Guest guest Posted May 1, 2011 Report Share Posted May 1, 2011 Jenn, First I want to say, YEA YOU!!! It sounds as though you are truly figuring out what the weight issues are about and trying to confront your fears. I have food issues and weight issues but they are different than yours. But, the issue of not feeling worthy is the same. I guess I would challenge your belief that you do not feel worthy because you are fat. Is it possible that being fat is protecting you from something else? Like maybe you feel your fat will keep men at a distance and so that they can not reject you? Maybe it is the fear of rejection that keeps you from a relationship not your weight. The truth of course is that women of every shape and size are loved by men of all shapes and sizes. You do deserve to be loved. Jen ________________________________ To: insideoutweightloss Sent: Sun, May 1, 2011 1:09:42 PM Subject: Feeling worthy enough  Lately I have been noticing one of my limiting beliefs regarding being overweight and romantic love. I have been 100+lbs for most of my life: I started getting heavy when I was a young child of 7years old. I remember feeling lonely a lot and like I was different because of my weight and also having a skin condition- Vitiligo. I remember feeling the wrath of cruel adults and children about my skin condition and in turn I remember feeling so different; like an alien from outer-space. The staring and pointing just made me want to crawl in a hole and die. I tried to act like it didn't bother me and wouldn't acknowledge people that would stare. I've even had people brave enough to ask me what was wrong with my skin. The " askers " were not the ones I would get mad at; they had a legitimate question and didn't stare and point. I was happy to answer and educate them. Usually the response was positive and life moved on. I have used food to comfort me for any kind of emotion: mostly anger, fear, and loneliness will trigger me to overeat. I never realized until listening to that I was doing this to numb the pain of feeling the emotion. The behavior is not totally eradicated but I am now aware of why I am doing it. I can look back and say I just ate that chocolate because I was angry and stressed out- the positive intent was to make myself feel less angry and stressed out. In the heat of an emotion it is next to impossible to be rational! It's only after that clarity comes to. I still struggle with self medicating with food to help myself mainly calm down and relax. What are some ways that are practical during an acute episode of anger or frustration to calm oneself down? As a child and teenager I never was at a loss for female friendships; I always had a small group I would go out with and relate to. As far as males go I believe I may have a fear of men. When around a man that is attractive, goal oriented, and stable I instantly have this feeling of not being worthy enough of their attention and possible love relationship. I relate this to being so grossly overweight. The exact dialogue in my mind is: he won't think I'm attractive, I'm so fat. There are much skinnier prettier women out there. I'm relating beauty to outside physical appearance mainly weight. I've always been criticized, belittled, made to feel not good enough because of my weight. It's really an absurd notion that I think that in order to be attractive I must lose all the extra weight! I'm finding it hard to love myself at the size I am. I've been listening to for about a year and six months: I love her approach! I started out at 285lbs and now I am 239lbs- well on my way to a goal of 50lb weightloss. This is a huge achievement! As far as the fear of being in a close relationship with a man- it stems from feeling not worthy, then the fear arises when I feel a possible love connection happening and all the negative self talk starts. I have been rejected alot so i have the all or nothing belief. Its irritating! All of these feelings were brought to the surface again because I really have been crushing on this guy at the gym I work out at. I think there may be potential but am too shy and feel unworthy because Im not as fit and in shape as he is. On the same token though I have been asking for a person to come into my life that is health conscious and who I could bounce ideas and tips off of- i think he may be it! How do I get through this not feeling worthy? Anyone else feel the same way? in Ohio Sent from my iPhone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 1, 2011 Report Share Posted May 1, 2011 Wow, you seem to be on the fast track! You are identifying triggers and emotions and that's great. I will say that personally, I have been with my husband for nine years. No matter what he says or does, even I get that feeling of being unworthy. I listened to podcast 4 I think last night ... And she's talking about envisioning what you want and then allowing yourself to walk right in it. Try to feel as happy and confident as you think you will when you reach your goals. I think if you are confident and happy then others will be drawn to that. I still haven't figured out what to do when I eat out of anger or sadness or any emotion. I'm not good at seeing the triggers yet myself. But some things I like to do when I'm down- I LOVE makeup. This may sound silly, but I watch tons of YouTube makeup tutorials. When I'm feeling