Guest guest Posted April 22, 2011 Report Share Posted April 22, 2011 Greenknight, ((Hugs)) just relax and do what you can. You are in a safe place here. We do not judge. We do not criticize. We help each other. We do make positive suggestions, if you want them. You are in a safe place. You are a wonderful person. Have a great day! T Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry® Epic backslide... ....and I'm always exhausted. Wake up exhausted, nap in the afternoon, go to bed tired. I worked way too hard for way too long. It feels like my batteries are dead. I'm not sad or depressed, I just have very limited energy. I actually get dizzy just thinking about de-cluttering, about weedling, about going back to work. I really fried myself, I think. I'm just so tired. I have days when I get a lot done but they're followed by several days of very little activity. And I do not have the energy to discipline myself with food right now. The very thought of getting back into that fight just makes me want to crawl away in a hole somewhere. I simply don't have it. I eat all day, eat bad things, and eat ridiculous amounts of bad things and I would probably feel better if I stopped, but I don't have the energy to. I am really hoping that nobody on this list is going to yell at me that " if you have all that energy to overeat then you can get it together, " because that kind of yelling has just become white noise to me. It's full-blast in my head already. I'm beyond listening to it, I'm beyond fighting with it. I just walk away and lie down. I'm hoping that somebody on this list will just be able to RELATE, instead of lecture, yell, advise, caution, vent, or " express concern " that I'm " not taking care " of myself. In a very real way that makes no sense to the outside world, this IS taking care of myself. I need to just be with that now, just let that be what it is, before I go running down another hyper-optimistic path of hard work to try to make myself into a shape other peoplewill approve of. I need to know how the people on this list will react. Can I express myself that openly here, and just be heard, really heard? Thanks for reading. It will be good to know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 22, 2011 Report Share Posted April 22, 2011 I HEAR YA!! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! We are here to love and support you! Let us know if we can do anything to help! Big Hugs filled with energy and hope for ya, > ...and I'm always exhausted. Wake up exhausted, nap in the > afternoon, go to bed tired. > > I worked way too hard for way too long. It feels like my batteries > are dead. I'm not sad or depressed, I just have very limited energy. > I actually get dizzy just thinking about de-cluttering, about > weedling, about going back to work. I really fried myself, I think. > I'm just so tired. > > I have days when I get a lot done but they're followed by several > days of very little activity. > > And I do not have the energy to discipline myself with food right > now. The very thought of getting back into that fight just makes me > want to crawl away in a hole somewhere. I simply don't have it. I > eat all day, eat bad things, and eat ridiculous amounts of bad > things and I would probably feel better if I stopped, but I don't > have the energy to. > > I am really hoping that nobody on this list is going to yell at me > that " if you have all that energy to overeat then you can get it > together, " because that kind of yelling has just become white noise > to me. It's full-blast in my head already. I'm beyond listening to > it, I'm beyond fighting with it. I just walk away and lie down. I'm > hoping that somebody on this list will just be able to RELATE, > instead of lecture, yell, advise, caution, vent, or " express > concern " that I'm " not taking care " of myself. > > In a very real way that makes no sense to the outside world, this IS > taking care of myself. I need to just be with that now, just let > that be what it is, before I go running down another hyper- > optimistic path of hard work to try to make myself into a shape > other peoplewill approve of. > > I need to know how the people on this list will react. > > Can I express myself that openly here, and just be heard, really > heard? > > Thanks for reading. It will be good to know. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 22, 2011 Report Share Posted April 22, 2011 have you thought about setting small goals for yourself instead of the 'big' picture? I, too, can get myself totally exhausted when thinking about the enormity of some project (or project upon project!)... but if I focus on the smallest, do-able part only, it doesn't become that overwhelming ... so maybe thinking about decluttering one drawer in the kitchen rather than the whole kitchen, planning to go through your sock drawer & throw out/arrange it, instead of weeding the whole yard, picking a particular 5 x 5 area and making that the focus would help. I always remember that little adage of " yard by yard, it's too hard but inch by inch, it's a cinch " -- I find it's true of my weight loss (I focus on one good habit at a time - I now drink 8 glasses of water / walk 3 miles every day because it was a one step at a time process to get there & now those things are habit for me and I'm working on my next small goal .... and all of them add to cobblestones on the path to where i want to go). one other small thought - have you talked to or visited a doctor to ensure that there's nothing health wise that's making you feel this way? virus, medication, fatigue from another source? take care of yourself! ________________________________ > I worked way too hard for way too long. It feels like my batteries > are dead. I'm not sad or depressed, I just have very limited energy. > I actually get dizzy just thinking about de-cluttering, about > weedling, about going back to work. I really fried myself, I think. > I'm just so tired. > > Thanks for reading. It will be good to know. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 22, 2011 Report Share Posted April 22, 2011 Greenknight: I second the thought of checking with a doctor. has spoken of having chronic fatigue syndrome through her journey. I wanted to also share that I have felt a lot of what you are feeling but I am depressed (dealing with an older sibling who has dementia) and have been using a lot of my energy to fight that I am deeply depressed. When I finally accepted it and got some support with the Alzheimer's Organization, a HUGE weight was lifted. Bottom line is I have to forgive myself for using food to deal with it and accept and love myself as I am, not perfect and good enough for today! Love and light, > have you thought about setting small goals for yourself instead of > the 'big' picture? I, too, can get myself totally exhausted when > thinking about the enormity of some project (or project upon > project!)... but if I focus on the smallest, do-able part only, it > doesn't become that overwhelming ... so maybe thinking about > decluttering one drawer in the kitchen rather than the whole > kitchen, planning to go through your sock drawer & throw out/arrange > it, instead of weeding the whole yard, picking a particular 5 x 5 > area and making that the focus would help. I always remember that > little adage of " yard by yard, it's too hard but inch by inch, it's > a cinch " -- I find it's true of my weight loss (I focus on one good > habit at a time - I now drink 8 glasses of water / walk 3 miles > every day because it was a one step at a time process to get there & > now those things are habit for me and I'm working on my next small > goal .... and all of them add to cobblestones > on the path to where i want to go). > > one other small thought - have you talked to or visited a doctor to > ensure that there's nothing health wise that's making you feel this > way? virus, medication, fatigue from another source? > > take care of yourself! > > > > ________________________________ > > > > > I worked way too hard for way too long. It feels like my batteries > > are dead. I'm not sad or depressed, I just have very limited energy. > > I actually get dizzy just thinking about de-cluttering, about > > weedling, about going back to work. I really fried myself, I think. > > I'm just so tired. > > > > Thanks for reading. It will be good to know. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 22, 2011 Report Share Posted April 22, 2011 Hold on. You are in the right place. You have posted so you haven't given up or in. Life can be tiring and exhausting. It can seem like a battle. There is likely to be more work to be done so that the weight stuff is easy. But if you arent ready for that right this moment then just have a read of the posts, try a few things that might give you a boost. Tiny things simple things. The spiral back up will come from tiny fronds of looking after yourself not big boosts and suddenly you will find that bit of energy to do a bit more. Look for baby steps not revelations and you will,I promise have the energy to take them. With care Viv > > ...and I'm always exhausted. Wake up exhausted, nap in the afternoon, go to bed tired. > > I worked way too hard for way too long. It feels like my batteries are dead. I'm not sad or depressed, I just have very limited energy. I actuallPy get dizzy just thinking about de-cluttering, about weedling, about going back to work. I really fried myself, I think. I'm just so tired. > > I have days when I get a lot done but they're followed by several days of very little activity. > > And I do not have the energy to discipline myself with food right now. The very thought of getting back into that fight just makes me want to crawl away in a hole somewhere. I simply don't have it. I eat all day, eat bad things, and eat ridiculous amounts of bad things and I would probably feel better if I stopped, but I don't have the energy to. > > I am really hoping that nobody on this list is going to yell at me that " if you have all that energy to overeat then you can get it together, " because that kind of yelling has just become white noise to me. It's full-blast in my head already. I'm beyond listening to it, I'm beyond fighting with it. I just walk away and lie down. I'm hoping that somebody on this list will just be able to RELATE, instead of lecture, yell, advise, caution, vent, or " express concern " that I'm " not taking care " of myself. > > In a very real way that makes no sense to the outside world, this IS taking care of myself. I need to just be with that now, just let that be what it is, before I go running down another hyper-optimistic path of hard work to try to make myself into a shape other peoplewill approve of. > > I need to know how the people on this list will react. > > Can I express myself that openly here, and just be heard, really heard? > > Thanks for reading. It will be good to know. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 22, 2011 Report Share Posted April 22, 2011 Greenknight, It is true that none of us have issues with weight and food for no reason. It is our body trying to help us. What is the gift in your eating? I too know the feeling of exhaustion and the utter lack of desire to really change..... Jen ________________________________ To: insideoutweightloss Sent: Thu, April 21, 2011 9:31:47 PM Subject: Epic backslide...  ....and I'm always exhausted. Wake up exhausted, nap in the afternoon, go to bed tired. I worked way too hard for way too long. It feels like my batteries are dead. I'm not sad or depressed, I just have very limited energy. I actually get dizzy just thinking about de-cluttering, about weedling, about going back to work. I really fried myself, I think. I'm just so tired. I have days when I get a lot done but they're followed by several days of very little activity. And I do not have the energy to discipline myself with food right now. The very thought of getting back into that fight just makes me want to crawl away in a hole somewhere. I simply don't have it. I eat all day, eat bad things, and eat ridiculous amounts of bad things and I would probably feel better if I stopped, but I don't have the energy to. I am really hoping that nobody on this list is going to yell at me that " if you have all that energy to overeat then you can get it together, " because that kind of yelling has just become white noise to me. It's full-blast in my head already. I'm beyond listening to it, I'm beyond fighting with it. I just walk away and lie down. I'm hoping that somebody on this list will just be able to RELATE, instead of lecture, yell, advise, caution, vent, or " express concern " that I'm " not taking care " of myself. In a very real way that makes no sense to the outside world, this IS taking care of myself. I need to just be with that now, just let that be what it is, before I go running down another hyper-optimistic path of hard work to try to make myself into a shape other peoplewill approve of. I need to know how the people on this list will react. Can I express myself that openly here, and just be heard, really heard? Thanks for reading. It will be good to know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 22, 2011 Report Share Posted April 22, 2011 Good answer Viv. If I had thought of it, it is exactly what I would have said! )  This is why I like the group, because others spew wisdom and I hear things I need to here too, even if they are not directed to me. Jen ________________________________ To: insideoutweightloss Sent: Fri, April 22, 2011 3:53:11 PM Subject: Re: Epic backslide...  Hold on. You are in the right place. You have posted so you haven't given up or in. Life can be tiring and exhausting. It can seem like a battle. There is likely to be more work to be done so that the weight stuff is easy. But if you arent ready for that right this moment then just have a read of the posts, try a few things that might give you a boost. Tiny things simple things. The spiral back up will come from tiny fronds of looking after yourself not big boosts and suddenly you will find that bit of energy to do a bit more. Look for baby steps not revelations and you will,I promise have the energy to take them. With care Viv > > ...and I'm always exhausted. Wake up exhausted, nap in the afternoon, go to bed >tired. > > I worked way too hard for way too long. It feels like my batteries are dead. >I'm not sad or depressed, I just have very limited energy. I actuallPy get dizzy >just thinking about de-cluttering, about weedling, about going back to work. I >really fried myself, I think. I'm just so tired. > > I have days when I get a lot done but they're followed by several days of very >little activity. > > > And I do not have the energy to discipline myself with food right now. The very >thought of getting back into that fight just makes me want to crawl away in a >hole somewhere. I simply don't have it. I eat all day, eat bad things, and eat >ridiculous amounts of bad things and I would probably feel better if I stopped, >but I don't have the energy to. > > I am really hoping that nobody on this list is going to yell at me that " if you >have all that energy to overeat then you can get it together, " because that kind >of yelling has just become white noise to me. It's full-blast in my head >already. I'm beyond listening to it, I'm beyond fighting with it. I just walk >away and lie down. I'm hoping that somebody on this list will just be able to >RELATE, instead of lecture, yell, advise, caution, vent, or " express concern " >that I'm " not taking care " of myself. > > In a very real way that makes no sense to the outside world, this IS taking >care of myself. I need to just be with that now, just let that be what it is, >before I go running down another hyper-optimistic path of hard work to try to >make myself into a shape other peoplewill approve of. > > I need to know how the people on this list will react. > > Can I express myself that openly here, and just be heard, really heard? > > Thanks for reading. It will be good to know. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 23, 2011 Report Share Posted April 23, 2011 Hi Robbie, It sounds to me like you've thought through what's going on and where you are, and you are taking care of yourself the best that you can right now. Sometimes that's what we need to do--even if we know that in other situations we'd take care of ourselves differently. I find it interesting-- the things you are afraid people will comment on, the things people might say. I find it very far from my experience here. I mean, yes, you can expect some concern that you are taking care of yourself--but that doesn't translate into " disciplining yourself with food " . An awful lot of us came here because we'd had too much of the disciplining with food--whether it's through obsessive calorie counting, withholding food, or bingeing to punish ourselves with physical pain. I have found that the " work " here has nothing to do with making ourselves into someone else's idea of the perfect body shape. It has a little to do with finding *your* perfect body shape, whether or not your definition agrees with anyone else's. It has much more to do with being happy with who and what you are *right now*. In some ways, it's harder than sticking to a particular diet or calorie range. But it's a lot more rewarding in the end..... Thanks for posting, Robbie. >________________________________ > >To: insideoutweightloss >Sent: Friday, April 22, 2011 6:31 AM >Subject: Epic backslide... > > >Â >...and I'm always exhausted. Wake up exhausted, nap in the afternoon, go to bed tired. > >I worked way too hard for way too long. It feels like my batteries are dead. I'm not sad or depressed, I just have very limited energy. I actually get dizzy just thinking about de-cluttering, about weedling, about going back to work. I really fried myself, I think. I'm just so tired. > >I have days when I get a lot done but they're followed by several days of very little activity. > >And I do not have the energy to discipline myself with food right now. The very thought of getting back into that fight just makes me want to crawl away in a hole somewhere. I simply don't have it. I eat all day, eat bad things, and eat ridiculous amounts of bad things and I would probably feel better if I stopped, but I don't have the energy to. > >I am really hoping that nobody on this list is going to yell at me that " if you have all that energy to overeat then you can get it together, " because that kind of yelling has just become white noise to me. It's full-blast in my head already. I'm beyond listening to it, I'm beyond fighting with it. I just walk away and lie down. I'm hoping that somebody on this list will just be able to RELATE, instead of lecture, yell, advise, caution, vent, or " express concern " that I'm " not taking care " of myself. > >In a very real way that makes no sense to the outside world, this IS taking care of myself. I need to just be with that now, just let that be what it is, before I go running down another hyper-optimistic path of hard work to try to make myself into a shape other peoplewill approve of. > >I need to know how the people on this list will react. > >Can I express myself that openly here, and just be heard, really heard? > >Thanks for reading. It will be good to know. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 23, 2011 Report Share Posted April 23, 2011 i know i havent been very active lately.. nor positive. but that's because i am in this epic backslide too.. Avie > > > Hi Robbie, > > It sounds to me like you've thought through what's going on and where > you are, and you are taking care of yourself the best that you can right > now. Sometimes that's what we need to do--even if we know that in other > situations we'd take care of ourselves differently. > > I find it > interesting-- the things you are afraid people will comment on, the things > people might say. I find it very far from my experience here. I > mean, yes, you can expect some concern that you are taking care of > yourself--but that doesn't translate into " disciplining yourself with > food " . An awful lot of us came here because we'd had too much of the > disciplining with food--whether it's through obsessive calorie > counting, withholding food, or bingeing to punish ourselves with physical > pain. > > I have found that the > " work " here has nothing to do with making ourselves into someone else's > idea of the perfect body shape. It has a little to do with finding > *your* perfect body shape, whether or not your definition agrees with > anyone else's. It has much more to do with being happy with who and what > you are *right now*. In some ways, it's harder than sticking to a > particular diet or calorie range. But it's a lot more rewarding in the > end..... > Thanks for posting, Robbie. > > > > > >________________________________ > > > >To: insideoutweightloss > >Sent: Friday, April 22, 2011 6:31 AM > >Subject: Epic backslide... > > > > > > > > >...and I'm always exhausted. Wake up exhausted, nap in the afternoon, go > to bed tired. > > > >I worked way too hard for way too long. It feels like my batteries are > dead. I'm not sad or depressed, I just have very limited energy. I actually > get dizzy just thinking about de-cluttering, about weedling, about going > back to work. I really fried myself, I think. I'm just so tired. > > > > >I have days when I get a lot done but they're followed by several days of > very little activity. > > > >And I do not have the energy to discipline myself with food right now. The > very thought of getting back into that fight just makes me want to crawl > away in a hole somewhere. I simply don't have it. I eat all day, eat bad > things, and eat ridiculous amounts of bad things and I would probably feel > better if I stopped, but I don't have the energy to. > > > >I am really hoping that nobody on this list is going to yell at me that > " if you have all that energy to overeat then you can get it together, " > because that kind of yelling has just become white noise to me. It's > full-blast in my head already. I'm beyond listening to it, I'm beyond > fighting with it. I just walk away and lie down. I'm hoping that somebody on > this list will just be able to RELATE, instead of lecture, yell, advise, > caution, vent, or " express concern " that I'm " not taking care " of myself. > > > >In a very real way that makes no sense to the outside world, this IS > taking care of myself. I need to just be with that now, just let that be > what it is, before I go running down another hyper-optimistic path of hard > work to try to make myself into a shape other peoplewill approve of. > > > >I need to know how the people on this list will react. > > > >Can I express myself that openly here, and just be heard, really heard? > > > >Thanks for reading. It will be good to know. > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 23, 2011 Report Share Posted April 23, 2011 Avie, I hope you will post and continue to work the program. It is OK if you can not be positive all of the time. Be honest and genuine and do all you can to treat yourself with the kindness and respect you deserve. Hugs, Jen ________________________________ To: insideoutweightloss Sent: Sat, April 23, 2011 3:47:38 PM Subject: Re: Epic backslide... i know i havent been very active lately.. nor positive. but that's because i am in this epic backslide too.. Avie > > > Hi Robbie, > > It sounds to me like you've thought through what's going on and where > you are, and you are taking care of yourself the best that you can right > now. Sometimes that's what we need to do--even if we know that in other > situations we'd take care of ourselves differently. > > I find it > interesting-- the things you are afraid people will comment on, the things > people might say. I find it very far from my experience here. I > mean, yes, you can expect some concern that you are taking care of > yourself--but that doesn't