Re: Another Newbie (Sort of)

[Guest guest]

Hi Elisha --

Great to meet you. (I love how many of us are coming out of the woodwork!)

I also have a 3-year-old daughter. I also know the " setting a goal, and

then pulling back " game. I've been doing that for most of my life. It's

like I'm so afraid of failure, I don't give myself the chance to try. (And

is part of me maybe scared of success too? Possibly, possibly....)

Amelia

> **

>

>

> Hi everyone! My name is Elisha. I've been listening to the podcasts for

> quite a while, and I got the book a few days ago. I've even been on this

> group for a while. I think I may have posted a time or two, but more likely

> I just thought about it and then didn't actually do it ... story of my

> life!

>

> All this time I've been trying to go it alone, thinking, " Oh, I don't

> really need to reach out to other people, and besides, I have a blog! " And

> while it's true that I do blog (mythunderthighs.com, if anyone is

> interested), and I'm fairly active in the fitness/weight loss blogging

> community, it's not really the same as having a support group. And really,

> I've been trying to go it alone my whole life, and how has that worked for

> me so far? It really hasn't. Perhaps it's time to try something new, so

> here I am.

>

> I'm 31, married, 3yo daughter. I work part time. I live in rural WV. I have

> been overweight as long as I can remember. I'm currently in

> therapy--started going to marriage counseling, and even though my husband

> and I have a stronger relationship now, I kept going on my own and keep

> digging up more and more issues.

>

> I have the greatest family on the planet: everyone is super supportive and

> loving. I actually had the parents and grandparents that always told me I

> was beautiful and smart and could do absolutely anything I wanted to do.

>

> Somewhere along the way, though, it became too much, an impossible standard

> that I could never live up to, and I stopped trying, or found a way to

> sabotage myself before I accomplished whatever it was. Now I sit here and

> think to myself that I could have been so much more, and I'm wasting my

> life.

>

> I have a pattern of getting very close to a goal and then pulling back. In

> 2011 I set a goal of running a 5k nonstop. I made it up to running 7

> minutes at a time, 4-5 times in a row ... and then I hurt myself and had to

> go through months of physical therapy. Did I intentionally hurt myself?

> Well, no, of course not, but at the same time, I got injured because I

> wasn't taking care of myself like I know I should.

>

> There are soooo many other examples of this I can see in my life, some big

> and some little.

>

> It's like I'm afraid of success, of reaching my full potential. That seems

> so ridiculous to me! Why would I be afraid of that? But there it is, and

> that's the best reasoning I can come up with.

>

> Anyway, that's me. I hope to be more active here, as we all help each other

> explore the worlds inside our heads.

>

> Thanks!

> Elisha

>

>

[Guest guest]

ha, welcome! So glad you had the courage to reach out. It's seems we

lurkers are suddenly crawling out of the woodwork.

I am a self sabotager, too. Sometimes I don't think it's the fear of failure

that stops me in my tracks, but fear of success.

I just added your blog to my Google Reader.

You are among friends here.

________________________________

To: insideoutweightloss

Sent: Thursday, January 12, 2012 4:54 PM

Subject: Another Newbie (Sort of)

 

Hi everyone! My name is Elisha. I've been listening to the podcasts for

quite a while, and I got the book a few days ago. I've even been on this

group for a while. I think I may have posted a time or two, but more likely

I just thought about it and then didn't actually do it ... story of my life!

All this time I've been trying to go it alone, thinking, " Oh, I don't

really need to reach out to other people, and besides, I have a blog! " And

while it's true that I do blog (mythunderthighs.com, if anyone is

interested), and I'm fairly active in the fitness/weight loss blogging

community, it's not really the same as having a support group. And really,

I've been trying to go it alone my whole life, and how has that worked for

me so far? It really hasn't. Perhaps it's time to try something new, so

here I am.

I'm 31, married, 3yo daughter. I work part time. I live in rural WV. I have

been overweight as long as I can remember. I'm currently in

therapy--started going to marriage counseling, and even though my husband

and I have a stronger relationship now, I kept going on my own and keep

digging up more and more issues.

I have the greatest family on the planet: everyone is super supportive and

loving. I actually had the parents and grandparents that always told me I

was beautiful and smart and could do absolutely anything I wanted to do.

Somewhere along the way, though, it became too much, an impossible standard

that I could never live up to, and I stopped trying, or found a way to

sabotage myself before I accomplished whatever it was. Now I sit here and

think to myself that I could have been so much more, and I'm wasting my

life.

I have a pattern of getting very close to a goal and then pulling back. In

2011 I set a goal of running a 5k nonstop. I made it up to running 7

minutes at a time, 4-5 times in a row ... and then I hurt myself and had to

go through months of physical therapy. Did I intentionally hurt myself?

Well, no, of course not, but at the same time, I got injured because I

wasn't taking care of myself like I know I should.

There are soooo many other examples of this I can see in my life, some big

and some little.

It's like I'm afraid of success, of reaching my full potential. That seems

so ridiculous to me! Why would I be afraid of that? But there it is, and

that's the best reasoning I can come up with.

