Re: Dominos

[Guest guest]

,

You are a great mom, a great listener, and a great advisor. I love the way you

expressed you journey. One thing you said hit the nail on the head. About

differentiating between " me " time and " them " time, someone posted that a dad

once wrote that he stopped feeling so flustered when he realized there was no

difference. Their time WAS his time and the tension eased as he realized he

didn't have to split the two.

This thought helped me, too, as I often felt like there was not enough of me to

go around. IDK...just writing.

Also, did I ever tell you about Special Time? It is a great way for you to

focus on the child. It releases your tension and helps her learn that she has

value.

Anyway, as always, great post:). I hope you will figure out what all of those

dominoes represent.

T

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Dominos

A few weeks back, we were talking about parenting, and how draining it could be.

I was revisiting the conversation, since this is the weekend, we have an extra

child...

 

She lives in a group home for kids who, for one reason or another, can't live at

home. They often try to place these kids with host families for weekend visits,

to give them a view of what normal family life can be like. She's been coming to

us for 2.5 years now--roughly one weekend a month--and over time, I've come to

recognize a pattern.

 

When she's around, I want to eat more.

 

The awareness was growing gradually. Last time, I didn't give in to the cravings

as much--but I did give in to being in a foul mood. ly, I'd rather medicate

with chocolate than be that way to everyone around me.

 

Fortunately, those aren't my only options. So shortly after her last visit, I

started analyzing the problems, and toying with ways to address them. I had a

few ideas in place already for the upcoming visit. I set my intent to get back

energy from the simple fact that I'm giving energy to someone who needs it. I

set my intent to be relaxed around food.

 

And of course, I listened to the latest IOWL podcasts. Two this week, since I'm

still not caught up from last week.

 

Podcast 170 has a guided journey to identifying a limiting belief, and following

it back to the first moment it formed. Now, I identified a lot of limiting

beliefs when I listened to the first podcasts about identifying, challenging,

and changing them. Since then, I've seen a new belief or two crop up, and I've

been more or less successful dealing with them.  (They're like weeds, ya know?

Just when you think you have an area clear and free, another pops up.)  But

listening to this podcast, I so clearly heard my mother grumbling about how she

hadn't had a new dress in years because all the clothing money went to us

kids....

 

That was the strongest memory, the one that felt " right " . But related to that is

the knowledge I seem to have always had that she gave up on the idea of becoming

a doctor--after taking all the pre-med courses--because being a teacher was a

more acceptable career for a mother, if she was going to have a career.

I didn't fully inherit the belief (in fact, she worked hard to make sure my

sisters and I all knew that we didn't have to limit ourselves to " women's

work " ). But remnants of it remain...

 

My limiting belief is around who comes first. Kids or mom.

 

This is not a new awareness. I've actually made an effort (before IOWL, too), to

make sure I have time for myself..  I once read " you can have it all--just not

at the same time. " For a while, that really helped me through. But now I'm

starting to wonder.... I think that deep down I've always had the belief that

there will be a struggle, that there will be a clear-cut division between " me "

time and " them " time.

 

What if there doesn't have to be a struggle?

 

What if I can change the belief, instead of trying to live with it, work around

it?

 

At it's core, there is the value that family is important, that it is worthwhile

to invest in your kids. This is the positive intent that I do not want to

change. Instead, I want to find a new way to express it so I am empowered

instead of limited.

 

I know the metaphor of putting your own oxygen mask on first. And to a certain

extent I use this. But maybe I don't truly believe it? Or maybe in some

situations I need to view the energy I put into the kids as energy that will

come back to me? Turn something draining into something renewing?

 

I will have to play with this some more. But I love this synchronicity. I was

trying to solve the Problem of the Extra Child through different

techniques--redos, pre-dos, intention setting, planning.... All of which are

good and still necessary, but they work much better once the limiting belief is

out of the way. And it's funny how the one limiting belief seems to have led to

another, and another, just like a row of dominos falling.....

