Re: Ugh I'm such a mess right now

[Guest guest]

A'mee,

What a horriffic day!  God bless you.

For whatever it is worth these are my thoughts on our weight loss issues. 

When

I have been in really difficult spots with food and weight I found a

nutritionist extremly helpful.    They can do all of the thinking and

planning

about my food routine and I can focus on following it.  In addition she was my

weekly weigh in and my accountablility partner.  She was supportive, kind

and understanding of the challenges I faced with food and body image.  

I think when beginning a new routine and serious attempt to get healthy and deal

with an eating disorder that a very strict eating plan is in order and that

portion control is understood.  So many of us " forget " what a normal portion

looks like.  I would work with your nutritionist on being able to eyeball a

:portion " and maybe even weigh some of your food as you prepare it.  I

think that most Americans with weight issues (the entire spectrum from obese to

anorexic) have problems with this.  Most of us undereat at meal times and

overdo

it with snacks and between meal bites of this and that.  So getting clear about

this is vital.

Finally, I hope that you can view this focus on weight loss and healthy living

as a figt to yourself.  A gift you sorely deserve and need....not an indulgence

or competitive game with a friend.

So there you go taht is my advice...for whatever it is worth.  (In another post

I will sahre some of my struggles and you may see that I by no means have this

figured out either! )

I am praying that today will be a better summer day in your home.  Take care of

yourself.  You deserve it.

   Livingston

________________________________

To: insideoutweightloss

Sent: Sun, June 26, 2011 7:26:11 PM

Subject: Ugh I'm such a mess right now

 

I've been kind of quiet lately, in one of those " I just can't deal with this

right now moods. " I went to the doctor this week. I'm creeping closer and

closer to my " Do not cross upon penalty of death " weight (300 lbs, for the

curious) -- that weight that I always promised myself I would never let

myself get to. I've brushed this close to it once before, but I was 9

months pregnant and retaining water like crazy. I'm pretty horrified.

My son is out of school and I today I got my first real taste of how the

summer will be. He has Asperger's, one of the autism spectrum disorders.

His behavior is... unpredictable, at best. Today he was letting his

autistic flag fly, loud and proud. I was under pressure to try to get the

shopping done before my husband got home, so packed up him and my daughter

and headed to the store. The trip ended with me leaving a cart of groceries

on aisle 9 and, together with 2 security guards and a mom who looked like

she knew the score, and 911 on the phone, chasing him around the parking

lot, trying to get him in the car before he ran into the street or got hit

by a car.

Back on the weight loss front -- I am having an argument with a friend about

the hcg diet. He just started on it, and (no offense to anyone here who

believes in it) think he's out of his mind. I cannot fathom how living on

500 calories daily for 6 weeks could be healthy in any way shape or form. I

would question it if a 100 lb woman was doing it, but he is a 280 lb man and

I'm worried that he's going to do irreparable damage. I finally wound up

making a bet with him. Yes, he's going to lose more initially, both by

virtue of starving himself to death and just because men lose faster. But

I'm betting that if I do this the healthy way, going to the Y 3 - 4 times

weekly and eating a REASONABLE diet, I keep it off. So now I feel like my

honor is riding on this, and I'm sure I should have just shut up and sat

secure in the knowledge that he's insane. Except that now I have a point to

prove.

So I'm not a happy camper tonight. I don't know what kind of words of

wisdom anyone has, these are my problems and I have to deal with them. But

my GOD what a crappy day.

A'mee

--

Amelia Ramstead

http://www.linkedin.com/pub/amelia-ramstead/2b/25b/601

http://www.ameeramstead.com

http://ameliaramstead.blogspot.com

www.twitter.com/ameliaramstead

[Guest guest]

I am stealing your post heading... " Ugh, I am such a mess right now. "

I am such a mess right now.  Grrrrrr....  Last few weeks have been difficult

and self created to be difficult.  I am extremly weepy, sad, and so tired all

of

the time.   Without having to work in the summer I am free to indulge my

depressive nature....I weaned myself off Zoloft because I do not want to go

back

to the doctor because I am terrified of being weighed and discussing eating

disodered stuff with her....I really don't feel I can do it.  I feel like such

a

cow and as ridiculous as it is the shame I feel about that is overwelming when I

have to confront it with my doctor who is wonderful but is no therapist and

does

not understand the depth of my shame and body embarrassment.

So, last night I ate a normal dinner and ended up purging it.  I got about two

hours of sleep because I kept waking up every hour or so and then could not get

back to sleep.  Got up feeling maybe a bit better and then chose to eat a E.L.

