Help! Drowning!

[Guest guest]

Hi guys,

Just here to lean a bit, I'm feeling sick and had a wicked Nada day.

This morning while I was gone, she wrote me (for those not in the know,

she left on Monday, leaving my dad (who she's been married to 42 years)

to go live with her girlfriend of one year, without ever telling me she

was leaving forgood or saying goodbye to her grandchildren) an instant

message: " Hi, hi, how is it going? " , like we would just continue our

close relationship from before she pulled all this on us.

I just couldn't do it, so I wrote her back, that we were all very sad,

especially the grandchildren, since she just left without a goodbye and

me, because I have lost my best friend and that I felt hurt because,

after the close relationship we had, she is now badmouthing about me to

everyone (even if I've been aware of her BPD for a few months now,

before then I was very enmeshed and it really did feel like she was my

best friend, being the all good child and all).

Well, I certainly didn't expect a sympathetic answer from her, but the

email she ended up writing back (after she called my dad to chew him out

for telling me about the badmouthing, even though I didn't mention any

names and she's been badmouthing me just as much to my siblings) was so

stone cold and rock hard, that I'm just reeling!

It's all my fault, you know. I didn't have the children call her or

email her (they're 6,10 and 12 for heaven's sakes!), so they couldn't

miss her that much. And I hadn't called her and I hadn't accepted her

gifts last week (read bribes) and my dad had abused her for 10 days

blah, blah, blah (total nonsense, because during those days she told me

all was fine between them). She finishes by saying I'm only seeing

things from my side and not from hers (the whole letter is one big " poor

me, I'm the victim of all your nastinesses " ).

I did write her back, I know I probably shouldn't have, but I had to. I

had to tell how cold and hard she is and how abnormal her whole

situation is and that I have to make sense of it for our 3 growing

children. I know she doesn't care one bit, but she has to hear it.

I'm upset! I'm the only one she expects this kind of compliance from,

as I was the all good child. She won't let me go! I was much better

towards the end of this week, and now I'm back to square zero, emotion

wise! I just can't act as if nothing is going on to her, not even

superficially. I am beginning to wonder if cutting off contact with

her, at least temporarily, wouldn't be better for all of us here. She

is so totally beyond belief (like she wrote that she and her friend were

going to come help my dad wrap gifts and was mad, that my dad told her

that wouldn't be a good idea (???)), it's impossible to have a

reasonable conversation. So why bother? I know, I shouldn't have. But

I guess this is the first time in my life, that I'm feeling very

justified to stand up to her. And I'm done being nice. I know it won't

go anywhere and I'm going to stop after this last email. I'm just

hurting for the kids though, because, despite all her faults, she was

there as their grandmother until recently and their other grandmother

passed away last year (and she *was* a real grandmother to them :'().

Just hurting tonight, both physically and emotionally. Thanks for

reading.

Petra (mailto:Petra@...) Homepage: http://www.kjsl.com/~petra

Maaammmiiieee!!! to Katja ('90), Kai ('92) and Saskia ('95)

~~Exercise is important, but too many people confine their exercise to

jumping to conclusions, running up bills, stretching the truth, bending

over backward, sidestepping responsibility and pushing their luck.~~