Guest guest Posted February 19, 2012 Report Share Posted February 19, 2012 Amelia, First of all I'm sending a big hug. I think that probably most people are giving you compliments because they really mean it. Beauty comes from the inside and shines on the outside and I'm sure most people who are complimenting you are seeing you, Amelia... your special beauty. Sent from my iPhone > Last night I suddenly remembered something that happened probably about 15 > years ago between me and my mother. You may recall another tale I told > about her, about the graduation and how she was hoping to be " proud of me > too " someday. > > This was earlier and I hadn't even thought of it until last night. > > My mother and I had tickets to see a show at the Paramount, which is where > the Broadway tours come through. I was very excited about it, and I bought > a new outfit for the occasion. When I was this age I was overweight, but > not so heavy as I am now. I think I wore about a size 16. I picked out a > very " grownup " outfit: a long skirt, with a blazer. I liked it a lot and > wore it to the show. My mother told me I looked nice. > > A few weeks after that, we were shopping for my birthday. I happened to > notice the skirt I wore on the clearance rack. I held it up to my mom and > said, " hey, remember this? " > > She glanced at it and said, " No, that's ugly. " > > I looked at it in disbelief, feeling hurt and anger welling up in me. > " Really? Because when I wore it to see Phantom you said I looked nice. " > > " I lied, " she said. > > It's hard to think well of yourself when you assume that any compliment > paid to you is a lie. Even though I didn't have this incident in my mind > for a long time (I suspect I tried very hard to forget it completely), I've > never believed people when they compliment me. " They HAVE to say that, " I > think or " They're just trying to be nice. " It's not just about how I look > either. It translates to my work, my writing, anything I do. I know that > we aren't supposed to base our opinions on ourselves on what others think. > But as humans, that's a really tall order. > > -- > Amelia Ramstead > http://www.linkedin.com/pub/amelia-ramstead/2b/25b/601 > http://www.ameeramstead.com > http://ameliaramstead.blogspot.com > www.twitter.com/ameliaramstead > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 19, 2012 Report Share Posted February 19, 2012 Amelia, another line I value by my new life coach: What others think about you is none of your business!.. If you love yourself and accept yourself it does not matter! Look at the source - we are all victims of victims.. Your mom has major head trash herself to be able to talk to you that way. Accept her and her faults and her comments, and let it go with EFT or other ways! You're the best! (Hugs), Judy > > > Last night I suddenly remembered something that happened probably about 15 > > years ago between me and my mother. You may recall another tale I told > > about her, about the graduation and how she was hoping to be " proud of me > > too " someday. > > > > This was earlier and I hadn't even thought of it until last night. > > > > My mother and I had tickets to see a show at the Paramount, which is where > > the Broadway tours come through. I was very excited about it, and I bought > > a new outfit for the occasion. When I was this age I was overweight, but > > not so heavy as I am now. I think I wore about a size 16. I picked out a > > very " grownup " outfit: a long skirt, with a blazer. I liked it a lot and > > wore it to the show. My mother told me I looked nice. > > > > A few weeks after that, we were shopping for my birthday. I happened to > > notice the skirt I wore on the clearance rack. I held it up to my mom and > > said, " hey, remember this? " > > > > She glanced at it and said, " No, that's ugly. " > > > > I looked at it in disbelief, feeling hurt and anger welling up in me. > > " Really? Because when I wore it to see Phantom you said I looked nice. " > > > > " I lied, " she said. > > > > It's hard to think well of yourself when you assume that any compliment > > paid to you is a lie. Even though I didn't have this incident in my mind > > for a long time (I suspect I tried very hard to forget it completely), I've > > never believed people when they compliment me. " They HAVE to say that, " I > > think or " They're just trying to be nice. " It's not just about how I look > > either. It translates to my work, my writing, anything I do. I know that > > we aren't supposed to base our opinions on ourselves on what others think. > > But as humans, that's a really tall order. > > > > -- > > Amelia Ramstead > > http://www.linkedin.com/pub/amelia-ramstead/2b/25b/601 > > http://www.ameeramstead.com > > http://ameliaramstead.blogspot.com > > www.twitter.com/ameliaramstead > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 19, 2012 Report Share Posted February 19, 2012 Add my hug to 's!  