Fudge cookie.  Then I ate four more and ended up purging my guts out.  Now I

am

so lightheaded, nauseous and depleted that I cant stand up without everything

getting a little dark, feeling dizzy  and very nauseous.  I had planned to go

running this morning and add a healthy breakfast to my last few days of having

healthy lunches but think instead that I may just end up doing shit for myself

today, crawling back into bed, lock my bedroom door and ask the world to go away

and leave me alone.

Sorry this is so negative and I know that I should call my doc and discuss the

meds and begin anew at having a healthy day.  I will listen to --I

already

did a redo in my head for this morning, but I can't seem to get enough positive

energy to do anything else good for myself today.  I will get up and get some

water and hopeful my body will begin to regualte its' electrolites.

Ugh...I am a mess right now.

   Livingston

________________________________

To: insideoutweightloss

Sent: Mon, June 27, 2011 6:54:43 AM

Subject: Re: Ugh I'm such a mess right now

 

A'mee,

What a horriffic day!  God bless you.

For whatever it is worth these are my thoughts on our weight loss issues. 

When

I have been in really difficult spots with food and weight I found a

nutritionist extremly helpful.    They can do all of the thinking and

planning

about my food routine and I can focus on following it.  In addition she was my

weekly weigh in and my accountablility partner.  She was supportive, kind

and understanding of the challenges I faced with food and body image.  

I think when beginning a new routine and serious attempt to get healthy and deal

with an eating disorder that a very strict eating plan is in order and that

portion control is understood.  So many of us " forget " what a normal portion

looks like.  I would work with your nutritionist on being able to eyeball a

:portion " and maybe even weigh some of your food as you prepare it.  I

think that most Americans with weight issues (the entire spectrum from obese to

anorexic) have problems with this.  Most of us undereat at meal times and

overdo

it with snacks and between meal bites of this and that.  So getting clear about

this is vital.

Finally, I hope that you can view this focus on weight loss and healthy living

as a figt to yourself.  A gift you sorely deserve and need....not an indulgence

or competitive game with a friend.

So there you go taht is my advice...for whatever it is worth.  (In another post

I will sahre some of my struggles and you may see that I by no means have this

figured out either! )

I am praying that today will be a better summer day in your home.  Take care of

yourself.  You deserve it.

   Livingston

________________________________

To: insideoutweightloss

Sent: Sun, June 26, 2011 7:26:11 PM

Subject: Ugh I'm such a mess right now

 

I've been kind of quiet lately, in one of those " I just can't deal with this

right now moods. " I went to the doctor this week. I'm creeping closer and

closer to my " Do not cross upon penalty of death " weight (300 lbs, for the

curious) -- that weight that I always promised myself I would never let

myself get to. I've brushed this close to it once before, but I was 9

months pregnant and retaining water like crazy. I'm pretty horrified.

My son is out of school and I today I got my first real taste of how the

summer will be. He has Asperger's, one of the autism spectrum disorders.

His behavior is... unpredictable, at best. Today he was letting his

autistic flag fly, loud and proud. I was under pressure to try to get the

shopping done before my husband got home, so packed up him and my daughter

and headed to the store. The trip ended with me leaving a cart of groceries

on aisle 9 and, together with 2 security guards and a mom who looked like

she knew the score, and 911 on the phone, chasing him around the parking

lot, trying to get him in the car before he ran into the street or got hit

by a car.

Back on the weight loss front -- I am having an argument with a friend about

the hcg diet. He just started on it, and (no offense to anyone here who

believes in it) think he's out of his mind. I cannot fathom how living on

500 calories daily for 6 weeks could be healthy in any way shape or form. I

would question it if a 100 lb woman was doing it, but he is a 280 lb man and

I'm worried that he's going to do irreparable damage. I finally wound up

making a bet with him. Yes, he's going to lose more initially, both by

virtue of starving himself to death and just because men lose faster. But

I'm betting that if I do this the healthy way, going to the Y 3 - 4 times

weekly and eating a REASONABLE diet, I keep it off. So now I feel like my

honor is riding on this, and I'm sure I should have just shut up and sat

secure in the knowledge that he's insane. Except that now I have a point to

prove.

So I'm not a happy camper tonight. I don't know what kind of words of

wisdom anyone has, these are my problems and I have to deal with them. But

my GOD what a crappy day.

A'mee

--

Amelia Ramstead

http://www.linkedin.com/pub/amelia-ramstead/2b/25b/601

http://www.ameeramstead.com

http://ameliaramstead.blogspot.com

www.twitter.com/ameliaramstead

[Guest guest]

It's frustrating isn't it? I think we all know the " right " thing to do, but

actually putting it into play.... that's a whole other ball of wax.

My son has swimming lessons today, so I'm going to go to the Y and work out.

