Wish me luck AGAIN!!!

[Guest guest]

Well, everyone, it is down to the wire here. My parents are expected here tomorrow evening, and then we will be packing my stuff up and plan to leave Fri for Tucson. However, snow is predicted here Thurs and Fri, and if it is supposed to be bad, we will leave Thurs late AM. 4.5 wks of being in a hotel room by myself has been trying and tested every bit of what sanity I have left. Between the cervical collar, the loneliness, the inability to do ANYTHING, and the constant fear and anxiety of this surgery not working, has made me rather depressed and even more unsure of myself and what life holds for me. The job with GE obviously did not work out, so that has been a big disappointment and made me feel like a complete failure. Other jobs I've applied for have told me that I don't have the experience they are looking for. It is very discouraging and frightening to know that I don't have any job prospect lined up at all. But I will continue to refuse to work in the hospital again. I will work at Mcs before I set foot in a hospital again. I am even willing to take a $15-20/hr pay cut just to get out of nursing. And I have to get some job to boost my self esteem. This disappointment with GE has really been a blow to my self esteem and self confidence, and I guess I feel that I'm worthless and not qualified for anything. So, please say some more prayers for me that I continue to heal and that a good job prospect comes down the pike. Everything I have worked so hard for in my career seems like it's not worth anything now. All the additional schooling, the certifications in various specialties, the critical care/trauma certifications, the legal nurse consulting----all worthless. What a waste of time and money. Talk about feeling like mud!!!!! I also have my next set of cervical xrays on Mon the 18th. These films will determine if I can get out of this damn collar or not. I have decided that even if my surgeon says no, this collar is coming off for good at 6 wks (2 more wks). I had a meltdown tonight and realized that this collar and all the restrictions placed on me has gotten to me and is affecting me not just physically, but emotionally as well. So, the collar comes off for good in 2 more wks. I've reached my boiling point. But I do hope that the xrays come back okay and then I won't have to worry about being noncompliant. So, I will be offline starting Thurs. Please all say a prayer that my life turns around and things work out. I will be back online probably sometime this wknd or early next wk. I have got to believe that moving to Tucson is the best thing for me and will allow me to start a new life and new relationships. And maybe, just maybe, I can start to find happiness. e