Stress and a Success

[Guest guest]

I'm feeling incredibly stressed right now. I've started writing my Masters

dissertation but it isn't going as well as I hoped. I'm speaking at a conference

next month, my first time ever presenting a paper. The paper I'll be giving

should come out of the dissertation, but with the struggle I'm having writing

I'm scared the conference paper will be a mess, that I'll embarrass myself in

front of my fellow grad students, and let down my friends who trusted and

respected me enough to ask me to speak on a panel with them. I also have to

write a totally new PhD proposal. Even though I'm already admitted to the

program, I changed my topic. It's a wonderful opportunity because we have a

visiting professor who is very influential in my field, and he's tentatively

agreed to work with me, but this proposal has to be really good. I have this

little voice in my head telling me that I can't write something good enough -

I'm not smart enough, my ideas aren't interesting enough. It's like the further

I go, the more I just feel mediocre. Plus there's just the time demands. The

amount of work that has to go into each of these projects is huge, and I'm

terrified of not being able to finish everything.

I don't really know what to do about any of that besides keep plugging away at

it and trusting that it'll be okay.

Anyway, my success for today is that after I left a meeting with my supervisor,

I was feeling incredibly overwhelmed. I've also got a cold, so the last thing I

feel like doing is cooking anything. It was so tempting to go to the store for

something microwavable and easy, or just get a bunch of junk food, or stop for

pizza. But instead, I allowed myself to get a fruit smoothie for a treat, then

came straight home where I've got a salad and chicken.