Livingston ________________________________ To: " insideoutweightloss " <insideoutweightloss > Sent: Sunday, February 19, 2012 6:00 PM Subject: Re: a breakthrough last night  Amelia, First of all I'm sending a big hug. I think that probably most people are giving you compliments because they really mean it. Beauty comes from the inside and shines on the outside and I'm sure most people who are complimenting you are seeing you, Amelia... your special beauty. Sent from my iPhone > Last night I suddenly remembered something that happened probably about 15 > years ago between me and my mother. You may recall another tale I told > about her, about the graduation and how she was hoping to be " proud of me > too " someday. > > This was earlier and I hadn't even thought of it until last night. > > My mother and I had tickets to see a show at the Paramount, which is where > the Broadway tours come through. I was very excited about it, and I bought > a new outfit for the occasion. When I was this age I was overweight, but > not so heavy as I am now. I think I wore about a size 16. I picked out a > very " grownup " outfit: a long skirt, with a blazer. I liked it a lot and > wore it to the show. My mother told me I looked nice. > > A few weeks after that, we were shopping for my birthday. I happened to > notice the skirt I wore on the clearance rack. I held it up to my mom and > said, " hey, remember this? " > > She glanced at it and said, " No, that's ugly. " > > I looked at it in disbelief, feeling hurt and anger welling up in me. > " Really? Because when I wore it to see Phantom you said I looked nice. " > > " I lied, " she said. > > It's hard to think well of yourself when you assume that any compliment > paid to you is a lie. Even though I didn't have this incident in my mind > for a long time (I suspect I tried very hard to forget it completely), I've > never believed people when they compliment me. " They HAVE to say that, " I > think or " They're just trying to be nice. " It's not just about how I look > either. It translates to my work, my writing, anything I do. I know that > we aren't supposed to base our opinions on ourselves on what others think. > But as humans, that's a really tall order. > > -- > Amelia Ramstead > http://www.linkedin.com/pub/amelia-ramstead/2b/25b/601 > http://www.ameeramstead.com > http://ameliaramstead.blogspot.com > www.twitter.com/ameliaramstead > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 19, 2012 Report Share Posted February 19, 2012 Amelia, my heart felt stabbed when I read your post. Ouch. You're brave to share your pain and experiences. Hugs to you! I hope this memory truly serves as a silver lining and gets you further on your journey. Molly > > > Last night I suddenly remembered something that happened probably about 15 > > years ago between me and my mother. You may recall another tale I told > > about her, about the graduation and how she was hoping to be " proud of me > > too " someday. > > > > This was earlier and I hadn't even thought of it until last night. > > > > My mother and I had tickets to see a show at the Paramount, which is where > > the Broadway tours come through. I was very excited about it, and I bought > > a new outfit for the occasion. When I was this age I was overweight, but > > not so heavy as I am now. I think I wore about a size 16. I picked out a > > very " grownup " outfit: a long skirt, with a blazer. I liked it a lot and > > wore it to the show. My mother told me I looked nice. > > > > A few weeks after that, we were shopping for my birthday. I happened to > > notice the skirt I wore on the clearance rack. I held it up to my mom and > > said, " hey, remember this? " > > > > She glanced at it and said, " No, that's ugly. " > > > > I looked at it in disbelief, feeling hurt and anger welling up in me. > > " Really? Because when I wore it to see Phantom you said I looked nice. " > > > > " I lied, " she said. > > > > It's hard to think well of yourself when you assume that any compliment > > paid to you is a lie. Even though I didn't have this incident in my mind > > for a long time (I suspect I tried very hard to forget it completely), I've > > never believed people when they compliment me. " They HAVE to say that, " I > > think or " They're just trying to be nice. " It's not just about how I look > > either. It translates to my work, my writing, anything I do. I know that > > we aren't supposed to base our opinions on ourselves on what others think. > > But as humans, that's a really tall order. > > > > -- > > Amelia Ramstead > > http://www.linkedin.com/pub/amelia-ramstead/2b/25b/601 > > http://www.ameeramstead.com > > http://ameliaramstead.blogspot.com > > www.twitter.com/ameliaramstead > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 20, 2012 Report Share Posted February 20, 2012 That’s a good one Judy and one I have used for many years now. Another one I like is…â€Just because someone says something, doesn’t make it so.