He is much calmer today, so hopefully we can get through today without all

of yesterday's insanity. I've eaten a bowl of cereal, which I think is

reasonable and hopefully we can continue in that vein. When we finally got

back to the store, I made good choices, so we have healthy food in the

house.

I hope you get a better start too. I'll be thinking about you today.

Best,

A'mee

On Mon, Jun 27, 2011 at 6:12 AM, Livingston

wrote:

> **

>

>

> I am stealing your post heading... " Ugh, I am such a mess right now. "

>

> I am such a mess right now. Grrrrrr.... Last few weeks have been

> difficult

> and self created to be difficult. I am extremly weepy, sad, and so tired

> all of

> the time. Without having to work in the summer I am free to indulge my

> depressive nature....I weaned myself off Zoloft because I do not want to go

> back

> to the doctor because I am terrified of being weighed and discussing eating

>

> disodered stuff with her....I really don't feel I can do it. I feel like

> such a

> cow and as ridiculous as it is the shame I feel about that is overwelming

> when I

> have to confront it with my doctor who is wonderful but is no therapist and

> does

> not understand the depth of my shame and body embarrassment.

>

> So, last night I ate a normal dinner and ended up purging it. I got about

> two

> hours of sleep because I kept waking up every hour or so and then could not

> get

> back to sleep. Got up feeling maybe a bit better and then chose to eat a

> E.L.

> Fudge cookie. Then I ate four more and ended up purging my guts out. Now

> I am

> so lightheaded, nauseous and depleted that I cant stand up

> without everything

> getting a little dark, feeling dizzy and very nauseous. I had planned to

> go

> running this morning and add a healthy breakfast to my last few days

> of having

> healthy lunches but think instead that I may just end up doing shit for

> myself

> today, crawling back into bed, lock my bedroom door and ask the world to go

> away

> and leave me alone.

>

> Sorry this is so negative and I know that I should call my doc and discuss

> the

> meds and begin anew at having a healthy day. I will listen to --I

> already

> did a redo in my head for this morning, but I can't seem to get enough

> positive

> energy to do anything else good for myself today. I will get up and get

> some

> water and hopeful my body will begin to regualte its' electrolites.

>

> Ugh...I am a mess right now.

> Livingston

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: insideoutweightloss

> Sent: Mon, June 27, 2011 6:54:43 AM

> Subject: Re: Ugh I'm such a mess right now

>

>

>

> A'mee,

>

> What a horriffic day! God bless you.

>

> For whatever it is worth these are my thoughts on our weight loss issues.

> When

> I have been in really difficult spots with food and weight I found a

> nutritionist extremly helpful. They can do all of the thinking and

> planning

> about my food routine and I can focus on following it. In addition she was

> my

> weekly weigh in and my accountablility partner. She was supportive, kind

> and understanding of the challenges I faced with food and body image.

>

> I think when beginning a new routine and serious attempt to get healthy and

> deal

>

> with an eating disorder that a very strict eating plan is in order and that

>

> portion control is understood. So many of us " forget " what a normal

> portion

> looks like. I would work with your nutritionist on being able to eyeball a

>

> :portion " and maybe even weigh some of your food as you prepare it. I

> think that most Americans with weight issues (the entire spectrum from

> obese to

> anorexic) have problems with this. Most of us undereat at meal times and

> overdo

>

> it with snacks and between meal bites of this and that. So getting clear

> about

> this is vital.

>

> Finally, I hope that you can view this focus on weight loss and healthy

> living

> as a figt to yourself. A gift you sorely deserve and need....not an

> indulgence

> or competitive game with a friend.

>

> So there you go taht is my advice...for whatever it is worth. (In another

> post

> I will sahre some of my struggles and you may see that I by no means have

> this

> figured out either! )

>

> I am praying that today will be a better summer day in your home. Take

> care of

> yourself. You deserve it.

> Livingston

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: insideoutweightloss

> Sent: Sun, June 26, 2011 7:26:11 PM

> Subject: Ugh I'm such a mess right now

>

>

> I've been kind of quiet lately, in one of those " I just can't deal with

> this

> right now moods. " I went to the doctor this week. I'm creeping closer and

> closer to my " Do not cross upon penalty of death " weight (300 lbs, for the

> curious) -- that weight that I always promised myself I would never let

> myself get to. I've brushed this close to it once before, but I was 9

> months pregnant and retaining water like crazy. I'm pretty horrified.

>

> My son is out of school and I today I got my first real taste of how the

> summer will be. He has Asperger's, one of the autism spectrum disorders.

> His behavior is... unpredictable, at best. Today he was letting his

> autistic flag fly, loud and proud. I was under pressure to try to get the

> shopping done before my husband got home, so packed up him and my daughter

> and headed to the store. The trip ended with me leaving a cart of groceries

> on aisle 9 and, together with 2 security guards and a mom who looked like

> she knew the score, and 911 on the phone, chasing him around the parking

> lot, trying to get him in the car before he ran into the street or got hit

> by a car.

