Re: Re: Best first guess: what's your inner conflict?

January 15, 2012

Judy, I am so exhausted from reading this post, I need to lie down for awhile! I

was raised by hard working lazy people--meaning that they were very industrious

to get theirÂ work done so that in their leisure time they could do, well,

nothing! We never did any thing for fun unless it was a school or family

function. My parents would never dream of volunteering for anything, yet they

sent us off to scouts and school trips and such to get rid of us for awhile. So

other parents led our troops and drove carpool for the trips. I went over the

top when I married and had a family and kept busy, even when I was a

stay-at-home mom. I had a scout troop, drove for everything, and even took in

sick kids of working mothersÂ when the kidsÂ were sent home from school. I was a

PTA board member and did tons of stuff for the church. My parents thought I was

crazy and berated me all the time! Like the worst thing I could do is lead a

Brownie troop! Mom's beef was that my

house was not perfectly decorated and immaculately clean at all times. I didn't

wash down walls every Spring and hang laundry on a clothesline to dry. I was a

failure.

Â

Now that my kids are grown and gone (except for one who is with us temporarily)

I realize that I married a man who was like my mom. We were so busy doing family

things that I thought he enjoyed, that I never noticed that if he doesn't

absolutely have to do something, he will sleep. No hobbies, no sports, no

exercise--just sleep. I have actually fallen into this pattern, too, except that

I will veg out watching TV or goof off online. I just recently realized that I

have been waiting for him to want to do things,Â but it's never gonna happen! I

need to get going and get active on my own or vegetate in front of the TV for

the rest of my life. I have tried several times to get things going. I bought

bikes--twice, tennis gear, hiking gear, you name it--I tried to get it started

here. He doesn't get it at all. He is willing to go with me anywhere I want to

go, but he will stand back and not really participate and ask if I'm ready to go

home every few minutes.

So, I have given up on him. I need to find some volunteer opportunities that

will get me off the couch and some fun things to do in our community. (BTW, he

is totally uninterested in trying to change his behavior. He thinks that people

who do things are nuts.)

Â

I came to all of this wisdom while working through 's podcasts about

exercise motivation. That woman is amazing! I would never have critically

studied my daily life and relationships if I hadn't listened to her.

Â

Thanks, Judy, for this outlet to put these things in words. I am also using this

group as a journal--no written evidence in the house for someone to find!Â ; )

Â

Marcia

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________________________________

To: insideoutweightloss

Sent: Sunday, January 15, 2012 9:47 AM

Subject: Re: Best first guess: what's your inner conflict?

Â

Interesting question and response. And, I think there is a lesson about myself

in here for me, so I thank you a.

It's funny, I am the exact opposite..I am adopted (at 2 weeks old) by a boring

older couple and was an only child. It was my responsibility to fill my time

and keep myself occupied since I had no siblings. I was often bored because my

parents were overprotective and wouldn't let me do some of the things the other

kids around the neighborhood were doing.

As I gained my freedom as a teen and then into my adulthood (I am 55 now) I

always took on more jobs, tasks, projects, new friends than I had time for. I

never really thought about it before in this way, but I think I was escaping

that never ending childhood boredom. I never gave myself a chance to just " be " .

Okay, fast forward to recent times. 9 yrs ago I moved from a big city to a

tourist town 3 hrs away. Left my friends and a few cousins behind (everyone

else has passed). I lost my stressful corporate america insurance job over 5

years ago and have been trying to reinvent myself ever since. I started my own

little local and internet business, and joined a local woman's group but didn't

make many new close friends until just about 1 1/2 years ago. Since then I have

become crazed and overwhelmed! I volunteer for 3 different organizations, just

finished online school for a social media certification (and want to start a

small biz helping other small businesses), started a blog and support group for

this " journey " I am on, started playing and am passionate about Mah Jongg,

socialize with my new friends a lot, AND am trying to keep up with the little

business I have. Oh yeah, and I volunteer to help friends with their small

business online marketing so

that I am left no time to do my own!

There is absolutely no way I can do all the things I mentioned above, so I must

pick and choose on any given week what I will work on. My IOWL journey (which

includes my blog and support group) is foremost on my schedule because I know I

will be wasting whatever time I have left in this life if I do not get my

health in order. DH insists we keep our little business going (but much of the

work for it is so-o-o-o boring)..

Sorry for so much info, but I think I am using this as my journal. I think you

have helped me discover my " boredom " problem and where it came from. And, how I

am now overcompensating. This is a huge inner conflict for me!

Thanks for listening!

Judy

January 15, 2012

Hi All,

I am a lurker but have started reading the book and am actually going to try to

participate after listening to podcasts for a year or so and now starting the

book. I am also 55 (i saw some others are)...I have 15 - 20 pounds to lose, but

i am also quite tall about 5.10.... so its not that super obvious.

But, I actually resent that so much of my psychic energy is wasted on this

battle. I am not sure what I am getting out of the extra weight.

Currently I own my own business which I love. It is very successful, not too too

stressful and I work at home. I have three kids one at college, on is HS and a

special needs son at home who needs a job, but we are working every angle. It is

stressful but usually I cope well. DH works at home too.

Last year I had a health situation, got through many surgeries, and (please

knock on wood) I think I am fine.

I play tennis, walk and am happy to do those things I like...so not sure what

the struggle is...the only think I am getting out of it is gives me a mental

diversion to prevent me of thinking of the existential thing of life, as I

always think well let's deal with the weight first and everything will be so

much better...

Maybe I have hit on the tip of something, but happy to hear any insights. I

appreciate everyone's candor and willingnedd to put them selves out here on the

board. It does not feel so natural to me!

January 15, 2012

No problem-whats " DH "

Judy wrote:

>Interesting question and response. And, I think there is a lesson about myself