†Ford, CPhT 340B Coordinator Mercy Hospital Springfield Pharmacy Services 1235 E. Cherokee|Springfield, MO. 65804 Office: |Fax: linda.ford@... " Sometimes God allows us to see the miracle. Sometimes God allows us to BE the miracle. " Mercy.... One of the Nation's Top Integrated Health Systems From: insideoutweightloss [mailto:insideoutweightloss ] On Behalf Of Judy Sent: Sunday, February 19, 2012 6:24 PM To: insideoutweightloss Subject: Re: a breakthrough last night Amelia, another line I value by my new life coach: What others think about you is none of your business!.. If you love yourself and accept yourself it does not matter! Look at the source - we are all victims of victims.. Your mom has major head trash herself to be able to talk to you that way. Accept her and her faults and her comments, and let it go with EFT or other ways! You're the best! (Hugs), Judy > > > Last night I suddenly remembered something that happened probably about 15 > > years ago between me and my mother. You may recall another tale I told > > about her, about the graduation and how she was hoping to be " proud of me > > too " someday. > > > > This was earlier and I hadn't even thought of it until last night. > > > > My mother and I had tickets to see a show at the Paramount, which is where > > the Broadway tours come through. I was very excited about it, and I bought > > a new outfit for the occasion. When I was this age I was overweight, but > > not so heavy as I am now. I think I wore about a size 16. I picked out a > > very " grownup " outfit: a long skirt, with a blazer. I liked it a lot and > > wore it to the show. My mother told me I looked nice. > > > > A few weeks after that, we were shopping for my birthday. I happened to > > notice the skirt I wore on the clearance rack. I held it up to my mom and > > said, " hey, remember this? " > > > > She glanced at it and said, " No, that's ugly. " > > > > I looked at it in disbelief, feeling hurt and anger welling up in me. > > " Really? Because when I wore it to see Phantom you said I looked nice. " > > > > " I lied, " she said. > > > > It's hard to think well of yourself when you assume that any compliment > > paid to you is a lie. Even though I didn't have this incident in my mind > > for a long time (I suspect I tried very hard to forget it completely), I've > > never believed people when they compliment me. " They HAVE to say that, " I > > think or " They're just trying to be nice. " It's not just about how I look > > either. It translates to my work, my writing, anything I do. I know that > > we aren't supposed to base our opinions on ourselves on what others think. > > But as humans, that's a really tall order. > > > > -- > > Amelia Ramstead > > http://www.linkedin.com/pub/amelia-ramstead/2b/25b/601 > > http://www.ameeramstead.com > > http://ameliaramstead.blogspot.com > > www.twitter.com/ameliaramstead > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 20, 2012 Report Share Posted February 20, 2012 Thanks everyone for all the kind words. :::hugs::: I know my mom has her own issues. For me, this memory was a major " a-ha " moment -- so that's why I automatically assume everyone is lying to me! I think understanding where it came from is actually a big step in moving away from that mindset. > ** > > > Amelia, another line I value by my new life coach: What others think about > you is none of your business!.. If you love yourself and accept yourself it > does not matter! Look at the source - we are all victims of victims.. Your > mom has major head trash herself to be able to talk to you that way. Accept > her and her faults and her comments, and let it go with EFT or other ways! > > You're the best! > > (Hugs), > > Judy > > > > > > > Last night I suddenly remembered something that happened probably > about 15 > > > years ago between me and my mother. You may recall another tale I told > > > about her, about the graduation and how she was hoping to be " proud of > me > > > too " someday. > > > > > > This was earlier and I hadn't even thought of it until last night. > > > > > > My mother and I had tickets to see a show at the