 

Come to think of it, maybe that's a good activity for the afternoon. :-)

[Guest guest]

Hi Tania,

Yes, I remember that quote about just whose time it was anyway.... It really

stuck with me. Especially because I realized that I had already been doing this

with my own girls, but it wasn't natural with our visitor.

I've had a lot of other pieces fall into place--or dominos fall over--since I

wrote the previous post.

When I started on this whole weight loss journey, several years back, I realized

that I was baking because a good mom bakes with her kids, even if she works and

commutes and sticks them in daycare. Right? It's in the contract, isn't it???

LOL! I thought it over, and realized how often I was baking " for the girls " as

an excuse to have a binge myself. Or picking up treats at the supermarket, or

stopping off at a bakery, or whatever.

When I stopped buying and baking, they didn't even notice.....

After listening this morning, I started realizing how much it's a pattern I

learned from my mom. Not that baking together wasn't a wonderful shared activity

that gave us both pleasure--but there was a secondary benefit she was getting

out of it.

There was a podcast where talked about how sometimes we inherit the

gift--the positive intent--from someone else. I think I need to track that

down..... Time to do a gift exchange!

________________________________

To: insideoutweightloss

Sent: Fri, May 27, 2011 12:29:21 PM

Subject: Re: Dominos

,

You are a great mom, a great listener, and a great advisor.  I love the way you

expressed you journey.  One thing you said hit the nail on the head.  About

differentiating between " me " time and " them " time, someone posted that a dad

once wrote that he stopped feeling so flustered when he realized there was no

difference.  Their time WAS his time and the tension eased as he realized he

didn't have to split the two. 

This thought helped me, too, as I often felt like there was not enough of me to

go around. IDK...just writing.

Also, did I ever tell you about Special Time?  It is a great way for you to

focus on the child.  It releases your tension and helps her learn that she has

value. 

Anyway, as always, great post:). I hope you will figure out what all of those

dominoes represent.

T

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

[Guest guest]

The whole me time vs. them time is something that continues to be a struggle

for me. Add to that that one of my children has Asperger's and the struggle

intensifies because he is so high maintenance. When I do finally get time

to myself, the only thing I want to do is sit down with something, anything,

and eat my way through it until I feel sick. I haven't progressed far

enough to figure what is leading me to do this other than this is how I have

been soothing myself since I was about 8. I learned it from my mother.

A'mee

[Guest guest]

I also have three children, one who has an immune disorder which presents as

autism and it is quite a challenge figuring it all out.

A few years ago I started an online business and that has been very helpful, it

is a bit creative and that is necessary to my well being.

My biggest challenge is not to rush rush rush through everything.  I was sick

in a major way last year and ina strange way that gave me permission to focus on

myself. I also have two daughers who do their share of demanding.  Also we tend

to think of focus on self as a negative thing.

A bit rambling, but just slow down and take one thing at a time, there is only

so much you can do, just make sure to put yourself in the picture!

[Guest guest]

,

It's amazing to me how many people struggle with the same things.  Just last

week I indentified what I thought was a " limiting belief " .  I was trying to

determine why I felt that I didn't have time to exercise.  I discovered that it

was because I believe that the needs of my children and my marriage come before

my own needs.  After rolling that around in my head for a while I realized that

I do not want to change that belief.  That it is a solid and noble belief and

one I am proud to have.  Then I thought, why can't I have both.  Why can't I

meet the needs of my children, my marriage, and myself?  About three years ago

my son, then 9, wanted to start taking karate classes.  I had always wanted to

take karate so we both joined.  It gave my husband some " guy time " twice a week

and allowed my son and I to share something together while still meeting our

individual needs.  Then I got pregnant and had to stop.  After my daughter was

born I tried to go back but it didn't feel right.  She will be 1 1/2 next

month.  I have been struggling with this for a while.  Her needs are so much

more.  I have been trying to find a way to exercise without taking time away

from her.  I think I have found it.  When I drop my son off at karate class my

daughter and I go for a walk around the park.  My daughter LOVES the

outdoors. 