Anyway, that's me. I hope to be more active here, as we all help each other

explore the worlds inside our heads.

Thanks!

Elisha

[Guest guest]

Welcome Elisha.

  Livingston

________________________________

To: insideoutweightloss

Sent: Thursday, January 12, 2012 3:54 PM

Subject: Another Newbie (Sort of)

 

Hi everyone! My name is Elisha. I've been listening to the podcasts for

quite a while, and I got the book a few days ago. I've even been on this

group for a while. I think I may have posted a time or two, but more likely

I just thought about it and then didn't actually do it ... story of my life!

All this time I've been trying to go it alone, thinking, " Oh, I don't

really need to reach out to other people, and besides, I have a blog! " And

while it's true that I do blog (mythunderthighs.com, if anyone is

interested), and I'm fairly active in the fitness/weight loss blogging

community, it's not really the same as having a support group. And really,

I've been trying to go it alone my whole life, and how has that worked for

me so far? It really hasn't. Perhaps it's time to try something new, so

here I am.

I'm 31, married, 3yo daughter. I work part time. I live in rural WV. I have

been overweight as long as I can remember. I'm currently in

therapy--started going to marriage counseling, and even though my husband

and I have a stronger relationship now, I kept going on my own and keep

digging up more and more issues.

I have the greatest family on the planet: everyone is super supportive and

loving. I actually had the parents and grandparents that always told me I

was beautiful and smart and could do absolutely anything I wanted to do.

Somewhere along the way, though, it became too much, an impossible standard

that I could never live up to, and I stopped trying, or found a way to

sabotage myself before I accomplished whatever it was. Now I sit here and

think to myself that I could have been so much more, and I'm wasting my

life.

I have a pattern of getting very close to a goal and then pulling back. In

2011 I set a goal of running a 5k nonstop. I made it up to running 7

minutes at a time, 4-5 times in a row ... and then I hurt myself and had to

go through months of physical therapy. Did I intentionally hurt myself?

Well, no, of course not, but at the same time, I got injured because I

wasn't taking care of myself like I know I should.

There are soooo many other examples of this I can see in my life, some big

and some little.

It's like I'm afraid of success, of reaching my full potential. That seems

so ridiculous to me! Why would I be afraid of that? But there it is, and

that's the best reasoning I can come up with.

Anyway, that's me. I hope to be more active here, as we all help each other

explore the worlds inside our heads.

Thanks!

Elisha

[Guest guest]

OMG IT'S ME! Wow! I could have written your message! Ok, a few differences,

but not many!

Yay!

Liz

******

Sent from my iPhone

Please excuse typos

> Hi everyone! My name is Elisha. I've been listening to the podcasts for

> quite a while, and I got the book a few days ago. I've even been on this

> group for a while. I think I may have posted a time or two, but more likely

> I just thought about it and then didn't actually do it ... story of my life!

>

> All this time I've been trying to go it alone, thinking, " Oh, I don't

> really need to reach out to other people, and besides, I have a blog! " And

> while it's true that I do blog (mythunderthighs.com, if anyone is

> interested), and I'm fairly active in the fitness/weight loss blogging

> community, it's not really the same as having a support group. And really,

> I've been trying to go it alone my whole life, and how has that worked for

> me so far? It really hasn't. Perhaps it's time to try something new, so

> here I am.

>

> I'm 31, married, 3yo daughter. I work part time. I live in rural WV. I have

> been overweight as long as I can remember. I'm currently in

> therapy--started going to marriage counseling, and even though my husband

> and I have a stronger relationship now, I kept going on my own and keep

> digging up more and more issues.

>

> I have the greatest family on the planet: everyone is super supportive and

> loving. I actually had the parents and grandparents that always told me I

> was beautiful and smart and could do absolutely anything I wanted to do.

>

> Somewhere along the way, though, it became too much, an impossible standard

> that I could never live up to, and I stopped trying, or found a way to

> sabotage myself before I accomplished whatever it was. Now I sit here and

> think to myself that I could have been so much more, and I'm wasting my

> life.

>

> I have a pattern of getting very close to a goal and then pulling back. In

> 2011 I set a goal of running a 5k nonstop. I made it up to running 7

> minutes at a time, 4-5 times in a row ... and then I hurt myself and had to

> go through months of physical therapy. Did I intentionally hurt myself?

> Well, no, of course not, but at the same time, I got injured because I

> wasn't taking care of myself like I know I should.

>

> There are soooo many other examples of this I can see in my life, some big

> and some little.

>

> It's like I'm afraid of success, of reaching my full potential. That seems

> so ridiculous to me! Why would I be afraid of that? But there it is, and

> that's the best reasoning I can come up with.

>

> Anyway, that's me. I hope to be more active here, as we all help each other

> explore the worlds inside our heads.

>

> Thanks!

> Elisha

>

>

[Guest guest]

Welcome. I got all the way to the end of my bachelors degree with one credit

hour left, then took 6 years to get' er done. Now 25 years later I'm down to my

last class that I need for my masters degree and i've just sabotaged myself from

taking it for the second semester in a row. It's really difficult for me to

believe that I'm doing this to myself on purpose. How strange, why would I do

that?