>

> Back on the weight loss front -- I am having an argument with a friend

> about

> the hcg diet. He just started on it, and (no offense to anyone here who

> believes in it) think he's out of his mind. I cannot fathom how living on

> 500 calories daily for 6 weeks could be healthy in any way shape or form. I

> would question it if a 100 lb woman was doing it, but he is a 280 lb man

> and

> I'm worried that he's going to do irreparable damage. I finally wound up

> making a bet with him. Yes, he's going to lose more initially, both by

> virtue of starving himself to death and just because men lose faster. But

> I'm betting that if I do this the healthy way, going to the Y 3 - 4 times

> weekly and eating a REASONABLE diet, I keep it off. So now I feel like my

> honor is riding on this, and I'm sure I should have just shut up and sat

> secure in the knowledge that he's insane. Except that now I have a point to

> prove.

>

> So I'm not a happy camper tonight. I don't know what kind of words of

> wisdom anyone has, these are my problems and I have to deal with them. But

> my GOD what a crappy day.

>

> A'mee

>

> --

> Amelia Ramstead

> http://www.linkedin.com/pub/amelia-ramstead/2b/25b/601

> http://www.ameeramstead.com

> http://ameliaramstead.blogspot.com

> www.twitter.com/ameliaramstead

>

>

[Guest guest]

(((Amee))) and ((()))

Jen, I've been feeling a little washed out lately, too. After I found myself

adding tahini (sesame paste) in one form or another to practically everything, I

started wondering if it was an iron issue. Or lack thereof. Started taking a

multivitamin... and I can't say it's a night and day difference, but I do feel a

little better. (Not sure what started it--maybe because I changed up my exercise

lately, and my natural hunger is still working on catching up to it?)

I don't know if it's right for you. One of my girls used to eat less if we gave

her vitamins--so that might be problematic in your case. On the other hand, it

might be a simple way to help some of the symptoms you're having (including

depression) without going to the doctor at first. And once it starts helping...

you'll be in a space where you'll be able to get more help. (If your stomach is

sensitive now, maybe chewables are the way to go?)

Sending you positive thoughts that you can do at least one thing today to take

care of yourself. And that it continues tomorrow.

S

________________________________

To: insideoutweightloss

Sent: Mon, June 27, 2011 4:12:42 PM

Subject: Re: Ugh I'm such a mess right now

I am stealing your post heading... " Ugh, I am such a mess right now. "

I am such a mess right now. Grrrrrr.... Last few weeks have been difficult

and self created to be difficult. I am extremly weepy, sad, and so tired all of

the time. Without having to work in the summer I am free to indulge my

depressive nature....I weaned myself off Zoloft because I do not want to go back

to the doctor because I am terrified of being weighed and discussing eating

disodered stuff with her....I really don't feel I can do it. I feel like such a

cow and as ridiculous as it is the shame I feel about that is overwelming when I

have to confront it with my doctor who is wonderful but is no therapist and does

not understand the depth of my shame and body embarrassment.

So, last night I ate a normal dinner and ended up purging it. I got about two

hours of sleep because I kept waking up every hour or so and then could not get

back to sleep. Got up feeling maybe a bit better and then chose to eat a E.L.

Fudge cookie. Then I ate four more and ended up purging my guts out. Now I am

so lightheaded, nauseous and depleted that I cant stand up without everything

getting a little dark, feeling dizzy and very nauseous. I had planned to go

running this morning and add a healthy breakfast to my last few days of having

healthy lunches but think instead that I may just end up doing shit for myself

today, crawling back into bed, lock my bedroom door and ask the world to go away

and leave me alone.

Sorry this is so negative and I know that I should call my doc and discuss the

meds and begin anew at having a healthy day. I will listen to --I already

did a redo in my head for this morning, but I can't seem to get enough positive

energy to do anything else good for myself today. I will get up and get some

water and hopeful my body will begin to regualte its' electrolites.

Ugh...I am a mess right now.

Livingston

________________________________

To: insideoutweightloss

Sent: Mon, June 27, 2011 6:54:43 AM

Subject: Re: Ugh I'm such a mess right now

A'mee,

What a horriffic day! God bless you.

For whatever it is worth these are my thoughts on our weight loss issues. When

I have been in really difficult spots with food and weight I found a

nutritionist extremly helpful. They can do all of the thinking and planning

about my food routine and I can focus on following it. In addition she was my

weekly weigh in and my accountablility partner. She was supportive, kind

and understanding of the challenges I faced with food and body image.