Paramount, which is > where > > > the Broadway tours come through. I was very excited about it, and I > bought > > > a new outfit for the occasion. When I was this age I was overweight, > but > > > not so heavy as I am now. I think I wore about a size 16. I picked out > a > > > very " grownup " outfit: a long skirt, with a blazer. I liked it a lot > and > > > wore it to the show. My mother told me I looked nice. > > > > > > A few weeks after that, we were shopping for my birthday. I happened to > > > notice the skirt I wore on the clearance rack. I held it up to my mom > and > > > said, " hey, remember this? " > > > > > > She glanced at it and said, " No, that's ugly. " > > > > > > I looked at it in disbelief, feeling hurt and anger welling up in me. > > > " Really? Because when I wore it to see Phantom you said I looked nice. " > > > > > > " I lied, " she said. > > > > > > It's hard to think well of yourself when you assume that any compliment > > > paid to you is a lie. Even though I didn't have this incident in my > mind > > > for a long time (I suspect I tried very hard to forget it completely), > I've > > > never believed people when they compliment me. " They HAVE to say > that, " I > > > think or " They're just trying to be nice. " It's not just about how I > look > > > either. It translates to my work, my writing, anything I do. I know > that > > > we aren't supposed to base our opinions on ourselves on what others > think. > > > But as humans, that's a really tall order. > > > > > > -- > > > Amelia Ramstead > > > http://www.linkedin.com/pub/amelia-ramstead/2b/25b/601 > > > http://www.ameeramstead.com > > > http://ameliaramstead.blogspot.com > > > www.twitter.com/ameliaramstead > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 20, 2012 Report Share Posted February 20, 2012 Wow. That's quite a story, Amelia.  And I can see how it would make it hard to accept compliments....  I have a daughter who from a very early age would reject compliments. I learned to be very specific--I couldn't just say " oh, that was wonderful, darling! " I had to give specifics. " I really like what you wrote here. " " That color brings out the green in your eyes. " And if she felt like she did something poorly, I couldn't just say " what are you talking about, everything was wonderful! " I'd have to say something more like " I see why you're upset about how you sang that verse, but ... [insert accurate compliment on how she sang the chorus, or how she improved from the last time] " Over time, she was able to be more accepting of a simple compliment. Do you have someone close to you who can give you real feedback? Someone who will tell you when a color makes you look washed out, but without making you feel awful? Someone who will tell you when you have spinach stuck in your teeth?? Do you have someone who can give you professional reviews, so you don't have to just guess? This is different from basing your opinion on what other people think. It's knowing that if that person says it's good, you have to believe it.... >________________________________ > >To: insideoutweightloss >Sent: Sunday, February 19, 2012 7:37 PM >Subject: a breakthrough last night > > > >It's hard to think well of yourself when you assume that any compliment >paid to you is a lie. Even though I didn't have this incident in my mind >for a long time (I suspect I tried very hard to forget it completely), I've >never believed people when they compliment me. " They HAVE to say that, " I >think or " They're just trying to be nice. " It's not just about how I look >either. It translates to my work, my writing, anything I do. I know that >we aren't supposed to base our opinions on ourselves on what others think. >But as humans, that's a really tall order. > >-- >Amelia Ramstead >http://www.linkedin.com/pub/amelia-ramstead/2b/25b/601 >http://www.ameeramstead.com >http://ameliaramstead.blogspot.com >www.twitter.com/ameliaramstead > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 20, 2012 Report Share Posted February 20, 2012 This reminds me of some of the Chapter 4 exercises on changing limiting beliefs to empowering beliefs. Now that you've identified the limiting belief, and its source, now you can run through the Dig In: Question Your Old Beliefs exercise (page 133 in the book). This was one of my big change moments -- that I was able to bring those deep-seated fears into the light of day and realize that I had plenty of positive, believable " data points " that contradicted my deep fear, and once I started to find cracks in what I had fully believed my whole life to be strong, solid painful truths -- they really began to crumble. It seems like you might find some healing by going through this exercise with your newly realized limiting belief. Sending you all of my positive intentions~ ________________________________ To: " insideoutweightloss " <insideoutweightloss > Sent: Monday, February 20, 2012 12:07 PM Subject: Re: a breakthrough last night  Wow. That's quite a story, Amelia.  