Elisha Dew wrote:

>Hi everyone! My name is Elisha. I've been listening to the podcasts for

>quite a while, and I got the book a few days ago. I've even been on this

>group for a while. I think I may have posted a time or two, but more likely

>I just thought about it and then didn't actually do it ... story of my life!

>

>All this time I've been trying to go it alone, thinking, " Oh, I don't

>really need to reach out to other people, and besides, I have a blog! " And

>while it's true that I do blog (mythunderthighs.com, if anyone is

>interested), and I'm fairly active in the fitness/weight loss blogging

>community, it's not really the same as having a support group. And really,

>I've been trying to go it alone my whole life, and how has that worked for

>me so far? It really hasn't. Perhaps it's time to try something new, so

>here I am.

>

>I'm 31, married, 3yo daughter. I work part time. I live in rural WV. I have

>been overweight as long as I can remember. I'm currently in

>therapy--started going to marriage counseling, and even though my husband

>and I have a stronger relationship now, I kept going on my own and keep

>digging up more and more issues.

>

>I have the greatest family on the planet: everyone is super supportive and

>loving. I actually had the parents and grandparents that always told me I

>was beautiful and smart and could do absolutely anything I wanted to do.

>

>Somewhere along the way, though, it became too much, an impossible standard

>that I could never live up to, and I stopped trying, or found a way to

>sabotage myself before I accomplished whatever it was. Now I sit here and

>think to myself that I could have been so much more, and I'm wasting my

>life.

>

>I have a pattern of getting very close to a goal and then pulling back. In

>2011 I set a goal of running a 5k nonstop. I made it up to running 7

>minutes at a time, 4-5 times in a row ... and then I hurt myself and had to

>go through months of physical therapy. Did I intentionally hurt myself?

>Well, no, of course not, but at the same time, I got injured because I

>wasn't taking care of myself like I know I should.

>

>There are soooo many other examples of this I can see in my life, some big

>and some little.

>

>It's like I'm afraid of success, of reaching my full potential. That seems

>so ridiculous to me! Why would I be afraid of that? But there it is, and

>that's the best reasoning I can come up with.

>

>Anyway, that's me. I hope to be more active here, as we all help each other

>explore the worlds inside our heads.

>

>Thanks!

>Elisha

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Elisha - Welcome and Thanks for joining!

b.

________________________________

To: insideoutweightloss

Sent: Thu, January 12, 2012 3:54:58 PM

Subject: Another Newbie (Sort of)

 

Hi everyone! My name is Elisha. I've been listening to the podcasts for

quite a while, and I got the book a few days ago. I've even been on this

group for a while. I think I may have posted a time or two, but more likely

I just thought about it and then didn't actually do it ... story of my life!

All this time I've been trying to go it alone, thinking, " Oh, I don't

really need to reach out to other people, and besides, I have a blog! " And

while it's true that I do blog (mythunderthighs.com, if anyone is

interested), and I'm fairly active in the fitness/weight loss blogging

community, it's not really the same as having a support group. And really,

I've been trying to go it alone my whole life, and how has that worked for

me so far? It really hasn't. Perhaps it's time to try something new, so

here I am.

I'm 31, married, 3yo daughter. I work part time. I live in rural WV. I have

been overweight as long as I can remember. I'm currently in

therapy--started going to marriage counseling, and even though my husband

and I have a stronger relationship now, I kept going on my own and keep

digging up more and more issues.

I have the greatest family on the planet: everyone is super supportive and

loving. I actually had the parents and grandparents that always told me I

was beautiful and smart and could do absolutely anything I wanted to do.

Somewhere along the way, though, it became too much, an impossible standard

that I could never live up to, and I stopped trying, or found a way to

sabotage myself before I accomplished whatever it was. Now I sit here and

think to myself that I could have been so much more, and I'm wasting my

life.

I have a pattern of getting very close to a goal and then pulling back. In

2011 I set a goal of running a 5k nonstop. I made it up to running 7

minutes at a time, 4-5 times in a row ... and then I hurt myself and had to

go through months of physical therapy. Did I intentionally hurt myself?

Well, no, of course not, but at the same time, I got injured because I

wasn't taking care of myself like I know I should.

There are soooo many other examples of this I can see in my life, some big

and some little.

It's like I'm afraid of success, of reaching my full potential. That seems

so ridiculous to me! Why would I be afraid of that? But there it is, and

that's the best reasoning I can come up with.

Anyway, that's me. I hope to be more active here, as we all help each other

explore the worlds inside our heads.

Thanks!

Elisha

[Guest guest]

Great to have you in the group Elisha!  :-)

Subject: Re: Another Newbie (Sort of)

To: insideoutweightloss

Date: Thursday, January 12, 2012, 7:43 PM

 

Hi Elisha - Welcome and Thanks for joining!

b.

________________________________

To: insideoutweightloss

Sent: Thu, January 12, 2012 3:54:58 PM

Subject: Another Newbie (Sort of)

 

Hi everyone! My name is Elisha. I've been listening to the podcasts for

quite a while, and I got the book a few days ago. I've even been on this

group for a while. I think I may have posted a time or two, but more likely

I just thought about it and then didn't actually do it ... story of my life!