We have done this three times and it is working out very well.  I feel good

that

I get my exercise in and get to spend time with my daughter in an environment

that she enjoys.  My husband still gets his " guy time " and, to make up for the

time I am missing with my son, he and I practice his karate during her naps on

the weekends. YEAH! everybody wins!

I hope you find your solution as well.

Beverly

 

 

________________________________

To: IOWL <insideoutweightloss >

Sent: Fri, May 27, 2011 3:43:32 AM

Subject: Dominos

A few weeks back, we were talking about parenting, and how draining it could be.

I was revisiting the conversation, since this is the weekend, we have an extra

child...

 

She lives in a group home for kids who, for one reason or another, can't live at

home. They often try to place these kids with host families for weekend visits,

to give them a view of what normal family life can be like. She's been coming to

us for 2.5 years now--roughly one weekend a month--and over time, I've come to

recognize a pattern.

 

When she's around, I want to eat more.

 

The awareness was growing gradually. Last time, I didn't give in to the cravings

as much--but I did give in to being in a foul mood. ly, I'd rather medicate

with chocolate than be that way to everyone around me.

 

Fortunately, those aren't my only options. So shortly after her last visit, I

started analyzing the problems, and toying with ways to address them. I had a

few ideas in place already for the upcoming visit. I set my intent to get back

energy from the simple fact that I'm giving energy to someone who needs it. I

set my intent to be relaxed around food.

 

And of course, I listened to the latest IOWL podcasts. Two this week, since I'm

still not caught up from last week.

 

Podcast 170 has a guided journey to identifying a limiting belief, and

following

it back to the first moment it formed. Now, I identified a lot of limiting

beliefs when I listened to the first podcasts about identifying, challenging,

and changing them. Since then, I've seen a new belief or two crop up, and I've

been more or less successful dealing with them.  (They're like weeds, ya know?

Just when you think you have an area clear and free, another pops up.)  But

listening to this podcast, I so clearly heard my mother grumbling about how she

hadn't had a new dress in years because all the clothing money went to us

kids....

 

That was the strongest memory, the one that felt " right " . But related to that is

the knowledge I seem to have always had that she gave up on the idea of becoming

a doctor--after taking all the pre-med courses--because being a teacher was a

more acceptable career for a mother, if she was going to have a career.

I didn't fully inherit the belief (in fact, she worked hard to make sure my

sisters and I all knew that we didn't have to limit ourselves to " women's

work " ). But remnants of it remain...

 

My limiting belief is around who comes first. Kids or mom.

 

This is not a new awareness. I've actually made an effort (before IOWL, too), to

make sure I have time for myself..  I once read " you can have it all--just not

at the same time. " For a while, that really helped me through. But now I'm

starting to wonder.... I think that deep down I've always had the belief that

there will be a struggle, that there will be a clear-cut division between " me "

time and " them " time.

 

What if there doesn't have to be a struggle?

 

What if I can change the belief, instead of trying to live with it, work around

it?

 

At it's core, there is the value that family is important, that it is worthwhile

to invest in your kids. This is the positive intent that I do not want to

change. Instead, I want to find a new way to express it so I am empowered

instead of limited.

 

I know the metaphor of putting your own oxygen mask on first. And to a certain

extent I use this. But maybe I don't truly believe it? Or maybe in some

situations I need to view the energy I put into the kids as energy that will

come back to me? Turn something draining into something renewing?

 

I will have to play with this some more. But I love this synchronicity. I was

trying to solve the Problem of the Extra Child through different

techniques--redos, pre-dos, intention setting, planning.... All of which are

good and still necessary, but they work much better once the limiting belief is

out of the way. And it's funny how the one limiting belief seems to have led to

another, and another, just like a row of dominos falling.....

 

Come to think of it, maybe that's a good activity for the afternoon. :-)

[Guest guest]

I'm making a go at freelance writing as a result of leaving my " day job. "

It's going to help fill my " me time " with something a bit more productive

(since I can't find anything to do during my spare time but eat

apparently). Plus the flexibility will allow me to deal with school issues

as they arise. I was getting phone calls every day at my other job, and

having to leave work to pick him up all the time.

