Re: IOWL Week 2 FF: Objections

[Guest guest]

I've been working through my Week 2 exercises, and I've come up with a few

objections. I sent other emails concerning my " What if I get everything I

want and I'm still not good enough? " objection, and my fear of change.

Those are things I can work on (even if it is with my therapist).

Another big one I came up with kind of has me stumped: When I think about

my dream life, it seems what I really want is alone time. I want peace and

quiet and free time to do what I want/need to do (part of which actually

includes work).

The problem is, I have a young daughter and a husband who wants more kids.

I don't get to be alone. My life isn't mine anymore--it belongs to my

family. Even when I am alone, I have to be focused on them. I have to take

care of the house and cook meals and do the laundry and pick up my daughter

from the baby-sitter and go to the grocery store.

I have never thought of myself as a giver--I've actually always considered

myself fairly selfish--but I see now that I give and give and give and have

nothing left over for myself, and I see that I've been doing it for a long

time, not just since I had my daughter.

It's like I can't accomplish anything unless I'm on my own, and I'm never

going to be on my own again. (Limiting belief!)

So perhaps the positive intent for my eating is having something just for

me (which doesn't even make sense, because I have a 3 year old who assumes

she is welcome to anything and everything I have, including my food).

I don't know how to overcome this one. Any thoughts?

Elisha

[Guest guest]

Hi there,

My kids are teens, so it's been a while since I've had to take care of young

kids.. But when I read this:

Even when I am alone, I have to be focused on them. I have to take

>care of the house and cook meals and do the laundry and pick up my daughter

>from the baby-sitter and go to the grocery store.

I just see all these " have tos " . You don't actually have to take care of the

house and do the laundry. You're choosing to do those things, instead of taking

care of yourself. I know if someone said that to me I'd probably punch them! But

I've been thinking about this a lot for myself lately, as I've been struggling

with an extra 20 pounds for years. and I keep thinking how everything I've done

up to this point has kept me right where I am.

but when we don't take care of what we need to move on from our weight

struggles, its like we're saying, taking care of other people is more important

than taking care of ourself.

that's a hard one to get past sometimes!

>

> >Elisha:

> >There's some big words in this statement: " It's like I can't accomplish

anything

> >unless I'm on my own, and I'm never

> >going to be on my own again. " - ANYTHING and NEVER.

> >

> >Maybe you could make the statement a little smaller, and more positive - " I

can

> >accomplish something, even with my family around me " .

> >And then take a look at this part of the statement - " I'm never going to be

on

> >my own again " . Is that what you really want - to be on your own again, or do

you

> >just want to be more comfortable in your role as mother and wife?

> >

> >Maybe you can arrange for your husband and daughter to have a Daddy /

Daughter

> >bonding time, outside the house, like one evening a week or on Saturday

morning.

> >

> >Or, you can leave the house one evening a week or Saturday morning and go do

> >what you want to do.

> >

> >b.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >________________________________

> >

> >To: insideoutweightloss

> >Sent: Wed, January 25, 2012 4:27:58 PM

> >Subject: Re: IOWL Week 2 FF: Objections

> >

> > 

> >I've been working through my Week 2 exercises, and I've come up with a few

> >objections. I sent other emails concerning my " What if I get everything I

> >want and I'm still not good enough? " objection, and my fear of change.

> >Those are things I can work on (even if it is with my therapist).

> >

> >Another big one I came up with kind of has me stumped: When I think about

> >my dream life, it seems what I really want is alone time. I want peace and

> >quiet and free time to do what I want/need to do (part of which actually

> >includes work).

> >

> >The problem is, I have a young daughter and a husband who wants more kids.

> >I don't get to be alone. My life isn't mine anymore--it belongs to my

> >family. Even when I am alone, I have to be focused on them. I have to take

> >care of the house and cook meals and do the laundry and pick up my daughter

> >from the baby-sitter and go to the grocery store.

> >

> >I have never thought of myself as a giver--I've actually always considered

> >myself fairly selfish--but I see now that I give and give and give and have

> >nothing left over for myself, and I see that I've been doing it for a long

> >time, not just since I had my daughter.

> >

> >It's like I can't accomplish anything unless I'm on my own, and I'm never

> >going to be on my own again. (Limiting belief!)

> >

> >So perhaps the positive intent for my eating is having something just for

> >me (which doesn't even make sense, because I have a 3 year old who assumes

> >she is welcome to anything and everything I have, including my food).

> >

> >I don't know how to overcome this one. Any thoughts?

> >

> >Elisha

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Hi - I think the way to get past these objections is to know yourself for

who you are, eat and exercise in a way that honors who you are, and know in your

heart that there is nothing wrong with you, exactly as you are.

b.

>

> Hi Everyone!

>

> I'm in Week 2 of Full-Filled, and I've found that the objections exercises are

ones I struggle with.  I haven't been able to understand why or what part of me

objects to losing more weight.  I've been at a plateau for months and months and

haven't quite figured out what it's teaching me.

>

> But, today I think I began to understand my objections.  My coach (who's also

my dad) went off on me today about losing more weight.  He was asking me

question after question about how much I currently weigh and what types of foods

I'm eating and how much bread (that is whole wheat that I baked myself...it

literally has whole wheat flour, yeast, water, and salt in it...that's it) I'm

eating and do I need to see a specialist about what specifically I should eat at

exactly what times in the day and how can I not know how important it is to get

this " issue " under control and don't I understand that I'll be much better in

the racewalk if I lose the excess weight and would I like to carry around a

10-lb weight for a day to understand just how much of a difference that makes

and on and on and on and ON!!!!  He and I have had a history of this

problem/battle: I developed bulimia the summer after my freshman year of college

when he harped on me non-stop to

> lose weight.  That summer I struggled immensely to get to 120 lbs (I'm 5'5 " ),

and that wasn't good enough for him...I needed to be 110 lbs. 

>

> Anyway, I think part of me is objecting to his philosophy and way of achieving

weight loss.  He sees it as an " issue " that needs to be " controlled " (literally

the words that came out of his mouth) and that something is wrong with me

because I don't weigh 110 lbs.  I'm at 125-127 lbs right now, and I want to

throw a big " F* & % YOU!!  YOU CAN'T CONTROL ME!! HAHA!! " in his face.  And

another part of me becomes afraid of losing more weight, because the last time I

did lose a lot, I was INSANE.  I obsessed all the time about losing more and

more.  I weighed and measured everything I put in my mouth.  I was bulimic.  I

weighed myself multiple times a day.  I ran 70-80 miles a week and ate 1000

cals/day.  I was completely miserable and obsessed with food and what I could

and couldn't eat.  I think these are the parts of me that are objecting to

losing more weight.  He's absolutely right that carrying less weight will help

me go faster.  But I'm

> afraid of losing myself to the obsession again.  And a limiting belief I have

is that there's no way I can weigh 110 lbs, because the last time I did, I was

14 years old...and hadn't gone through puberty yet...and looked like a little

boy with no boobs and hips.  I like looking like a woman, and part of me is

afraid of losing that too.

>

> Wow, that felt really good to get it all out there.  If anyone has any

suggestions on how to get past these, I'd love to hear them.  Thanks for reading

y'all...if you made it this far

>

> Take care of yourselves!

> Love,

>  

>

>

>