All this time I've been trying to go it alone, thinking, " Oh, I don't

really need to reach out to other people, and besides, I have a blog! " And

while it's true that I do blog (mythunderthighs.com, if anyone is

interested), and I'm fairly active in the fitness/weight loss blogging

community, it's not really the same as having a support group. And really,

I've been trying to go it alone my whole life, and how has that worked for

me so far? It really hasn't. Perhaps it's time to try something new, so

here I am.

I'm 31, married, 3yo daughter. I work part time. I live in rural WV. I have

been overweight as long as I can remember. I'm currently in

therapy--started going to marriage counseling, and even though my husband

and I have a stronger relationship now, I kept going on my own and keep

digging up more and more issues.

I have the greatest family on the planet: everyone is super supportive and

loving. I actually had the parents and grandparents that always told me I

was beautiful and smart and could do absolutely anything I wanted to do.

Somewhere along the way, though, it became too much, an impossible standard

that I could never live up to, and I stopped trying, or found a way to

sabotage myself before I accomplished whatever it was. Now I sit here and

think to myself that I could have been so much more, and I'm wasting my

life.

I have a pattern of getting very close to a goal and then pulling back. In

2011 I set a goal of running a 5k nonstop. I made it up to running 7

minutes at a time, 4-5 times in a row ... and then I hurt myself and had to

go through months of physical therapy. Did I intentionally hurt myself?

Well, no, of course not, but at the same time, I got injured because I

wasn't taking care of myself like I know I should.

There are soooo many other examples of this I can see in my life, some big

and some little.

It's like I'm afraid of success, of reaching my full potential. That seems

so ridiculous to me! Why would I be afraid of that? But there it is, and

that's the best reasoning I can come up with.

Anyway, that's me. I hope to be more active here, as we all help each other

explore the worlds inside our heads.

Thanks!

Elisha

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the posts a and Elisha,

Made me think about my own self -sabotages throughout my life.

My weight struggle my most lasting and tangible. I too left my university short

3 credits and never returned. I had spent a

Semester abroad and had all my courses pre-approved

However upon my return the dean changed her

mind as to the relevance of one of my courses

and told me that I needed to stay an extra

Semester to finish this one general requirement.

So what did I do? Left without finishing. Showed

them, eh?

I have followed a pattern of incompletion ever

since. Thanks for helping me realize this.

Fondly, Robin

> Welcome. I got all the way to the end of my bachelors degree with one credit

hour left, then took 6 years to get' er done. Now 25 years later I'm down to my

last class that I need for my masters degree and i've just sabotaged myself from

taking it for the second semester in a row. It's really difficult for me to

believe that I'm doing this to myself on purpose. How strange, why would I do

that?

>

> Elisha Dew wrote:

>

> >Hi everyone! My name is Elisha. I've been listening to the podcasts for

> >quite a while, and I got the book a few days ago. I've even been on this

> >group for a while. I think I may have posted a time or two, but more likely

> >I just thought about it and then didn't actually do it ... story of my life!

> >

> >All this time I've been trying to go it alone, thinking, " Oh, I don't

> >really need to reach out to other people, and besides, I have a blog! " And

> >while it's true that I do blog (mythunderthighs.com, if anyone is

> >interested), and I'm fairly active in the fitness/weight loss blogging

> >community, it's not really the same as having a support group. And really,

> >I've been trying to go it alone my whole life, and how has that worked for

> >me so far? It really hasn't. Perhaps it's time to try something new, so

> >here I am.

> >

> >I'm 31, married, 3yo daughter. I work part time. I live in rural WV. I have

> >been overweight as long as I can remember. I'm currently in

> >therapy--started going to marriage counseling, and even though my husband

> >and I have a stronger relationship now, I kept going on my own and keep

> >digging up more and more issues.

> >

> >I have the greatest family on the planet: everyone is super supportive and

> >loving. I actually had the parents and grandparents that always told me I

> >was beautiful and smart and could do absolutely anything I wanted to do.

> >

> >Somewhere along the way, though, it became too much, an impossible standard

> >that I could never live up to, and I stopped trying, or found a way to

> >sabotage myself before I accomplished whatever it was. Now I sit here and

> >think to myself that I could have been so much more, and I'm wasting my

> >life.

> >

> >I have a pattern of getting very close to a goal and then pulling back. In

> >2011 I set a goal of running a 5k nonstop. I made it up to running 7

> >minutes at a time, 4-5 times in a row ... and then I hurt myself and had to

> >go through months of physical therapy. Did I intentionally hurt myself?

> >Well, no, of course not, but at the same time, I got injured because I

> >wasn't taking care of myself like I know I should.

> >

> >There are soooo many other examples of this I can see in my life, some big

> >and some little.

> >

> >It's like I'm afraid of success, of reaching my full potential. That seems

> >so ridiculous to me! Why would I be afraid of that? But there it is, and

> >that's the best reasoning I can come up with.

> >

> >Anyway, that's me. I hope to be more active here, as we all help each other

> >explore the worlds inside our heads.

