Guest guest Posted February 7, 2012 Report Share Posted February 7, 2012 On Sun, Feb 5, 2012 at 5:04 PM, sarahsimone_soliman wrote: > I realized a few months back that this guy is not someone I want to be with. I'm not at all surprised that he didn't have the consideration to tell me about his new girlfriend before I heard it some other way. But I'm still furious. And while at the moment I'm feeling anger, I'm sure > I'm curious as to why you CARE that he's dating someone else? You said *ex*, as in you're no longer dating. In other words, you went your way, he went his. So why do you think he have to consider telling you he has another girlfriend? Conversely, why would YOU feel the need to tell HIM if you had found a new guy? The fact that you describe yourself as 'furious' makes it sound like you still have feelings. Why? If he isn't someone you want to be with, then you're better off without him. Period. Remember that - you're better off... Eldred -- You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 8, 2012 Report Share Posted February 8, 2012 My sister was anorexic. Anorexia and bulimia are based on " control " . Controlling your body in a very drastic way. The fact that you like to eat but also like to be in control may be why you worry about anorexia. I think that control brings up very strong feelings (struggle, winning over your hunger, losing the battle to hunger, not being in control, and so on, which is not very healthy), what Full-Filled will teach you is to have a non-emotional relationship with food. At least not as negatively charged as the one we currently have. In regards to the boyfriend, I don't understand why he would have to let you know he has a girlfriend. Even if you are still friends. Is there more to this story??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 9, 2012 Report Share Posted February 9, 2012 Hi , The thought of Scotland in the winter is pretty depressing.... How many hours of daylight do you have? And if it's cloudy.... I agree with what the others have mentioned about looking into *why* you're so angry about not being informed. Is there a connection to the fact that you are all in the same program? Is there a worry that this is not a new situation? I'm struck by a few things you say: * I'm not purposely trying to starve myself, but I don't have anything easy in the house and I couldn't muster up the energy to cook. * I hate being hungry * I love the feeling of being " in control " of myself and not eating. For the moment, let's keep being " in control " as a good thing.... It sounds to me like you're not being very kind to yourself, at a time when you really need kindness. * Can you be kind to yourself and buy some easy-to-prepare foods? I'm not talking about scones and clotted cream here--and I'm not necessarily thinking of prime nutrition. What about frozen dinners, or instant soup? Or going healthier, what about a bag of pre-cut salad greens that you can toss with some tuna, or ready-to-cook stir-fry veggies? Something that can give you tasty, nutritions fuel without too much fuss (I usually prefer minimal mess, too). It is a form of being " in control " to make sure you have access to proper food. * Can you be kind to yourself by acknowledging your hunger? Making yourself get too hungry is not kind. * On the other hand, eating when you are not hungry is not kind, either. So there's definitely a positive intent beyond just being " in control " to not eating when you go through a stressful period. You are trying to be kind to yourself by not eating your emotions. Could it be that's why you love the feeling of not eating? I know that's how I feel if I'm not eating my way through a stressful situation. But if you are ignoring true hunger, you're not actually " in control " of yourself--you're only in control of your input. To really be " in control " of yourself, you need all three of these together. You need to provide yourself an environment with proper food choices. You need awareness of your hunger, so you know when to start eating, and when to stop. And you need to be aware of your tendency to eat for emotional reasons--so you know how to use your hunger. But is control what you really want? A few months back, Kate posted a link to the 90-Day Mastery Challenge (http://bit.ly/ziVZ7w). So far, I'm really enjoying it. Each day, there's a thought to contemplate. I find the challenge very interesting--and a very good fit with IOWL. 2-3 days ago, my " daily contemplation " was about the difference between control and mastery. Just thinking about the question gave me a sense of relief, as I realized how many areas of my life I have " mastered " to some extent. They are no longer a struggle. I no longer feel like I have to strictly control myself to do them. The feeling of relief spread to areas where I do still feel like I need control. I suddenly saw the need for control as a step on the way to mastery, not the goal--and not a failing in myself. Maybe you can contemplate this, too. How would it feel if you no longer had to control your eating--you had mastered it? Hang in there, . And be kind to yourself.... (Who got totally overwhelmed by the 672 messages in January--more than in the 6 months before--but it looks like things have slowed down a bit. :-) ) > > I've been having difficulty lately. I went home to the States to visit my mom, but the last few days of vacation I got very depressed about coming back to Scotland. I've been home for 3 days, and the first two were extremely difficult. Today I finally felt better - got work done, made yummy healthy breakfast, and went to check out a new gym that recently opened nearby. I was feeling AMAZING. Unfortunately, after I got home I found out, on Facebook, that my ex is dating someone new. Not only that, but she is in the same program as us in grad school. > > I realized a few months back that this guy is not someone I want to be with. I'm not at all surprised that he didn't have the consideration to tell me about his new girlfriend before I heard it some other way. But I'm still furious. And while at the moment I'm feeling anger, I'm sure > > On the bright side, I'm not eating my feelings. On the downside, I haven't really eaten anything. I'm not purposely trying to starve myself, but I don't have anything easy in the house and I couldn't muster up the energy to cook. What I'm afraid of is that this will continue. I hate being hungry, but I love the feeling of being " in control " of myself and not eating. Unsurprisingly, this is usually triggered by a break up or other subsequent guy drama. I'm nearly 50 lbs overweight, and yet I also worry about anorexia. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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