Part of me is really afraid of making this leap, but it's something I've

wanted to do for a long time. Kind of fits in with the whole program,

doesn't it???

A'mee

[Guest guest]

I honestly think that you can have both.

I have always needed my me time. I could not survive without it. I'll tell my

family that I'm tired and " going to read my book for awhile " then go upstairs

and close the door. I crave this quiet time.

I played tennis while my kids were growing up, went to the gym, and had time for

my kids and husband. I would have my me time and come back feeling fantastic.

Then we would do whatever we had planned.... go to the park, a play date,

working on homework, cooking, or a social event with my husband. I do not

believe you have to spend every waking hour with your child in order to be a

good parent. Quality is definitely better than quantity!

Beverly, walking with your daughter sure sounds like fun for both of you :-) and

A'mee my heart goes out to you. I have a friend who has a child with special

needs and she has NO free time. That is difficult. Fortunately, she has found a

caretaker who is fantastic with her son and she comes in 2 times a week and

keeps him for a few hours so she can take dancing lessons. Her husband pretty

much demanded that she do this and she has gotten over the guilt and loves it.

Would you have an option like this?

, when my children were growing up, they had visiters all the time, esp

when we lived in the States for 3 years. I made sure to plan fun events for them

but again I made it clear that for example, on Saturday 2-4.30 I'd be playing

tennis or going to the gym or if we'd been out all morning I'd tell them I was

going to rest for a few hours. If you have this young girl visiting, maybe you

can plan something special for her but also make it clear that she should

respect your me time. It will be a valuable lesson in learning to respect

herself maybe?

To: insideoutweightloss

Sent: Friday, May 27, 2011 4:10 PM

Subject: Re: Dominos

 

I also have three children, one who has an immune disorder which presents as

autism and it is quite a challenge figuring it all out.

A few years ago I started an online business and that has been very helpful, it

is a bit creative and that is necessary to my well being.

My biggest challenge is not to rush rush rush through everything.  I was sick

in a major way last year and ina strange way that gave me permission to focus on

myself. I also have two daughers who do their share of demanding.  Also we tend

to think of focus on self as a negative thing.

A bit rambling, but just slow down and take one thing at a time, there is only

so much you can do, just make sure to put yourself in the picture!

[Guest guest]

,

Thanks for this interesting look at how you processed and worked through the

limiting belief.  Funny, just this morning I was listening to the same

podcast...Mind you I was walking through walmart browsing so I obviously need to

go back to it...but nonetheless I was thinking about my past few days -- my

husband and two of my children are gone for a week and I am done teaching for

the summer, so I have had some time to do the things I have wanted to do....and

yet for the past three evenings I have engaged in progressively worse eating

disordered behaviors so just this morning I was trying to figure out if I had a

limiting belief that was getting in the way of choosing what would truly be good

and kind for myself.

I'm not sure yet....but in some ways I think I did it because I did not feel

like anyone would know.  That I was free to behave and eat in anyway I

wanted...so a kind of rebellion - eating in bed - exercising when and where I

wanted - turning the music on and the tv programming on when and how loud I

wanted.  These are all freedoms I rarely take for myself.   Anyway later

today I

will listen again and spend some think time on this.  )

Good luck this weekend!

Jen

P.S.  I did buy the appetite adjuster and I am seeing so progress, particularly

as I try to visualize how I may have felt as a baby, eating what I needed,

stopping when I felt full and being content with that feeling.

________________________________

To: IOWL <insideoutweightloss >

Sent: Fri, May 27, 2011 2:43:32 AM

Subject: Dominos

 

A few weeks back, we were talking about parenting, and how draining it could be.

I was revisiting the conversation, since this is the weekend, we have an extra

child...

 

She lives in a group home for kids who, for one reason or another, can't live at

home. They often try to place these kids with host families for weekend visits,

to give them a view of what normal family life can be like. She's been coming to

us for 2.5 years now--roughly one weekend a month--and over time, I've come to

recognize a pattern.