I think when beginning a new routine and serious attempt to get healthy and deal

with an eating disorder that a very strict eating plan is in order and that

portion control is understood. So many of us " forget " what a normal portion

looks like. I would work with your nutritionist on being able to eyeball a

:portion " and maybe even weigh some of your food as you prepare it. I

think that most Americans with weight issues (the entire spectrum from obese to

anorexic) have problems with this. Most of us undereat at meal times and overdo

it with snacks and between meal bites of this and that. So getting clear about

this is vital.

Finally, I hope that you can view this focus on weight loss and healthy living

as a figt to yourself. A gift you sorely deserve and need....not an indulgence

or competitive game with a friend.

So there you go taht is my advice...for whatever it is worth. (In another post

I will sahre some of my struggles and you may see that I by no means have this

figured out either! )

I am praying that today will be a better summer day in your home. Take care of

yourself. You deserve it.

Livingston

________________________________

To: insideoutweightloss

Sent: Sun, June 26, 2011 7:26:11 PM

Subject: Ugh I'm such a mess right now

I've been kind of quiet lately, in one of those " I just can't deal with this

right now moods. " I went to the doctor this week. I'm creeping closer and

closer to my " Do not cross upon penalty of death " weight (300 lbs, for the

curious) -- that weight that I always promised myself I would never let

myself get to. I've brushed this close to it once before, but I was 9

months pregnant and retaining water like crazy. I'm pretty horrified.

My son is out of school and I today I got my first real taste of how the

summer will be. He has Asperger's, one of the autism spectrum disorders.

His behavior is... unpredictable, at best. Today he was letting his

autistic flag fly, loud and proud. I was under pressure to try to get the

shopping done before my husband got home, so packed up him and my daughter

and headed to the store. The trip ended with me leaving a cart of groceries

on aisle 9 and, together with 2 security guards and a mom who looked like

she knew the score, and 911 on the phone, chasing him around the parking

lot, trying to get him in the car before he ran into the street or got hit

by a car.

Back on the weight loss front -- I am having an argument with a friend about

the hcg diet. He just started on it, and (no offense to anyone here who

believes in it) think he's out of his mind. I cannot fathom how living on

500 calories daily for 6 weeks could be healthy in any way shape or form. I

would question it if a 100 lb woman was doing it, but he is a 280 lb man and

I'm worried that he's going to do irreparable damage. I finally wound up

making a bet with him. Yes, he's going to lose more initially, both by

virtue of starving himself to death and just because men lose faster. But

I'm betting that if I do this the healthy way, going to the Y 3 - 4 times

weekly and eating a REASONABLE diet, I keep it off. So now I feel like my

honor is riding on this, and I'm sure I should have just shut up and sat

secure in the knowledge that he's insane. Except that now I have a point to

prove.

So I'm not a happy camper tonight. I don't know what kind of words of

wisdom anyone has, these are my problems and I have to deal with them. But

my GOD what a crappy day.

A'mee

--

Amelia Ramstead

http://www.linkedin.com/pub/amelia-ramstead/2b/25b/601

http://www.ameeramstead.com

http://ameliaramstead.blogspot.com

www.twitter.com/ameliaramstead

[Guest guest]

,

Thanks for your thoughts...I do know that I need to take my supplements.  I

know

that I am anemic and have low levels of Vitamin D and B12 and I have

prescription supplements for these.  I am not sure why exactly, but i find it

hard to take my vitamins...Isn't that dumb?  Anyway, I can't really commit to a

lot today but I will commit to taking my D, multi and B-12 vitamins...will go

and do it right now.

I appreciate your encouragment.  I hope that the vitamins are helping you as

well.

   Livingston

________________________________

To: insideoutweightloss

Sent: Mon, June 27, 2011 1:31:51 PM

Subject: Re: Ugh I'm such a mess right now

 

(((Amee))) and ((()))

Jen, I've been feeling a little washed out lately, too. After I found myself

adding tahini (sesame paste) in one form or another to practically everything, I

started wondering if it was an iron issue. Or lack thereof. Started taking a

multivitamin... and I can't say it's a night and day difference, but I do feel a

little better. (Not sure what started it--maybe because I changed up my exercise

lately, and my natural hunger is still working on catching up to it?)

I don't know if it's right for you. One of my girls used to eat less if we gave

her vitamins--so that might be problematic in your case. On the other hand, it

might be a simple way to help some of the symptoms you're having (including

depression) without going to the doctor at first. And once it starts helping...

you'll be in a space where you'll be able to get more help. (If your stomach is

sensitive now, maybe chewables are the way to go?)

Sending you positive thoughts that you can do at least one thing today to take

care of yourself. And that it continues tomorrow.