> >

> >Thanks!

> >Elisha

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

I too am quite guilty of self-sabotage. I wish I could explain it.

Although I have enough total credits for two associate's degrees, I don't

even have one. They are in the wrong combination. I'm short a math class

and a PE class at one school, but there's no " online PE " option (PE? Come

ON!). To get it through a different school, I need a number of other

credits. I started a certificate in technical writing, but I can't get

financial aid for that program and I'm totally broke. I hate this. I

can't even finish a damn cross-stitch. I wrote a novel, but I'm stuck on

the editing. Why? Why am I so afraid to finish?

I am so determined to get this done.

> **

>

>

>

> Thanks for the posts a and Elisha,

> Made me think about my own self -sabotages throughout my life.

> My weight struggle my most lasting and tangible. I too left my university

> short

> 3 credits and never returned. I had spent a

> Semester abroad and had all my courses pre-approved

> However upon my return the dean changed her

> mind as to the relevance of one of my courses

> and told me that I needed to stay an extra

> Semester to finish this one general requirement.

> So what did I do? Left without finishing. Showed

> them, eh?

> I have followed a pattern of incompletion ever

> since. Thanks for helping me realize this.

> Fondly, Robin

>

>

>

>

> > Welcome. I got all the way to the end of my bachelors degree with one

> credit hour left, then took 6 years to get' er done. Now 25 years later I'm

> down to my last class that I need for my masters degree and i've just

> sabotaged myself from taking it for the second semester in a row. It's

> really difficult for me to believe that I'm doing this to myself on

> purpose. How strange, why would I do that?

> >

> > Elisha Dew wrote:

> >

> > >Hi everyone! My name is Elisha. I've been listening to the podcasts for

> > >quite a while, and I got the book a few days ago. I've even been on this

> > >group for a while. I think I may have posted a time or two, but more

> likely

> > >I just thought about it and then didn't actually do it ... story of my

> life!

> > >

> > >All this time I've been trying to go it alone, thinking, " Oh, I don't

> > >really need to reach out to other people, and besides, I have a blog! "

> And

> > >while it's true that I do blog (mythunderthighs.com, if anyone is

> > >interested), and I'm fairly active in the fitness/weight loss blogging

> > >community, it's not really the same as having a support group. And

> really,

> > >I've been trying to go it alone my whole life, and how has that worked

> for

> > >me so far? It really hasn't. Perhaps it's time to try something new, so

> > >here I am.

> > >

> > >I'm 31, married, 3yo daughter. I work part time. I live in rural WV. I

> have

> > >been overweight as long as I can remember. I'm currently in

> > >therapy--started going to marriage counseling, and even though my

> husband

> > >and I have a stronger relationship now, I kept going on my own and keep

> > >digging up more and more issues.

> > >

> > >I have the greatest family on the planet: everyone is super supportive

> and

> > >loving. I actually had the parents and grandparents that always told me

> I

> > >was beautiful and smart and could do absolutely anything I wanted to do.

> > >

> > >Somewhere along the way, though, it became too much, an impossible

> standard

> > >that I could never live up to, and I stopped trying, or found a way to

> > >sabotage myself before I accomplished whatever it was. Now I sit here

> and

> > >think to myself that I could have been so much more, and I'm wasting my

> > >life.

> > >

> > >I have a pattern of getting very close to a goal and then pulling back.

> In

> > >2011 I set a goal of running a 5k nonstop. I made it up to running 7

> > >minutes at a time, 4-5 times in a row ... and then I hurt myself and

> had to

> > >go through months of physical therapy. Did I intentionally hurt myself?

> > >Well, no, of course not, but at the same time, I got injured because I

> > >wasn't taking care of myself like I know I should.

> > >

> > >There are soooo many other examples of this I can see in my life, some

> big

> > >and some little.

> > >

> > >It's like I'm afraid of success, of reaching my full potential. That

> seems

> > >so ridiculous to me! Why would I be afraid of that? But there it is, and

> > >that's the best reasoning I can come up with.

> > >

> > >Anyway, that's me. I hope to be more active here, as we all help each

> other

> > >explore the worlds inside our heads.

> > >

> > >Thanks!

> > >Elisha

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

I can totally relate to that. I also had the experience of doing an

exchange semester on the assumption that my credits would transfer, then

not having them transfer and having to go longer (I did finish my BA

though, because they were actually paying me to go to school at that

point). Still, I have a degree in English because I still haven't figured

out what I want to do with my life or what I want to major in--and I

graduated college in 2003!

I have about 239874892 craft projects scattered about my house, but the

materials for at least twice that many that I have planned but haven't even

started on. Novels? I sort of finished one, but it was the first in a

series I had planned, and it never made it to revision. Let's not talk

about how many stories I have started ...

What's so scary about finishing something?

I know that, for me, when I write, it's much easier for me to write

organically, without plotting or outlining or any of that, if I don't know

the ending. The few stories I have written to the end have all been written

that way. If I figure out the ending to the story in my head, it's nearly

impossible for me to actually finish writing it. It's like once I know how

the story goes, it loses all interest for me.