 

When she's around, I want to eat more.

 

The awareness was growing gradually. Last time, I didn't give in to the cravings

as much--but I did give in to being in a foul mood. ly, I'd rather medicate

with chocolate than be that way to everyone around me.

 

Fortunately, those aren't my only options. So shortly after her last visit, I

started analyzing the problems, and toying with ways to address them. I had a

few ideas in place already for the upcoming visit. I set my intent to get back

energy from the simple fact that I'm giving energy to someone who needs it. I

set my intent to be relaxed around food.

 

And of course, I listened to the latest IOWL podcasts. Two this week, since I'm

still not caught up from last week.

 

Podcast 170 has a guided journey to identifying a limiting belief, and

following

it back to the first moment it formed. Now, I identified a lot of limiting

beliefs when I listened to the first podcasts about identifying, challenging,

and changing them. Since then, I've seen a new belief or two crop up, and I've

been more or less successful dealing with them.  (They're like weeds, ya know?

Just when you think you have an area clear and free, another pops up.)  But

listening to this podcast, I so clearly heard my mother grumbling about how she

hadn't had a new dress in years because all the clothing money went to us

kids....

 

That was the strongest memory, the one that felt " right " . But related to that is

the knowledge I seem to have always had that she gave up on the idea of becoming

a doctor--after taking all the pre-med courses--because being a teacher was a

more acceptable career for a mother, if she was going to have a career.

I didn't fully inherit the belief (in fact, she worked hard to make sure my

sisters and I all knew that we didn't have to limit ourselves to " women's

work " ). But remnants of it remain...

 

My limiting belief is around who comes first. Kids or mom.

 

This is not a new awareness. I've actually made an effort (before IOWL, too), to

make sure I have time for myself..  I once read " you can have it all--just not

at the same time. " For a while, that really helped me through. But now I'm

starting to wonder.... I think that deep down I've always had the belief that

there will be a struggle, that there will be a clear-cut division between " me "

time and " them " time.

 

What if there doesn't have to be a struggle?

 

What if I can change the belief, instead of trying to live with it, work around

it?

 

At it's core, there is the value that family is important, that it is worthwhile

to invest in your kids. This is the positive intent that I do not want to

change. Instead, I want to find a new way to express it so I am empowered

instead of limited.

 

I know the metaphor of putting your own oxygen mask on first. And to a certain

extent I use this. But maybe I don't truly believe it? Or maybe in some

situations I need to view the energy I put into the kids as energy that will

come back to me? Turn something draining into something renewing?

 

I will have to play with this some more. But I love this synchronicity. I was

trying to solve the Problem of the Extra Child through different

techniques--redos, pre-dos, intention setting, planning.... All of which are

good and still necessary, but they work much better once the limiting belief is

out of the way. And it's funny how the one limiting belief seems to have led to

another, and another, just like a row of dominos falling.....

 

Come to think of it, maybe that's a good activity for the afternoon. :-)

[Guest guest]

We've got a group involved now from the YMCA that deal with crisis response

that is helping us with school/IEP issues. They are looking into some

programs that we might be eligible that would give my son some cool things

to do over the summer. One that they brought up is the possibility that we

all might get a free Y membership! This would be awesome, they have great

programs that my son could participate in, dance classes that my daughter

would love and I could drop them off and go swimming or something. I really

hope this pans out!

Interestingly, he is involved with Boy Scouts. There is something about it

that clicks perfectly with his head and it's like he's a whole different kid

when he is with his troop (I've tried to exploit this and get him to wear

the uniform outside of scouts to see if he will stay in that mindset, but

alas, it doesn't work, lol). But this also means he has opportunities to go

camping this summer. Plus my mom will take him for a week, and my sister

usually takes him for a few days, too. I'm fortunate in that I have a

strong support system who can give me breaks when I start to crack up!

A'mee

[Guest guest]

,

Just wanted to thank you for this kind response to everyone. 