translate into " disciplining yourself with > food " . An awful lot of us came here because we'd had too much of the > disciplining with food--whether it's through obsessive calorie > counting, withholding food, or bingeing to punish ourselves with physical > pain. > > I have found that the > " work " here has nothing to do with making ourselves into someone else's > idea of the perfect body shape. It has a little to do with finding > *your* perfect body shape, whether or not your definition agrees with > anyone else's. It has much more to do with being happy with who and what > you are *right now*. In some ways, it's harder than sticking to a > particular diet or calorie range. But it's a lot more rewarding in the > end..... > Thanks for posting, Robbie. > > > > > >________________________________ > > > >To: insideoutweightloss > >Sent: Friday, April 22, 2011 6:31 AM > >Subject: Epic backslide... > > > > > > > > >...and I'm always exhausted. Wake up exhausted, nap in the afternoon, go > to bed tired. > > > >I worked way too hard for way too long. It feels like my batteries are > dead. I'm not sad or depressed, I just have very limited energy. I actually > get dizzy just thinking about de-cluttering, about weedling, about going > back to work. I really fried myself, I think. I'm just so tired. > > > > >I have days when I get a lot done but they're followed by several days of > very little activity. > > > >And I do not have the energy to discipline myself with food right now. The > very thought of getting back into that fight just makes me want to crawl > away in a hole somewhere. I simply don't have it. I eat all day, eat bad > things, and eat ridiculous amounts of bad things and I would probably feel > better if I stopped, but I don't have the energy to. > > > >I am really hoping that nobody on this list is going to yell at me that > " if you have all that energy to overeat then you can get it together, " > because that kind of yelling has just become white noise to me. It's > full-blast in my head already. I'm beyond listening to it, I'm beyond > fighting with it. I just walk away and lie down. I'm hoping that somebody on > this list will just be able to RELATE, instead of lecture, yell, advise, > caution, vent, or " express concern " that I'm " not taking care " of myself. > > > >In a very real way that makes no sense to the outside world, this IS > taking care of myself. I need to just be with that now, just let that be > what it is, before I go running down another hyper-optimistic path of hard > work to try to make myself into a shape other peoplewill approve of. > > > >I need to know how the people on this list will react. > > > >Can I express myself that openly here, and just be heard, really heard? > > > >Thanks for reading. It will be good to know. > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 24, 2011 Report Share Posted April 24, 2011 Greenknight I know exactly how you feel. I have deemed this year the year of being kind to myself. I woke up tired yesterday but I had offered to help my mother in law with a small flower garden I had put in for her at her house last year. She loves the flower but she is not capable of the work. I did help her but I did only about half what I planned. I dozed in the car in the calm silence on the way there and back. I started to feel guilty about it but my husband squeezed my hand three times ( Means I,  love, you!) and that let me know to Knock it off.  I read from several books I am reading maybe for hour. Then I went to bed I think from Friday night to Sunday morning I got twenty hours of sleep. Short of getting cleaned up and hugging my husband and children I did not do anything. My husband even came to bed fairly early for him. Do you know what I woke up feeling great. A couple of days like yesterday a year ago and I would be flipping out and having huge tantrums and melt downs. My body was saying Enough! Enough! I need to rest! So I listened. As for decluttering I find having a helper helps. Even three year olds can sort newspapers from magazines and they love to help and I love to listen to music so loud that no one can talk to me when I have a major declutter project in progress especially if I am working alone. Once I get a momentum I hate it when they ( who don't want to help) slow me down. I set the timer for 60 min and I do what I can do and then I do several things for myself. If I have the time I do this several days in a row. My basement is getting bad again and my garage is not even able to be walked into and we don't even park in there. Anyway Hugs and Positive thoughts from Constance in Mich. Subject: Re: Epic backslide... To: insideoutweightloss Date: Friday, April 22, 2011, 11:41 PM  Greenknight, It is true that none of us have issues with weight and food for no reason. It is our body trying to help us. What is the gift in your eating? I too know the feeling of exhaustion and the utter lack of desire to really change..... Jen ________________________________ To: insideoutweightloss Sent: Thu, April 21, 2011 9:31:47 PM Subject: Epic backslide...  ....and I'm always exhausted. Wake up exhausted, nap in the afternoon, go to bed tired. I worked way too hard for way too long. It feels like my batteries are dead. I'm not sad or depressed, I just have very limited energy. I actually get dizzy just thinking about de-cluttering, about weedling, about going back to work. I really fried myself, I think. I'm just so tired. I have days when I get a lot done but they're followed by several days of very little activity. And I do not have the energy to discipline myself with food right now. The very thought of getting back into that fight just makes me want to crawl away in a hole somewhere. I simply don't have it. I eat all day, eat bad things, and eat ridiculous amounts of bad things and I would probably feel better if I stopped, but I don't have the energy to. I am really hoping that nobody on this list is going to yell at me that " if you have all that energy to overeat then you can get it together, " because that kind of yelling has just become white noise to me. It's full-blast in my head already. I'm beyond listening to it, I'm beyond fighting with it. I just walk away and lie down. I'm hoping that somebody on this list will just be able to RELATE, instead of lecture, yell, advise, caution, vent, or " express concern " that I'm " not taking care " of myself. In a very real way that makes no sense to the outside world, this IS taking care of myself. I need to just be with that now, just let that be what it is, before I go running down another hyper-optimistic path of hard work to try to make myself into a shape other peoplewill approve of. I need to know how the people on this list will react. Can I express myself that openly here, and just be heard, really heard? Thanks for reading. It will be good to know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 24, 2011 Report Share Posted April 24, 2011 Hi Robbie, You are in a very safe place. There isn't anybody here who would make such demoralizing comments about you. We ALL have our weight struggles, and you won't find anything here but compassion and empathy. How are you feeling now? In reading your post, I can almost feel the amount of pressure you are putting on yourself. It is no wonder that you are tired and feeling as you do. Sometimes, though, I know it can be hard to ease up on yourself, especially when you haven't done it before. Just do the best that you can. That is all any of us can do. With love, Yuna > > ...and I'm always exhausted. Wake up exhausted, nap in the afternoon, go to bed tired. > > I worked way too hard for way too long. It feels like my batteries are dead. I'm not sad or depressed, I just have very limited energy. I actually get dizzy just thinking about de-cluttering, about weedling, about going back to work. I really fried myself, I think. I'm just so tired. > > I have days when I get a lot done but they're followed by several days of very little