I wonder how that translates to other areas. I think about things like

craft project, and I think I might be afraid they won't turn out as well as

I hope. Ironically, it's the stories that are written organically that I am

happiest with and that I enjoy writing the most.

And with weight loss, I can't possibly know how it will turn out, because

I've never been thin. The thinnest I have ever been in my adult life is

around 200 pounds. I can't lose interest in the process, because I don't

know what the process looks like. I haven't figured it out yet.

Shouldn't that be a good thing?

I'm not sure this email makes any sense, so I think I should probably stop

typing now ...

[Guest guest]

Makes perfect sense!

That's how I write too. I had no idea where the thing was going to go, or

how it was going to end. Part of the fun of writing it was that it

actually felt like reading it in some places! Like I was reading a book

someone else had written... how strange is that? As I moved along, the

ending started to come into place, using strings I'd somehow hidden all

over the story. It completely blew my mind

I've never been thin either, at least not since I was 10 years old. I kept

it together until about 16, not thin, but not fat, then it all fell apart.

Shortly before I met my husband, after I had left my first husband, I got

down to about 220, and that was nearly 10 years ago. Since then, it's been

a steady climb.

> **

>

>

> I can totally relate to that. I also had the experience of doing an

> exchange semester on the assumption that my credits would transfer, then

> not having them transfer and having to go longer (I did finish my BA

> though, because they were actually paying me to go to school at that

> point). Still, I have a degree in English because I still haven't figured

> out what I want to do with my life or what I want to major in--and I

> graduated college in 2003!

>

> I have about 239874892 craft projects scattered about my house, but the

> materials for at least twice that many that I have planned but haven't even

> started on. Novels? I sort of finished one, but it was the first in a

> series I had planned, and it never made it to revision. Let's not talk

> about how many stories I have started ...

>

> What's so scary about finishing something?

>

> I know that, for me, when I write, it's much easier for me to write

> organically, without plotting or outlining or any of that, if I don't know

> the ending. The few stories I have written to the end have all been written

> that way. If I figure out the ending to the story in my head, it's nearly

> impossible for me to actually finish writing it. It's like once I know how

> the story goes, it loses all interest for me.

>

> I wonder how that translates to other areas. I think about things like

> craft project, and I think I might be afraid they won't turn out as well as

> I hope. Ironically, it's the stories that are written organically that I am

> happiest with and that I enjoy writing the most.

>

> And with weight loss, I can't possibly know how it will turn out, because

> I've never been thin. The thinnest I have ever been in my adult life is

> around 200 pounds. I can't lose interest in the process, because I don't

> know what the process looks like. I haven't figured it out yet.

>

> Shouldn't that be a good thing?

>

> I'm not sure this email makes any sense, so I think I should probably stop

> typing now ...

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Many would tellyou that you're not starting focused, but they don't know how

difficult that can be when you have so many interests and abilities. Stop

kicking yourself, and realize that, the weight and the lack of stick-to-it might

come from a very joyful involvement in exploring the materials of life.

I think that if we want fo finish these things, we need some strong towards

motivators.

Psawyer

Elisha Dew wrote:

>I can totally relate to that. I also had the experience of doing an

>exchange semester on the assumption that my credits would transfer, then

>not having them transfer and having to go longer (I did finish my BA

>though, because they were actually paying me to go to school at that

>point). Still, I have a degree in English because I still haven't figured

>out what I want to do with my life or what I want to major in--and I

>graduated college in 2003!

>

>I have about 239874892 craft projects scattered about my house, but the

>materials for at least twice that many that I have planned but haven't even

>started on. Novels? I sort of finished one, but it was the first in a

>series I had planned, and it never made it to revision. Let's not talk

>about how many stories I have started ...

>

>What's so scary about finishing something?

>

>I know that, for me, when I write, it's much easier for me to write

>organically, without plotting or outlining or any of that, if I don't know

>the ending. The few stories I have written to the end have all been written

>that way. If I figure out the ending to the story in my head, it's nearly

>impossible for me to actually finish writing it. It's like once I know how

>the story goes, it loses all interest for me.

>

>I wonder how that translates to other areas. I think about things like

>craft project, and I think I might be afraid they won't turn out as well as

>I hope. Ironically, it's the stories that are written organically that I am

>happiest with and that I enjoy writing the most.

>

>And with weight loss, I can't possibly know how it will turn out, because

>I've never been thin. The thinnest I have ever been in my adult life is

>around 200 pounds. I can't lose interest in the process, because I don't

>know what the process looks like. I haven't figured it out yet.

>

>Shouldn't that be a good thing?

>

>I'm not sure this email makes any sense, so I think I should probably stop

>typing now ...

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Amelia,

I was an English Lit major and the glass they held my degree for was what we

lovingly referred to as " rocks for jox " a general requirement for geology!

I have enjoyed writing all my life and would some day like to write a book. I

actually took a first step yesterday and starting doing some topic research.

The anxiety was overwhelming and I found myself grazing, puttering and doing

whatever I could to distract. " what am I afraid of " ?

The good news is that I recognized it right away. I'll take that as a huge step

in the right direction.

