Ugh I'm such a mess right now

June 26, 2011

I've been kind of quiet lately, in one of those " I just can't deal with this

right now moods. " I went to the doctor this week. I'm creeping closer and

closer to my " Do not cross upon penalty of death " weight (300 lbs, for the

curious) -- that weight that I always promised myself I would never let

myself get to. I've brushed this close to it once before, but I was 9

months pregnant and retaining water like crazy. I'm pretty horrified.

My son is out of school and I today I got my first real taste of how the

summer will be. He has Asperger's, one of the autism spectrum disorders.

His behavior is... unpredictable, at best. Today he was letting his

autistic flag fly, loud and proud. I was under pressure to try to get the

shopping done before my husband got home, so packed up him and my daughter

and headed to the store. The trip ended with me leaving a cart of groceries

on aisle 9 and, together with 2 security guards and a mom who looked like

she knew the score, and 911 on the phone, chasing him around the parking

lot, trying to get him in the car before he ran into the street or got hit

by a car.

Back on the weight loss front -- I am having an argument with a friend about

the hcg diet. He just started on it, and (no offense to anyone here who

believes in it) think he's out of his mind. I cannot fathom how living on

500 calories daily for 6 weeks could be healthy in any way shape or form. I

would question it if a 100 lb woman was doing it, but he is a 280 lb man and

I'm worried that he's going to do irreparable damage. I finally wound up

making a bet with him. Yes, he's going to lose more initially, both by

virtue of starving himself to death and just because men lose faster. But

I'm betting that if I do this the healthy way, going to the Y 3 - 4 times

weekly and eating a REASONABLE diet, I keep it off. So now I feel like my

honor is riding on this, and I'm sure I should have just shut up and sat

secure in the knowledge that he's insane. Except that now I have a point to

prove.

So I'm not a happy camper tonight. I don't know what kind of words of

wisdom anyone has, these are my problems and I have to deal with them. But

my GOD what a crappy day.

A'mee

--

Amelia Ramstead

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