A couple of weeks ago you asked if I was out of school yet.  I was shocked and

pleasantly surprised that you knew that I was a teacher and had been swamped

lately and unable to get too invovled in posting.  So, I just wanted to take a

moment and thank you for your contribution to this group.

Hugs,

Jen

________________________________

To: " insideoutweightloss " <insideoutweightloss >

Sent: Fri, May 27, 2011 12:48:38 PM

Subject: Re: Dominos

 

I honestly think that you can have both.

I have always needed my me time. I could not survive without it. I'll tell my

family that I'm tired and " going to read my book for awhile " then go upstairs

and close the door. I crave this quiet time.

I played tennis while my kids were growing up, went to the gym, and had time for

my kids and husband. I would have my me time and come back feeling fantastic.

Then we would do whatever we had planned.... go to the park, a play date,

working on homework, cooking, or a social event with my husband. I do not

believe you have to spend every waking hour with your child in order to be a

good parent. Quality is definitely better than quantity!

Beverly, walking with your daughter sure sounds like fun for both of you :-) and

A'mee my heart goes out to you. I have a friend who has a child with special

needs and she has NO free time. That is difficult. Fortunately, she has found a

caretaker who is fantastic with her son and she comes in 2 times a week and

keeps him for a few hours so she can take dancing lessons. Her husband pretty

much demanded that she do this and she has gotten over the guilt and loves it.

Would you have an option like this?

, when my children were growing up, they had visiters all the time, esp

when

we lived in the States for 3 years. I made sure to plan fun events for them but

again I made it clear that for example, on Saturday 2-4.30 I'd be playing tennis

or going to the gym or if we'd been out all morning I'd tell them I was going to

rest for a few hours. If you have this young girl visiting, maybe you can plan

something special for her but also make it clear that she should respect your me

time. It will be a valuable lesson in learning to respect herself maybe?

To: insideoutweightloss

Sent: Friday, May 27, 2011 4:10 PM

Subject: Re: Dominos

 

I also have three children, one who has an immune disorder which presents as

autism and it is quite a challenge figuring it all out.

A few years ago I started an online business and that has been very helpful, it

is a bit creative and that is necessary to my well being.

My biggest challenge is not to rush rush rush through everything.  I was sick

in

a major way last year and ina strange way that gave me permission to focus on

myself. I also have two daughers who do their share of demanding.  Also we tend

to think of focus on self as a negative thing.

A bit rambling, but just slow down and take one thing at a time, there is only

so much you can do, just make sure to put yourself in the picture!

[Guest guest]

Jen I have been teaching for 25 years and the last month of school I was always

exhausted! I know how you must be feeling.

And I always find your posts interesting and insightful so thank you too for

sharing with us. Have you managed to 'get back on track'?

Sent from my iPhone

> ,

>

> Just wanted to thank you for this kind response to everyone.

>

> A couple of weeks ago you asked if I was out of school yet. I was shocked and

> pleasantly surprised that you knew that I was a teacher and had been swamped

> lately and unable to get too invovled in posting. So, I just wanted to take a

> moment and thank you for your contribution to this group.

>

> Hugs,

> Jen

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: " insideoutweightloss "

<insideoutweightloss >

> Sent: Fri, May 27, 2011 12:48:38 PM

> Subject: Re: Dominos

>

>

> I honestly think that you can have both.

> I have always needed my me time. I could not survive without it. I'll tell my

> family that I'm tired and " going to read my book for awhile " then go upstairs

> and close the door. I crave this quiet time.

> I played tennis while my kids were growing up, went to the gym, and had time

for

> my kids and husband. I would have my me time and come back feeling fantastic.

> Then we would do whatever we had planned.... go to the park, a play date,

> working on homework, cooking, or a social event with my husband. I do not

> believe you have to spend every waking hour with your child in order to be a

> good parent. Quality is definitely better than quantity!