down, sometimes I go try one- something new. Today I did a 60s cat eye look and it really made me feel happier and more confident. I really wish you luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 2, 2011 Report Share Posted May 2, 2011 Hi Jenn ! I just want to tell you that yes, there are men for whom overweight is a big obstacle, but they are not the ones worthy of your attention. The right man for you sees way beyond that, and believe me, there are quite a few of them. You want to be loved for your precious soul and that's exactly what will happen to you. As Jen says, I have seen very, very overweight women being not only loved and appreciated, but litterally adored. Keep your inner happiness always, that's what does it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 2, 2011 Report Share Posted May 2, 2011 Hi Jenn, It seems like you're doing a great job with recognizing your limiting beliefs. It's great that you know what you need to confront before you can move on. Recently I've been finding that when I really allow myself to notice how my emotions are connected to my overeating, it becomes much easier to stop myself - understanding why you're doing what you're doing is such an important step. Even if it isn't translating into behavioral changes yet, never underestimate the importance of self-knowledge. As for feeling not worthy - I think we've all been there. Whether it's weight, or something else related to our looks, or not feeling smart enough or funny enough, probably just about everyone can relate to that feeling. I don't know how to get past it, but just know that you're not alone! ________________________________ To: insideoutweightloss Sent: Sun, May 1, 2011 8:09:42 PM Subject: Feeling worthy enough Lately I have been noticing one of my limiting beliefs regarding being overweight and romantic love. I have been 100+lbs for most of my life: I started getting heavy when I was a young child of 7years old. I remember feeling lonely a lot and like I was different because of my weight and also having a skin condition- Vitiligo. I remember feeling the wrath of cruel adults and children about my skin condition and in turn I remember feeling so different; like an alien from outer-space. The staring and pointing just made me want to crawl in a hole and die. I tried to act like it didn't bother me and wouldn't acknowledge people that would stare. I've even had people brave enough to ask me what was wrong with my skin. The " askers " were not the ones I would get mad at; they had a legitimate question and didn't stare and point. I was happy to answer and educate them. Usually the response was positive and life moved on. I have used food to comfort me for any kind of emotion: mostly anger, fear, and loneliness will trigger me to overeat. I never realized until listening to that I was doing this to numb the pain of feeling the emotion. The behavior is not totally eradicated but I am now aware of why I am doing it. I can look back and say I just ate that chocolate because I was angry and stressed out- the positive intent was to make myself feel less angry and stressed out. In the heat of an emotion it is next to impossible to be rational! It's only after that clarity comes to. I still struggle with self medicating with food to help myself mainly calm down and relax. What are some ways that are practical during an acute episode of anger or frustration to calm oneself down? As a child and teenager I never was at a loss for female friendships; I always had a small group I would go out with and relate to. As far as males go I believe I may have a fear of men. When around a man that is attractive, goal oriented, and stable I instantly have this feeling of not being worthy enough of their attention and possible love relationship. I relate this to being so grossly overweight. The exact dialogue in my mind is: he won't think I'm attractive, I'm so fat. There are much skinnier prettier women out there. I'm relating beauty to outside physical appearance mainly weight. I've always been criticized, belittled, made to feel not good enough because of my weight. It's really an absurd notion that I think that in order to be attractive I must lose all the extra weight! I'm finding it hard to love myself at the size I am. I've been listening to for about a year and six months: I love her approach! I started out at 285lbs and now I am 239lbs- well on my way to a goal of 50lb weightloss. This is a huge achievement! As far as the fear of being in a close relationship with a man- it stems from feeling not worthy, then the fear arises when I feel a possible love connection happening and all the negative self talk starts. I have been rejected alot so i have the all or nothing belief. Its irritating! All of these feelings were brought to the surface again because I really have been crushing on this guy at the gym I work out at. I think there may be potential but am too shy and feel unworthy because Im not as fit and in shape as he is. On the same token though I have been asking for a person to come into my life that is health conscious and who I could bounce ideas and tips off of- i think he may be it! How do I get through this not feeling worthy? Anyone else feel the same way? in Ohio Sent from my iPhone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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