S

________________________________

To: insideoutweightloss

Sent: Mon, June 27, 2011 4:12:42 PM

Subject: Re: Ugh I'm such a mess right now

I am stealing your post heading... " Ugh, I am such a mess right now. "

I am such a mess right now. Grrrrrr.... Last few weeks have been difficult

and self created to be difficult. I am extremly weepy, sad, and so tired all of

the time. Without having to work in the summer I am free to indulge my

depressive nature....I weaned myself off Zoloft because I do not want to go back

to the doctor because I am terrified of being weighed and discussing eating

disodered stuff with her....I really don't feel I can do it. I feel like such a

cow and as ridiculous as it is the shame I feel about that is overwelming when I

have to confront it with my doctor who is wonderful but is no therapist and does

not understand the depth of my shame and body embarrassment.

So, last night I ate a normal dinner and ended up purging it. I got about two

hours of sleep because I kept waking up every hour or so and then could not get

back to sleep. Got up feeling maybe a bit better and then chose to eat a E.L.

Fudge cookie. Then I ate four more and ended up purging my guts out. Now I am

so lightheaded, nauseous and depleted that I cant stand up without everything

getting a little dark, feeling dizzy and very nauseous. I had planned to go

running this morning and add a healthy breakfast to my last few days of having

healthy lunches but think instead that I may just end up doing shit for myself

today, crawling back into bed, lock my bedroom door and ask the world to go away

and leave me alone.

Sorry this is so negative and I know that I should call my doc and discuss the

meds and begin anew at having a healthy day. I will listen to --I already

did a redo in my head for this morning, but I can't seem to get enough positive

energy to do anything else good for myself today. I will get up and get some

water and hopeful my body will begin to regualte its' electrolites.

Ugh...I am a mess right now.

Livingston

________________________________

To: insideoutweightloss

Sent: Mon, June 27, 2011 6:54:43 AM

Subject: Re: Ugh I'm such a mess right now

A'mee,

What a horriffic day! God bless you.

For whatever it is worth these are my thoughts on our weight loss issues. When

I have been in really difficult spots with food and weight I found a

nutritionist extremly helpful. They can do all of the thinking and planning

about my food routine and I can focus on following it. In addition she was my

weekly weigh in and my accountablility partner. She was supportive, kind

and understanding of the challenges I faced with food and body image.

I think when beginning a new routine and serious attempt to get healthy and deal

with an eating disorder that a very strict eating plan is in order and that

portion control is understood. So many of us " forget " what a normal portion

looks like. I would work with your nutritionist on being able to eyeball a

:portion " and maybe even weigh some of your food as you prepare it. I

think that most Americans with weight issues (the entire spectrum from obese to

anorexic) have problems with this. Most of us undereat at meal times and overdo

it with snacks and between meal bites of this and that. So getting clear about

this is vital.

Finally, I hope that you can view this focus on weight loss and healthy living

as a figt to yourself. A gift you sorely deserve and need....not an indulgence

or competitive game with a friend.

So there you go taht is my advice...for whatever it is worth. (In another post

I will sahre some of my struggles and you may see that I by no means have this

figured out either! )

I am praying that today will be a better summer day in your home. Take care of

yourself. You deserve it.

Livingston

________________________________

To: insideoutweightloss

Sent: Sun, June 26, 2011 7:26:11 PM

Subject: Ugh I'm such a mess right now

I've been kind of quiet lately, in one of those " I just can't deal with this

right now moods. " I went to the doctor this week. I'm creeping closer and

closer to my " Do not cross upon penalty of death " weight (300 lbs, for the

curious) -- that weight that I always promised myself I would never let

myself get to. I've brushed this close to it once before, but I was 9

months pregnant and retaining water like crazy. I'm pretty horrified.

My son is out of school and I today I got my first real taste of how the

summer will be. He has Asperger's, one of the autism spectrum disorders.

His behavior is... unpredictable, at best. Today he was letting his

autistic flag fly, loud and proud. I was under pressure to try to get the

shopping done before my husband got home, so packed up him and my daughter

and headed to the store. The trip ended with me leaving a cart of groceries

on aisle 9 and, together with 2 security guards and a mom who looked like

she knew the score, and 911 on the phone, chasing him around the parking

lot, trying to get him in the car before he ran into the street or got hit

by a car.

Back on the weight loss front -- I am having an argument with a friend about

the hcg diet. He just started on it, and (no offense to anyone here who

believes in it) think he's out of his mind. I cannot fathom how living on

500 calories daily for 6 weeks could be healthy in any way shape or form. I

would question it if a 100 lb woman was doing it, but he is a 280 lb man and

I'm worried that he's going to do irreparable damage. I finally wound up

making a bet with him. Yes, he's going to lose more initially, both by

virtue of starving himself to death and just because men lose faster. But

I'm betting that if I do this the healthy way, going to the Y 3 - 4 times

weekly and eating a REASONABLE diet, I keep it off. So now I feel like my

honor is riding on this, and I'm sure I should have just shut up and sat

secure in the knowledge that he's insane. Except that now I have a point to

prove.

