report Share Posted July 3, 2002 In a message dated 7/2/02 12:16:33 AM Eastern Daylight Time, lonewolfe30@... writes: > I'm gonna write Oprah sometime soon! She's always been an > advocate of the unheard. Whatyathink about that one? > Great idea! Maybe she'd have us on and we could enlighten the world! Hugs, Debbie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 3, 2002 Report Share Posted July 3, 2002 In a message dated 7/2/02 12:16:33 AM Eastern Daylight Time, lonewolfe30@... writes: > It's based on the this poem with > wearing a red hat and a purple so that they don't match...but they're > old enough to do it and be happy. I have this poem somewhere...give me a few days and I'll post it! Debbie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 3, 2002 Report Share Posted July 3, 2002 In a message dated 7/2/02 9:35:17 AM Eastern Daylight Time, thanksforthisday@... writes: > that I was in such emotional distress that I > would dream of drifting off into the peace of death because life was > too painful. It was more thinking that it was just so hard. > I felt this way when I was divorcing my first (abusive) husband. I was so tired of being hurt and having to suck it up to take care of a small child with no help. It seemed like going to bed and never waking up would be a fabulous solution. Luckily, I had enough fear of xh to refuse to die and leave my baby to be raised by him! So I kept waking up every morning and eventually it stopped sucking....and a little further down the road I started to actually look forward to what the day would bring. Hugs, Debbie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 3, 2002 Report Share Posted July 3, 2002 In a message dated 7/3/02 2:09:30 PM Eastern Daylight Time, lonewolfe30@... writes: > Thanks. I'll be > gone until next week for the 4th weekend- Denver for my hubby's b-day. > Kere, Happy birthday to dear hubby! I am leaving tomorrow for NYC and then heading upstate. I'll be back Monday and will post the poem. Hugs, Debbie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 3, 2002 Report Share Posted July 3, 2002 Debbie, Oh cool. I've been wanting to get ahold of that copy again sometime and never can find it now that I'm looking for it. Thanks. I'll be gone until next week for the 4th weekend- Denver for my hubby's b-day. Kere > In a message dated 7/2/02 12:16:33 AM Eastern Daylight Time, > lonewolfe30@y... writes: > > > > It's based on the this poem with > > wearing a red hat and a purple so that they don't match...but they're > > old enough to do it and be happy. > > I have this poem somewhere...give me a few days and I'll post it! > > Debbie > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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