Sent from my iPad

> I too am quite guilty of self-sabotage. I wish I could explain it.

> Although I have enough total credits for two associate's degrees, I don't

> even have one. They are in the wrong combination. I'm short a math class

> and a PE class at one school, but there's no " online PE " option (PE? Come

> ON!). To get it through a different school, I need a number of other

> credits. I started a certificate in technical writing, but I can't get

> financial aid for that program and I'm totally broke. I hate this. I

> can't even finish a damn cross-stitch. I wrote a novel, but I'm stuck on

> the editing. Why? Why am I so afraid to finish?

>

> I am so determined to get this done.

>

>

>

> > **

> >

> >

> >

> > Thanks for the posts a and Elisha,

> > Made me think about my own self -sabotages throughout my life.

> > My weight struggle my most lasting and tangible. I too left my university

> > short

> > 3 credits and never returned. I had spent a

> > Semester abroad and had all my courses pre-approved

> > However upon my return the dean changed her

> > mind as to the relevance of one of my courses

> > and told me that I needed to stay an extra

> > Semester to finish this one general requirement.

> > So what did I do? Left without finishing. Showed

> > them, eh?

> > I have followed a pattern of incompletion ever

> > since. Thanks for helping me realize this.

> > Fondly, Robin

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > > Welcome. I got all the way to the end of my bachelors degree with one

> > credit hour left, then took 6 years to get' er done. Now 25 years later I'm

> > down to my last class that I need for my masters degree and i've just

> > sabotaged myself from taking it for the second semester in a row. It's

> > really difficult for me to believe that I'm doing this to myself on

> > purpose. How strange, why would I do that?

> > >

> > > Elisha Dew wrote:

> > >

> > > >Hi everyone! My name is Elisha. I've been listening to the podcasts for

> > > >quite a while, and I got the book a few days ago. I've even been on this

> > > >group for a while. I think I may have posted a time or two, but more

> > likely

> > > >I just thought about it and then didn't actually do it ... story of my

> > life!

> > > >

> > > >All this time I've been trying to go it alone, thinking, " Oh, I don't

> > > >really need to reach out to other people, and besides, I have a blog! "

> > And

> > > >while it's true that I do blog (mythunderthighs.com, if anyone is

> > > >interested), and I'm fairly active in the fitness/weight loss blogging

> > > >community, it's not really the same as having a support group. And

> > really,

> > > >I've been trying to go it alone my whole life, and how has that worked

> > for

> > > >me so far? It really hasn't. Perhaps it's time to try something new, so

> > > >here I am.

> > > >

> > > >I'm 31, married, 3yo daughter. I work part time. I live in rural WV. I

> > have

> > > >been overweight as long as I can remember. I'm currently in

> > > >therapy--started going to marriage counseling, and even though my

> > husband

> > > >and I have a stronger relationship now, I kept going on my own and keep

> > > >digging up more and more issues.

> > > >

> > > >I have the greatest family on the planet: everyone is super supportive

> > and

> > > >loving. I actually had the parents and grandparents that always told me

> > I

> > > >was beautiful and smart and could do absolutely anything I wanted to do.

> > > >

> > > >Somewhere along the way, though, it became too much, an impossible

> > standard

> > > >that I could never live up to, and I stopped trying, or found a way to

> > > >sabotage myself before I accomplished whatever it was. Now I sit here

> > and

> > > >think to myself that I could have been so much more, and I'm wasting my

> > > >life.

> > > >

> > > >I have a pattern of getting very close to a goal and then pulling back.

> > In

> > > >2011 I set a goal of running a 5k nonstop. I made it up to running 7

> > > >minutes at a time, 4-5 times in a row ... and then I hurt myself and

> > had to

> > > >go through months of physical therapy. Did I intentionally hurt myself?

> > > >Well, no, of course not, but at the same time, I got injured because I

> > > >wasn't taking care of myself like I know I should.

> > > >

> > > >There are soooo many other examples of this I can see in my life, some

> > big

> > > >and some little.

> > > >

> > > >It's like I'm afraid of success, of reaching my full potential. That

> > seems

> > > >so ridiculous to me! Why would I be afraid of that? But there it is, and

> > > >that's the best reasoning I can come up with.

> > > >

> > > >Anyway, that's me. I hope to be more active here, as we all help each

> > other

> > > >explore the worlds inside our heads.

> > > >

> > > >Thanks!

> > > >Elisha

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

[Guest guest]

The good news is that writing is something I can do with or without a

degree -- ability speaks for itself! I'm working on starting up a business

of providing website content for small businesses, including things like

newsletters and press releases and stuff. It's starting slow, but I think

it will get there!

Just gotta finish editing that darn novel!

> **

>

>

> Hi Amelia,

> I was an English Lit major and the glass they held my degree for was what

> we lovingly referred to as " rocks for jox " a general requirement for

> geology!

> I have enjoyed writing all my life and would some day like to write a

> book. I actually took a first step yesterday and starting doing some topic

> research. The anxiety was overwhelming and I found myself grazing,

> puttering and doing whatever I could to distract. " what am I afraid of " ?