So I'm not a happy camper tonight. I don't know what kind of words of

wisdom anyone has, these are my problems and I have to deal with them. But

my GOD what a crappy day.

A'mee

--

Amelia Ramstead

http://www.linkedin.com/pub/amelia-ramstead/2b/25b/601

http://www.ameeramstead.com

http://ameliaramstead.blogspot.com

www.twitter.com/ameliaramstead

[Guest guest]

--

I'm really bad about it too. I'm supposed to take a multivitamin and

Vitamin D and I just... forget. I don't know. I'm bad about taking my

prescription meds too. I don't know why, I do feel better when I take them,

I just can't seem to make the habit. What's even sillier in my book is that

I have worked in pharmacy for the last 10 years. Really, I should know

better.

I will make that same commitment. I'm going to get up right now and go take

my multivitamin and my D. I can't take my other med until bedtime, but I

will find a way to make it happen.

A'mee

On Mon, Jun 27, 2011 at 12:58 PM, Livingston

wrote:

> **

>

>

> ,

>

> Thanks for your thoughts...I do know that I need to take my supplements. I

> know

> that I am anemic and have low levels of Vitamin D and B12 and I have

> prescription supplements for these. I am not sure why exactly, but i find

> it

> hard to take my vitamins...Isn't that dumb? Anyway, I can't really commit

> to a

> lot today but I will commit to taking my D, multi and B-12 vitamins...will

> go

> and do it right now.

>

> I appreciate your encouragment. I hope that the vitamins are helping you

> as

> well.

> Livingston

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: insideoutweightloss

> Sent: Mon, June 27, 2011 1:31:51 PM

>

> Subject: Re: Ugh I'm such a mess right now

>

>

> (((Amee))) and ((()))

>

> Jen, I've been feeling a little washed out lately, too. After I found

> myself

> adding tahini (sesame paste) in one form or another to practically

> everything, I

>

> started wondering if it was an iron issue. Or lack thereof. Started taking

> a

> multivitamin... and I can't say it's a night and day difference, but I do

> feel a

>

> little better. (Not sure what started it--maybe because I changed up my

> exercise

>

> lately, and my natural hunger is still working on catching up to it?)

>

> I don't know if it's right for you. One of my girls used to eat less if we

> gave

> her vitamins--so that might be problematic in your case. On the other hand,

> it

> might be a simple way to help some of the symptoms you're having (including

>

> depression) without going to the doctor at first. And once it starts

> helping...

> you'll be in a space where you'll be able to get more help. (If your

> stomach is

> sensitive now, maybe chewables are the way to go?)

>

> Sending you positive thoughts that you can do at least one thing today to

> take

> care of yourself. And that it continues tomorrow.

>

> S

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: insideoutweightloss

> Sent: Mon, June 27, 2011 4:12:42 PM

> Subject: Re: Ugh I'm such a mess right now

>

> I am stealing your post heading... " Ugh, I am such a mess right now. "

>

> I am such a mess right now. Grrrrrr.... Last few weeks have been difficult

> and self created to be difficult. I am extremly weepy, sad, and so tired

> all of

>

> the time. Without having to work in the summer I am free to indulge my

> depressive nature....I weaned myself off Zoloft because I do not want to go

> back

>

> to the doctor because I am terrified of being weighed and discussing eating

>

> disodered stuff with her....I really don't feel I can do it. I feel like

> such a

>

> cow and as ridiculous as it is the shame I feel about that is overwelming

> when I

>

> have to confront it with my doctor who is wonderful but is no therapist and

> does

>

> not understand the depth of my shame and body embarrassment.

>

> So, last night I ate a normal dinner and ended up purging it. I got about

> two

> hours of sleep because I kept waking up every hour or so and then could not

> get

> back to sleep. Got up feeling maybe a bit better and then chose to eat a

> E.L.

> Fudge cookie. Then I ate four more and ended up purging my guts out. Now I

> am

> so lightheaded, nauseous and depleted that I cant stand up without

> everything

> getting a little dark, feeling dizzy and very nauseous. I had planned to go

>

> running this morning and add a healthy breakfast to my last few days of

> having

> healthy lunches but think instead that I may just end up doing shit for

> myself

> today, crawling back into bed, lock my bedroom door and ask the world to go

> away

>

> and leave me alone.

