Epic backslide...

[Guest guest]

....and I'm always exhausted. Wake up exhausted, nap in the afternoon, go to bed

tired.

I worked way too hard for way too long. It feels like my batteries are dead.

I'm not sad or depressed, I just have very limited energy. I actually get dizzy

just thinking about de-cluttering, about weedling, about going back to work. I

really fried myself, I think. I'm just so tired.

I have days when I get a lot done but they're followed by several days of very

little activity.

And I do not have the energy to discipline myself with food right now. The very

thought of getting back into that fight just makes me want to crawl away in a

hole somewhere. I simply don't have it. I eat all day, eat bad things, and eat

ridiculous amounts of bad things and I would probably feel better if I stopped,

but I don't have the energy to.

I am really hoping that nobody on this list is going to yell at me that " if you

have all that energy to overeat then you can get it together, " because that kind

of yelling has just become white noise to me. It's full-blast in my head

already. I'm beyond listening to it, I'm beyond fighting with it. I just walk

away and lie down. I'm hoping that somebody on this list will just be able to

RELATE, instead of lecture, yell, advise, caution, vent, or " express concern "

that I'm " not taking care " of myself.

In a very real way that makes no sense to the outside world, this IS taking care

of myself. I need to just be with that now, just let that be what it is, before

I go running down another hyper-optimistic path of hard work to try to make

myself into a shape other peoplewill approve of.

I need to know how the people on this list will react.

Can I express myself that openly here, and just be heard, really heard?

Thanks for reading. It will be good to know.