> The good news is that I recognized it right away. I'll take that as a huge

> step in the right direction.

>

> Sent from my iPad

>

>

> On Jan 14, 2012, at 2:00 PM, Amelia Ramstead

> wrote:

>

> > I too am quite guilty of self-sabotage. I wish I could explain it.

> > Although I have enough total credits for two associate's degrees, I don't

> > even have one. They are in the wrong combination. I'm short a math class

> > and a PE class at one school, but there's no " online PE " option (PE? Come

> > ON!). To get it through a different school, I need a number of other

> > credits. I started a certificate in technical writing, but I can't get

> > financial aid for that program and I'm totally broke. I hate this. I

> > can't even finish a damn cross-stitch. I wrote a novel, but I'm stuck on

> > the editing. Why? Why am I so afraid to finish?

> >

> > I am so determined to get this done.

> >

> >

> >

> > > **

>

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Thanks for the posts a and Elisha,

> > > Made me think about my own self -sabotages throughout my life.

> > > My weight struggle my most lasting and tangible. I too left my

> university

> > > short

> > > 3 credits and never returned. I had spent a

> > > Semester abroad and had all my courses pre-approved

> > > However upon my return the dean changed her

> > > mind as to the relevance of one of my courses

> > > and told me that I needed to stay an extra

> > > Semester to finish this one general requirement.

> > > So what did I do? Left without finishing. Showed

> > > them, eh?

> > > I have followed a pattern of incompletion ever

> > > since. Thanks for helping me realize this.

> > > Fondly, Robin

> > >

> > >

> > > On Jan 12, 2012, at 6:41 PM, a Sawyer

> wrote:

> > >

> > > > Welcome. I got all the way to the end of my bachelors degree with one

> > > credit hour left, then took 6 years to get' er done. Now 25 years

> later I'm

> > > down to my last class that I need for my masters degree and i've just

> > > sabotaged myself from taking it for the second semester in a row. It's

> > > really difficult for me to believe that I'm doing this to myself on

> > > purpose. How strange, why would I do that?

> > > >

> > > > Elisha Dew wrote:

> > > >

> > > > >Hi everyone! My name is Elisha. I've been listening to the podcasts

> for

> > > > >quite a while, and I got the book a few days ago. I've even been on

> this

> > > > >group for a while. I think I may have posted a time or two, but more

> > > likely

> > > > >I just thought about it and then didn't actually do it ... story of

> my

> > > life!

> > > > >

> > > > >All this time I've been trying to go it alone, thinking, " Oh, I

> don't

> > > > >really need to reach out to other people, and besides, I have a

> blog! "

> > > And

> > > > >while it's true that I do blog (mythunderthighs.com, if anyone is

> > > > >interested), and I'm fairly active in the fitness/weight loss

> blogging

> > > > >community, it's not really the same as having a support group. And

> > > really,

> > > > >I've been trying to go it alone my whole life, and how has that

> worked

> > > for

> > > > >me so far? It really hasn't. Perhaps it's time to try something

> new, so

> > > > >here I am.

> > > > >

> > > > >I'm 31, married, 3yo daughter. I work part time. I live in rural

> WV. I

> > > have

> > > > >been overweight as long as I can remember. I'm currently in

> > > > >therapy--started going to marriage counseling, and even though my

> > > husband

> > > > >and I have a stronger relationship now, I kept going on my own and

> keep

> > > > >digging up more and more issues.

> > > > >

> > > > >I have the greatest family on the planet: everyone is super

> supportive

> > > and

> > > > >loving. I actually had the parents and grandparents that always

> told me

> > > I

> > > > >was beautiful and smart and could do absolutely anything I wanted

> to do.

> > > > >

> > > > >Somewhere along the way, though, it became too much, an impossible

> > > standard

> > > > >that I could never live up to, and I stopped trying, or found a way

> to

> > > > >sabotage myself before I accomplished whatever it was. Now I sit

> here

> > > and

> > > > >think to myself that I could have been so much more, and I'm

> wasting my

> > > > >life.

> > > > >

> > > > >I have a pattern of getting very close to a goal and then pulling

> back.

> > > In

> > > > >2011 I set a goal of running a 5k nonstop. I made it up to running 7

> > > > >minutes at a time, 4-5 times in a row ... and then I hurt myself and

> > > had to

> > > > >go through months of physical therapy. Did I intentionally hurt

> myself?

> > > > >Well, no, of course not, but at the same time, I got injured

> because I

> > > > >wasn't taking care of myself like I know I should.

> > > > >

> > > > >There are soooo many other examples of this I can see in my life,

> some

> > > big

> > > > >and some little.

> > > > >

> > > > >It's like I'm afraid of success, of reaching my full potential. That

> > > seems

> > > > >so ridiculous to me! Why would I be afraid of that? But there it

> is, and

> > > > >that's the best reasoning I can come up with.

> > > > >

> > > > >Anyway, that's me. I hope to be more active here, as we all help

> each

> > > other

> > > > >explore the worlds inside our heads.

> > > > >

> > > > >Thanks!

> > > > >Elisha

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >