Guest guest Posted November 1, 2002 Report Share Posted November 1, 2002 I'm new > Okay, I'm nervous about this but I've been lurking for a couple weeks. I > found out about BPD through my shrink. I talk about my mom ALL the time in > there and she thinks my mom is probably BPD. So, I did a lot of research on > my own and I am convinced she is. I joined this list and after reading what > you all write, I KNOW she is now. It is sad we all have so much in common, > yes but it makes me feel happy to find a group where wow, people are dealing > with the same thing I am, every day. I have tried to cut off contact with > her several times but I never stay strong in it and I give in. Everything > that has ever happened to me she has always turned it around to make it my > fault. Anyway, I just wanted to say hi and I'm so glad I found all of you. > > I'm with you . The way it boils down for me is that I love her and she does not love me. It cannot be a coinsidence that all of my romantic relationships follow this model. I am sympathetic to them, I love them, they do not love me. I am used until I am used up, then discarded like trash. My mother does not discard me, but prefers to keep me on the hook with guilt and partial reinforcement. She says she loves me. I know that in her heart, she does. It's just that she has no idea how a loving parent acts, or cannot act like a loving parent. She does not know how to love. Her love is conditional, and the conditions are like the shifting sands of the sahara, and are calculated to create failure. I'm having a hard time right now. I've just been diagnosed as a diabetic, my latest girlfriend, who only treats me as more than a roommate when she is drunk, is leaving for the Job Corps in a week, I've just found out I'm testosterone deficient, and I have post-concussion syndrome from a recent car accident that is making my work as a programmer impossibly hard. My house is in forclosure, and there's no one left to ask for help from. Yet at the same time I never feel comfortable accepting the sympathy of others, even though I long for it. It always feels like a trap, a nice cozy rug that will be pulled from under me if I trust it. Sorry for the spewing. --Maxx. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 1, 2002 Report Share Posted November 1, 2002 welcome sarah, we are glad to have you too!!! post away! laura > Okay, I'm nervous about this but I've been lurking for a couple weeks. I > found out about BPD through my shrink. I talk about my mom ALL the time in > there and she thinks my mom is probably BPD. So, I did a lot of research on > my own and I am convinced she is. I joined this list and after reading what > you all write, I KNOW she is now. It is sad we all have so much in common, > yes but it makes me feel happy to find a group where wow, people are dealing > with the same thing I am, every day. I have tried to cut off contact with > her several times but I never stay strong in it and I give in. Everything > that has ever happened to me she has always turned it around to make it my > fault. Anyway, I just wanted to say hi and I'm so glad I found all of you. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 1, 2002 Report Share Posted November 1, 2002 welcome sarah, we are glad to have you too!!! post away! laura > Okay, I'm nervous about this but I've been lurking for a couple weeks. I > found out about BPD through my shrink. I talk about my mom ALL the time in > there and she thinks my mom is probably BPD. So, I did a lot of research on > my own and I am convinced she is. I joined this list and after reading what > you all write, I KNOW she is now. It is sad we all have so much in common, > yes but it makes me feel happy to find a group where wow, people are dealing > with the same thing I am, every day. I have tried to cut off contact with > her several times but I never stay strong in it and I give in. Everything > that has ever happened to me she has always turned it around to make it my > fault. Anyway, I just wanted to say hi and I'm so glad I found all of you. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 1, 2002 Report Share Posted November 1, 2002 Dear welcome..Pull up a chair and sit right down.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 1, 2002 Report Share Posted November 1, 2002 > Okay, I'm nervous about this but I've been lurking for a couple weeks. I > found out about BPD through my shrink. I talk about my mom ALL the time in > there and she thinks my mom is probably BPD. So, I did a lot of research on > my own and I am convinced she is. I joined this list and after reading what > you all write, I KNOW she is now. It is sad we all have so much in common, > yes but it makes me feel happy to find a group where wow, people are dealing > with the same thing I am, every day. I have tried to cut off contact with > her several times but I never stay strong in it and I give in. Everything > that has ever happened to me she has always turned it around to make it my > fault. Anyway, I just wanted to say hi and I'm so glad I found all of you. > > Glad you found this group! You will be supported here! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 2, 2002 Report Share Posted November 2, 2002 > Okay, I'm nervous about this but I've been lurking for a couple weeks. I > found out about BPD through my shrink. I talk about my mom ALL the time in > , Welcome =) I Hope you find this list as helpful as I have and if you ever have a question just know there will be someone out there to answer it. ~Kim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 3, 2002 Report Share Posted November 3, 2002 > I have tried to cut off contact with her several times but I never > stay strong in it and I give in. First of all, welcome ! I have a nada and I have not seen or spoken (some email & written correspondence though)to her since December 7 (Divorce-day), 2001. I can't believe a year has almost passed me by. I never thought I would have the strength to do it. I have found that the more I learn, and talk, and share, and experience, and FEEL, the stronger I become. Keep posting & reading and you will get stronger too. I promise. Trish Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 2, 2012 Report Share Posted March 2, 2012 Welcome Kris! ________________________________ To: insideoutweightloss Sent: Friday, March 2, 2012 10:38 AM Subject: I'm new  Hi everyone, I'm Kris and I am in Week 1 of 's book. I have been listening to her podcasts for quite some time now and am excited to be starting the exercises in the book. I have joined here in hopes of this becoming my support group!  Kris Subject: Resistance revisited.... To: " IOWL " <insideoutweightloss > Date: Friday, March 2, 2012, 10:29 AM  Thanks for all the comments, everyone. It really helped, knowing I'm not alone in feeling this way. It also helped talking it over with a good friend who happens to work with me--she had a story similar to 's--not playing to win in a college racket ball class. The coach said he'd fail her if she didn't start playing her best in ALL her matches, not just the ones against better players. So... she learned to play to win. I think this is something I need to do. But not in a work-sponsored contest related to weight. (Actually, they don't award the prize based only on improved number of steps--it's also in terms of other metrics like body fat percentage, blood pressure, and other statistics that I don't feel the need to share with my employer.... But a lot of people were really excited by it. Including one guy in his mid 30s who was told they caught him just in time... body fat just starting to go up, blood pressure just starting to go up....) Anyway, I'll look for ways I can address my competition issues. Thanks again for the feedback! S Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 2, 2012 Report Share Posted March 2, 2012 thank you everyone, for all the kind welcomes! I'm glad to be here!  Kris Subject: Resistance revisited.... To: " IOWL " <insideoutweightloss > Date: Friday, March 2, 2012, 10:29 AM  Thanks for all the comments, everyone. It really helped, knowing I'm not alone in feeling this way. It also helped talking it over with a good friend who happens to work with me--she had a story similar to 's--not playing to win in a college racket ball class. The coach said he'd fail her if she didn't start playing her best in ALL her matches, not just the ones against better players. So... she learned to play to win. I think this is something I need to do. But not in a work-sponsored contest related to weight. (Actually, they don't award the prize based only on improved number of steps--it's also in terms of other metrics like body fat percentage, blood pressure, and other statistics that I don't feel the need to share with my employer.... But a lot of people were really excited by it. Including one guy in his mid 30s who was told they caught him just in time... body fat just starting to go up, blood pressure just starting to go up....) Anyway, I'll look for ways I can address my competition issues. Thanks again for the feedback! S Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 3, 2012 Report Share Posted March 3, 2012 Welcome Kris and the other newcomers. I have not been on here much. It has been a busy week. I have over-eaten a bit but not gone totally hog wild. LOTS of stress around here. Got a new Korean student here because a kid where he was living marked up his face pretty bad. More upheaval. We may lose the one we have had for the last 6 months. I have been working on my self mastery course. It is fascinating how the concepts I am learning there dovetail with 's teachings. Self acceptance and learning to love myself are central to both. I am learning to turn things over to a Higher Power in new ways and am learning to trust my instincts and listen to my feelings in new ways. Listening to my gut affects my eating but also relationships with both those around me, and with my own self.  Carlton Larsen, Ba, Bgp Freelance Musician 426 Pinehouse Drive Saskatoon Sk S7K4X5 ________________________________ To: insideoutweightloss Sent: Friday, March 2, 2012 10:46:58 PM Subject: Re: I'm new  thank you everyone, for all the kind welcomes! I'm glad to be here!  Kris Subject: Resistance revisited.... To: " IOWL " <insideoutweightloss > Date: Friday, March 2, 2012, 10:29 AM  Thanks for all the comments, everyone. It really helped, knowing I'm not alone in feeling this way. It also helped talking it over with a good friend who happens to work with me--she had a story similar to 's--not playing to win in a college racket ball class. The coach said he'd fail her if she didn't start playing her best in ALL her matches, not just the ones against better players. So... she learned to play to win. I think this is something I need to do. But not in a work-sponsored contest related to weight. (Actually, they don't award the prize based only on improved number of steps--it's also in terms of other metrics like body fat percentage, blood pressure, and other statistics that I don't feel the need to share with my employer.... But a lot of people were really excited by it. Including one guy in his mid 30s who was told they caught him just in time... body fat just starting to go up, blood pressure just starting to go up....) Anyway, I'll look for ways I can address my competition issues. Thanks again for the feedback! S Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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