>

> Beverly, walking with your daughter sure sounds like fun for both of you :-)

and

> A'mee my heart goes out to you. I have a friend who has a child with special

> needs and she has NO free time. That is difficult. Fortunately, she has found

a

> caretaker who is fantastic with her son and she comes in 2 times a week and

> keeps him for a few hours so she can take dancing lessons. Her husband pretty

> much demanded that she do this and she has gotten over the guilt and loves it.

> Would you have an option like this?

> , when my children were growing up, they had visiters all the time, esp

when

> we lived in the States for 3 years. I made sure to plan fun events for them

but

> again I made it clear that for example, on Saturday 2-4.30 I'd be playing

tennis

> or going to the gym or if we'd been out all morning I'd tell them I was going

to

> rest for a few hours. If you have this young girl visiting, maybe you can plan

> something special for her but also make it clear that she should respect your

me

> time. It will be a valuable lesson in learning to respect herself maybe?

>

>

> To: insideoutweightloss

> Sent: Friday, May 27, 2011 4:10 PM

> Subject: Re: Dominos

>

>

>

> I also have three children, one who has an immune disorder which presents as

> autism and it is quite a challenge figuring it all out.

>

> A few years ago I started an online business and that has been very helpful,

it

> is a bit creative and that is necessary to my well being.

>

> My biggest challenge is not to rush rush rush through everything. I was sick

in

> a major way last year and ina strange way that gave me permission to focus on

> myself. I also have two daughers who do their share of demanding. Also we

tend

> to think of focus on self as a negative thing.

>

> A bit rambling, but just slow down and take one thing at a time, there is only

> so much you can do, just make sure to put yourself in the picture!

>

>

[Guest guest]

Jen I laughed when I read your post. My family was away last week and I felt

like a teenager whose parents are gone for the week!! I ate breakfast at 3 in

the morning, didn't wash dishes for days, played hours of tennis and ate the

same meal for 5 days.... I had planned to really follow my diet but with so much

freedom I ended up snacking way too much esp in front of the computer at nite.

But I thoroughly enjoyed it!!!

Sent from my iPhone

> ,

>

> Thanks for this interesting look at how you processed and worked through the

> limiting belief. Funny, just this morning I was listening to the same

> podcast...Mind you I was walking through walmart browsing so I obviously need

to

> go back to it...but nonetheless I was thinking about my past few days -- my

> husband and two of my children are gone for a week and I am done teaching for

> the summer, so I have had some time to do the things I have wanted to

do....and

> yet for the past three evenings I have engaged in progressively worse eating

> disordered behaviors so just this morning I was trying to figure out if I had

a

> limiting belief that was getting in the way of choosing what would truly be

good

> and kind for myself.

>

> I'm not sure yet....but in some ways I think I did it because I did not feel

> like anyone would know. That I was free to behave and eat in anyway I

> wanted...so a kind of rebellion - eating in bed - exercising when and where I

> wanted - turning the music on and the tv programming on when and how loud I

> wanted. These are all freedoms I rarely take for myself. Anyway later today

I

> will listen again and spend some think time on this. )

>

> Good luck this weekend!

> Jen

>

> P.S. I did buy the appetite adjuster and I am seeing so progress,

particularly

> as I try to visualize how I may have felt as a baby, eating what I needed,

> stopping when I felt full and being content with that feeling.

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: IOWL <insideoutweightloss >

> Sent: Fri, May 27, 2011 2:43:32 AM

> Subject: Dominos

>

>

> A few weeks back, we were talking about parenting, and how draining it could

be.

>

> I was revisiting the conversation, since this is the weekend, we have an extra

> child...

>

>

> She lives in a group home for kids who, for one reason or another, can't live

at

>

> home. They often try to place these kids with host families for weekend

visits,

> to give them a view of what normal family life can be like. She's been coming

to

>

> us for 2.5 years now--roughly one weekend a month--and over time, I've come to

> recognize a pattern.

>

> When she's around, I want to eat more.

>

> The awareness was growing gradually. Last time, I didn't give in to the

cravings

>

> as much--but I did give in to being in a foul mood. ly, I'd rather

medicate

>

> with chocolate than be that way to everyone around me.