activity. > > And I do not have the energy to discipline myself with food right now. The very thought of getting back into that fight just makes me want to crawl away in a hole somewhere. I simply don't have it. I eat all day, eat bad things, and eat ridiculous amounts of bad things and I would probably feel better if I stopped, but I don't have the energy to. > > I am really hoping that nobody on this list is going to yell at me that " if you have all that energy to overeat then you can get it together, " because that kind of yelling has just become white noise to me. It's full-blast in my head already. I'm beyond listening to it, I'm beyond fighting with it. I just walk away and lie down. I'm hoping that somebody on this list will just be able to RELATE, instead of lecture, yell, advise, caution, vent, or " express concern " that I'm " not taking care " of myself. > > In a very real way that makes no sense to the outside world, this IS taking care of myself. I need to just be with that now, just let that be what it is, before I go running down another hyper-optimistic path of hard work to try to make myself into a shape other peoplewill approve of. > > I need to know how the people on this list will react. > > Can I express myself that openly here, and just be heard, really heard? > > Thanks for reading. It will be good to know. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2011 Report Share Posted April 25, 2011 Yay, Constance, for taking care of yourself!!! >________________________________ > >To: insideoutweightloss >Sent: Sunday, April 24, 2011 7:07 PM >Subject: Re: Epic backslide... > > > >Greenknight I know exactly how you feel. I have deemed this year the year of being kind to myself. I woke up tired yesterday but I had offered to help my mother in law with a small flower garden I had put in for her at her house last year. She loves the flower but she is not capable of the work. I did help her but I did only about half what I planned. I dozed in the car in the calm silence on the way there and back. I started to feel guilty about it but my husband squeezed my hand three times ( Means I,  love, you!) and that let me know to Knock it off.  I read from several books I am reading maybe for hour. Then I went to bed I think from Friday night to Sunday morning I got twenty hours of sleep. Short of getting cleaned up and hugging my husband and children I did not do anything. My husband even came to bed fairly early for him. Do you know what I woke up feeling great. A couple of days like yesterday a year ago and I would be flipping out >and having huge tantrums and melt downs. My body was saying Enough! Enough! I need to rest! So I listened. >As for decluttering I find having a helper helps. Even three year olds can sort newspapers from magazines and they love to help and I love to listen to music so loud that no one can talk to me when I have a major declutter project in progress especially if I am working alone. Once I get a momentum I hate it when they ( who don't want to help) slow me down. I set the timer for 60 min and I do what I can do and then I do several things for myself. If I have the time I do this several days in a row. My basement is getting bad again and my garage is not even able to be walked into and we don't even park in there. >Anyway Hugs and Positive thoughts from Constance in Mich. > > > > >Subject: Re: Epic backslide... >To: insideoutweightloss >Date: Friday, April 22, 2011, 11:41 PM > > > >Greenknight, > >It is true that none of us have issues with weight and food for no reason. It >is our body trying to help us. What is the gift in your eating? > >I too know the feeling of exhaustion and the utter lack of desire to really >change..... > >Jen > >________________________________ > >To: insideoutweightloss >Sent: Thu, April 21, 2011 9:31:47 PM >Subject: Epic backslide... > > >...and I'm always exhausted. Wake up exhausted, nap in the afternoon, go to bed >tired. > >I worked way too hard for way too long. It feels like my batteries are dead. I'm >not sad or depressed, I just have very limited energy. I actually get dizzy just >thinking about de-cluttering, about weedling, about going back to work. I really >fried myself, I think. I'm just so tired. > >I have days when I get a lot done but they're followed by several days of very >little activity. > >And I do not have the energy to discipline myself with food right now. The very >thought of getting back into that fight just makes me want to crawl away in a >hole somewhere. I simply don't have it. I eat all day, eat bad things, and eat >ridiculous amounts of bad things and I would probably feel better if I stopped, >but I don't have the energy to. > >I am really hoping that nobody on this list is going to yell at me that " if you >have all that energy to overeat then you can get it together, " because that kind >of yelling has just become white noise to me. It's full-blast in my head >already. I'm beyond listening to it, I'm beyond fighting with it. I just walk >away and lie down. I'm hoping that somebody on this list will just be able to >RELATE, instead of lecture, yell, advise, caution, vent, or " express concern " >that I'm " not taking care " of myself. > >In a very real way that makes no sense to the outside world, this IS taking care >of myself. I need to just be with that now, just let that be what it is, before >I go running down another hyper-optimistic path of hard work to try to make >myself into a shape other peoplewill approve of. > >I need to know how the people on this list will react. > >Can I express myself that openly here, and just be heard, really heard? > >Thanks for reading. It will be good to know. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 26, 2011 Report Share Posted April 26, 2011 Avie we are here for you whenever you need to talk... hugs... To: insideoutweightloss Sent: Sunday, April 24, 2011 5:20 AM Subject: Re: Epic backslide...  Avie, I hope you will post and continue to work the program. It is OK if you can not be positive all of the time. Be honest and genuine and do all you can to treat yourself with the kindness and respect you deserve. Hugs, Jen ________________________________ To: insideoutweightloss Sent: Sat, April 23, 2011 3:47:38 PM Subject: Re: Epic backslide... i know i havent been very active lately.. nor positive. but that's because i am in this epic backslide too.. Avie > > > Hi Robbie, > > It sounds to me like you've thought through what's going on and where > you are, and you are taking care of yourself the best that you can right > now. Sometimes that's what we need to do--even if we know that in other > situations we'd take care of ourselves differently. > > I find it > interesting-- the things you are afraid people will comment on, the things > people might say. I find it very far from my experience here. I > mean, yes, you can expect some concern that you are taking care of > yourself--but that doesn't translate into " disciplining yourself with > food " . An awful lot of us came here because we'd had too much of the > disciplining with food--whether it's through obsessive calorie > counting, withholding food, or bingeing to punish ourselves with physical > pain. > > I have found that the > " work " here has nothing to do with making ourselves into someone else's > idea of the perfect body shape. It has a little to do with finding > *your* perfect body shape, whether or not your definition agrees with > anyone else's. It has much more to do with being happy with who and what > you are *right now*. In some ways, it's harder than sticking to a > particular diet or calorie range. But it's a lot more rewarding in the > end..... > Thanks for posting, Robbie. > > > > > >________________________________ > > > >To: insideoutweightloss > >Sent: Friday, April 22, 2011 6:31 AM > >Subject: Epic backslide... > > > > > > > > >...and I'm always exhausted. Wake up exhausted, nap in the afternoon, go > to bed tired. > > > >I worked way too hard for way too long. It