Dominos

[Guest guest]

A few weeks back, we were talking about parenting, and how draining it could be.

I was revisiting the conversation, since this is the weekend, we have an extra

child...

 

She lives in a group home for kids who, for one reason or another, can't live at

home. They often try to place these kids with host families for weekend visits,

to give them a view of what normal family life can be like. She's been coming to

us for 2.5 years now--roughly one weekend a month--and over time, I've come to

recognize a pattern.

 

When she's around, I want to eat more.

 

The awareness was growing gradually. Last time, I didn't give in to the cravings

as much--but I did give in to being in a foul mood. ly, I'd rather medicate

with chocolate than be that way to everyone around me.

 

Fortunately, those aren't my only options. So shortly after her last visit, I

started analyzing the problems, and toying with ways to address them. I had a

few ideas in place already for the upcoming visit. I set my intent to get back

energy from the simple fact that I'm giving energy to someone who needs it. I

set my intent to be relaxed around food.

 

And of course, I listened to the latest IOWL podcasts. Two this week, since I'm

still not caught up from last week.

 

Podcast 170 has a guided journey to identifying a limiting belief, and following

it back to the first moment it formed. Now, I identified a lot of limiting

beliefs when I listened to the first podcasts about identifying, challenging,

and changing them. Since then, I've seen a new belief or two crop up, and I've

been more or less successful dealing with them.  (They're like weeds, ya know?

Just when you think you have an area clear and free, another pops up.)  But

listening to this podcast, I so clearly heard my mother grumbling about how she

hadn't had a new dress in years because all the clothing money went to us

kids....

 

That was the strongest memory, the one that felt " right " . But related to that is

the knowledge I seem to have always had that she gave up on the idea of becoming

a doctor--after taking all the pre-med courses--because being a teacher was a

more acceptable career for a mother, if she was going to have a career.

I didn't fully inherit the belief (in fact, she worked hard to make sure my

sisters and I all knew that we didn't have to limit ourselves to " women's

work " ). But remnants of it remain...

 

My limiting belief is around who comes first. Kids or mom.

 

This is not a new awareness. I've actually made an effort (before IOWL, too), to

make sure I have time for myself..  I once read " you can have it all--just not

at the same time. " For a while, that really helped me through. But now I'm

starting to wonder.... I think that deep down I've always had the belief that

there will be a struggle, that there will be a clear-cut division between " me "

time and " them " time.

 

What if there doesn't have to be a struggle?

 

What if I can change the belief, instead of trying to live with it, work around

it?

 

At it's core, there is the value that family is important, that it is worthwhile

to invest in your kids. This is the positive intent that I do not want to

change. Instead, I want to find a new way to express it so I am empowered

instead of limited.

 

I know the metaphor of putting your own oxygen mask on first. And to a certain

extent I use this. But maybe I don't truly believe it? Or maybe in some

situations I need to view the energy I put into the kids as energy that will

come back to me? Turn something draining into something renewing?

 

I will have to play with this some more. But I love this synchronicity. I was

trying to solve the Problem of the Extra Child through different

techniques--redos, pre-dos, intention setting, planning.... All of which are

good and still necessary, but they work much better once the limiting belief is

out of the way. And it's funny how the one limiting belief seems to have led to

another, and another, just like a row of dominos falling.....

 

Come to think of it, maybe that's a good activity for the afternoon. :-)