>

>

> Fortunately, those aren't my only options. So shortly after her last visit, I

> started analyzing the problems, and toying with ways to address them. I had a

> few ideas in place already for the upcoming visit. I set my intent to get back

> energy from the simple fact that I'm giving energy to someone who needs it. I

> set my intent to be relaxed around food.

>

> And of course, I listened to the latest IOWL podcasts. Two this week, since

I'm

> still not caught up from last week.

>

> Podcast 170 has a guided journey to identifying a limiting belief, and

following

>

> it back to the first moment it formed. Now, I identified a lot of limiting

> beliefs when I listened to the first podcasts about identifying, challenging,

> and changing them. Since then, I've seen a new belief or two crop up, and I've

> been more or less successful dealing with them. (They're like weeds, ya know?

> Just when you think you have an area clear and free, another pops up.) But

> listening to this podcast, I so clearly heard my mother grumbling about how

she

> hadn't had a new dress in years because all the clothing money went to us

> kids....

>

> That was the strongest memory, the one that felt " right " . But related to that

is

>

> the knowledge I seem to have always had that she gave up on the idea of

becoming

>

> a doctor--after taking all the pre-med courses--because being a teacher was a

> more acceptable career for a mother, if she was going to have a career.

> I didn't fully inherit the belief (in fact, she worked hard to make sure my

> sisters and I all knew that we didn't have to limit ourselves to " women's

> work " ). But remnants of it remain...

>

> My limiting belief is around who comes first. Kids or mom.

>

> This is not a new awareness. I've actually made an effort (before IOWL, too),

to

>

> make sure I have time for myself.. I once read " you can have it all--just not

> at the same time. " For a while, that really helped me through. But now I'm

> starting to wonder.... I think that deep down I've always had the belief that

> there will be a struggle, that there will be a clear-cut division between " me "

> time and " them " time.

>

> What if there doesn't have to be a struggle?

>

> What if I can change the belief, instead of trying to live with it, work

around

> it?

>

> At it's core, there is the value that family is important, that it is

worthwhile

>

> to invest in your kids. This is the positive intent that I do not want to

> change. Instead, I want to find a new way to express it so I am empowered

> instead of limited.

>

> I know the metaphor of putting your own oxygen mask on first. And to a certain

> extent I use this. But maybe I don't truly believe it? Or maybe in some

> situations I need to view the energy I put into the kids as energy that will

> come back to me? Turn something draining into something renewing?

>

> I will have to play with this some more. But I love this synchronicity. I was

> trying to solve the Problem of the Extra Child through different

> techniques--redos, pre-dos, intention setting, planning.... All of which are

> good and still necessary, but they work much better once the limiting belief

is

> out of the way. And it's funny how the one limiting belief seems to have led

to

> another, and another, just like a row of dominos falling.....

>

> Come to think of it, maybe that's a good activity for the afternoon. :-)

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

A'mee that's great! A way to take care of your son and to take care of youself!

To: insideoutweightloss

Sent: Friday, May 27, 2011 9:04 PM

Subject: Re: Dominos

 

We've got a group involved now from the YMCA that deal with crisis response

that is helping us with school/IEP issues. They are looking into some

programs that we might be eligible that would give my son some cool things

to do over the summer. One that they brought up is the possibility that we

all might get a free Y membership! This would be awesome, they have great

programs that my son could participate in, dance classes that my daughter

would love and I could drop them off and go swimming or something. I really

hope this pans out!

Interestingly, he is involved with Boy Scouts. There is something about it

that clicks perfectly with his head and it's like he's a whole different kid

when he is with his troop (I've tried to exploit this and get him to wear

the uniform outside of scouts to see if he will stay in that mindset, but

alas, it doesn't work, lol). But this also means he has opportunities to go

camping this summer. Plus my mom will take him for a week, and my sister

usually takes him for a few days, too. I'm fortunate in that I have a

strong support system who can give me breaks when I start to crack up!

A'mee