feels like my batteries are > dead. I'm not sad or depressed, I just have very limited energy. I actually > get dizzy just thinking about de-cluttering, about weedling, about going > back to work. I really fried myself, I think. I'm just so tired. > > > > >I have days when I get a lot done but they're followed by several days of > very little activity. > > > >And I do not have the energy to discipline myself with food right now. The > very thought of getting back into that fight just makes me want to crawl > away in a hole somewhere. I simply don't have it. I eat all day, eat bad > things, and eat ridiculous amounts of bad things and I would probably feel > better if I stopped, but I don't have the energy to. > > > >I am really hoping that nobody on this list is going to yell at me that > " if you have all that energy to overeat then you can get it together, " > because that kind of yelling has just become white noise to me. It's > full-blast in my head already. I'm beyond listening to it, I'm beyond > fighting with it. I just walk away and lie down. I'm hoping that somebody on > this list will just be able to RELATE, instead of lecture, yell, advise, > caution, vent, or " express concern " that I'm " not taking care " of myself. > > > >In a very real way that makes no sense to the outside world, this IS > taking care of myself. I need to just be with that now, just let that be > what it is, before I go running down another hyper-optimistic path of hard > work to try to make myself into a shape other peoplewill approve of. > > > >I need to know how the people on this list will react. > > > >Can I express myself that openly here, and just be heard, really heard? > > > >Thanks for reading. It will be good to know. > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 26, 2011 Report Share Posted April 26, 2011 Constance...It's amazing when our bodies are worn out how we can find time to take care of ourselves while still trying to help others. And I loved it that your husband is there beside you, squeezing your hand, giving you support in small ways. I had to laugh when I read that you put on an alarm and get as much as you can done in an hour. I do that too! I usually have some plan in my head and will work in a frenzy for an hour. I always come out feeling really GOOD...! :-)  To: " insideoutweightloss " <insideoutweightloss > Sent: Monday, April 25, 2011 10:46 AM Subject: Re: Epic backslide...  Yay, Constance, for taking care of yourself!!! >________________________________ > >To: insideoutweightloss >Sent: Sunday, April 24, 2011 7:07 PM >Subject: Re: Epic backslide... > > > >Greenknight I know exactly how you feel. I have deemed this year the year of being kind to myself. I woke up tired yesterday but I had offered to help my mother in law with a small flower garden I had put in for her at her house last year. She loves the flower but she is not capable of the work. I did help her but I did only about half what I planned. I dozed in the car in the calm silence on the way there and back. I started to feel guilty about it but my husband squeezed my hand three times ( Means I,  love, you!) and that let me know to Knock it off.  I read from several books I am reading maybe for hour. Then I went to bed I think from Friday night to Sunday morning I got twenty hours of sleep. Short of getting cleaned up and hugging my husband and children I did not do anything. My husband even came to bed fairly early for him. Do you know what I woke up feeling great. A couple of days like yesterday a year ago and I would be flipping out >and having huge tantrums and melt downs. My body was saying Enough! Enough! I need to rest! So I listened. >As for decluttering I find having a helper helps. Even three year olds can sort newspapers from magazines and they love to help and I love to listen to music so loud that no one can talk to me when I have a major declutter project in progress especially if I am working alone. Once I get a momentum I hate it when they ( who don't want to help) slow me down. I set the timer for 60 min and I do what I can do and then I do several things for myself. If I have the time I do this several days in a row. My basement is getting bad again and my garage is not even able to be walked into and we don't even park in there. >Anyway Hugs and Positive thoughts from Constance in Mich. > > > > >Subject: Re: Epic backslide... >To: insideoutweightloss >Date: Friday, April 22, 2011, 11:41 PM > > > >Greenknight, > >It is true that none of us have issues with weight and food for no reason. It >is our body trying to help us. What is the gift in your eating? > >I too know the feeling of exhaustion and the utter lack of desire to really >change..... > >Jen > >________________________________ > >To: insideoutweightloss >Sent: Thu, April 21, 2011 9:31:47 PM >Subject: Epic backslide... > > >...and I'm always exhausted. Wake up exhausted, nap in the afternoon, go to bed >tired. > >I worked way too hard for way too long. It feels like my batteries are dead. I'm >not sad or depressed, I just have very limited energy. I actually get dizzy just >thinking about de-cluttering, about weedling, about going back to work. I really >fried myself, I think. I'm just so tired. > >I have days when I get a lot done but they're followed by several days of very >little activity. > >And I do not have the energy to discipline myself with food right now. The very >thought of getting back into that fight just makes me want to crawl away in a >hole somewhere. I simply don't have it. I eat all day, eat bad things, and eat >ridiculous amounts of bad things and I would probably feel better if I stopped, >but I don't have the energy to. > >I am really hoping that nobody on this list is going to yell at me that " if you >have all that energy to overeat then you can get it together, " because that kind >of yelling has just become white noise to me. It's full-blast in my head >already. I'm beyond listening to it, I'm beyond fighting with it. I just walk >away and lie down. I'm hoping that somebody on this list will just be able to >RELATE, instead of lecture, yell, advise, caution, vent, or " express concern " >that I'm " not taking care " of myself. > >In a very real way that makes no sense to the outside world, this IS taking care >of myself. I need to just be with that now, just let that be what it is, before >I go running down another hyper-optimistic path of hard work to try to make >myself into a shape other peoplewill approve of. > >I need to know how the people on this list will react. > >Can I express myself that openly here, and just be heard, really heard? > >Thanks for reading. It will be good to know. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 26, 2011 Report Share Posted April 26, 2011 You can say whatever you want here. We are here for support. We do not judge. I like the fact that if I feel bad I can say it and not have to put on a fake smile. hugs to you, > > > > ...and I'm always exhausted. Wake up exhausted, nap in the afternoon, go to bed tired. > > > > I worked way too hard for way too long. It feels like my batteries are dead. I'm not sad or depressed, I just have very limited energy. I actually get dizzy just thinking about de-cluttering, about weedling, about going back to work. I really fried myself, I think. I'm just so tired. > > > > I have days when I get a lot done but they're followed by several days of very little activity. > > > > And I do not have the energy to discipline myself with food right now. The very thought of getting back into that fight just makes me want to crawl away in a hole somewhere. I simply don't have it. I eat all day, eat bad things, and eat ridiculous amounts of bad things and I would probably feel better if I stopped, but I don't have the energy to. > > > > I am really hoping that nobody on this list is going to yell at me that " if you have all that energy to overeat then you can get it together, " because that kind of yelling has just become white noise to me. It's full-blast in my head already. I'm beyond listening to it, I'm beyond fighting with it. I just walk away and lie down. I'm hoping that somebody on this list will just be able to RELATE, instead of lecture, yell, advise, caution, vent, or " express concern " that I'm " not taking care " of myself. > > > > In a very real way that makes no sense to the outside world, this IS taking care of myself. I need to just be with that now, just let that be what it is, before I go running down another hyper-optimistic path of hard work to try to make myself into a shape other peoplewill approve of. > > > > I need to know how the people on this list will react. > > > > Can I express myself that openly here, and just be heard, really heard? > > > > Thanks for reading. It will be good to know. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 27, 2011 Report Share Posted April 27, 2011 still struggling.. some days dont end in binges and some do.. thanks, Avie On Tue, Apr 26, 2011 at 2:21 PM, wrote: > > > > You can say whatever you want here. We are here for support. We do not > judge. I like the fact that if I feel bad I can say it and not have to put > on a fake smile. > hugs to you, > > > > > > > > > > ...and I'm always exhausted. Wake up exhausted, nap in the afternoon, > go to bed tired. > > > > > > I worked way too hard for way too long. It feels like my batteries are > dead. I'm not sad or depressed, I just have very limited energy. I actually > get dizzy just thinking about de-cluttering, about weedling, about going > back to work. I really fried myself, I think. I'm just so tired. > > > > > > I have days when I get a lot done but they're followed by several days > of very little activity. > > > > > > And I do not have the energy to discipline myself with food right now. > The very thought of getting back into that fight just makes me want to crawl > away in a hole somewhere. I simply don't have it. I eat all day, eat bad > things, and eat ridiculous amounts of bad things and I would probably feel > better if I stopped, but I don't have the energy to. > > > > > > I am really hoping that nobody on this list is going to yell at me that > " if you have all that energy to overeat then you can get it together, " > because that kind of yelling has just become white noise to me. It's > full-blast in my head already. I'm beyond listening to it, I'm beyond > fighting with it. I just walk away and lie down. I'm hoping that somebody on > this list will just be able to RELATE, instead of lecture, yell, advise, > caution, vent, or " express concern " that I'm " not taking care " of myself. > > > > > > In a very real way that makes no sense to the outside world, this IS > taking care of myself. I need to just be with that now, just let that be > what it is, before I go running down another hyper-optimistic path of hard > work to try to make myself into a shape other peoplewill approve of. > > > > > > I need to know how the people on this list will react. > > > > > > Can I express myself that openly here, and just be heard, really heard? > > > > > > Thanks for reading. It will be good to know. > > > > > > > > -- Avie Linden University of Michigan - Anthropology Program in the Environment, History of Art Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 27, 2011 Report Share Posted April 27, 2011 Hey Avie, guess what I did tonight! I gorged myself on loads of junk! . You are not alone, kid! But, alas, there was a method to my madness...tomorrow, I INTEND (ahem) to workout and start back on protein shakes and smoothies. I looked in the mirror after dinner tonight and I swear my face is swollen from the mess I ate. Bleh. Tomorrow will usher in a new dawn...God willing. T Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry® Re: Re: Epic backslide... still struggling.. some days dont end in binges and some do.. thanks, Avie On Tue, Apr 26, 2011 at 2:21 PM, wrote: > > > > You can say whatever you want here. We are here for support. We do not > judge. I like the fact that if I feel bad I can say it and not have to put > on a fake smile. > hugs to you, > > > > > > > > > > ...and I'm always exhausted. Wake up exhausted, nap in the afternoon, > go to bed tired. > > > > > > I worked way too hard for way too long. It feels like my batteries are > dead. I'm not sad or depressed, I just have very limited energy. I actually > get dizzy just thinking about de-cluttering, about weedling, about going > back to work. I really fried myself, I think. I'm just so tired. > > > > > > I have days when I get a lot done but they're followed by several days > of very little activity. > > > > > > And I do not have the energy to discipline myself with food right now. > The very thought of getting back into that fight just makes me want to crawl > away in a hole somewhere. I simply don't have it. I eat all day, eat bad > things, and eat ridiculous amounts of bad things and I would probably feel > better if I stopped, but I don't have the energy to. > > > > > > I am really hoping that nobody on this list is going to yell at me that > " if you have all that energy to overeat then you can get it together, " > because that kind of yelling has just become white noise to me. It's > full-blast in my head already. I'm beyond listening to it, I'm beyond > fighting with it. I just walk away and lie down. I'm hoping that somebody on > this list will just be able to RELATE, instead of lecture, yell, advise, > caution, vent, or " express concern " that I'm " not taking care " of myself. > > > > > > In a very real way that makes no sense to the outside world, this IS > taking care of myself. I need to just be with that now, just let that be > what it is, before I go running down another hyper-optimistic path of hard > work to try to make myself into a shape other peoplewill approve of. > > > > > > I need to know how the people on this list will react. > > > > > > Can I express myself that openly here, and just be heard, really heard? > > > > > > Thanks for reading. It will be good to know. > > > > > > > > -- Avie Linden University of Michigan - Anthropology Program in the Environment, History of Art Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 28, 2011 Report Share Posted April 28, 2011 thanks for sharing, T. the hardest part for me is that i tend to project my feelings of being overweight onto everyone else (like they MUST think i'm overweight too!) and, gosh darnit, I'm a normal American young adult female! .. probably .. ready for self correcting and some self-TLC. I thought of something yesterday: when i want to write down calorie amounts, instead try writing down what you are really eating! Things like LOVE, compassion, warmth, whatever and etc! it's a metaphor.. with it, Avie > Hey Avie, guess what I did tonight! I gorged myself on loads of junk! . You are not alone, kid! But, alas, there was a method to my madness...tomorrow, I INTEND (ahem) to workout and start back on protein shakes and smoothies. I looked in the mirror after dinner tonight and I swear my face is swollen from the mess I ate. Bleh. Tomorrow will usher in a new dawn...God willing. > > T > Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry® > > Re: Re: Epic backslide... > > still struggling.. some days dont end in binges and some do.. > > thanks, > Avie > > On Tue, Apr 26, 2011 at 2:21 PM, wrote: > >> >> >> >> You can say whatever you want here. We are here for support. We do not >> judge. I like the fact that if I feel bad I can say it and not have to put >> on a fake smile. >> hugs to you, >> >> >> >> >> > > >> > > ...and I'm always exhausted. Wake up exhausted, nap in the afternoon, >> go to bed tired. >> > > >> > > I worked way too hard for way too long. It feels like my batteries are >> dead. I'm not sad or depressed, I just have very limited energy. I actually >> get dizzy just thinking about de-cluttering, about weedling, about going >> back to work. I really fried myself, I think. I'm just so tired. >> > > >> > > I have days when I get a lot done but they're