Week 1 report, Towards Motivation

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This is my towards motivation.

 

I want to love and accept my body.  I want to feel confident and safe with

others in my body.  I want to feel deserving of food.  I want to trust that my

body knows what it needs and be able to give it that.  I want to set an example

of self acceptance for my daughters.  I want to spend my time building the life

that I want.  I want eating to be free from emotional attachments.  I want to

feel confident that food will energize, nourish and strengthen my body.  I want

my behavior with food to be transparent.  I want to be fee of compulsive

behavior with food.

 

Weekly Report.

 

The positive this week. I completed all of the work for the first week and have

completed much of the second week as well. I have had a few meals where I chose

to eat an appropriate portion. I have moved my body in many healthy ways. Four

or five beautiful long walks and I lifted weights three times this past week.  

 

My brain appears to have two tracks running at the same time.  One that is

dedicated to healthy living, physical and emotional and a second that seems to

continue to plan and works towards keeping the eating disorder alive and well by

planning how to manage food in a way that I know is unhealthy.

 

The negative side.  Eating disordered behavior alive and well represented every

day.  Most of the clothing in my closet does not fit appropriately and looks

ridiculous.  About a year ago I had thrown out all clothing that was in this

size range, vowing I would never, ever do this to myself again.  Now what? 

Should I buy clothing for a weight that I know is inappropriate for my heigth

and unhealthy?  Or would that be giving in and admitting that I am willing to

live at this weight and then if these clothing too no longer fit?  Hmmmm. 

 

 

  Livingston