Thank You.

[Guest guest]

Hello and like the subject says; thank you.

Once more we are going through a cycle of my son's unemployment and all the

panic and fear that sweeps through the house. He is 21 going on 2.5 some days

and I am not sure if him being here and driving us crazy is worse than him being

somewhere unsafe and making us worry. I am hoping he stays " out there " for a few

days or better yet, that he actually does move right out this time. It is well

past time and he needs to be on his own for all our sakes. I really can't afford

to support his habits and his dreadful " friends. "

So my job in this is to watch and learn. One thing I am finding is that my

" inner victim " draws a lot of energy from this. The turmoil stirs up fears and

feelings of inadequacy. When I feel I am failing as a father, I want to

self-soothe by all means available. This includes food but also fantasies of

escape, and of being desired and pursued sexually. I have learned through hard

experience that giving in to that pull will destroy far too much. The world does

not owe me sexual favors or potato chips or chocolate. It does offer me a chance

to grow and learn. It does offer me reasons to call friends. It does offer me

opportunities to nurture and listen to my wife and my kids. It challenges me to

seek new opportunities. Life pushes me to do more and be more and reach more. My

inner addict drives want me to pull back, to hide out, to isolate and crawl into

my shell alone to lick my wounds.

Well, I am staying out here. It is lonely in there. I spent years in there. It

is not worth it. Better to keep my head out and risk having it bitten off. The

challenge at this time is to be available and to be vulnerable. It is not easy.

I got snapped at over the supper table for asking a couple of questions so I did

choose to be silent. I find it is much better to just listen. My words often get

twisted and misunderstood. I do not need to invite anger and blame. I can blame

myself quite enough! So here I am sharing and opening up and later on, after

this is posted I will text a couple of friends. Then I will see this week about

getting together with a guitar playing friend perhaps on the weekend.

Also, this evening I will take time to do a 20 to 30 min meditation, and I will

read some 12 step material. I listened to a IOWL podcast today and that was

encouraging. I read shares and I will pray thankfully at bedtime, recognizing my

Higher Power's generousity to me today.

Thanks.

 

Carlton Larsen, Ba, Bgp

Freelance Musician

426 Pinehouse Drive

Saskatoon Sk

S7K4X5

[Guest guest]

Carlton -

Congratulations on being kind to yourself!

b.

________________________________

To: " insideoutweightloss " <insideoutweightloss >

Sent: Mon, January 16, 2012 7:28:20 PM

Subject: Thank You.

 

Hello and like the subject says; thank you.

Once more we are going through a cycle of my son's unemployment and all the

panic and fear that sweeps through the house. He is 21 going on 2.5 some days

and I am not sure if him being here and driving us crazy is worse than him being

somewhere unsafe and making us worry. I am hoping he stays " out there " for a few

days or better yet, that he actually does move right out this time. It is well

past time and he needs to be on his own for all our sakes. I really can't afford

to support his habits and his dreadful " friends. "

So my job in this is to watch and learn. One thing I am finding is that my

" inner victim " draws a lot of energy from this. The turmoil stirs up fears and

feelings of inadequacy. When I feel I am failing as a father, I want to

self-soothe by all means available. This includes food but also fantasies of

escape, and of being desired and pursued sexually. I have learned through hard

experience that giving in to that pull will destroy far too much. The world does

not owe me sexual favors or potato chips or chocolate. It does offer me a chance

to grow and learn. It does offer me reasons to call friends. It does offer me

opportunities to nurture and listen to my wife and my kids. It challenges me to

seek new opportunities. Life pushes me to do more and be more and reach more. My

inner addict drives want me to pull back, to hide out, to isolate and crawl into

my shell alone to lick my wounds.

Well, I am staying out here. It is lonely in there. I spent years in there. It

is not worth it. Better to keep my head out and risk having it bitten off. The

challenge at this time is to be available and to be vulnerable. It is not easy.

I got snapped at over the supper table for asking a couple of questions so I did

choose to be silent. I find it is much better to just listen. My words often get

twisted and misunderstood. I do not need to invite anger and blame. I can blame

myself quite enough! So here I am sharing and opening up and later on, after

this is posted I will text a couple of friends. Then I will see this week about

getting together with a guitar playing friend perhaps on the weekend.

Also, this evening I will take time to do a 20 to 30 min meditation, and I will

read some 12 step material. I listened to a IOWL podcast today and that was

encouraging. I read shares and I will pray thankfully at bedtime, recognizing my

Higher Power's generousity to me today.

Thanks.

 

Carlton Larsen, Ba, Bgp

Freelance Musician

426 Pinehouse Drive

Saskatoon Sk

S7K4X5