followed by several days >> of very little activity. >> > > >> > > And I do not have the energy to discipline myself with food right now. >> The very thought of getting back into that fight just makes me want to crawl >> away in a hole somewhere. I simply don't have it. I eat all day, eat bad >> things, and eat ridiculous amounts of bad things and I would probably feel >> better if I stopped, but I don't have the energy to. >> > > >> > > I am really hoping that nobody on this list is going to yell at me that >> " if you have all that energy to overeat then you can get it together, " >> because that kind of yelling has just become white noise to me. It's >> full-blast in my head already. I'm beyond listening to it, I'm beyond >> fighting with it. I just walk away and lie down. I'm hoping that somebody on >> this list will just be able to RELATE, instead of lecture, yell, advise, >> caution, vent, or " express concern " that I'm " not taking care " of myself. >> > > >> > > In a very real way that makes no sense to the outside world, this IS >> taking care of myself. I need to just be with that now, just let that be >> what it is, before I go running down another hyper-optimistic path of hard >> work to try to make myself into a shape other peoplewill approve of. >> > > >> > > I need to know how the people on this list will react. >> > > >> > > Can I express myself that openly here, and just be heard, really heard? >> > > >> > > Thanks for reading. It will be good to know. >> > > >> > >> >> >> > > > > -- > Avie Linden > University of Michigan - Anthropology > Program in the Environment, History of Art > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 28, 2011 Report Share Posted April 28, 2011 That is a wonderful suggestion! I may use it:). Thanks for the idea:). On a similar note, I had a bit of a breakthrough this morning. You can read about it on my blog:) www.chaoticmusing.wordpress.com Hope today is a fruitful day for all!! T Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry® Re: Re: Epic backslide... > > still struggling.. some days dont end in binges and some do.. > > thanks, > Avie > > On Tue, Apr 26, 2011 at 2:21 PM, wrote: > >> >> >> >> You can say whatever you want here. We are here for support. We do not >> judge. I like the fact that if I feel bad I can say it and not have to put >> on a fake smile. >> hugs to you, >> >> >> >> >> > > >> > > ...and I'm always exhausted. Wake up exhausted, nap in the afternoon, >> go to bed tired. >> > > >> > > I worked way too hard for way too long. It feels like my batteries are >> dead. I'm not sad or depressed, I just have very limited energy. I actually >> get dizzy just thinking about de-cluttering, about weedling, about going >> back to work. I really fried myself, I think. I'm just so tired. >> > > >> > > I have days when I get a lot done but they're followed by several days >> of very little activity. >> > > >> > > And I do not have the energy to discipline myself with food right now. >> The very thought of getting back into that fight just makes me want to crawl >> away in a hole somewhere. I simply don't have it. I eat all day, eat bad >> things, and eat ridiculous amounts of bad things and I would probably feel >> better if I stopped, but I don't have the energy to. >> > > >> > > I am really hoping that nobody on this list is going to yell at me that >> " if you have all that energy to overeat then you can get it together, " >> because that kind of yelling has just become white noise to me. It's >> full-blast in my head already. I'm beyond listening to it, I'm beyond >> fighting with it. I just walk away and lie down. I'm hoping that somebody on >> this list will just be able to RELATE, instead of lecture, yell, advise, >> caution, vent, or " express concern " that I'm " not taking care " of myself. >> > > >> > > In a very real way that makes no sense to the outside world, this IS >> taking care of myself. I need to just be with that now, just let that be >> what it is, before I go running down another hyper-optimistic path of hard >> work to try to make myself into a shape other peoplewill approve of. >> > > >> > > I need to know how the people on this list will react. >> > > >> > > Can I express myself that openly here, and just be heard, really heard? >> > > >> > > Thanks for reading. It will be good to know. >> > > >> > >> >> >> > > > > -- > Avie Linden > University of Michigan - Anthropology > Program in the Environment, History of Art > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 28, 2011 Report Share Posted April 28, 2011 Yeah, me too. I ate a bunch of Easter candy instead of dinner.....great. McMullan Work as tho you would live forever; but live as tho you would die tomorrow. In a message dated 4/27/2011 9:45:17 P.M. Mountain Daylight Time, tania_khalil@... writes: Hey Avie, guess what I did tonight! I gorged myself on loads of junk! . You are not alone, kid! But, alas, there was a method to my madness...tomorrow, I INTEND (ahem) to workout and start back on protein shakes and smoothies. I looked in the mirror after dinner tonight and I swear my face is swollen from the mess I ate. Bleh. Tomorrow will usher in a new dawn...God willing. T Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry® Re: Re: Epic backslide... still struggling.. some days dont end in binges and some do.. thanks, Avie On Tue, Apr 26, 2011 at 2:21 PM, wrote: > > > > You can say whatever you want here. We are here for support. We do not > judge. I like the fact that if I feel bad I can say it and not have to put > on a fake smile. > hugs to you, > > > > > > > > > > ...and I'm always exhausted. Wake up exhausted, nap in the afternoon, > go to bed tired. > > > > > > I worked way too hard for way too long. It feels like my batteries are > dead. I'm not sad or depressed, I just have very limited energy. I actually > get dizzy just thinking about de-cluttering, about weedling, about going > back to work. I really fried myself, I think. I'm just so tired. > > > > > > I have days when I get a lot done but they're followed by several days > of very little activity. > > > > > > And I do not have the energy to discipline myself with food right now. > The very thought of getting back into that fight just makes me want to crawl > away in a hole somewhere. I simply don't have it. I eat all day, eat bad > things, and eat ridiculous amounts of bad things and I would probably feel > better if I stopped, but I don't have the energy to. > > > > > > I am really hoping that nobody on this list is going to yell at me that > " if you have all that energy to overeat then you can get it together, " > because that kind of yelling has just become white noise to me. It's > full-blast in my head already. I'm beyond listening to it, I'm beyond > fighting with it. I just walk away and lie down. I'm hoping that somebody on > this list will just be able to RELATE, instead of lecture, yell, advise, > caution, vent, or " express concern " that I'm " not taking care " of myself. > > > > > > In a very real way that makes no sense to the outside world, this IS > taking care of myself. I need to just be with that now, just let that be > what it is, before I go running down another hyper-optimistic path of hard > work to try to make myself into a shape other peoplewill approve of. > > > > > > I need to know how the people on this list will react. > > > > > > Can I express myself that openly here, and just be heard, really heard? > > > > > > Thanks for reading. It will be good to know. > > > > > > > > -- Avie Linden University of Michigan - Anthropology Program in the Environment, History of Art [Non-text portions of this message have been removed] ------------------------------------ Copyright 2005-2007. A. s. All worldwide rights reserved.Yahoo! Groups Links ------------------------------------ Copyright 2005-2007. A. s. All worldwide rights reserved.Yahoo! Groups Links Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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