And I can see how it would make it hard to accept compliments....  I have a daughter who from a very early age would reject compliments. I learned to be very specific--I couldn't just say " oh, that was wonderful, darling! " I had to give specifics. " I really like what you wrote here. " " That color brings out the green in your eyes. " And if she felt like she did something poorly, I couldn't just say " what are you talking about, everything was wonderful! " I'd have to say something more like " I see why you're upset about how you sang that verse, but ... [insert accurate compliment on how she sang the chorus, or how she improved from the last time] " Over time, she was able to be more accepting of a simple compliment. Do you have someone close to you who can give you real feedback? Someone who will tell you when a color makes you look washed out, but without making you feel awful? Someone who will tell you when you have spinach stuck in your teeth?? Do you have someone who can give you professional reviews, so you don't have to just guess? This is different from basing your opinion on what other people think. It's knowing that if that person says it's good, you have to believe it.... >________________________________ > >To: insideoutweightloss >Sent: Sunday, February 19, 2012 7:37 PM >Subject: a breakthrough last night > > > >It's hard to think well of yourself when you assume that any compliment >paid to you is a lie. Even though I didn't have this incident in my mind >for a long time (I suspect I tried very hard to forget it completely), I've >never believed people when they compliment me. " They HAVE to say that, " I >think or " They're just trying to be nice. " It's not just about how I look >either. It translates to my work, my writing, anything I do. I know that >we aren't supposed to base our opinions on ourselves on what others think. >But as humans, that's a really tall order. > >-- >Amelia Ramstead >http://www.linkedin.com/pub/amelia-ramstead/2b/25b/601 >http://www.ameeramstead.com >http://ameliaramstead.blogspot.com >www.twitter.com/ameliaramstead > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 20, 2012 Report Share Posted February 20, 2012 That's a good thought, . My husband is pretty good about giving me honesty (although some of the stuff he says feels like he's blowing smoke up my butt). I've also received great feedback on my writing. My first article in a print publication is going to be out in a week, and the editor specifically requested more work from me. That's a pretty big compliment, and certainly from someone who's under no obligation to do so. I have clients who have paid me fabulous comments and who have come back for more. That's a pretty big compliment, and again, from someone with no obligations. I feel like the pieces are in place, it's just up to me to make that little yammering part of my brain cut it out!! > ** > > > Wow. That's quite a story, Amelia. And I can see how it would make it > hard to accept compliments.... > > I have a daughter who from a very early age would reject compliments. I > learned to be very specific--I couldn't just say " oh, that was wonderful, > darling! " I had to give specifics. " I really like what you wrote here. " > " That color brings out the green in your eyes. " And if she felt like she > did something poorly, I couldn't just say " what are you talking about, > everything was wonderful! " I'd have to say something more like " I see why > you're upset about how you sang that verse, but ... [insert accurate > compliment on how she sang the chorus, or how she improved from the last > time] " > > Over time, she was able to be more accepting of a simple compliment. > > Do you have someone close to you who can give you real feedback? Someone > who will tell you when a color makes you look washed out, but without > making you feel awful? Someone who will tell you when you have spinach > stuck in your teeth?? > > Do you have someone who can give you professional reviews, so you don't > have to just guess? > > This is different from basing your opinion on what other people think. > It's knowing that if that person says it's good, you have to believe it.... > > > > >________________________________ > > > >To: insideoutweightloss > >Sent: Sunday, February 19, 2012 7:37 PM > >Subject: a breakthrough last night > > > > > > > > >It's hard to think well of yourself when you assume that any compliment > >paid to you is a lie. Even though I didn't have this incident in my mind > >for a long time (I suspect I tried very hard to forget it completely), > I've > >never believed people when they compliment me. " They HAVE to say that, " I > >think or " They're just trying to be nice. " It's not just about how I look > >either. It translates to my work, my writing, anything I do. I know that > >we aren't supposed to base our opinions on ourselves on what others think. > >But as humans, that's a really tall order. > > > >-- > >Amelia Ramstead > >http://www.linkedin.com/pub/amelia-ramstead/2b/25b/601 > >http://www.ameeramstead.com > >http://ameliaramstead.blogspot.com > >www.twitter.com/ameliaramstead > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 21, 2012 Report Share Posted February 21, 2012 Amelia: One of the things I uncovered while doing the exercises in the FullFilled book is that I overeat as a way to protect myself from others' judgment of me. I also realized that the negative voices in my head weren't mine, but the voices of other people in my life. I wrote out an EFT script and tapped on these critical voices, repeating the criticisms (one of which was " People think I wear ugly clothes " ), ending with " even so, I deeply and completely love and accept myself " . This exercise helped to reduce the volume of the negative thoughts, and helped me to lessen the value I had placed on them. b. ________________________________ To: insideoutweightloss Sent: Mon, February 20, 2012 12:28:47 PM Subject: Re: a breakthrough last night  That's a good thought, . My husband is pretty good about giving me honesty (although some of the stuff he says feels like he's blowing smoke up my butt). I've also received great feedback on my writing. My first article in a print publication is going to be out in a week, and the editor specifically requested more work from me. That's a pretty big compliment, and certainly from someone who's under no obligation to do so. I have clients who have paid me fabulous comments and who have come back for more. That's a pretty big compliment, and again, from someone with no obligations. I feel like the pieces are in place, it's just up to me to make that little yammering part of my brain cut it out!! > ** > > > Wow. That's quite a story, Amelia. And I can see how it would make it > hard to accept compliments.... > > I have a daughter who from a very early age would reject compliments. I > learned to be very specific--I couldn't just say " oh, that was wonderful, > darling! " I had to give specifics. " I really like what you wrote here. " > " That color brings out the green in your eyes. " And if she felt like she > did something poorly, I couldn't just say " what are you talking about, > everything was wonderful! " I'd have to say something more like " I see why > you're upset about how you sang that verse, but ... [insert accurate > compliment on how she sang the chorus, or how she improved from the last > time] " > > Over time, she was able to be more accepting of a simple compliment. > > Do you have someone close to you who can give you real feedback? Someone > who will tell you when a color makes you look washed out, but without > making you feel awful? Someone who will tell you when you have spinach > stuck in your teeth?? > > Do you have someone who can give you professional reviews, so you don't > have to just guess? > > This is different from basing your opinion on what other people think. > It's knowing that if that person says it's good, you have to believe it.... > > > > >________________________________ > > > >To: insideoutweightloss > >Sent: Sunday, February 19, 2012 7:37 PM > >Subject: a breakthrough last night > > > > > > > > >It's hard to think well of yourself when you assume that any compliment > >paid to you is a lie. Even though I didn't have this incident in my mind > >for a long time (I suspect I tried very hard to forget it completely), > I've > >never believed people when they compliment me. " They HAVE to say that, " I > >think or " They're just trying to be nice. " It's not just about how I look > >either. It translates to my work, my writing, anything I do. I know that > >we aren't supposed to base our opinions on ourselves on what others think. > >But as humans, that's a really tall order. > > > >-- > >Amelia Ramstead > >http://www.linkedin.com/pub/amelia-ramstead/2b/25b/601 > >http://www.ameeramstead.com > >http://ameliaramstead.blogspot.com > >www.twitter.com/ameliaramstead > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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