>

> Sorry this is so negative and I know that I should call my doc and discuss

> the

> meds and begin anew at having a healthy day. I will listen to --I

> already

> did a redo in my head for this morning, but I can't seem to get enough

> positive

> energy to do anything else good for myself today. I will get up and get

> some

> water and hopeful my body will begin to regualte its' electrolites.

>

> Ugh...I am a mess right now.

> Livingston

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: insideoutweightloss

> Sent: Mon, June 27, 2011 6:54:43 AM

> Subject: Re: Ugh I'm such a mess right now

>

> A'mee,

>

> What a horriffic day! God bless you.

>

> For whatever it is worth these are my thoughts on our weight loss issues.

> When

> I have been in really difficult spots with food and weight I found a

> nutritionist extremly helpful. They can do all of the thinking and planning

>

> about my food routine and I can focus on following it. In addition she was

> my

> weekly weigh in and my accountablility partner. She was supportive, kind

> and understanding of the challenges I faced with food and body image.

>

> I think when beginning a new routine and serious attempt to get healthy and

> deal

>

> with an eating disorder that a very strict eating plan is in order and that

>

> portion control is understood. So many of us " forget " what a normal portion

>

> looks like. I would work with your nutritionist on being able to eyeball a

> :portion " and maybe even weigh some of your food as you prepare it. I

> think that most Americans with weight issues (the entire spectrum from

> obese to

> anorexic) have problems with this. Most of us undereat at meal times and

> overdo

>

> it with snacks and between meal bites of this and that. So getting clear

> about

> this is vital.

>

> Finally, I hope that you can view this focus on weight loss and healthy

> living

> as a figt to yourself. A gift you sorely deserve and need....not an

> indulgence

> or competitive game with a friend.

>

> So there you go taht is my advice...for whatever it is worth. (In another

> post

> I will sahre some of my struggles and you may see that I by no means have

> this

> figured out either! )

>

> I am praying that today will be a better summer day in your home. Take care

> of

> yourself. You deserve it.

> Livingston

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: insideoutweightloss

> Sent: Sun, June 26, 2011 7:26:11 PM

> Subject: Ugh I'm such a mess right now

>

> I've been kind of quiet lately, in one of those " I just can't deal with

> this

> right now moods. " I went to the doctor this week. I'm creeping closer and

> closer to my " Do not cross upon penalty of death " weight (300 lbs, for the

> curious) -- that weight that I always promised myself I would never let

> myself get to. I've brushed this close to it once before, but I was 9

> months pregnant and retaining water like crazy. I'm pretty horrified.

>

> My son is out of school and I today I got my first real taste of how the

> summer will be. He has Asperger's, one of the autism spectrum disorders.

> His behavior is... unpredictable, at best. Today he was letting his

> autistic flag fly, loud and proud. I was under pressure to try to get the

> shopping done before my husband got home, so packed up him and my daughter

> and headed to the store. The trip ended with me leaving a cart of groceries

> on aisle 9 and, together with 2 security guards and a mom who looked like

> she knew the score, and 911 on the phone, chasing him around the parking

> lot, trying to get him in the car before he ran into the street or got hit

> by a car.

>

> Back on the weight loss front -- I am having an argument with a friend

> about

> the hcg diet. He just started on it, and (no offense to anyone here who

> believes in it) think he's out of his mind. I cannot fathom how living on

> 500 calories daily for 6 weeks could be healthy in any way shape or form. I

> would question it if a 100 lb woman was doing it, but he is a 280 lb man

> and

> I'm worried that he's going to do irreparable damage. I finally wound up

> making a bet with him. Yes, he's going to lose more initially, both by

> virtue of starving himself to death and just because men lose faster. But

> I'm betting that if I do this the healthy way, going to the Y 3 - 4 times

> weekly and eating a REASONABLE diet, I keep it off. So now I feel like my

> honor is riding on this, and I'm sure I should have just shut up and sat

> secure in the knowledge that he's insane. Except that now I have a point to

> prove.

>

> So I'm not a happy camper tonight. I don't know what kind of words of

> wisdom anyone has, these are my problems and I have to deal with them. But

> my GOD what a crappy day.

>

> A'mee

>

> --

> Amelia Ramstead

> http://www.linkedin.com/pub/amelia-ramstead/2b/25b/601

> http://www.ameeramstead.com

> http://ameliaramstead.blogspot.com

> www.twitter.com/ameliaramstead

>

>

[Guest guest]

I'm sorry about the stress with your son.. that sounds stressful! Ask

your friend if he knows that b-HCG is a tumour marker? It doesn't

naturally occur in men, but can if they have cancer.. so why would he

open himself up to having altered cells replicate the hormone he's taking

on purpose?

That " diet " doesn't make sense to me at all.

And who knows, because he'll have a baby at the end of it all.. Hehehe..

Corinna